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[jennifer1969]

Hi my name is Jennifer Friedel. I am 40 yrs old. I just lost my husband and best friend Mark, he was 43 yrs old. He fell down our basement steps and got severe brain trauma. He passed away on June 27, 2010. See he was on life support. But everything was shuting down. So I had them take him off of it. Because he didn't want that. I have never seen that before. And now that is the picture in my mind. Every time I fall a sleep I have nightmares about it. All I want is to remember him the way he was. The nice loving husband. I don't understand why he left me. Why he didn't fight harder. We were together for 10 short years and married since October 5, 2004. I just don't know what to do now.

I am having a really bad day today. I stayed in my room from about 2 today. I cryed all day I have chest pains. Today would be the day that we would have sat down and planed were we would go on vacation for my birthday. Now I don't want my birthday to come. My brother ask me what I wanted for my birthday today and all I keep asking for is Mark to come home to me. I am hurting so bad. I just can't bring myself to get out of my room. I don't want to be around any one. I just want to be by myself.

I don't know how to handle the grief. I don't want to do or go any where. I can't sleep, all I do is cry, I have anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and depression. I feel lost and hopeless. He was the love of my life. I miss him so much. I keep hopeing that this is just a really bad dream, that when I wake up he will be there with me. My life will never be the same.

[Billw]

Hi Jennifer,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I Lost my wife in April to cancer. She made it for a year and a half until it got into her bones. I watched her suffer for months until the end when she passed. I was suffering the same thing with the visions in my head of these traumatic scenes of her fighting for life the last year and especially the last days she was here. I finally got some outside help with this at the request of a friend of mine that had a similar situation. There is a technique that can be used that drastically relieves the trauma associated with watching a loved one pass. It did wonders for me and I am still working on the rest. God bless you and hang in there. If you are interested look up (e.m.d.r) on the internet they don't know how it works exactly, they just know that it has helped thousands of people. My first reaction was to stay inside and isolate too but I have found that the more I force myself to get out and keep moving, the more relief I get. When I hold on to the gratitude for every second we spent together I can make a connection with her that is indescribable. I keep those memories close to my heart and she is with me always. The more I fight the fact that she is gone, the harder it gets to keep that connection. Try to keep moving and hold on to the good memories of your husband. I have found that exercise and fresh air have done wonders for my grief and overall state of mind and body. I just got done having a cry when I got home a little bit ago and I thought this was a good time to check in to this site. I have not been on here in a while. Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better.

BW

[jennifer1969]

I try to get up and do things but most of the time my chest is killing me. I hate to be around everyone, because they don't want to hear me talk about Mark. Like I said he was my best friend to. Most of our friends won't pick up the phone or call me any more. So I just sit here and try to handle it all by myself. And so far that just ain't working.

[nats]

Hello Jennifer,

I feel your pain and sorrow and we all welcome you here, my wife Ruth joined God on 2/14/10 and It's approaching 6 months next week since she left, I know you feel like there is no hope for you to feel normal again that's expected...I also had to make the DNR and life support decision concerning Ruth she did not want to be on any method of life support so after they did all that could be done she was moved to ICU where she was kept warm in a cocoon like system and had oxygen, and pain meds., I was by her side as the Lord prepared her for her journey, I have relived that day many many times and can not get it out of my head except thru prayer and my faith as well as the happy memories, when I focus on those things I find comfort and I have made great progress, I also like BillW said have her with me daily, I feel her presence and hear her voice within my mind guiding me....first you must take care of yourself and put yourself first, be sure to eat and sleep when you can this process takes alot of energy... do try and get out some BillW is correct it helps...focus on the happy memories you had as no one or anything can ever take them from you and helps it will at first cause some tears but you will find it also helps....and most of important what I find works is prayer and asking God to take the sadness from within me....you have found a great forum with some really great people so visit often and we wii try and help....

May God Bless you and provide you some comfort....

NATS

[Deb625]

Hi Jennifer, I'm so sorry for your loss and also share your pain. I lost my partner at age 45 on May 16/10 and the pain you speak of, the aching in your chest, I feel too. I would never have imagined the emotional pain that comes with grieving the loss of the love your life nor would I ever have imagined the physical hurt that partners with it. I would never have imaginged how many tears a person can cry. This group is great, as we are all walking through the same world of grief - some longer than others and some newer than us and we're all here to support and listen... It is sad to be here, however, good to have an outlet where people don't think we're crazy and a place where we are not expected to "get over it" - we are all here together just trying to work through it. Be gentle with yourself. Take care, Deb

[kayc]

I added a reply but it is not here now so I don't know what happened to it. I am very sorry for your loss, it is still so very fresh. Have you talked to your doctor or a grief counselor to get some help? Please keep coming here and voicing yourself, it really helps t let it out rather than bottle it up. It does help to get out and go for a walk, to take good care of yourself, to keep busy and be around other people, anything that helps direct your focus outward rather than inward. What you are experiencing is no stranger to us, we have all been there. Try to stay in the here and now and not bite off more than you can chew. But do try to get some help.

Your brother wants to be there for you and may need help knowing how to. Try to think of something you could use his help with and give him that as an idea. Sometimes it is help rather than gifts that we need the most...help vacuuming behind the refrigerator, help changing the oil in the car, help getting the lawnmower started, kindling cut, etc. There's always something that our husbands left a void with.

And it's good to spend time with family and friends...even when you don't feel like it, when you make the effort it helps lift you just a bit. Be extra gentle with yourself and try not to expect too much of yourself.

[Marion Claire]

I am so glad you joined this group. So many understanding and wonderful people here. All in a group we would have have wanted to join. You can just ramble, rant, rave, whatever you need to do and we all understand. For lots this is the one place we can let our desperation out on being left alone.......... Hugs, Marion

[closs86]

Hi

I am so sorry for your terrible loss, I also lost my love on April 6, 2010, we all understand what you are feeling, I wish I could make it all go away for all of us, but we can't. I also get the anxiety in my chest and throat, my doctor gave me medication, sometimes it helps sometimes nothing helps, it all depends, but you can ask your doctor to give you something for it, when I first told my doctor about it, he took and e k g, and blood workup and in the end he said there is nothing wrong with you, you have a broken heart, and that is physical pain. Everyone's advice is so good here, try to listen, go out a little, even if you don't want to, push yourself, it does wind up helping. Keep coming here, someone is always around.

Take good care of yourself

Hugs Karen

[Korina]

I also had to make the decision to take my husband off of life support, so I can truly empathize with you. I do know that I made the right decision, as like your husband, everything was shutting down, and his brain function had likely been compromised. That said, I am crying again as I write this.

I certainly hope you find someone with whom you can comfortably talk about your husband. I have been blessed to be surrounded by many friends and family who let me go on about Scott and still do. And I believe talking about him helped them, as well.

Korina

[lightacandle]

Hi there Jenifer i to am 49 on wednessday and lost my soul mate 41 on may 11 2010 to cancer, it is a hard process coping with children but just know you are not alone and good on you for joining this group. Oh and by the way this is my first post ever to this site.

maybe we could connect up?