Maybe I Am Too Old

[Marion Claire]

Have been wondering if at my age of nearly75 I really should be on here or in the hospice grief group I go too. Seeing younger people suffering makes me feel I probably shouldn't be on here. Ray would have been 80 next month. Always extremely healthy but for hearing loss from Korean War. Looked younger and worked so hard yet. So--we raised our kids, saw our grandkids grown and saw 14 of the great-grandkids. I just have so many memories that come back and make me so extremely sad and lonely. A picture or song will make me cry, but at my age maybe I should have been prepared and not come to places for support. Just wondering. Love this group, but just had the thought maybe I shouldn't be here......Marion

[WendyB]

Marion,

If you find comfort from this site then I would stay and know you are not alone.

I don't see any age restrictions.

We are all here for the same sad reason. We lost someone we loved dearly.

*hugs*

Wendy

[LarrysGirl]

Marion, the common denominator to this site is the loss of your spouse. The loss and grief experience I would think is the same no matter your age. You've lost the man you love, who you shared your life with and coming here is to help you heal and maybe help others along the way. I'm glad you are on this site and hope you will continue to be here. Deborah

[Tori]

I'm just a couple of months away from my 75th birthday and I've also wondered the same thing Marion. I lost my husband May 1, 2006 just 12 days short of our 54th wedding anniversary. I've been reading these forums for the last 4 years, yet rarely post for that reason. Many times while reading the posts involving much younger losses, I feel pangs of guilt when I realize how blessed we were to have been able to travel our life journey together for all those years. However, over the years I've spent reading these forums, it's helped me to realize that we are never prepared to "deal with grief" and we can all benefit from support at any age. If you'd like someone to talk to who has traveled the same path--please feel free to send me a private message or email at any time.

[MartyT]

My dear Marion and Tori,

As you well know, grief does not discriminate, and everyone is welcome here, regardless of age or gender or anything else. We are all bound by the common experience of loss. Remember, too, that some of our members are mourning the loss of a parent, while struggling to support their surviving parent, and by sharing your thoughts, your feelings, and your personal stories, you are in a unique position to help them understand and appreciate what you are going through. In turn, by reading their stories, you will come to better understand loss from their perspective as well. We're all here not only to support one another, but to learn from each other too. In the process, we all become more tolerant of, more understanding of, and more compassionate toward one another. And doesn't that make this world a better place for all of us? ♥

[marsha]

Marion - please don't think this way. In over 2 years, I've become friends with widows/widowers from age 25 to 80. I've come to realize that we may be different in where we are in life, but grief shows no mercy when it comes to age. I have so appreciated the advice and support of my friends here, and I try to give it back as well. Stay...Hugs, Marsha

[kayc]

Marion,

I really wouldn't compare my loss to anyone else's. It's all valid. I think sometimes the longer you've been married, the harder it might be to adjust to a different life. However, those who have had less time together might feel more gypped, having expected to have a longer time together. But all grief is valid and no one's loss is easy. All of us have a right to be here, and I just pray that everyone finds comfort and solace here, as well as direction and encouragement.

One of the things I like about being here is that we can talk about our husbands, and there is a listening audience. Sometimes when we're out in the world we feel like no one wants to hear it and they want us to move on. But it really helps to talk about them and share what we loved, what we went through. It helps us get to know each other too!

[Daughter2010]

I echo the responses here. Grief is grief despite someone's age. As for me, I believe it would help me know about your experiences so I can understand more about the loss of a spouse. I want to provide as much support as possible to my mom, whom I know has been very strong through all of this and I know if I am helping her through this process, it would help me and I am sure Dad would be glad we are all sticking together, united.

I have found comfort in knowing I am not alone in what I feel and it really helps to know each one of your experiences to understand people in general and yes, like Marty said, be more considerate and compassionate of others.

-L

[Marion Claire]

Well with the input I got from you great people I will stay right here. Really hard to recover from so many years of being 1/2 of a pair and now I am just me, whoever that is? Will find out in time I know.

You are so much help and this is one place I can say how I really am feeling. My family is grieving so much I hate to burden them too much. Hugs to all. Marion

[closs86]

Hi Marion

Glad you decided to stay, we need as many people as we can get to lean on each other. for strength, and support, it dosn't matter how old you are or how long you were married, losing a partner that you truly loved is painful no matter what.

hugs karen

[kayc]

Marion,

I'm glad you will stay on here. This place was my life support when I went through it and after all these years, I still feel drawn here, I can relate to the people here and these are some of the best people in the world, I don't know why, it just is so.

Don't worry about burdening your family, it is good to talk about it with them, it gives you a sharedness. They may be feeling the same way with you. I remember when my George died, my son was in the Air Force and I remember him lamenting that he didn't know what was wrong with him, he'd wake up crying, he'd be at work and suddenly start crying (and he was never one to show emotion). I told him nothing was wrong with him, he was grieving, and people at work would just have to understand.

[Korina]

Marion:

Don't think like that, please! I have found much comfort in dear friends who are in your age range. As Marty said, sharing on this site and sharing insight is invaluable to all of us, regardless of age.

Put your mind at ease. We need everyone's perspective.

Korina

[Cheryl]

Dear Marion,

My friend who is 85 just lost her husband. Even though I am 45 we both find we are feeling the same way. When are husbands died we lost a part of who we were. We are both struggling with being alone and wondering who we are without our soulmate. She often says she should have been more prepared emotionaly for him to die since he had been ill. How can you prepare yourself for something you've never felt? How can you prepare to be alone when you've never been alone? I think everyone who grieves wants to feel like someone understands. Thank you for sharing how you feel and especially for voicing your fear of not belonging. You belong!

Love, Cheryl

[Korina]

Marion:

Don't think like that, please! I have found much comfort in dear friends who are in your age range. As Marty said, sharing on this site and sharing insight is invaluable to all of us, regardless of age.

Put your mind at ease. We need everyone's perspective.

Korina

NB - I meant "don't think like" that in regards to your original post.

[Maryo]

Hi Marion,

I have a new friend who is 75 and she lost her husband last winter. It has been 2 years for me and we now have developed a special friendship and I think both of us can help each other.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[Mrs.G]

Hi Marion,

I was married for 33 years....my husband Larry was 52 when he was killed last year....I agree with everyone else...giref is grief no matter how old we are or how much time we did or did not have with our loved one. I like you feel like half of me is gone...we were one as Gods words say...I am still Larrys wife....thats how I view myself even a year later...I just cant see myself any other way....but thank God someday I will be reunited with my other half just as you will.... and we will be together forver....God bless you... Debbie

[Marion Claire]

Had a bad night last night. Not unusual really, but my back and leg pain is getting worse, and so I sit around more and if no one is here I think of how alone I am now. I truly don't know how to function as half of a couple.. I worry about tax time etc. I know how to do none of that stuff. Ray always took care of everything and he took care of ME!! Trying still to figure out how to do this alone. Know there is no answer and we each have to figure it out for ourselves..Hope someday I manage to figure out how to be just me, not half of Ray and I. Even with a hugh and very caring family I feel I am====JUST ME!!! Giant hugs to all here. Marion

[Korina]

And you WILL figure it out ! I still have lots on my plate, but the stack is slowly whittling down...

Korina

[Lainey]

Dear Marion and Tori,

Everyone needs a place to vent and express their feeling and this is the place where you are allowed to say things you probably wouldn't say to friends or family. Just because you are older doesn't mean that your feelings and thoughts aren't important to us. Keep posting.

Hugs,

Lainey