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Memorial Rock For Jack

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My Dear Friends,

I recently sent the following e-mail to all my friends and family following the arrival and placement of a Memorial Rock to honor Jack. It now sits in my back yard. I wanted to share this message with each of you as well. I wanted to let so many of those individuals on this site, who are in the early stages of grieving their loved one, that you can transcend the loss of your mate - and one of the pieces of that puzzle is to create memorials to your lost love. At the end there are attachments 9pictures) showing the Memorial Rock honoring Jack. Here is the message I sent out to all my friends and family:

To all my Dear Friends and Family,

I have reached a milestone here in my life and wanted to share it with each of you.

It was always my intention to create a memorial place – a headstone – in memory of Jack. He will be gone from each of us four years at the end of July. At first, it was my intent to have two trees planted in Fountain Hills as a memorial to what we meant to each other. That never went anywhere mainly because of problems that the city was having with their watering system. I then turned my attention to the possibility of a memorial marker in Norway Michigan, the place of Jacks birth. I finally decided that this option was nonsensical for me because I would seldom if ever be able to visit a cemetery so far away. Moreover, Jack never wanted to return to Norway – he loved Arizona. Therefore, I gave up on that idea. I contemplated having a headstone at a local Scottsdale cemetery, however, that too seemed mired in a lot of expense for something I would seldom venture out in public to view.

I finally decided on a Memorial Rock for Jack in my own back yard.

The pictures attached are the result – the living memorial to Jack.

I hope each of you will be able to open these attachments – and if you can, there are a few where you can "zoom in on" and read the inscription. If you cannot open these up – fell free to visit my home any time. (One of the attachments is "the message" that appears on the rock - for those of you who cannot "Zoom IN" on the pictures)

There are a few people who were instrumental in making this happen – and I want to mention them personally in this message:

Judi – who gave me this wonderful idea and then watched as I formulated the final product and the message on the rock.

David and David – who listened to the details and provided advice guidance and support along the way.

My mother – who listened and encouraged me as I shared these plans.

Ray – you will see a great deal of vegetation in the pictures, and much of it was planted with his labor - a beautiful green oasis of reflection.

Finally, even Jack gets a thank you – as many of the planted and potted cacti that are in the area just behind the Memorial Rock - were potted and planted by Jack himself – or me helping him do that work years ago.

For me the process of grieving Jack has been long and torturous. However, I have worked every moment of it – every minute, hour, day, week, month and year of it. If you do not - you are unable to emerge from the other side of grief. I am 85 percent there – I have 10 percent more to go – and 5 percent will remain a life long journey. I suppose only those of you who have lost a spouse or mate will be able to understand that 5 percent - which will simply stay with me forever. I am living proof that you can transcend this type of loss. I wear the scares of this process with honor, and would have taken no other path to arrive at where I am.

The Memorial Rock for Jack, as well as the book I wrote in his memory, are two of the greatest tangible examples to that recovery.

If you are receiving this message, it means you mean something to me or you were someone special to Jack.

As Jack would have said in closing – and which phrase means something if you have read "Finding My Banana Bread Man"

"Love you – lots lots"







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Dusky, how wonderful and beautiful for Jack! Thanks so much for continuing to share with us your life and sweet memories. It is still hard to believe that four years is coming, I feel sometimes like it was yesterday. My four years is in Nov. I'm so grateful you were here when I arrived. Love, Deborah

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What a lovely tribute. Thank you for the pictures. It really gives us a good visual for the care and love you have shared with Jack. May God's peace be with you on the remaining 15%.


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Thanks so much for sharing. What a wonderful tribute and how nice that you will be able to "visit" whenever you like. It doesn't show it but I hope there is a bench close by that you can sit on to just talk.

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Hellow my far away friend today is the 40 memorial day for my mother .Just before going to the grave Im reading what you wrote for Jack.How did you choose an ancient Greek Philosofer and poet?Thank you for always sharing words of wisdom and and feelings that help all of us.Teny

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That was a great idea! I'd love to do something like that, myself!

Thanks for sharing that with us.


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Thank you all for your kind reply to Jack's memorial Rock.

Just to answer a few questions that some of you have posed.

Mary Linda - I don't have a bench yet - but it is something I may add. Finding a spot may be the tricky part. For now it is all very close to the patio and chairs there.

Teny - You asked - "How did you choose a ancient Greek Poet?" The answer - for a number of reasons - one being that you find some of the best philosophers and poets in ancient Greek literature. Another reason was that I have always loved that particular quote and it applies so well to the lessons learned through the grief process. Finally, it is the quotation that rests near the grave of Robert F. Kennedy, and I have always had a great love for the Kennedy family and Robert (Bobby) in particular.

Again - thanks to each of you for replying.

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John how simply beautiful ! I felt such a sense of peace and love looking at these pictures, I can only imagine what it is like to be there in person. All I can say is WOW and Jack must be feeling so loved with seeing this, you truly are special. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Love Always,


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Your rock is a rock of love. A lovely tribute.

And thank you for sharing your stuggle with loss and that you did indeed find a way to transcend the loss....well, almost. My partner died in Sept. 2008 and I am up and down like a roller coaster. And when I crash I cannot imagine transcending the loss, but your words, you have given me hope.

The photos are beautiful. Thank you so much.


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