Autumn

[JoeA]

I've been dreading this day for two reasons. It's my wife's birthday - the first since she died. And it's the first day of fall. It was beautiful early spring here when Kathy died, and I've had spring and summer so far - seasons of LIFE. Now the leaves will all turn brown and the trees will become bare, and the bleakness of winter will set in. I'm depressed just thinking about it.

Thanks once again for listening.

Peace,

- Joe

[MartyT]

Joe, I know your support group meets tonight ~ take it one hour at a time until you get there. You will get through this day, and know that we're all thinking of you in the meantime . . .

[LarrysGirl]

Joe, I wanted you to know I was thinking of you and will keep you in my thoughts today as you remember Kathy on her birthday. The seasons seem to change much too fast since I lost Larry and I know the change brings much sadness for you. You will make it through this day, try to take care of yourself. Deborah

[shhh65]

Joe,

September 18th was Harry's birthday, the first without him. I made it through the day and I know you will too. I had my kids for a light supper that evening and we planted some fall mums in the memory garden I started near the spot where he died. It helps me to have a plan for days which were so meaningful in our lives together. I am sending good thoughts your way!

Sherry

[WendyJ]

Joe I have been dreading Autumn also. It is not only my favorite season but it was Steve's also. He loved to hunt and be outdoors on his motorcycle and we would go for drives and flea markets etc. It is just such a beautiful time of year here in Jersey and it now seems so depressing. Also my daughter is moving out soon, maybe a matter of weeks and I am dreading the upcoming Holidays. To think a few years ago I had a happy household here on Christmas eve and Christmas morning, now there will be just me here...I am crying just thinking of waking up that morning alone, nobody to exchange gifts with until the family comes over later for dinner. I am so dreading this Holiday Season !

I will be thinking of you today Joe, try to keep busy and do something for you today. (((HUGS)))

Love,

Wendy

[cheryl lee]

Joe, my thoughts are with you on this difficult day.My dales birthday is dec 20, a day I am not looking forward to myself,in fact this is going on the hardest time of year for all of us,holidays are going to seem to hit home the fact that we are alone,without that special someone. I don't know how I will handle it, I keep telling myself one day at a time, but it feels like one hour at a time. If I make it through one day without crying I think maybe I'll be ok,until the next day when I cry double. Anyway know that we are here to listen,being new to this site has already helped me more then I imagined,Take care, Cheryl lee

[MikeC]

Joe,

I just wanted to add my best wishes to you on this day. I've been pretty down lately myself, but it was a glorious day here in southern WV. I went for a long walk on a trail near my house after work and it helped to cheer me up a little bit. I hope you get through today okay, too. Peace to you, Joe.

Mike

[JoeA]

Thank you all once again for the support. I love all of you so much. This is an amazing community!

I chose to spend the day working in the yard. I live on a little over an acre, and it's a beautiful place, thanks to Kathy. So, a beautiful day, sunny, high in 70's, working with nature. It was therapeutic. The day ended with my Hospice-sponsored grief support group, which is always uplifting. I will always treasure this community, the first place I found help, and hope to someday be less needy, and more helpful to others.

Peace and Love to all,

- Joe

[mlg]

Joe,

I read your post shortly before I went to grief support tonight and oh, my God. I think the group must have felt the vibes. This is what someone chose to share to open our meeting:

Welcome, Autumn, arms full of summer's blessings,

carrying the seeds of life for next year's planting

Come, enter my home with your golden wisdom;

be my gurest and share my table

Welcome, Old Wise One,may I be your student in the school of gratitude.

Guide me in reflecting upon the summer now gone,

that I might give thanks for all the many gifts

that have enriched me in that season of growth.

I greet you, spirits of darkness

that dwell in the night and within me

While you are frightening, you are also a source of power;

may I not fear you

but learn to live in holy harmony with you;

you are not evil unless you dominate me

Night within me, I welcome you as well;

may all your spirits that reside in me

live in harmony with the Spirit of the Holy.

When I first read your post I thought of writing and telling you to look at the beautiful painted leaves and find hope in their brightness instead of looking at the dead ones and being sad. Think of it as your wife (I don't think you've ever mentioned her name) as painting you a picture. Then in the meeting tonight someone started talking about the trees dying and how sad it was. Another one said not to look at it that way. To look at the tree as life and yes the leaves will die and fall off but the tree is still there and alive and how beautiful yet different it will be in the spring. Maybe a limb will be gone but a new one will form. I thought maybe if we thought of our losses in this respect. Our spouses are physically gone but there spirits are always with us and are reflected in the many things our children and grandchildren and anyone who knew and loved them do to remind us of them.

I know this has been a long post but couldn't wait to get home and tell you about it.

[JoeA]

Thank you Mary Linda. That's beautiful, and a lot to ponder.

- Joe

PS - My wife's name is Kathy.

[JeanneC]

Joe, My thoughts are with you today. Hope you have a nice day and think of all the memories you had together.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

[leeann]

Joe I hear what you were saying about Fall coming and the 'seasons of life" Spring and Summer being over.

And I'm very glad you were able to do some work outside that you found helpful. And also great timing for your group meeting!

But heading into winter.... Now maybe I'm nuts... (well maybe there is no "maybe" about it..lol) but I remember facing last fall, the first without my Mom, with relief. Like it was ok that it was Fall.. it fit.. it matched my feelings. Sometimes I just felt it easier to allow myself my feelings when it was chilly and rainy and with leaves dying and stuff going into hibernation. I felt like it was ok to feel punky. It was harder to feel that way when it was a bright beautiful warm sunny day.

Fall meant to me that it was nature matching my life circumstances. That yes.... the leaves were dying... things were hunkering down for winter's blast... BUT.. that meant ... surely... that Spring would inevitably come.. and I'd be ready for it after I felt the blast of grief.

I'd be more ready to feel the joys of life after going through the 'winter'.

But having nature match my feelings was such an affirmation for me. And the hope of a Spring to come... kept me going.

Weird.. I know. But thought I'd share it anyway.

leeann

[JoeA]

leeann -

What a beautiful thought, and well said. Thank you for sharing that. Nothing "weird" about it.

Peace,

- Joe

[kayc]

Joe, for me Fall is hard but for a different reason...it is my birthday (without George to make it special), it is our anniversary, it is the time of year in which we'd take walks crunching leaves, always holding hands, and every Fall we'd go on a special drive and walk to gather beautiful leaves to make a bouquet...George would scramble up hillsides to get just the right ones, red and yellow and orange and green. We even mailed a bouquet to his Gma in FL!

There is NOONE that took the excitement he did about each and every season and holiday, he celebrated everything and lived life to the fullest. I used to love being with him because it made everything come alive afresh for me, like seeing things through the eyes of a child again. So I don't think of Fall as dead, but I miss the cool air and the walks that we shared viewing the lovely changing colors.