Rochel Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Monday morning after a horrendous Sunday night...decided to put my winter bed together and brought out the animal print that Bob always loved (kind of a faux fur) with the comforter and I lost it....I cried so hard and then I saw his picture on the computer by accident because at this time I'm just not looking at photos...what is it about the triggers, they are awful...the Winter trips in that you should be cuddly and warm with your best friend and instead you are alone and trying to make the bed look messy so you don't have to look at the empty side...we all have to go thru this long tunnel that is closed at the entrance and it is hell...and yet we have to keep crawling and bawling thru it...I don't know about all of you but this seems to be getting harder as time goes on not easier...I want my life back....Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Rochel, I know exactly what you are going through. I did feel it got worse before it got better. I think the shock starts to wear off and the reality of everything sets in. Everywhere I look I also see Pat. Sometimes the tears come and I can't control them but there are times when I do smile now. He brought so much joy into my life. As the seasons change they are going to bring new memories and tears and that is ok. We just have to be patient with ourselves. We are all here for you. Take care, Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted November 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Thanks Kat, I know that our husbands died of the same thing except my hubby went into kidney failure..but I do think that the protrate had a lot to do with it...it was a very hard caregiving situation for me...I know that Pat must have struggled quite a bit too....Kat, I do not know how to put information on here in the edit where it will stay and also a photo..do you??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Rochel, I'm sorry I don't. If you do find out, please pass it on to me. Thanks, Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Rochel and Kat, I'm not much of a computer whiz myself, but I'm certainly willing to help if I can. Have you tried clicking on the "Help" link at the very top of the main page? Oftentimes doing that will lead you to some answers. Beyond that, I'm not sure exactly what it is that you're trying to do. Can you give me a little more information about that? You can always contact me via e-mail, at tousleym@aol.com . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
furkid Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 The photo is done through your profile. You "browse" to a photo on you computer you want to use then add it. I think edit can be done after you have posted, but before you go to other places. I was able to do it once, but haven't done it since. My explanation is fairly simplistic, and it depends on you knowledge of computers. Personally I find "Help" hard to navigate, but did get some answers there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Hi Rochel, I'm feeling your pain. I can't even go into our bedroom without starting to cry. And that's just one trigger. I listen to the music we loved, I look at Brian's pictures, I see the spot where he should be playing guitar at church, I remember the fun we used to have and all of the things we liked to do. There are at least a million triggers. What I have begun to realize is that there is no place I can go that doesn't have a memory attached to it. The good part of this is that we really had a great life together. The sad part is that I long to have that life back and I can't. We are on this journey together, my friend. It's definitely not where we want to be but at least we are not alone. Cry as much as you need to, share with us here, and always trust that God is holding you through your grief. Hugs from Pa. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted November 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Rochel and Kat, I'm not much of a computer whiz myself, but I'm certainly willing to help if I can. Have you tried clicking on the "Help" link at the very top of the main page? Oftentimes doing that will lead you to some answers. Beyond that, I'm not sure exactly what it is that you're trying to do. Can you give me a little more information about that? You can always contact me via e-mail, at tousleym@aol.com . . . I can find the edit...I just don't know how to make the pixels 150 x 150...I tried to in photo shop but it wouldn't transfer over.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted November 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Thanks Linda, More crying today...my hormones must be wacky...I'm so glad that my counselor thru Hospice is coming tomorrow...I cried today because since I told the credit card company about his death...they cancelled his card and even though we had a joint acct. I don't have credit anymore...what are we widows - chopped liver....I'm so upset...I have to establish credit all over again...does anybody else know about this??? I appreciate your encouragement...lots of tears lately...I can't even listen to our music...I get kicked in the stomach...Bless you Linda, Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Pictures and his handwriting are still the most difficult things for me to look at. I feel them in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes it is still moment by moment, other times day by day. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Rochel, I went through that with the credit card companies, too. Even though both our names were on the cards and I was the one signing the check for 20+ years, they cancelled my credit. Then they were going to give me a $120 limit on a gas card (down from $2500.)Because of that, it took me over a year to take his name off the checking account. It's the same thing there, I had to re-establish a bill pay account because our original one was set up under his social security number. I did find out, though, when I went to pay off some of those credit cards, they credited any finance charges dating back to his date of death. And they immediately put it into collections even though I called to pay it off. (Procedure, you know.) So, I know all this seems like getting kicked when you are down, it sure did to me, but these companies are not people with hearts and emotions and they are following their procedures. After the insult wore off, it was nice not having any credit cards. I have one through my bank and use it occasionally to establish credit again. And it is me paying off cars and mortgages on my own and if the time comes where I need to have something, I can show proof of that. Hang in there. Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted November 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Thanks Kath, I know they are cold companies without heart...and here we sit numb by our loss...I have a debit card so that is what I will use in Cali...I'm not one to charge a lot anyway..it is the "like you said" an insult because of taking part all these years paying the bills...Have a griefless day...if that is possible...Bless you, Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 I just have to say that I feel for all of you this morning. I think you really have it harder than us guys because of the financial situation that you have to work through. I pray that the Lord will bless each and every one of you in a special way today. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Triggers are hard to deal with. There is a thread on marriagebuilders that explains it way better than I could, and how to deal with it, it helped me a lot. Read Mark1952's posts, he's the one that has all of the good information. (In this instance he is referencing triggers with regards to a marital affair, but the information he provides can be applied to ANY kind of triggers). I like how he explains what happens in the brain and the different kinds of memories, it helps to know how to deal with it. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2243454&gonew=1#UNREAD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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