Need A Hug From Heaven

[mlg]

I am missing Tom so much tonight and really need a hug from heaven.

After having my girls send me away on a pamper, weekend I get home and some comments were made by people that have really hurt my feelings. I am feeling like a total failure and hoping I didn't let my girls and Tom down all my life. He was the only person in my life who totally accepted me for what I am and I need his arms around me to tell me everything is going to be OK. I don't feel like I can call anybody because I don't want to bring them down too so I've just been sitting here crying most of the night. I finally decided if I came and wrote something that maybe just getting it out would make me feel better. I don't think these people ment to hurt me but they did just the same. I don't want people to tip toe around me but I'm still raw.

Enough of my rambling.

Hope everyone else is having a good night.

Mary Linda

[karenb]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time tonight. Whatever is going on must be very tough for you to handle. Try and take care of yourself tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be better for you. If you can think of good things to remember, try to. It's such a hard thing to go through, and I wish tonight could be okay for you. Do your best. Here's hugs from earth!

Your fried, Karen

[MikeC]

Mary Linda, if I could I would hug you-I could really use one myself after feeling sad most of the day. In my brief time in this new role I've heard a number of unintentional but hurtful comments, as well. It is hard to shake them off given the delicate emotional state we are in.

I'm new at this and I don't know what to say to help you feel better, but I would like you to know that your reply to my post last night helped me feel better. I hope this has a similar positive effect for you.

Mike

[WaltC]

I am missing Tom so much tonight and really need a hug from heaven.

Mary Linda

Many of us really need those hugs from Heaven to carry on from day to day and even year to year.

http://www.mamarocks.com/hugs_from_heaven.htm

[JeanneC]

Mary Linda:

I know what you are going through. Some days are good and there are those days that you just can't cope.

Here is my hug

Love and be well,

Jeanne

[shhh65]

Mary Linda,

I am so sorry that you had such a lonely night. I wish you had called me. I was lying awake last night til the wee hours listening to the radio. This song spoke to me. Maybe you can set it as one of your favorites and play it when you are having that longing to have Tom's arms around you as I do Harry's. My heart aches for us all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rgz_GI7h_U8

Love and hugs!!

Sherry

[JoeA]

Sherry -

Wow! What a great song. Thank You! I did not know about Merideth. She's quite good. Of course I can't listen to it without tears, but hey, that's the new "normal", isn't it?

Mary Linda, I hope you can listen to this song too. Let the tears flow. I know sometimes it feels like they'll never stop, but they always do, at least for a while. Remember we're all here for you, and we love you.

Peace and love,

- Joe

[Lily]

Dear Mary Linda,

I wish I could hug you because I think that's what we all want so much.

I know that when I get that rare hug it always makes me feel comforted -

but it has to be a sincere, caring hug. I understand you're feeling hurt -

I don't think people mean to hurt, but sometimes I think they are careless

and nonthinking - you are scarred on the outside so I think people think

"well, you look like you're doing ok" and all the while you are so suffering

on the inside. Don't think you're a failure - I know exactly what you mean

about your husband really knowing you - and accepting you - isn't that what

love and friendship is about - you and he obviously had that - and right now

no one else can be for you what he was....Mary Linda, I try to think what

would Rich be saying to me? How would we talk about any situation?...and

that will bring me around because we also lived a life of love, friendship

and if no one else was there for me, Rich ALWAYS was....So when someone

is hurting you and you began to doubt yourself, think of your husband -

what would he say? Isn't he the one that counted and wouldn't he know that

your feelings are the ones that should be top priority now; you're the one

that has to survive. A caring hug, Lily.

[shauna marie]

(((((mary)))))

I know it isn't one from heaven, but decided to do the third best and give you a cyber one.

I can tell you that no matter how awful you think you may have been as a parent, the WORST parent is a dead one. Reason being that all other problems can be solved and fixed. If there is a broken relationship, you can take steps to resolve the issues. Also, I doubt your girls would have sent you away on a vacation if they really felt you were a horrible mother.

I'm sorry that others have said some hurtful comments to you. One thing you have to realize is that others simply do not understand. I took some heat for not crying at my father's funeral. I didn't defend myself simply because I knew he wanted to die and now he was at peace. I just couldn't begin to explain that to anyone because unless they were me, they wouldn't understand. You are on your own journey and only you can decide the next place you need to go. Anyone who thinks that they know more than the person involved is just being an idiot. I should also mention that a lot of "friendships" were very strained as a result of my parents deaths.

Do you feel up to discussing some of those comments with us? Perhaps one of us can shed some light into it for you.

Now to the, "were you a good wife" question. I cannot answer that. Only you can. You need to look deep into your soul and ask yourself what you might have done that would make you a "bad" wife.

I wouldn't assume that you are bringing everyone down by talking. Personally, I wouldn't. I'd just want you to at least have some peaceful days and know that you aren't alone. Do you have a friend who is like that? Have you also looked into possibly a support group or therapy?

I also want to remind you of one thing. Grief can be a very hard process to deal with. Like I told my mother, you were with my father for 38 years, it will take time to deal with it. Heck, my mom died almost three years ago and only now am I beginning to be de-iced. This is the first summer since 2004 that I've actually DONE stuff. I still have my days, but at least I'm finally not just waiting for September to be over with.

Take care,

Shauna

I just read your posts and would like to ammend something from my previous post--you sound like you were a beautiful, wonderful wife and I bet he was thankful every day you came into his life.

[mlg]

I just want to thank everybody for all their hugs. It's kind of sad that people you've never met are the ones helping you get through things. I was doing fairly well until I came home for lunch and then the tears started again. I have grief support tonight so maybe that will help.

Thanks again for the smily face hug, cyber hug, hug from heaven poem plain hugs and just plain kind words.

Mary Linda

[Jan Thurman]

Hi Mary Linda, I am very sorry for your loss. My husband passed away March 9, 2008 and I had a bad weekend. My support group took July off and are going to start August 5th. I can't wait to go back. We were married right on 40 years. I started to have a meltdown again last nite. So I did what my support group said. I took out my journal and wrote my husband a letter. It really helped make me feel better. I'm sure your support group is telling you the same thing. Just wanted to send you a hug. Take care. Jan

[Guest Vickie O'Neil]

Mary Linda...

My heart goes out to you. The sound of a human voice..(beside my own)& a Hug is missing. I wake in the early morning & wrap my arms around myself...the way my husband held me.. That emotional support is gone...that feeling of unconditional love..is gone, too.

Grief is swept under the rug in this society...it is embarassing..to see people cry, they want us to get over it...on with it...they tell us how "strong" we are..& lecture us about God...& what we Should be doing.

I think the Happy thing is that those who Grieve have Truly Loved..someone..a Dad, Mother, Spouse or Child..I don't see much Love in the world..these days!

Love, Vickie O'Neil

[WendyJ]

Walt what a lovely poem thanks for sharing that and Sherry , well I cried again, what a lovely song and what a voice she has ! Thank you also !

Love,

Wendy

[kayc]

Mary Linda,

I am sorry you received hurtful comments...you're right, people don't mean to, they are just really lacking in knowing the appropriate responses. I think we've all had them. A friend of mine is going through this now (two months out) and she says NOW she understands...before she didn't.

I wish we could all reach across this web site and give you a big hug, it helps to have shoulders to cry on sometimes. I know you're probably feeling really fragile, but keep trying to reach for help, someone will be there eventually, and we are ALWAYS here so keep coming on line and posting...we hear you and one of us will answer!

Walt, I am unable to view the link you posted (probably server problems) but I know it is special because you always finds special songs and poems! I will try to view it later from home. Thanks!

[WendyJ]

Just thought since a few share some songs I would include this one which touches my heart and makes me hopeful that all of our loved ones are still here with us. Hope you are all doing okay.

http://www.cmt.com/videos/faith-hill/34017...till-here.jhtml

Love,

Wendy

[mlg]

How true that song is Wendy. Thank you for sharing. I told my daughter that I can't believe how blessed I am to have found the "friend" I have on this website. It would be nice sometime if we could all figure out a central location and meet there, but with the price of things now that is probably cost prohibitive to many and I wouldn't want to leave anyone out who wanted to come.

Thanks again

Mary Linda

[WendyJ]

Mary Linda you are so welcome, I used to listen to that song when my boss died of Pancreatic Cancer, little did I know that in the future the song would have much more meaning to me and that I would lose my husband. I am sending a (((HUG))) your way in hopes that it may help you even just a little bit.

Love,

Wendy

[MarkCarol]

Wendy,

Nice song. I hadn't heard it before. One of the songs I played at my Wife's service was "I Believe" by Diamond Rio. There's a video on CMT in which the person survives, but if you listen closely to the lyrics, it has special meaning....."Now when you die, your life goes on, it doesn't end here when your gone, every Soul is filled with light, it never ends if I'm right"........ I just had to share. Here's the link. When you get to the page, select "I Believe".

http://www.cmt.com/artists/az/diamond_rio/videos.jhtml

[WendyJ]

Mark that was simply beautiful and of course got me crying too. I had to go into the site differently though, yours didn't work for me. Here is the one I used http://www.last.fm/music/Diamond+Rio/+videos/+1-h4qPKc6_x2k. Thanks so much for sharing that, how are you doing tonight, you okay?

Love,

Wendy

[MarkCarol]

Wendy,

Thanks for correcting the link. Not sure what I did. Anyway, I'm doing okay, considering. It will be 9 weeks tomorrow (Wed). Some of our friends called me on the way home from work tonight and asked me to go to dinner, so I did. It's nice to get out but I feel so empty and alone without Carol by my side. I made the best of it. I know she wants me to be loving and happy, so I'm doing the best I can at this point.

Even though I have 3 Shih Tzu's at just over a year old to take care of, the silence and not having her here is so difficult. I'm determined to keep going so I'm trying to keep thinking about all the great times we had and avoid all the other thoughts that seem to pop in my head (that's like a full-time job).

[WendyJ]

Mark,

I can't believe I asked you the question that we all get annoyed about that people ask us, " How are you doing". Of course I know you are going through a rough time and you are hurting and lost right now, I am so sorry for that. It has been longer for me but I do understand and am sending a (((HUG))) your way to help you even if just alittle. I am so glad you went out to dinner with friends, that had to be a big hurdle for you and I give you alot of credit, I couldn't do that when I was first grieving, heck I can't even do it now ! So 3 Shih-Tzu's, someone else who is left with all the hair and cleaning and poop like me ! I have 7 Japanese Chin, yes 7 ! LOL Take care my friend.

Love,

Wendy