Medical Records

[marsha]

I didn't want to hijack Rochel's thread, so I figured I would put this out. I've been wondering what to do. I always go through the year's files when I'm getting stuff ready for my accountant. And again I've looked at the files where I've kept Joe's medical records, from those 4 months. Even admission papers, for the multiple hospital stays. Why am I keeping them? I keep memos that he wrote, lists, because they're in his handwriting and I just can't bear to part with them. But the medical records? All they record is pain, not what his life was about. I should just toss them, but I wanted to get some input from you guys. I don't even understand, to myself, why I keep them. Anyone? Hugs, Marsha

[kayc]

I don't know, probably the same reason I've kept a lot of stuff...it's from HIS life! I'd say if it bothers you, get rid of it, if not, keep it.

Somehow I feel like "George's keeper"...if I don't remember him and hang onto his things, who will?

[ustwo]

I've stopped asking myself why I hang onto some things. It'll be 5 years in June since Gene left this world. I've still got all his medical records. I still have the calendar for 2005 with all his doctor's appts and hospital stays and appts for tests. Now I've tried to get rid of the calendar.......just can't do it yet. I still have his aftershave bottles sitting where they've always been......I like to smell them once and a while, close my eyes, and let my mind wander in the memories. I still have his truck even tho I only logged 152 miles on it last year. I bought it for him as a retirement gift and he barely had time to drive it.......I can still see the amazing smile on his face. To me those things that I hang on to are parts of Gene's "life tracks".....the good parts, the bad parts. And as time has done with everything, time will tell me when it's time to put these things aside. I know in my head what makes sense.....my heart tells me something else. Right now my heart is still trying to heal.

Always Gene!

Always!

[David'sGirlStill]

I think because they were his. It's proof he lived. It's almost a year and I've kept everything, including his medical records. I've even kept my overnite passes from the hospitol stays. I can't let go yet.

[Susie Q]

Thank you. It's been 6 months and I was wondering just last night why I have such an attachment to his things when he is gone. If he came home today he would be able to access all of his belongings and get dressed just as before. I can't bear to clean them out and they really do give me comfort. I'm reassured by your input that I'm doing OK holding onto them and that when the right time comes, I'll know.

[LarrysGirl]

I hadn't wanted to admit this to anyone but I have Larry's records Marsha, xrays, appointment books and even medicine. When he was released the last time from UVA they made a terrible mistake on his medicine, it was written wrong and would have killed him but he died first. I keep that I think because I've felt he was murdered from poor doctors care so I keep it for proof in my mind that he was wronged. I have his clothes in the closet (have donated a few), jackets and hats etc. I have kept them because he was "here" and has not vanished from my heart or my life. Deborah

[Guest Vickie O'Neil]

I threw out the 3 Inch File ...3 INCHES OF PAPER. Medical Records. I did this 4 months after Pat's death. All the stuff from Banner & the Transplant People are somewhere in a landfill now. I tossed out all the medicines that he was forced to take...all that horrible stuff is gone, tossed all the the remedies from the Homeopath/Naturopath we had also visited.

But Marsh, I cannot clean out Pat's closet, nor his toiletries...I tried last night & found more papers in his closet. You know that...because I called you earlier...I had another meltdown...last night...his Teacher's Certificate..his Records from Texas..his retirement & SS docs. his discharge from the Army.

The Closet cleaning has moved thus far...his Cowboy Boots have moved to the Family Room.

Love, Vickie

[Kat2005]

I was really starting to think that I was loosing it. I kept a notebook where I logged all of Pat's doctors appointments and treatments. I find myself picking it up and reading it all of the time. I don't know why. I want to hold on to every part of my life with him. The good and the bad. I guess I am just trying to make sense of everything because I truely do not understand why this happened. He was such a good and caring man. I did go through his clothes and gave alot to the homeless. I know that is what he would have wanted. It still didn't make it any easier. His younger brother also took some things. There were a few things that I just couldn't part with. I know that letting go is not an option for me right now. I don't see that happening anytime soon. I still have alot of anger that I have to work through. I just take one day at a time.

Kat

[Guest Vickie O'Neil]

Hi everyone...

Its different for everyone....but to me the Medical Records only defined 1 year & 1 month of Pat's life...& they made me feel heartsick. All the hopes from the Transplant People...all the Dr's Visits...in vain. 2 Almost Transplants...not good Liver's. I've almost worked my way through all the salt free food I bought for his diet.

His clothing is more definitive of him than the medical records. His polished Cowboy boots worn for our wedding. I don't again want to offend anyone on this site...but Pat used to make jokes that he was wearing dead men's shirts...& being a school teacher with an elderly father he received 2 dead men's wardrobes..from his Dad's widow friends.

I'm way off Topic now...

Love, Vickie

[Korina]

I wouldn't throw anything out until you feel it is the right thing to do - I believe that only you will know when and if it is time. Besides the toiletries, I haven't really thrown anything out, yet. If something causes me a lot a pain, it either goes into the heartbreak drawer (something I know I will want to keep down the line), or stuffed somewhere I won't be looking at it all the time. The time will come when I will have to organize, etc, but not yet. And there are things I will never part with.

Love,

Korina

[kath]

I haven't thrown out his medical records. I keep them with my tax backup. I do still have the calendar marking his appointments. I look at it on occasion trying to figure out how he could have been so sick and no one seemed to notice, even though he was seen by many "experts." It's simply incredulous. His clothes, I have mostly kept. I have plans to use his shirts to make a duvet for our son when I cover his bedspreads. As far as coats and shoes, well Mike can already fit his shoe, figure coats won't be far behind. And there are many. Coats and lamps seem to have been his fondest things to collect.

I have a funny story to share. Mike had his first band concert and he wanted to look good...new white shirt, dress pants, tie and some black shoes. He didn't have any black shoes and wanted to look for some of his dad's. I found a pair and he wore them that night. As he was walking onto the stage, the entire sole fell off one of his shoes! I couldn't figure out what he was doing! A lesson to me is look things over before passing them on.

Prescriptions were brought to a collection site after a year. I couldn't bear to throw out hundreds of dollars worth of insulin, but no one could take it, brand new, in the sealed box. A ridiculous waste.

I'm at two and half years. The time to do it is when it feels right. I have no regrets in waiting.

[kayc]

Kath,

Love your story about the shoes!

Kay

[moparlicious]

hi, This is your choice of what you want to do!!!!!!!!!! I still have 3 boxes packed full of all Dan's medical records and I am keeping them forever!!!! I have his coats, cards and little things he hand made me over the years. I also have all his fishing stuff which smells to high heaven, whatever bait is in there phewwwwwwwwwww, but Dan loved to fish and the "stink" can stay as long as I want(or when the neighbors get a whiff on a windy day!) Anyways, our grief is very hard and difficult, this journey has rebegun for us, we may ask ourselves why? How? and nothing makes sense, but with our loved one in our heart we continue on the fulfill whatever or wherever that may be. No one made this choice in life, but together hand in hand we will all will somehow make it through. Love, Kim

[kayc]

Kim,

George loved to fish too and I will never part with his fishing vest, hat, etc. I did pass our rods/reels down to my daughter and son-in-law because I think George would like to see the kids enjoying them rather than sitting in storage, and it's a way his love of fishing can be memorialized. I won't sniff them though!

Kay

[marsha]

Oh, man - I forgot about the tackle box! It's in the back of the pickup (cap on, not to worry). Along with his fishing rod. I think I've opened it once, and yeah, it was a little fragrant. Thanks, ladies, for all your heartfelt replies and stories - I'm holding on to everything for right now, for me. A kind of funny aside - I drive a 97 Dodge Ram, but also still have our 87 Chevy 1500. It has 220,000 miles on it, and still runs, sans rear view mirror, and with lots of rust. That was Joe's truck. And everyone calls it "Joe's truck", even now. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it. Hugs, Marsha

[marsha]

Oh, man - I forgot about the tackle box! It's in the back of the pickup (cap on, not to worry). Along with his fishing rod. I think I've opened it once, and yeah, it was a little fragrant. Thanks, ladies, for all your heartfelt replies and stories - I'm holding on to everything for right now, for me. A kind of funny aside - I drive a 97 Dodge Ram, but also still have our 87 Chevy 1500. It has 220,000 miles on it, and still runs, sans rear view mirror, and with lots of rust. That was Joe's truck. And everyone calls it "Joe's truck", even now. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it. Hugs, Marsha

[valley]

Seventeen months since my Tom died. I still live with his things all around me. Medical records in a file box. His truck in the carport, now unlicensed, but still there. His studio full of the projects he was working on. His paint pallet with oils still on it. Shoes by the door, hat on the door hook.

I can't help it. I figure I will do something about it someday......I'll get up one morning and think, now is the time. But for now I love seeing his things, like how it was when I got to enjoy him in real time. I still badly need something from Tom, his strength, his love, his support...and I get some of that by still living with these parts of him.

I did throw away a toothpick the other day......it was funny how I found it where he left it, knew it had been chewed on by him, and I debated long and hard if I should throw it out. Oh my gosh. It became kind of funny and I did throw it in the trash.

I wear my wedding ring and feel married to Tom. Maybe someday this will change, but for me now, it gives me a sense of belonging to him and as others have said, "keeps him alive" inside me. I feel his footprint on my soul, but I like all the other physical "do dads" too.

As long as I am not crazy, or going crazy, I think it is just fine for me.

Oh.....I did get rid of a cabinet full of medications by taking them to the drug store and turning them in for disposal soon after he died. it did seem a waste as we spent hundreds of dollars on them. I did not have a hard time getting rid of them. Not at all. Since Tom also went to a naturopath we also had bottles and bottles of vit., supplements, min. etc.....and I take those.

Much love to you Marsha.

Valley

[Lucia Abeytia]

I still have Ben's medical records gave some of his clothes to the kids most of his hats were given to the boys, Ben loved hats and had many of them I keep 2 of them his favorite 2 hats there is still alot of his clothes in storage and I keep saying I'm going to go threw it and get rid of it but I can't I still have his aftershave and I keep it and every once in a while I smell it just to remember him...I have all his medical records, and appointment books It took me 9months to get rid of his medicine, I still have his dress shoes he loved them and wore them all the time they are all worn out but I just can't bring myself to throw them out...some day maybe I will be able to throw them out but not now....I still wear my wedding band I am just not ready to take them off maybe some day......

[Sharon3]

It is such a personal thing ...sometimes we have to deal with it, we have no choice. I had a quilt made with my husband's favorite clothes, gave my son his shoes and see his slippers by the door in my son's house. I also so gave my son his jackets and gave the rest to charity. I kept a couple of hats and one housecoat. I moved so I had to deal with everything. I am happy with the quilt though. Right now it is in a closet...I hope one day soon I can wrap myself up in it and feel peace but it still makes me sad to look at his things. It took me a long time to throw out the medication but I have a tote full of things I wanted to keep that I will look at again one day..but not until the pain subsides somewhat. I would suggest the quilt though I think it is a good keepsake.