Stallyn Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 Hi all, its been awhile since I posted due to relocating to another city and making the new home livable, well anyways the past few days just have been horrific, I yearn for Myrna so much, I came to realize a big house alone reminds me that I am truly alone and lost without her, I have had to deal and challenge many issues I never have before, and i think, what would she say about something I accomplished, or just look at me, I yearn to see her face again, pictures dont cut it, if she was alive, we would have had our 9th anniversary in 3 days, well, I was robbed of the 7 and 8 year with her declining health, I am trying to find joy again, but it is only brief. My only thougts anymore is not finding true love again and it terrifies me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyn Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 William, we are fortunate that we have experienced true love in our lifetime. We may or may not love again. But remember that when we love someone, the experience will be unique as each of us is special in our own ways. Embrace the experience, grow from the pain, relish the joy that you get each day, no matter how brief, it is still a joy and immerse yourself in something that interest you. Try not to think of the future, but take each day as it comes, one day, one hour and even a minute at a time. For me, I noticed that the pain intensifies everytime I found myself thinking about the future. I have to consciously stop my thought before it turns into a 'snowball' and gets worse. I remind myself to just try to get through this day.I am sorry you are having such a hard time now. Feel free to vent and post, we are always here for you. My prayers are with you as you approach your 9th anniversary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 William..I'm so sorry that you a have some very hard day's. Like you I think that our wedding anniverary was the hardest day for me other then the one year anniverary of his death. Just know William that there are better day's a head. This I know to be true because I have a few more good day's then bad day's...but that does not mean that I don't not think of Bruce each and every minute of everyday..it just means that I can think of all the good things that we had together and get through it without a told melt down..the tears still come but they are not all sad tears. I miss him and will till the day that I die but with that said I know in my heart that he would not have wanted me to be sad for the rest of my life. If we had not LOVED so deeply then maybe it would not hurt so much..but then where would we be today if we had not had our special beloved other halves in our lives. You take care of yourself William and come and post anytime and we will be here to help each other through this. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanne Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 WilliamI am so sorry you are in such pain. I found the days leading up to our anniversay where actually worse than the day itself. Try to think of something special to do that day that would honor Myrna and the love you both shared. We are all so very fortunate to have found that once in a lifetime special true love in our lives. Many never have that. Draw strength from your beautiful memories of the life you shared with her. It's hard I know but it is what she would want for you. We don't know what the future holds for any of us but we did have the gift of loving and being loved.Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 HI William Im sorry that you hurt but I do understand .Hoping that new eviroment and home will be of help .You are yung and life has alot of surpisesbad and good you had your share of bad so I realy wish you the best to come.TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 William Just want you to know that i am thinking and praying for you. lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corinne Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 Hi William,I am glad to see your post, I was starting to worry about you again. I am sorry you are going through a hard time right now. It is just another part of this horrible roller coaster that we are on. Do not worry about finding love again you are young and a good person with a big heart, it will happen when the time is right. For now concentrate on you and keeping yourself well (by taking your meds)and things will work out. You are in my thoughts and prayers.Hugs & prayers, Corinne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 Hi William, our friend... We're glad to see you back and happy that you're relocated. Anniversaries are pretty touch. You will make it through this just like you have the past months. Sometimes that pain gets to be something, doesn't it! I hope you're finding that a new place will be good for you. Did you move a long ways away? Hang in there, my friend, we're all here for you.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted January 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2008 Hi all, well its been worse than expected, soon as I slowed down enough the memories flooded my mind, I been thinking of getting rid of her few possession that I moved into storage, it may have triggered the pain, and I just cannot deal or see it again, it feels the time may be right if I am ever going to move forward. I'll have to accept my fate if its being alone or with someone but I still have no desire to date, I had my experiences and joys of marriage, it was fulfilled, and to do it all over again, would be too much. I moved about 25 miles east to Mesa, much slower, fresh start and its been interesting to learn the streets and places to go, it is much better than where I lived w/o the memories and reminders, I have lost contact with my grief therapist, he came her once and I havent heard from him, i dont know if my sessions are over or what, but its disturbing. thanks for your love and support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted January 27, 2008 Report Share Posted January 27, 2008 Hey William, I have old friends in Mesa and they love it. Good for you moving. You know you will probably do what you have to with all things when it feels rignt and not until then. Whatever you do you know it will happen when it does. I'm so glad you're fine, my friend. I'm going to go to bed and read in silence....that's something I've been learning lately and it's really peaceful. Love you, my friend.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted January 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2008 Karen,Its nice here, I should do the same, silence and no thinking, possible? Sleep well my friend and I'll be here tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 William my sweet friend. I have told you this before and will tell you again. I believe you are one of the strongest people here on this site, why ? How many of us could have made the move you did and buy a house all by yourself while you are grieving and do all the packing yourself and move in and do all the work that you are doing on the house? That was a major move for you and you did it ! Did you read what Suzanne said ? The days leading up to the anniversary were actually worse than the day itself, isn't that what I told you? I did the same thing with Steve's birthday last week, yes it was a sad day but I got thru it, and you helped me and I will be here for you too. Keep yourself busy, try to forget what day it is and you will be okay. Just keep in touch with everyone here and they as well as I will help you thru this.Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corinne Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 William, Please know that we are all here for you these next few days and we will get you through them just as you are here for us. Post and vent as much as you need to we will be here for you. Sending you a big hug (((HUG))).Hugs & prayers, Corinne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynette Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 William, I think your move shows a lot of courage. My son and I have been looking for 15 acres where we can build two houses, (1) for his family and (1) house for me and by dogs. I find that when I'm not in this house for long periods of time, I do a lot better as far as being depressed. The house I live in now was mine & my husband’s pride & joy. We had it built and in every room I can still see & feel him all around. I hope when the time arrives for me to sale our home and move into my home, I'm 1/2 as strong as you are. As far as you starting to getting rid of some of your wife’s belongings, you and only you will know when that time is right. The only things that I have given away of Mike’s is a few hats & shirts and they went to our sons. I still have his toothbrush in the holder just like he left it. I just am not ready to give his belongings away. In my heart I don’t believe that I have to empty out my husband’s dresser in order for me to move on. I’m like you, I feel like my life has been very fulfilled with love from my husband that will last for a very long time. I wish you the best of luck! Love, Lynette Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted January 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 My dear friends, I guess I been underestimating myself which I done for years, atributed to years and years of fighting alone and marrying at a ripe age of 32, which taught me to be independent but not exhausting myself to the point of despair, Never thought for a minute a year ago I be in this situation again, it hurts like hell, and the sorrow is relentless but I forced myself to change many things so to survive in a new way of life, sometimes it reminds me if rational choices were made but just asking myself is not enough. I think my emotions are affecting my decision to rid of her stuff, but I will focus on other things than that, your voices of reason, I keep it as long is needed to cope, its all I have left of the happiness of 8 years of my life. I wish I could express myself more of what I feel here, and why did I take such time to return, I learned not taling about it and sharing with others has deprived me of peace and enlightenment. I hold you dear in my heart. Moving is a huge decision but no matter what the sacrifices or financial burden for a short time, it does help the process of moving on with ones life, since there is not as much to be reminded of. Love,William Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corinne Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 William,If you find it hard to look at Myrna's things then don't look at them, you can keep them boxed up until you are ready. It took me ten years to be able to go through the pictures of my life with Jimmy and I am very glad that I kept them. Stay here and keep posting we will be here for you and we will all get through this journey together.Hugs & prayers, Corinne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted January 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 Corinne,It is hard, you kept them hidden for that long, I should do the same at least for now, thanks for your prayers and support, I will stay posting, I missed alot in the 2 months love,William Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 William,I am so glad to hear from you again, I have been concerned because I hadn't seen you post for a while. I was without electricity this weekend and unable to use the computer as a result, and had planned on emailing you this morning when I got to work, so this is a relief.Your move is a huge adjustment, not only all the work involved with a move, but the emotional adaption it brings as well. Give yourself time to adjust. I'm sorry you haven't heard from your grief counselor, it seems it would be of use right now. Well you still have us and we're here. It was brave of you to make this move, you have to hand yourself that! Please take care, dear friend.KayC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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