Dont Mean To Be Rude....

[MZM]

I really dont mean to be rude and I hope someone will help me...

See, the thing is, is that my psychologist says "no matter what the situation in our loss of a spouse/partner/significant other - married for one year, engaged, married for 40 years, with kids....we are all facing a huge loss and to each one of us, no matter the situation, its the biggest and worst thing in the world.."

i see the pain that we're all going through, and whilst i cant imagine what it must be like to have kids and have had this whole life with a person and then you have to live without them, in my dealing with my situation i cant help but ask "why does this have to happen to me at 28 years old!!!" As i said, I really dont mean to be rude. I see young couples so happy and i almost want to puke:( I have become so negative compared to the happy, naive, carefree person that I was... I loved my life, always saying that I want to freeze time - what was wrong with me, why was i so naive! How do I ever trust that if i meet someone again oneday that he too wont die on me:( harsh but true:( At the age of 28, i am grieving the future that could have been. We planned to have 4 kids! Im sobbing right now!!! Can barely even see my keyboard. We planned to continue to travel the world. We were soulmates with the rest of our lives planned together....and now i have to go through his birthday, all the holidays and then mine, single and alone....with all this pain and what ifs (like we all face)

Please moms give me guidance. My mom has been my best friend, but I cant keep crying to her because I feel bad in that im taking her for granted -when she can go too:( I feel like its all about me and im neglecting them...Im so tired of life already and its all about death. I cant lose another person!

[nats]

MZM,

I can relate as I'm now becomming involved with someone and the first thing we mentioned and talked about is one of us will have to grieve the loss again, see she lost her husband and me my wife, but God did not intend for us to be alone and we have no guarantee's in life except death and that will happen to us all for sure but only on Earth for if we accept Christ in our life we will live forever in the Kingdom Of God and be reunited with our loved ones...I cannot put my life on hold for something I can not control, so I have chosen to try and renew my life and enjoy while I can....that's what Ruth would have wanted and I keep that in mind daily...I will never get over her but I am learning to accept her in a new way... as my angel....I pray you find some answers and comfort and maybe my thoughts have helped some...~God Bless

NATS

[kayc]

I cant keep crying to her because I feel bad in that im taking her for granted -when she can go too:( I feel like its all about me and im neglecting them...Im so tired of life already and its all about death. I cant lose another person!

Of course you can keep crying to your mom! That's part of what moms are for! My daughter is 28 years old, if she lost her husband I would WANT her to turn to me, I would WANT to hold her! The love we have for our kids is immeasurable!

Yes we can lose another person to death...that is the risk we take, but it is a risk worth taking to have the experience of being with them, because otherwise life would just be so void of pleasure and meaning. Whether as a friend or spouse or sibling or whatever the relationship, we do have to go on loving and sharing in other's lives. We try not to worry about what could happen and instead focus on the present, today, right now. TODAY we have this person in our lives to share with...so enjoy your friends, your family, pets, etc. Enjoy each moment you have. That is one of the things that came home to me in George's death. Thank God George and I loved to the fullest and didn't waste time bickering, because we can have no regrets now...but even so, I now have a heightened sense of enjoying each present moment, knowing I cannot take it for granted. If only everyone else lived that way!

[Lindakay]

I too appreciate the time and love we had. Whether I ever find that again I'll not know. I will accept that life is not over yet. I feel he was my soulmate and the best. I won't give up. I have alot to offer someone for what reamins of my time. I don't think beyond everyday. Yeah, I'm 56 and I can remember us at 28. I would have been mad, hurt, upset angry at life if I had lost him when we were just getting started.I agree with kayc. A good mom would want to comfort you. Don't give up. If you want it to not all about you...help someone else. I volunteered alot after he died. There are people going through alot more than me.LindaKay

[nirac]

I am 29, I turned 29, 12 days after my fiancee passed away. I understand exactly what u are going thru. I feel cheated out of my life with him. We didnt have children together, he had two from a previous marriage. I am now their guardian. I love them as if they are my own,but their not, and I wish that we had the chance to have our own. I look at people especially young people that are getting married or having children and it makes me ache all over. I am saddened but what will never be and what could have been. and of course u can cry to ur mom, thats why she is there for. I am sad,my mom just moved to Colorado ( I live in NY) she was with me for the last three months of Charlies life,when he got sick right up to he took his last breathe. I miss her terrably, but understand that she had to move,she now needs to be there for my 28 year old brother who just found out he has cancer. He and his wife just had their first child. So as sad as I am , I know she needs to be there to support him.

[Korina]

Of course it hurts terribly to see happy couples together - how could it not? Hopefully that jealousy with ease with time - my jealousy at seeing families together has mostly gone away. What irks me still is when people take their husbands or wives for granted, and find it so easy to give up on their lives together, when sometimes (of course, not always), all it takes is a bit of work. Scott and I went through some very tough times together, with both of us at fault, but we never gave up on each other. What I would give to keep working at it!

And of course your mom wants to be there for you - you are her daughter. I know that my love for Kailyn is something I actually cannot describe, and I would do anything to help her.

Korina

[karebare725]

I am very sorry for your loss, but having gone through the same ordeal I know the words dont make it any better. I do feel your pain though.

I completely agree with you, I am 28 too. My husband was taken away unexpectedly. I feel like I was robbed of our future as well. We wanted 3-4kids, we just bought a new house, and had our whole life ahead of us. I feel like I was cheated in every way. There are no words I can say to make it feel better, but I comepletely understand what you are going through.

I too, am envious of couple, and listening to talk about having children kills me.

I would keep crying to mom, because thats what they are there for. I personally have been confiding in my aunt, because my mom is still so emotional about the while situation.

[Marion Claire]

My life is so different but I know how devestated I would have been at your young ages. Don't know how I would have been able to handle it. I on the other hand have 56 years of memories to keep here with me. But also have 56 years of being the two of us, and now I do not know how to be just me. Had never before had to make all the decidions alone that I now have to me. There is just me. Either young or old it hurts too much...

[wmjsca]

Hi Marion:

We were together only six years and compared to longer relationships, I suppose it isn't that long a period. I don't know whether longevity is a factor in the degree of grief, but this hurts more than when my father died. I can't compare this to anything else and I guess that's why I feel so lost. I didn't meet him until I was 46, but those were the happiest years of any adult relationship I've had. I miss him every moment of the day. I wish I could stop crying.

[MZM]

thank you all....this place really helps me...

Marion your words are so true and just like I said...I cant imagine 56 years with someone - knowing only them and then losing them....it must be devasting....but you're right either young or old, it just hurts too much... I will forever wonder what our kids would've looked like, what would it have been like to grow old with him (sobbing....) MAN i just cant too this!!How could he leave me! why???

Nats, even though I cant imagine being with someone else, I know Im not meant to be alone forever..but its about whether I can ever go through this again...I guess time will help...

Kay, i read your post as is to my mom and she couldnt agree with you more - she is supposed to be there for me as my mom and I should not feel guilty that I am taking them for granted... You're also so right about "living each day" Thats what i used to always say to people. Even though right now i live each day for the sake of it, I know one day i'll be back to living life as the bubbly person(s) I and he was...

Nirac and Karebare, we will always wonder "what if," but I guess all we can do is hold on to the "what we had's" - which was the most amazing time with this person in the last few years of their life...