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Missing My Life


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IM feeling desparate today.Just to let you know and wishing that some of my far away friends were closer so we could talk about this terrible feeling.Driving to work this morning Iwas thinking whats the use of beeing here without him ?Were is my life were is my love.Negative thinking ?I need support.Your far away friend TENY

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Hi Teny, sorry your feelign this way, when these feelings rush over you it makes you feel like...what's the point of living? I saw this commercial on tv yesterday that basically said: when someone you love dies, a part of you also dies...this is so true. But can that part of you ever return? Probably not the same as it did before, but yes it can, in your own time.

In times when you feel so low that you think you cannot just go on, just think that your precious partner would WANT you to live on without him while cherishing his precious memory. He is always with you, in your heart.

For me, I take comfort knowing that in times when I feel at my lowest, I think of him and his wonderful memory and heart, and it gives me the strength to get through the day knowing that he is still continuously supporting me every day of my life.

Take Care Teny, and everyone is here for you whenever you need it, especially when you need it most.

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Teny,

Today marks a year since Harry died. Although I know it won't last indefinitely, at this moment I have "peace that passes all understanding." I know God wants me to have it during every moment of my life if I will keep my heart fixed upon Him. You asked, "where is my life?" At times I get a glimpse of knowing that Harry is still with me...in my children, my grandchildren, my sisters, my brother-in-laws, our friends and on and on. He touched so many and I'm finding if I reach out and talk to those he loved and who loved him, a part of him still exists in them.

I know your Yani is still with you too. In your children and all the other people who knew and loved him. I pray you will find comfort in them.

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Teny,

I can relate to your feelings of what's the use. I almost hate my life that I live now. With my husband I was so content and happy. Now each day is a struggle. Grief is so awful. It's like carrying around a sack of heavy rocks.

But I don't feel that I would be honoring my husband's memory by giving up. It's extra hard at holidays when everyone else is celebrating with their husbands.

Your have actually helped me without knowing it. I have read your messages and it has helped me to know someone else is feeling similarly to what I am feeling. You express yourself so well.

I am fighting the depression as well. One thing I did to help myself is to check out some audio tapes from the library. I selected only those that had positive uplifting messages. I play them in my car and listen to them in the evenings while knitting in my chair rather than watching negative stuff on TV. I have also made a decision to back away from people who want to criticize and talk negatively. While I'm healing from this grief I will only be around positive people and chose positive things to watch or listen to. It's helping already!!!

I'm also trying to get back to exercising. Right now I'm so weak and tired, but I set the timer for 5 minutes. I can do that! Sometimes I can go even longer than 5 minutes! Little by little I am putting my shattered self back together. It would be nice to have had someone help me step by step, but I'm finding that people are so involved in their own lives. They just can't relate to what I'm going through.

This site has been so wonderful. It's made a HUGE difference for me in my loneliness and grief. But I know at the end of the day it's up to me to save myself.

Please try to do one or two positive things for yourself each day. You can do anything for 5 minutes at a time and it usually inspires you to do more than that.

You husband would be so proud of you for having made it this far! We all love you and support you!

Pat

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Teny my friend I know exactly how you feel and please know we can be here to support eachother today, tomorrow and always. I am trying so hard to make sense of all this too, wish I knew how to make things better for all of us. You and I have been here for eachother for support and please know I am thinking of you today and am sending you a big (((HUG))).

Love,

Wendy

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Teny - I'm so sorry that things are so difficult for you today. I think we all go through that "what's the point?" question many times in our grief. I understand so well. But you're, here, with us today, telling us what you feel, and that's so positive. We are with you in spirit, my friend, lifting you up.

Patty Ann - and you just helped me today! I've been getting a lot of unwanted and unasked for advice, and it really got to me yesterday. But your advice is always wanted - I'm going to try and do the same thing as you, and avoid the negativity by letting it roll right over me. It's too easy to be negative, and so very difficult to be positive, isn't it? Peace to all of us, (I feel like Tiny Tim!) Marsha

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Dear Teny,

The holiday in Athens has certainly been turned on its heels. I know you are in the midst of it and cannot turn it off. I haven't watched the news since Bob died 19 months ago. It depressed me too much. I read the newspaper, but I can only take that in small doses. I pray the Serenity Prayer a lot. It is a prayer for peace. I only know the shortened version, but I will pray it for you also. It asks us to let go of the things we cannot control. I find most things fall in this catagory. It asks us for courage, which for any of us here, is necessary to survival. And it asks for peace which can sometimes be the hardest to attain. I think we've had a good combination of all of it in our marriages. That is what made them special. We are still here, with more work to do, and we will have it again, in a different way. Please don't lose hope. So many people prayed for me when I couldn't do it myself. Now, I would like to return the favor.

Love,

Kath

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Teny, I wish I could be there to visit with you. Christmas time is part of why you feel so sad now - because holidays are supposed to be happy family times, but it's hard to feel that way when the most important person in your life isn't there. Last Christmas came only four weeks after Bill died, so I was still in shock. But this Christmas, his loss is hitting me very hard.

Maybe you're also feeling tired, like me. Tired of never being able to escape the sadness, even while in a peaceful mood or while enjoying something good. I wish the sorrow would go away for even just a few minutes - but it never leaves.

It's so hard, but you and I are strong survivors. We've survived so far, and we shouldn't give up now. Ourlives are different now than they were before, but still we can go on with faith and hope.

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THANK YOU ALL SOO MUCH.TOday I had a horible nightmare it is frightening.but I want to let it out.<I was walking going to my mothers home holding Yianys body in a small coffinI wanted to look at him and a friend told me not to because he will not look the same.She sad I have to bury him but I was crying and did not want to let go.Finaly I reached my mothers home trying to find a room to place the coffin and there was my father ,who is dead 20 years ago, smoking and looking worried at me..>I woke up shaking crying and lost.I had a warm bath and tried to calm with no success.I could not tell anyone but I feel better to post here.its a relief.Tears from far away.TENY

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Hi Teny,

Yes, I am feeling the same things you are right now. I also see very little purpose in life but I keep going because it is the "right thing to do". I am working on trying to surround myself with positive (as Pat mentioned) and try to replace each negative thought I have with a positive one even if it does not really seem "true" or "real" to me. I also try to excercise and get enough sleep. I work many hours to keep busy.

Serenity means "accepting the things we cannot change". The prayer that someone else spoke about says we need this serenity and also "courage" to change what we can and "wisdom" to know the difference between what we can change and what we cannot. It is a very difficult lesson that most of us will struggle with our entire lives (if we are even lucky to understand the concept!).

You are definately a good "far away friend" and I will keep you lifted up in prayer!

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Teny,

Don't worry about feeling negative, we all have these feelings at times, and the holidays seem to bring them out all the more. I think the nail was hit on the head when someone said something about not having any purpose...losing our spouse robs us of the purpose we did have, and sometimes it can take a while to find new purpose and meaning in life. I'm still trying to find mine.

How are thing doing in Greece right now? We are still praying for you and your shop's protection.

Love,

KayC

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Thank you my friends.Kay answering about hollidays in Athens Im sorry tolet you know that thing are getting hard.Fortunately there are no fires at the streets but it has been alot of shooting against police cars and luxurie cars that were parked in the center of the city.The christmas tree at the center square was replased but angry mobs hanged garbage bags and protested throwing stones at the police and people that were doing their shoping.Tomorow christmas day protesting against police and goverment is taking plase at the center of Athens.Angry people with no hope loosing their jobs and security are feeling that celebrating has no right this year.Fear anger stress turned this chrismas in a volcano I hope that lava will not cover our future.My shop is not close to the center but sales were very very low 80 percent down.Having my personal grief this situation is not helping.Wishes from far away TENY

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I too feel the same way, almost each and every day since Eric was taken from me on April 27th. Why am I here? I hate that I was left behind. I wish I was with him this very moment. I am so lonely and depressed. Everything that I once enjoyed, I can't stand now. Eric and I would always buy and watch so many movies, our friends used to call us Blockbuster. Now I can barely sit still enough to watch a commercial. I am constantly giving up the tv to the kids. I used to love to watch romantic comedies, now I can't bare to watch them. I see no real purpose in my life. I do have two children. They are my only reason for living. I get up each morning because I feel that I have no choice but to take care of my children. I believe that if I didn't take care of our children, I would be letting Eric down. But I feel as if my life is over too. I find real happiness in anything. I would be lying if I said I did. Any time that I may feel some kind of happiness, I think of Eric and then I am sad and feel guilty that I am here and he isn't. Eric was my life! I lived for him since I first met him at 13. I don't know who I am without him. I understand how you feel. I wish I could offer some words of encouragment but I really have none. I just want you to know that you are not alone in the way you feel. It must be normal to feel this way. I hope you can find some peace. Take care

Jenn

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Dear Ones,

Several of you have mentioned The Serenity Prayer in this thread. Most of us recognize it as the shortened, non-denominational version adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1950s:

God grant me the Serenity

to accept the things that I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and

Wisdom to know the difference.

For those who are interested, here is the full text of that prayer, as originally written by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971):

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Read more here: The Serenity Prayer

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