I feel terribly lonely.

[scba]

http://themanifeststation.net/2014/05/31/dear-life-how-do-i-feel-alive-again-after-losing-someone-i-love/

Cookie, This is an article I read today that may give some insight to your question. It is not hard to live again, because we are alive after all. Finding motivation, hope, and trust in the future is very challenging and tyring. Today I was supposed to do many things, it is 11am and I have done nothing. I am through year two and although the pain is not as frequent and intesne as before, the question of how am I supposed to live life to its fullest is my new companion in grief. I hope the reading helps. 

[Guest]

Janice- I think you and I are moving in the same direction.  I'm not doing positive affirmations (reminds me too much of the old SNL character Stuart Smalley) but I am looking for things to be grateful for in my "new life".  As I mentioned yesterday, I was very happy before I met Deedo.  I enjoyed life.  She brought so much more joy and excitement to my life and there are so many things I deeply miss.  BUT I do have so much to be grateful for right now and I've lost sight of that while I've been focusing so much on my grief.  My therapist reminded me the other day that the life I had with Deedo was so unique.  Most people will go through life without ever knowing the kind of love, joy, passion, compassion, acceptance, and caring that I knew for thirty-seven years, three months and two weeks. I've known this since the beginning and we were fully cognizant of it every day of our lives together.  But I feel as if now is the time for me to refocus on those things that do bring me joy.  It is a struggle as I still find myself weeping daily for what I've lost.  But I do find much to be grateful for as well.

[Guest Janka]

On ‎12‎.‎2‎.‎2016 at 0:05 PM, kayc said:

I'm sorry you feel lonely.  I do too sometimes.  (((hugs)))

Kay,

there are 2 best friends in my life that I trust and rely on and I´m in contact with them daily now.There were people who disappointed me very much at the point I needed them the most.I´ve done so much for them when they were at the bottom or feeling so hopeless and though I´m grieving,I never let them down.I talk about all of the people,here too.Therefore I stopped wasting my time for them anymore.It´s not worthy of that.I forgave them but haven´t forgot.I just can pray for them,nothing else.All the more I´m so thankful for the others here who never let me down when I needed them the most.

Thank you,Kay and all of them too !!!

With love Janka

[Guest Janka]

On ‎13‎.‎2‎.‎2016 at 3:25 PM, Marg M said:

From me too.  A person in grief can feel lonely around a million people.  A home was a home, anywhere, in a tent, in the RV parked at a rest stop on an interstate highway, in a big house or in a small studio apartment as long as our mate was with us.  When we lose them, then no place is "home" and we are so alone.  I wish peace for you and help with your health.  I think we all feel unhealthy without our focus mate/help/partner.  Our immune system is down and if we already have a health problem, there seems no solution.  I know we all want peace and health for all of us.  We all are so lonely no matter where we are, or who is with us.  We have actually lost our will to live.  I hate feelig defeated.  But I do feel that.

My dearest Margaret,

thank you !!!

Love you !

Janka

[hollowheart]

On 2/11/2016 at 5:59 PM, Janka said:

I feel terribly lonely!

Janka

This broke my heart. I know all to well this feeling. I hope we gave you some company. This weekend I felt just like you did. I just felt uncomfortable all weekend, it was a jarring and frustrating feeling. I just had moments of wanting to burst into tears all weekend.  Hugs to you. I hope today is little bit better.

 

On 2/13/2016 at 5:12 PM, Gwenivere said:

I feel defeated to and that gets old day after day.  People all around me are living life.  Someone I know is seeing Star Wars today in 3D and IMAX.  She is so excited.   I forget what it feels like.  My biggie is going to bed saying I made it thru another day.  Would love to feel some connection to these fun things life offers.  Maybe some day.

Ugh! This would have been me and my sister for sure. We used to go to IMAX a lot (Well, sort of a lot since it was $20 per person) but it is something I know I will never do again because I don't know anyone who would want to. Reading this made me so sad. I hate not having these kinds of things to look forward to.  I also remember this excitement. Never Again.

I had a friend message me on FB asking where I've been. I just told her I can't take seeing the peppy status updates. I used to be addicted to facebook and loved the silly status updates, posting pics and stuff. Now it all means nothing and it's not fun anymore.

Not to mention, I won't present a 'fake' happy me on Facebook so my "friends" can think I'm all good now. My friend said "oh I'm sorry you're still grieving" she is a sweetheart, but the way she said it is just how people think "still grieving" yep, sure am. I've been on there in the past posting personal things and get no replies, yet I know they are all sitting there reading and being nosy. I kinda miss FB because it was a part of what made me happy, but I know people just want to read your business, they don't really feel sad for you.

[Gwenivere]

18 hours ago, scba said:

I am through year two and although the pain is not as frequent and intesne as before, the question of how am I supposed to live life to its fullest is my new companion in grief. 

So much talk about finding friends and companions.  Going on 16 months and it feels like my 'best' friend is grief.  I don't like having a best friend I hate.  It's a selfish friend not wanting me to enjoy anything and always reminding me why.  As the saying goes....with friends like that, who needs enemies?

[kayc]

Oh Gwen,

I'm sorry you have a friend that isn't.  I just lost my friend that returned from AK.  Seems she wasn't so much.   I miss having someone I can just talk with.  I have my sisters for that, thankfully.  My kids have their own lives.

Hollowheart,

To the "friend" that would say, "Oh I'm sorry you're still grieving" (as if it's a surprise!), I would say, "There isn't an expiration date of grief, unfortunately."

[Guest Janka]

8 hours ago, kayc said:

I just lost my friend that returned from AK.  Seems she wasn't so much.   I miss having someone I can just talk with.  I have my sisters for that, thankfully.  My kids have their own lives.

My dear Kay!

I´m sorry!She wasn´t the true friend.You deserve someone who can treat you as well as you do.I know how it feels.There were those who treated me like a good friend and whose I relied on,but at the moment I wanted them to be here for me,they "changed coats" and told me that they have no time to make friends.It hurt but it really wasn´t worthy of that,so I broke them off.They became "dead branches of the tree which already can´t become green anymore".Some person here told me that it´s a human nature,but I don´t agree,because the true friends never let you down.As I said,I can forgive but never forget.They´re really not worthy of that.I let them go.It´s a problem of their conscience,not mine;I did my best.You also did your best,Kay and deserve more as well.

The true friends never let you down.

Hugs from Janka

[hollowheart]

On 2/16/2016 at 6:47 AM, kayc said:

Oh Gwen,

I'm sorry you have a friend that isn't.  I just lost my friend that returned from AK.  Seems she wasn't so much.   I miss having someone I can just talk with. 

This is what I miss more than I can say!! I have my Ma around, and while I'm happy and grateful I have her, I miss the kind of companionship and conversations I got with my sister. It's just not the same with my Ma and at times it aggravates me because I know she won't get certain things. It's just horrible.

As far as friends in general, I just feel like giving up on them. There is one that keeps in contact and is very nice. We try to make time to talk on the phone to each other, so that is nice. I'm happy for that. But anyone else makes me tired.

On grief being your best friend, I can relate to that. What angers me the most about my "new best friend" are all the things I had to give up that I enjoyed. Sure I didn't HAVE to give them up, but they are no fun to do alone and it would just remind me of my forced loneliness. It upsets me that I will basically be miserable the rest of my life because I had to eliminate so much.

[iheartm]

I was very lonely today, Janka. I know just how you feel. I sit in my apartment wondering what is left of my life. We were each other's world and liked it that way. Now it's all gone...

[enna]

Loneliness is part of our lives now. My heart hurts to read the pain expressed here as I remember how it was for me in my early grief. It changes.

Sharing what I did to help me with the loneliness, I felt after my Jim died. It seemed easy to distract myself during the week but on the weekends I struggled. People are usually busy with family and if you find yourself like I was alone on the weekends I knew I had to become creative with my weekends because my family was out of town.

We cannot grieve 24/7. We need an outlet. Here are a few things that helped me…

Those first months I could not read because everything I read I forgot!

I watched movies over and over again ~ movies that made me laugh as well as cry. Some days I did not even get dressed. I kept the TV on just so there was noise in the house.

I took a trip over to our arts and crafts building where I live and tried my hand in fused glass art – it didn’t turn out too good. I gathered all of Jim’s ties and started a geometric banner (this is still unfinished). I bought a piano and tried to learn basics so when I Skyped with my granddaughter we could play a song together. Her sweet comment to me was, “Grandma, have you been practicing? You aren’t very good.” She was six then. I gathered photos and created PowerPoint slideshows and iMovies.  One of the things I still do today is color using colored pencils and markers ~ a friend introduced me to a coloring book called The Secret Garden by Joanna Basford and I was hooked. I take webinars, classes and writing courses online ~ all to challenge my mind. What has gotten me to this point (almost four years without my Jim) is remembering that I have to take each day as it comes. Some days are good and some days are not and that is okay.  Each one of us will find what it is we need to do to continue our lives as best we can. We will always be lonely but that doesn’t mean that it is bad. Our lives go on. 

Anne

 

[kevin]

The question I ask myself is the degrees of Grief we individually go through.....To understand Grief we must understand love....The question I asked, What is Love......This is a very good explanation and ties into Grief

“Let me tell you what is love,” he said. His eyes moistened and sparkled a little. You could see he was thinking through his own life.

“Love is not something you find. Love is not something that finds you. Or something you fall into. If you know what is love, you don’t fall for an easy romance.

“Love is when two people who care for one another make their lives together, build a home together, cry together, laugh together, weather the storms of life together, plow through their hardships and celebrate together . . .

“. . . and then, one day, discover that life is unimaginable without the other person at their side.”

A pause. Some quiet.

 

[Guest Janka]

8 hours ago, kevin said:

“Love is when two people who care for one another make their lives together, build a home together, cry together, laugh together, weather the storms of life together, plow through their hardships and celebrate together and then, one day, discover that life is unimaginable without the other person at their side.”

My dear Kevin,

this is absolutely true and very beautifully said.

Thank you!

Hugs from Janka

[scba]

I want to join the motel group. I can cook.