New Here And Newly Widowed

[kimb]

Hi

I am new here, just looking for someone to talk to about my husbands recent death. He was very young only 49. And it has only been two months since he died. He just went to sleep and never woke up. i still dont know what it was. Still waiting on the report waiting waiting, it is really hard. We were together for 31 years. i just dont know how to live without him. He was my best friend. Now hes not there its very hard to go on. Thank God i do have my children and my church. just looking for other people who have gone though the same kind of thing. God bless

[kayc]

Kimb,

I am so sorry you lost your husband, so young...mine had just turned 51 when he died unexpectedly. You have found a wonderful caring site with people who are about to become your friends. I'm glad you have your children and church, it helps to have someone especially in this time of loss and adjustment. Please feel free to come here any time and post, anything you are feeling or going through...we've all been there.

KayC

[WendyJ]

Kim I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. I too lost my husband he was 51 yrs old and died they said after an autopsy of a blood clot that went to his heart. I also had to wait and wait for an autopsy to be done...I remember that horrible wait. It has been 15 months for me but I swear I think it was just yesterday, we were married for 28 years. Please stick with us here, this is a wonderful group that gives so much support and love.

Love,

Wendy

[dpodesta]

Kim,

Sad to hear that you are having to experience what so many of us have had to experience with the loss of our loved ones. You have come to the right place as there are pleanty of caring people here on this site. I am proud to call them my friends and I am sure the longer you keep coming back here you will be able to say the same.

Love always

Derek

[Guest moparlicious]

Kim,

Hi. Love the name, it is mine as well. My beloved husband died at 41 years old of cancer. He was in Hospice for 4 months before he passed, put a brave and gallant fight. I am only 40 myself,we have 3 children and I am all alone as well. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I was with Dan since we were in high school, married 20 years and together 24 years, it is hard. You are very new to this journey we all are in together. I am a recent widow as well, only 9 months. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and pain, just know many people on this site care and are true and loyal friends.I have meet so many people on here who I love and care for deeply, and care for me as well. I'm sorry another person has to go through this, but we all will be here for you anytime day or night!!!! Love, Kim

[jackietnd1]

Hi Kim,

I to am so so sorry for your loss, happy to hear you have your children and church to help you go through this journey. I loss my husband due to cancer, which was a long 2 1/2 year fight, he went on hospice and passed after 3 months with them, he was 56 so I am young widow at 46, we did not have children together however I have a 27 year old daughter and 5 year old granddaughter and they help me get through, some days are harder than others however it is getting better for me. It will be 3 months next week so I still take life one mintue at a time. I am happy you found this site it has been and continues to be a great support for me, I have found so many people who care and understand what I am going through as they are to. Please continue to come and post. I pray you find the great support here I have, I am sure you will.

Love you all Jackie

[missingcharlie]

We're glad you found us, Kim. The majority of us lost our spouses quite young. My Charlie was 46 when he passed away from cancer. 13 days later, I turned 50. It's now been 3 1/2 years and I still miss him so much, but I am getting on with life as I know he wanted. He and I didn't have any children together, but I have a 30 year old daughter and 3 wonderful grandkids that get me through every day. It is something you will adjust to in time. We are always here and ready to listen - we will help you through this very tough journey!

Hugs to you and I too am very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself - your family needs you!!

Patti

[kimb]

Thank you all, im glad i found this place.

blessings

kimb

[Jan Thurman]

I'm not sure if you got my email response the first time. I am new and wasn't sure what to do. I lost my husband March 9th, 2008 unexpectedly. I know how you are feeling. I am on a roller coaster. Answer if you want to. I did ask you where in California do you live.

Jan

[kimb]

i live in merced, im so sorry to hear of your loss too. im new and just found this place as well. i really like being here and getting to know people who have gone through things like i have

blessings

kimb

[Jan Thurman]

I think I told you we lived in Redwood City and Santa Rosa. We used to go down your way quite alot camping. I am very sorry about your loss. Especially, because you are still waiting to see what has happened. As you, what I find hard is that I kissed him goodbye and said see you later and he said becareful and I said you to and those were the last words we spoke. He went to visit his friends where he used to work - he would do this from time to time - and he had a cardiac arrest. If he hadn't done that I would have found him when I came home from work. He was 67. I am 61. We were married for 38 years. I am on medication as it is too hard to do without it at the moment. Another problem that arose is that the digitek recall that they had right after my husband died is the digitek that he was on for 2 weeks that was making people deathly ill or die. So was it that or just a coincidence. So now I have an attorney working on the case. I go to a support group once a week and find that it is helping. This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to cope with. I am so glad for my daughter. She is so wonderful to me. Plus I have a grandson that I spend alot of time with. It is definitely a roller coaster ride that is for sure. You take care and write whenever you feel like it. I know your pain. My husband died March 9th, 2008. Jan

[kayc]

Jan,

Good luck with your case...I hope they can get to the bottom of it. They need to learn to test things out better before people's lives are affected.\

You said this is the hardest thing you've ever had to cope with...I think it is for all of us, I don't know of anything harder. I'm glad you have your daughter and grandson. 38 years is a long time...it's going to take a while to adjust...

We always loved camping too...I miss that. We had a camper and I still can't bear to go into it. My daughter recently came home and did some cleaning in it...I told her I don't like to go into it, it is too hard.

Hoping your day is going well...your close-by friend (Springfield isn't far from Elmira )

KayC

[atlruby]

Hello. Sept 10, 2007 is the day that is in my heart forever.

i too lost my husband suddenly from a heart attack. i said goodnight and went upstairs to bed. My usual routine would have been to watch the late night news until he came up but for whatever reason - i did not turn on the the TV but went straight to sleep. I awake 7AM, went into the kitchen and found him on the floor (apparently he had a heart attach 2 hours after i said good night to him ) Funny but his MD did not want an autospy but my 2 sons insisted . That report did take a long time but it showed that he had 3 blocked arteries. Yes he had been referred to a cardiologoist and yes they ran a couple of tests - but he was tall - thin - and played golf 4 days a week - so i think they all just wanted to wait and see - and did not really think that he had major cardic disease.

They just put him on medication and said you are OK -Anyway it has been 9 months and 2 weeks but i still can see and remember everything about the morning that i found him on the floor. We had been married for 39 years and he was everything to me and to others too. He was a business man and was so well liked and loved by many folks. This i think makes it hard too. Many folks just don't know what to say when they see me - they think that i should be over this! at christmas i would get such strange cards talking about the next year and happy this and a joyful holiday! but i did have a couple of caring folks that took the time to find cards that spoke to my needs. Boy - do i appreicate HallMark and those card companies! with so much time - i really do read cards and keep them too.

Life does go on but how we manage each day and hour is still a challenge. i'm glad i found this forum. Where else can you find someone at 3am to vent to? i did do the group /church therapy session but most of those folks had lost husbands 5-10 years ago and they were using the group as a social outing . I tried one on one sessions (my insurance did pay for those visits) but then i started to feel like she was taking time that i needed to do other things - oh well - and or course my MD was quick to say that drugs are what i needed . tried but could not take the odd feelings that i got on them - books - do you have a library card? i was amazied at the number of books on the subject - yes - some are out dated but i found a couple that did help.

[fred]

My dear friends, since the loss of my wife to a sudden heart attack, and because I needed to join this group to deal with the reality of grief (grief that society at large is incapable of handling), I have learned that such sudden deaths are not uncommon. My wife had more risk factors for heart disease than I would care to ennumerate, many of which I was unaware of. Unaware, because she had not shared some information and family history with me, and because I did not know how broad the range of contributing factors was. These things may be our errors, but the way the practitioners of medicine behave is perhaps the greatest factor in the loss of lives to ¨heart disease¨. In the past, my wife had been to the emergency room for chest pain, maybe she didn´t share her complete family history of heart trouble with the ER docs, maybe they didn´t bother asking, but didn´t they do any assesment of risk factors for heart disease? Are they also unaware of the scope of contributing situations? She was told she must have suffered a ¨panic attack¨ due to job stress or something like that. Every time such feelings occurred later, she assumed that is what it was. I now know that unless you suffer an actual attack while the physicians are looking at your heart monitor, they will probably not see it. Yet these are the people that are the ¨experts¨ in the field, they charge exhorbinant fees, they can easily dismiss anything you tell them and if you suffer a heart attack right in front of them; they can´t do a thing to save you. Maybe a touch of humility would help, maybe if they admitted they really don´t have a clue to much of what they are doing, maybe if they were as quick to sit down and actually converse and listen to their patients as they are to scribble off another worthless prescription with life-threatening side effects we might actually all learn something and start making progress against some diseases. Maybe I am just bitter and angry at being alone. Anyone have any ideas that might start to make a difference? Thanks for taking the time to read my rant. Some days you are the only one holding me together.

Edited June 29, 2008 by fred

[kimb]

hi all

i just wanted to say im sorry for all of you that have lost their loved one.

im feeling sad tonight, sometimes i feel so empty. not knowing what to do so i sleep alot, i also suffer from depression. but im lucky to have my daughter and son and future daughter in law living with me. They keep my mind off of things alot. I also have jesus in my life and he has made quite a difference to me. even though the pain is great and the lonlieness is huge. i can lean on prayer and coming here to this place is making a difference, i thank you all from the bottom of my heart

blessings

kimb

[Leah]

Hugs Kim,

This weekend has been especially hard, they say all first's are the worst. So this is our first 4th of July without our husbands, they call it Independance Day......like you I am very sad.

Hugs,

Leah

[kayc]

KimB

4th of July three years ago was my first holiday alone...my husband died 6/19 (Father's Day that year) and my daughter was with me but left on 7/4 to be with friends...I was invited but just was not up to celebrating, the pain was so raw and fresh. I'm doing better now, more used to being alone, not expecting the happiness I once had with George, just kind of more used to everything. The adage that it takes time is true, but time passes like a dripping faucet, one drip at a time, and it feels like it's never going anywhere...but over time you can see it has. Hang in there, one day at a time, we'll all get through this together.

With love,

KayC