Significant Quotes

[mfh]

Anne posted a lovely slide show on Facebook today called Tears of a Woman. In the background a song played that I have not thought of in years, one that was important and touching to Bill and me as we experienced our love....in the 70s. I did not know then, that I would (some reference in the song) hold him till he died. Here it is:

Thank you, Anne...it brought back lovely memories. And yes, I cried.

[mfh]

and another i found as i listened to the above....one never knows when triggers will show up...these are bittersweet...

[mfh]

Rumi

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be cleaning you out

For some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from the beyond.

[mfh]

Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief The Latin root of the word 'bereavement' means to be 'robbed.' You will often feel like you have been robbed of your loved one, of precious time with them. Know that it is normal to have this feeling. When you are feeling most robbed, let yourself also remember all that you were able to savor during their lifetime.

[kayc]

Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief The Latin root of the word 'bereavement' means to be 'robbed.' You will often feel like you have been robbed of your loved one, of precious time with them. Know that it is normal to have this feeling. When you are feeling most robbed, let yourself also remember all that you were able to savor during their lifetime.

I used to feel robbed. I don't feel a lot now. Before George died, I felt such love and appreciation for each day and what it brought. Now it takes more effort to have just a glimmer of that joy.

[mfh]

I agree Kay. I felt robbed but as I have begun to heal a bit, I feel so much gratitude for what we had/have that the gratitude is bigger than the feeling of being robbed. I think if we were all educated from day 1 that death is part of life, we would not feel as robbed...maybe I am wrong but I think we live in such denial of death that it is harder to deal with it when it happens, no matter how it happens.

[mfh]

http://www.onbeing.org/blog/the-little-monk-and-the-samurai-a-zen-parable/5496

A Zen parable.

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Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

There is a saying: No storm lasts forever. While grief over the death of our loved one does indeed, endure forever- or at least as long as we love and miss them, the raw, searing pain of grief- that which takes your breath and brings you to your knees- ebbs and flows over time. Eventually, moments of peace do come. Eventually, we do find joy again. Our priorities are clearer. We know, more deeply, who we wish to be and who we wish not to be. We appreciate and cherish the lives of our loved ones more, and because we've tasted the most bitter, the sweet- when it comes- is ever sweeter. Still, the grief remains in the stillness between words, between peace, between moments of connection with others, between the sunrise and the sunset. This is the way of eternal love.

[mfh]

http://cmcw2013.wisc.edu/live-stream/

A bit of hope...Dalai Lama and Richie Davidson and panel at UW-Madison live at 2pm cst and now at 9:30-11:30 am. Great insights.

FYI

[enna]

Thank you, Mary. I have to pick up the 'Conversations on Global health and Sustainable well-being' on FB. I would loved to have been there. I found the topic very interesting.

[mfh]

Anne, you can listen/watch at 2pm my time....noon your time. Just follow the link. It is just very good stuff. Will start again in 45 min. Gotta go feed Bentley for the 4th time today. He is doing fine but not totally present yet. Clingy...not new however.

[mfh]

http://blog.tarabrach.com/2013/05/a-heart-that-is-ready-for-anything.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+tarabrach%2FHhFL+%28Tara+Brach%29

Tara Brach piece - an excerpt from True Refuge

[mfh]

I believe that when we respond to each other's pain and triumphs here we are sharing a deep appreciation of their pain and strength. Today I came across this quote:

Institute of HeartMath

"Appreciation is highly magnetic and energizing. The emotional resonance you send out from your coherent heart rhythms is like a magnet, attracting people, situations, and opportunities." — Doc Childre, "The HeartMath Solution"

[enna]

From FB today - 'Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief'

I often hear "I thought I'd be better by now." Remember that grief is not something that you get over but instead is something that you integrate into your life . . . both loss and love, inextricably entwined into your being. Some days this will feel possible and some days it will feel impossible. Breathe into it and hold all of the feelings in your heart, without judgment.

Anne

Thank you, Mary, for guiding us to the live broadcast in Madison with the Dalai Lama and Richie Davidson - I watched and then forget to sign out of the forum for a few hours!! I am sure I'm not the only one who has done that! And if I am - I shall blame it on my AGE.

I am becoming a true fan of Tara Brach, also. I liked the excerpt from True Refuge. Thank you for finding these things for us.

I have not gone to Institute of HeartMath yet, but I shall do that sometime today.

[mfh]

Anne, you are welcome. These things come in my email or they are places I Like on Facebook. On Monday the event yesterday will be streamed I guess indefinitely so I will watch it again... I wish the others besides the Dalai Lama had more time to speak as each of them had so much to say but there will be more events. Lots of people I know and friends were in the audience yesterday. I just decided to watch at home to avoid the crowds and standing for security checks. Sad we have to have security checks to see people who are speaking to creating a global community.

[Wifflesnook]

I spent yesterday, or much of it, thinking about Pete on the anniversary of his Farewell service, and revisited some of the poetry and texts I'd saved. Here are two that you may or ay not know.

I liked this and think it will help me if I look at it often:-

“Grief can destroy you --or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see that it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.”

― Dean Koontz, Odd Hours

The moment I die, I will come back to you as quickly as possible.

I promise it will not take long.

Isn't it true, I am already with you in every moment?

I come back to you in every moment?

Just look, feel my presence. If you want to cry, please cry.

And I know that I will cry with you.

The tears you shed will heal us both. Your tears are mine.

The earth I tried this morning transcends history.

Spring and Winter are both present in the moment.

The young leaf and the dead leaf are really one.

My feet touch deathlessness, and my feet are yours.

Walk with me now.

Let us enter the dimension of oneness

And see the cherry tree blossom in Winter.

- Thich Nhat Hahn

[enna]

Oh Jan, I like both of those quotes. Thank you for them. I really like Koontz's last line "And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life." We both know that our beloveds are always with us - that we have no doubt. Until it is our time let's play in the flowers of the fields and do the best we can to live in this life filled with love and compassion.

The flowers of the field are the children of sun's affection and nature's love; and the children of men are the flowers of love and compassion... ♥ Kahlil Gibran ♥ From FB this morning...

Anne

[Wifflesnook]

What a beautiful picture Anne. Where do you get these lovely things? Aren't we lucky to have so many riches at our finger tips? I just had my lunch and am sitting with my ipad on my lap searching for remarks by Eckhart Tolle that will help me.

[Wifflesnook]

Dear friends, I think there is some wisdom here for us all.

Eckhart on Peace After a Loss

Questioner: My sons drowned in the sea ten months ago. I did surrender, but when I felt the peace and calm coming over me, it felt wrong. It was not right to feel peace and calm with such a loss.

ET: The natural way of being after death of a loved one is suffering at first, then there is a deepening. In that deepening, you go to a place where there is no death. And the fact that you felt that means you went deep enough, to the place where there is no death. Conditioned as your mind is by society, the contemporary world that you live in, which knows nothing about that dimension – your mind then tells you that there is something wrong with this. Your mind says “I should not be feeling peace, that is not what one feels in a situation like this”. But that’s a conditioned thought by the culture that you live in. So instead we can recognize when this happens, when that thought comes – recognize it as a conditioned thought that is not true.

It doesn’t mean that the waves of sadness don’t come back from time to time. But in between the waves of sadness, you sense there is peace. As you sense that peace, you sense the essence of your children as well – the timeless essence. So death is a very sacred thing – not just a dreadful thing. When you react to the loss of form, that’s dreadful.

When you go deep enough to the formless, the dreadful is no longer dreadful, it’s sacred. Then you will experience the two levels, when somebody dies who is close to you. Yes it’s dreadful on the level of form. It’s sacred on the deeper level. Death can enable you to find that dimension in yourself. You’re helping countless other humans if you find that dimension in yourself – the sacred dimension of life. Death can help you find the sacred dimension of life – where life is indestructible.

Surrender can open that door for you. Complete acceptance of it. So honor that sacred dimension and realize that what your mind is saying, that it isn’t right, is just a form of conditioning – it isn’t the truth. It is supremely right.

This is always the window into the formless. As you accept it, surrender. Because the form is gone, your mind becomes still when you surrender to death. It’s not through explanations that you accept death. You can have explanations, mental explanations that say, well, he or she will move on or reincarnate, or go to some place of rest. That can be comforting, but you can go to a deeper place than that, where you don’t need explanations – a state of immediate realization of the sacredness of death, because what opens up when the form dissolves is life beyond form. That is the only thing that is sacred. That is the sacred dimension.

You can get tiny glimpses of that when you lose something, and you completely accept that it’s gone. This is a tiny glimpse of death and it can give you a tiny realization – maybe even more than tiny, if you’re ready.

[Wifflesnook]

My own commentary of this, is that the deep deep pain of loss is so strong that this view from Eckhart can only help at the very very deepest level. I feel lonely for Pete in this 'real' world I have to live in day by day by day. But I think I do know what he means. I wonder what you all think of this?

[mfh]

I spent yesterday, or much of it, thinking about Pete on the anniversary of his Farewell service, and revisited some of the poetry and texts I'd saved. Here are two that you may or ay not know.

"And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.”

― Dean Koontz, Odd Hours

Good afternoon, Jan (it is 8am here, 2 there), It sounds like yesterday was a sacred and quiet day for you in which you remembered Pete. I am glad you posted these quotes. I do love them, however, Koontz and I disagree with the emptiness going away. I do think much of it will fill in with meaning and even joyful moments but there will always be that hole in my heart...that empty place that can not be filled by anyone else ever. Just my take on it.

I think you have a full week yet before you are scheduled to go to your daughter's and I hope as that week flies or creeps by, you will consider postponing the trip if there is even a hint of your being sick...and maybe consider forewarning her so she knows it is up in the air. Just a thought. Early on, I quoted a line from the movie American President when people asked me to plan ahead. I told them "all plans were soft until 30 minutes ahead of time." One of our favorite movies btw.

[mfh]

Jan, I do like the ET quote very much and I am beginning to relate to its message. I could not have related to it at all in the early months but now I get it completely. And I experience it.

I do think the fact that his initials are ET is fun and maybe even significant...for he does seem a bit like an extraterrestrial, from another place...trying to show us/teach us about that place and lead us to there also...and succeeding in many instances. He and Oprah did a long series when ET was first really visible and it was excellent. We read one of his books for book club (before I had a good handle on the members of the club) and only two members (at the time) got it. Now there are a couple more.

Thank you for that quote. That is a keeper for me.

Mary

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A friend posted this on FB....something to ponder.

"God comes to you disguised as your life" - Paul D'Arcy

[enna]

It doesn’t mean that the waves of sadness don’t come back from time to time. But in between the waves of sadness, you sense there is peace. As you sense that peace, you sense the essence of your children as well – the timeless essence. So death is a very sacred thing – not just a dreadful thing. When you react to the loss of form, that’s dreadful. ET

Jan, I believe that there will always be those 'waves of sadness' in our lives now. My focus these days has been on a deep since of peace that I am just accepting and not trying to figure it out. Perhaps it is that 'sacred' time everyone talks about when we allow memories to come and then let them go gently, very gently. It could be that Mary and others have helped us along our way during these early months of our losses, also. I love this thread and the meditation thread.

I have been a fan of Eckhart Tolle for quite some time. I am inspired by what I call his one liners or short phrases - It is easy to put his books down and just be still and not come back to them for awhile - Stillness Speaks is one of those books for me.

Mary, thank you for the above quote. Another line to be still with for awhile. Anne

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http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/

Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introvert, I am mostly introvert) is suggesting an experiment on her site. The information is under "The I See You" experiment. It is focused on acknowledging people and showing appreciation and how that affects people. Bill and I both came into our marriage feeling unappreciated except at our offices but not much in our non-work relationships. So we were very expressive when it came to sharing our appreciation for each other and for others..i.e. telling each other and others how we feel about who they are and what they do....I doubt a day went by in our life together where we did not tell each other how much we loved and appreciated the other person. And be specific about it. Not just "I love you" or "I appreciate you". I still do that and always will with people especially those I love. This experiment is exciting to me because we live in a society that, I think, does not express love and appreciation often enough..we do not even "see" each other often enough and we move so fast and feel so shy about expressions of love that it just leaves people feeling, perhaps, not as appreciated as they could be and are but no one stops to tell them. It all comes under the topic of love, gratitude, sensitivity and caring, I guess. Anyway you might be interested in this little experiment. Our book club chose this book for our next round on Wednesday. I just got the list of what was chosen and was frankly surprised to see it on the list. Slowly but surely our book club is reading more books of this type...not just politics, history, heavy.