Our Pets- Consolers (Four Legged, Two Legged, Fur, Finned)

[kayc]

HRH QMary,

That sounds like a good plan, then all of you could be reunited. I lost three babies before they were born, and I wish they'd do something besides throw them out like refuse, but back in that day we didn't think of having them cremated so we could have their ashes. Funny how America thinks of their unborn like they're just tissue, they were my babies.

[mfh]

Kay, I understand. My mom lost 3 babies and my brother and I tried to find out where their bodies were buried but we were unable to do so. We contacted the churches involved, the city etc. to no avail. My mom always wondered what happened to their bodies...understandably. I am so sorry you experienced that tremendous loss also.

Mary

[feralfae]

Oh, it is so hard to think of the children we did not have time to enjoy. Our twins, at our request and expense, were cremated and their ashes are scattered in a place on NU campus where our daughters loved to play. We had special permission, and called it an archaeological experiment, to get that permission. But those two little boys will be comforted by Lake MIchigan's rhythmic waves and the beauty of the spot (near the observatory on campus) until their spirits go (or have gone) to play in the stars. We thought they would enjoy the view from the observatory as well.

Kay, dear heart, I hope you know -- I know you know -- that those little dears had spirits that are free, and escaped bodies that did not work well, or they would have stayed. But they are also still in our hearts. Their manifestations here were just not working, so I think they simply went away to try again under better circumstances. We had many talks about this.

I have just come from Meeting, where a young woman who is now 26, and whom I have known since she was shorter than my knees, needed to talk, so we stayed after and visited for an hour. Her boyfriend has been trying to evade or discount her boundaries, so I told her, "When someone is trying to violate your boundaries, build them higher!" and she laughed, said those were just the words she needed, and wrote them down. How else do we learn to protect our precious selves? Her Mother, who is a dear, had given her the same advice I did: Lose the boyfriend, and if needed, move back home with her loving parents. Children have it so tough these days, with the loss of cultural cues and the more protective mores of our generation. I sigh.

Off to see what I can do around here today and hold on to this peace I am enjoying.

I'll check in here from time to time, as we wander away from and back to this fire this Sunday afternoon.

Blessings,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

fae, I know that spot where you scattered the ashes of your twins. I grew up on the north side of Chicago (North Sheridan many years ago) and have been in Evanston many times. And those waves are still coming in at Montrose Beach and on the north shore.

I am so sorry for all here who have lost infants, toddlers, children of all ages...A huge loss that only parents really comprehend.

Peace

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Every time I go back to Evanston, I walk out to the point by the Observatory, listen to the waves and think of our boys. That was a terribly difficult time for us. We lived through it, but it was tough.

I think sometimes that we never quite recover from losing those little lives we had so much hopes of sharing with our own lives. I had forgotten you were so close by for much of your life, so of course you would know. We did not scatter the ashes down by the boat house at the south end of the campus, because we walked by that every day on our way to and from campus, and it would have been too much, so we chose the observatory end of campus instead.

I loved sitting out on the beaches and being lulled by the waves. Our little Lake close by here has nary a wave, unless there are fierce winds.

fae

[mfh]

fae, I can not imagine every forgetting that kind of loss...never. Just like losing our spouses...those losses hurt forever.

I lived on Marine Drive for a year in addition to Sheridan Road much earlier.

As exciting as your life has been with it myriad interests and adventures, it has also been laden with pain...much pain. I am sorry.

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Thank you for your compassionate understanding. I think when we step off the edge, especially in matters of the heart, that we must be prepared for the bruises of hard landings as well as the bliss of happy skylarking. It all seems to go together. I just hope I am learning the lessons I signed up to learn this time.

When we are willing to take the big risks (I think of you and BIll, careening off into thin air together after years of separate lives) we get huge rewards, but sometimes, we fall flat on our faces, overcome by the pain of grief, loss, disappointment, or other such happenings.

I think the true test is to keep our faith and have the courage to go on, in whatever way that means for us as individuals trying our best to cope with it all.

And I think we all have good, bad, and neutral days in our lives. And there seems to be a reason for it all. I have not figured it out yet, but I do believe that there is a reason.

fae

[kayc]

fae,

I did not know you suffered this loss too, so many of us have. It's not something I talk about often, but I will remember each of them, always. I'm glad you have a special burial place you can visit and remember.

I'm glad your friend had you to turn to for such sage advice! I love the "lose the boyfriend" and hope she takes it to heart. So many young people entwine their lives before they're ready, living together, buying a house together, merging families, without knowing first if they are right for each other and without the commitment of marriage. It makes it so hard for them to UNentangle themselves and if children are involved, it makes it so much tougher.

Mary,

You are right, fae has had what seems to be an exciting, exotic even, life, filled with so much good and bad. One thing is for sure, she surely can't feel ho-hum about it!

[mfh]

I do agree fae. Life is a series of ups and downs. People in our death phobic society and "one must be happy all the time" culture tend to forget, I believe, that all of us have tough stuff to deal with in our journeys here. Everyone has a story...everyone. The beauty of this place is that we get to ride on the coattails of those who precede us with their losses but who share the lessons and the cycles go on and on.

Courage is the name of this game, fae, and I see so much of it here. Just coming aboard takes courage and the pay off is experiencing the love and compassion available to all here.

It is a cold and rainy night isn't that sort of a first line of a bad novel kind of statement? The heat is on and has been. Bentley hot spot is healing but he said he does not want a scab to form and that is what is forming so back to the vet tomorrow...I think. He and I will talk in the morning.

Stay warm out there in those mountains and hills.

Kay, fae's life is not ho hum but people have said that to me also...of our adventures and I would bet all of our lives have been filled with adventure. fae's does top them all so far, for sure

[feralfae]

HI Kay,

Her mom and I gave her the same advice.

I think she will take it, if she can get past feeling responsible for his feelings. Even while she was talking about the situation, she was worried about hurting his feelings, when he so obviously is oblivious to the fact that she has feelings as well.

Sometimes, I wonder about these young ones. Fortunately, no property, no children, and she told him when he convinced her to let him move in that it was a two-month trial. But she is ready for him to go after one month, but afraid of hurting his feelings. That is why I told her to honor her own feelings.

thank goodness she is asking for advice and listening.

fae

[feralfae]

Mary,

I am doing my best to go for ho-hum for a while now, while I setting into this new life of living alone and figure out that I own all the closets in this house!

I had a long telephone visit with my best girlfriend Nain today and we both laughed at the scant benefits of being a widow: the only benefits we have found so far are more closet space, and clean sinks, with no one coming in from outside and washing their hands in the kitchen sink. Nain's Mom, whom I love dearly, just turned 98 and is still sharp as can be, although her body and heart are weakening, and she is having more trouble walking. But we both decided we will settle for being like her and like Estelle and my Gram. Three remarkable women in our lives.

We had a great talk about the Buddhist meaning of compassion, about it being right action more than mercy or empathy. Good visit.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

We had a great talk about the Buddhist meaning of compassion, about it being right action more than mercy or empathy. Good visit.

*<twinkles>*

fae

I like that!

And you gave your friend sound advice, let's hope she will follow through on it.

[Queeniemary]

Kay, I understand about losing babies before they are born, I lost two in early months, lost Kevin when he was 4 months old, and have been blessed with 2 sons and a daughter, who now can be considered almost middle age!!! The boys are 46, 43, and my daughter is 39, Kevin would have been 41. Fae, I have a young friend, daughter of one of my best friends, who is going through similar problem. She wants to break up, but is afraid he will be too hurt! He is a freeloader, works one day a week, does not go to school, and lets her do most of the supporting.....get him out of the house I say!! Mary, I hope your cold is better, do stay in and pamper yourself.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

HRH QMary,

It seems all too many of us have lost babies.

I agree! I just spoke with a friend whose daughter is being mentally abused/controlled by her husband. She wants out but worries about him...I told her she needs to put herself first and foremost, you bet he will put himself first! I told her to get in touch with Womenspace, if they can't get her to let loose of her codependency, nothing I say is likely to.

[mfh]

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost babies/children. Something I have not and never will experience and so I can not imagine the pain...I am so sorry.

[mfh]

Bentley is doing better. His hot spot spread at first because the fur stuck to the skin but it is slowly, ever so slowly healing. I will have Allen take a look at it before the weekend as I ran out of the med spray and he is due for other shots.

Thanks for your concern.

Kay, how is Arlie doing?

mary

[kayc]

Arlie is fine, I think he was just depressed over leaving the other dogs. He's had a couple of "fun days" and is smiling again. I leave on Friday for my retreat and he will stay with my neighbor, who has a puppy he can play with, he will have great fun!

Let us know what the vet says, Mary! I'm glad his hot spot is healing.

[mfh]

Kay, I am so glad that Arlie has come out of what was going on.

Bentley is healing and I may take him in on Friday or Saturday just to be sure. Thanks for asking. I cut up a t-shirt last night to keep him from scratching. I have been gone all day and after hugging Bentley during the entire webcast on DBT, he started scratching and I just looked at him and he stopped. I think he is getting the message. If not, on goes the t-shirt.

I hope your retreat is renewing, calming, healing, insightful and all good things.

Peace

Mary

[kayc]

It's a retreat with 31 other ladies...it will be busy I am sure, different from what I think of as a retreat, but all good.

I'm glad Bentley is getting the picture and trying not to scratch!

[mfh]

Well, the retreat I did two weeks ago was 200 people and the day was full...any retreat is wondrous. I will be thinking of you.

[mfh]

Saw the vet again today. Bentley's hot spot needs more antibiotics but over all he should be good by Wednesday. Thanks to all.

Mary

[kayc]

Glad to hear it, Mary!

I just got back from my retreat, tired & need to spend time with pets, will catch up later, but tomorrow will be gone again. My mom fell and went into the hospital last night and the dementia facility wants me to go buy her some more sweats and slippers, so will have to go shopping tomorrow and bring them to her. She's on bed rest, pulled a hamstring. I don't know what they do with all of the clothes I bring for her!

Arlie had such a great time this weekend, he didn't want to come home! He talked on the phone with me a couple of times, he is very vocal/tonal, it is really funny, he went on and on, really trying to tell me something, probably all about what a great time he's been having!

[Wifflesnook]

Poor Kelbi had really bad diarrohea last night followed by sickness. I think it's because she ate some chocolate I left inadvertently in her reach. It was only two pieces mind you, and she has stolen chocolate before with no follow up. The problem is she is due to be dropped at kennels for a long weekend this morning. I'm wondering if I should take her to the vets first and then hope they will take her. I'm hoping it is t anything serious and I don't think it is but what timing! At least this is taking my mind off the anniversary of Pete's stroke, worrying about it.

[kayc]

Oh Jan, I'm so sorry! It probably is the chocolate, let's hope it passes w/o further ado.

Arlie is worrying me some too, he's been limping ever so slightly but today it's more pronounced. I don't see anything, no blood, nothing sticking out of his paws. I'm wondering if it could be arthritis? He's almost six and big dogs age faster, plus it's cold, windy and very wet. I have a fire going and gave him some aspirin, I hope that helps. He's not picking up the foot, just not walking the same.

[Wifflesnook]

I walked her before we left for kennels. No more runs but lots of squatting and straining. I explained the situation at the kennels and they said not to worry. They wouldn't feed her for a while and would keep a close eye on her. Yes, Kay, I think it was the chocolate. Hope so anyway.