My Story

[Dwaynecg]

Nats,

Yes sometime people just get in a routine of saying those 3 small words. Pauline were never like that. We said with all our heart and true love for each other. She always told me I was her ANGEL, and now she is MINE. I never took her for granted and she me. Everyone that saw us knew we were very special couple, not afraid to show our love for each other. I talk to Pauline all the time, because I know with every fiber of my being SHE hears me and I hear her. It is the best feeling one can have when hit with this grief we all are going through.

Good luck on your new life with Brenda, you 2 are in my prayers all the time. Maybe some day God, will bring another into my life to love again.

God Bless you

Dwayne

[terp8r]

So, like so many of you, I became ill. Nothing serious, just bronchitis. I went to my Dr. last Friday and of course I started crying and the dr. wanted to also write a script for anti-depressant. I took the prescription, but have not started it. I wondered what you guys think. It's just been a little over a month since I lost Harv and am afraid if I take the medicine, I will be unable to feel like I should. I know one has to grieve and work thru it all. Just wondered if any of you took anti-depressants and what you think about it? I have nothing against anti-depressants, I have taken them in the past and do believe sometimes they are necessary. I think I'm rambling, sorry guys. Love and peace, Pam

[MartyT]

Pam, dear ~ You may find the posts in this thread to be helpful: Medication, Does It Prolong the Pain?

[dave s]

GOSH MARTY I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT WE HAD DICUSSED THIS TOPIC IN THE PAST, AND YOU KNEW WHERE TO FIND IT! YOU ARE SO GOOD AT YOUR JOB! THANKS!

THE CHOICE TO GO ON ANTIDEPRESANTS IS AN INDIVIDUAL DECISION,I HAVE CHOOSEN NOT TO, BUT AT SOME POINT IT MAY BE SOMETHING I NEED..I ONLY CAUTION EVERYONE THAT IF THAT IS A DECISION YOU MAKE , THEN PLEASE FOLLOWUP WITH A PSYCHIATRIST, AS I FEEL THAT MOST MDS ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO BE PRESCRIBING SUCH....DAVE (RN)

[just one more hug]

Pam...a very personal choice...can't give advice but I have an appointment for annual check up end of month. I will cry..for a fact..and he will suggest meds...for a fact. And I will refuse. Agasin..very personal choice. They may do wonders for you and only you will know how your feelings react...you will be your best judge. I did try...during the first couple weeks....felt like someone had taken over my senses and I could not feel...hated that. But...on the other hand...many swear by them..and can't function without...again.... very personal choice....If and when you try...you will know....trust your instinct...God bless and good luck.....Carol......Just another tid bit...A sweet lady at our bank lost her husband just before their first grandbaby was to arrive here on earth...In trying to comfort her...I said that since her husband had arrived in heaven before the baby was born...and thats where all babies come from...he actually got to see her FIRST...she still reminds me of that conversation and how much she loved just the thought of him being the FIRST to have that pleasure....Peace in your heart....Carol

[HoneyImHome11]

Thank you everyone for the reminder that not only drugs, but alcohol, prescriptions, sex, work, sleep and food can all be overdone when used as a crutch to smother our feelings of grieving or depression.

Marty... I went back and read the thread "Medication, Does It Prolong The Pain"... Interesting...

When my husband was diagnosed with melanoma and he went to stage 4 / brain tumor... I just happened to have a doctors appointment and mentioned the trouble we were in... hinted at the possibility of drug help for myself. He just looked at me and said if it looked like I couldn't handle it to come back in. What was worse that terminal so you think?

So just how far do you have to push yourself?

About 3 years ago I fell into the worst depression due to job loss I have ever experienced at the age of 54-55. My identity was so wrapped up into what I did for a living that I couldn't imagine myself doing or being anything different, I am a graphic designer. Oregon has had the worst depression/recession in it's history, the job market is terrible add my age to that and I am sunk when looking for a decent wage. It was the darkest time for me and I have lots of family history to know that if I self medicate I only had to look into my family tree. I had to crawl my way out of this one... find a way to believe in myself again. I went back to school, started classes until I received that call for another job. I guess my point to all of this is if I was not clear headed I would not have been ready for that job. I would not have been strong and alert. I needed to find a way to believe in myself again because nobody was going to do it for me.

This grieving business... I look at it in the same way. My hurt is different than the sister's, daughter's, father's, friend. My husband, best friend, soul mate, life companion, dream builder is gone forever. My life here in my home was built for 2 ... not 1. I think in 2's not 1... when I cook, I cook for 2, not for 1. I did not have a single life here. My point here is yes, this is another dark time in my life and I would like to take cover and hide from all feeling that is exposed. There are days it is unbearable. So like before what can I do to recover? If I medicate myself will I recognize happiness again when I see it come for me?

I am not saying anti depressants are all bad... I am just thinking out loud here. This is just my opinion, my thoughts. There are lots of people who have been helped, I know. But I also know first hand the damage that comes from drug, etc. overuse because of my mother's attempt at suicide at the age of 36 and her search for help.

We all have stories...

Deb

redesign08.blogspot.com

[kayc]

Deb,

I work in Spfd Oregon and at my job, the graphics designer is one of the last ones still working. At least you have a unique career.

I think anything carried to an extreme becomes a weakness...the key is in finding balance.

[terp8r]

I have decided to give the anti depressant a try, after crying all day Monday, I felt like I didn't want to get out of bed at all. I just want to see daylight for awhile. I know from experience that until my body becomes used to them, I may feel emotionally flat. Sometimes I think it would be better to feel nothing than to feel such wrenching pain. I go back to work tomorrow at a university where I am a sign language interpreter and I don't think I could do my job if I'm crying all the time. Thank you all for your insight and kind words, I wish I could meet all of you and we could have a group hug. Peace and love, Pam

[kayc]

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope your day goes well at work.

Not all antidepressants numb you, some just take the edge off so you can cope. I used to be on one 12-9 years ago but they took it off the market. Think of it as something temporary to help you adjust. Usually when it's situational it's not needed forever.

[terp8r]

Well, I discovered tonight that my concerns of not feeling the pain were unfounded. Or perhaps my wish of not feeling the pain was not granted, because it snuck up on me while driving home after going out to eat with my sister. Everywhere I looked there were couples, old, young and in between. Just reminded me of my loss. Then, I arrived home to a dark, empty house. Harv would always turn the porch light on for me if I came home after dark. So I pulled up in front of the house and bawled. I miss him so much tonight and want him here. Now.I wish I had a strong faith like some of you have, but I don't. I just wish I knew that he's ok and happy where he is. Does he know how much I miss him?

[Earl C]

I know that empty house feeling. Could I suggest that you, as I do, leave a light on so that it doesn't appear so dark when you come in. It's a terrible thing that we're going through, and I understand what you said about faith. I suppose I felt when this happened that God had let me down and had taken the best thing in life away...but, the truth is that we are living this life as 'practice' for eternity. I think Harv knows very well what you are going through, and I believe at some point you will see signs that tell you he's watching over you. The way I look at it, we might be able to live maybe forty, fifty, sometimes more life with our true life's partner, but what we're working on is to be able to spend trillions of years together when this part of the journey is over. I know that I've seen some signs that I'm being told things. I told a Son a couple of days ago, as I am in the process of trying to assing certain things to people so that when I join my wonderful Wife, that I didn't have a smoker grill anymore that he said he would like to have as a reminder of our time together on a BBQ team at the American Royal (which, by the way, my magnificent Wife and I together made all the BBQ sauce for the competitions), and when I got up this morning I believe I had been told by my best friend to go down and look again (we had moved within a short period of time ago), and I would find what I said I didn't have. I told our Son that Mom had directed me to it as I slept. Please don't get down on yourself or on Harv or even on God, because I think we're working toward a reunion that will be even greater than the happiness we shared in this part of our life. Just do the best you can each day, and before we know it a bunch of days will have passed and we'll be closer to the reunion if we've fulfilled our mission here on earth. I know that I think it has to be harder for a woman to feel this emptiness than it is for me, and that's pretty darned hard. I went through Marine boot camp and combat training, spent a little more than 15 months in Korea as a 21-22 year old, went through some tough times getting my kids raised at times by myself, changed professions at age 36 after working nights so I could attend school days....all the things people go through, but none of that prepared me for what I'm enduring now with the loss of what I consider the best person in the whole world. I think we all feel that about our mate, the partner we searched for and found. Hang on, and think of the good times ahead after we've gone through our torture. Praying that you'll be better able to cope each day. Earl C