JC@BTOWN Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 I lost my husband 5weeks ago this coming Saturday, we were married 28 years. I'm 49 and he was 51. It was a freak accident here on our property, I saw it happen. The accident was traumatic but not bloody or gory and I'm thankful. He died quickly which I'm also thankful for as well. I am grieving, I break mostly at night. I am joyful that I had no regrets with him on the day he died, we were happy. We had a wonderful date night the night before, fixed him breakfast that morning and 45 min later he was gone. I'm thankful for the wonderful man God gave me, I was blessed beyond belief. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 I am so sorry you lost your husband. My husband died right after his 51st birthday, it was a shock. Nights and weekends were the hardest for me, that was our time together. You have found a good place to be, safe, and lots of understanding, good people here. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 JC@BTOWN I am sorry as well for the loss of your husband as well and for the difficult journey you have now found yourself on. My wife also left at 51. Not exactly a happy coincidence and certainly not fair. Nights are indeed a hard part of the day. That is when the demons come around but after five years, not as often. I am glad you feel no regrets. I too felt no regrets but that I didn't have more time with her. I do however cherish the memories of all the wonderful things we did together in the time we had. As kayc says, there are a lot of good and helpful people here and I believe it is because they have all been married to good people. And they know it. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 Know this is the last place anyone of us wanted to come. Glad it is here. We share the pain, and any breakthroughs. A lot of good people from so many places. Pain of loss knows everyone. Keep posting. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC@BTOWN Posted March 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 thank you all... We have our two children that still live at home, they are 24 and 26 and having them both home is actually a blessing right now. The first few weeks after the accident, the kids wouldn't leave me alone and they were stuck to me like glue. I had to tell them that there are times I need to be alone and they need to go about their day to day routine as well as I do. They have eased up and are starting to leave me alone for longer periods of time, I would never burden them. We live on 3 acres and my son is there to help and we have been conquering household duties we have never done before, such as fixing the leaky toilet and we are very proud of ourselves right now... It's just a difficult thing to process that I was once married and in the blink of an eye, I am now a single person. I was married longer than I was single. I miss him very much but I have comfort in knowing where he is and we will be together once again. Thank you all for listening... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anearia Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 JC@BTOWN Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Lars very suddenly 18 days ago. When they leave so suddenly one is left very bewildered and sort of half cheated. I am so glad that your last few days/hours were such good ones. I have found much solace and great advice on this site. I am better on my own at the mo, its when folks start asking how I am or that kinda thing that I really battle. Much strength to you and yours during this difficult time. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC@BTOWN Posted March 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 Oh Anearia, I am so sorry for you loss. I am sorry for all of our losses. We all know we have an appointed time but when it happens, it's shocking (my opinion). 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 Anearia - It took me months before someone, anyone could look at me and say "How ya doing?" without breaking down. Now I can handle the casual greeting but if someone close asks sincerely I still start sobbing. Went out to lunch with a group of Deedo's friends the other day. Won;t make that mistake again. Had to leave the table several times. Blamed it all on my Crohn's disease but I don't think I was convincing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anearia Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 Thank you JC@BTOWN. This sounds terrible, but I am so jealous of your last few days with your man. It sounds quite idylic! You are wonderfully lucky to have been so happy- and for him to have been in such a posiive and loving frame of mind when he left. Many blessings upon your home and family. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anearia Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 chuckling to myself here...one of the first things I had to fix after Lars left also the loo! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 JC, I am glad you have your kids there with you, it really helps. My son was in the Air Force and my daughter was visiting from Fresno when George died, she never went back, she stayed with me for a few months. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 JC, so sorry for your loss and all our losses......yes, those that remain with us, as my adult son has, are a huge help. The first year, I was not very functional and he helped keep me going some. And I have a new normal which is pretty much "whatever" most of the time...it keeps me more at peace just to surrender it all. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC@BTOWN Posted March 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 I have my ups and downs but I have a heart full of peace. Our marriage was in a good place, the kids were in a good place with their dad and I couldn't ask for anything more. Sadness? of course but I have peace and that helps me to smile every day and recall the wonderful 29 years we had. do I cry? yep, mostly at night but that's ok, it apart of the process (I guess). As my husband was dying, I hopped up on the tractor with him and told him over and over "I love you", he knew.... One of my husband sayings was "it is what it is" and I know that's what he is saying right now "Julie, it is what it is, so don't get bogged down and crumble"... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anearia Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 One of Lars' favourite saying was ''Good things come to those who wait...''' That one sure dont fly in current circumstances.... I did have a breakthrough of sorts this week-wanted to mention it earlier but forgot. After Lars left, I couldnt remember what he used to call me. not at all. but i woke up in the middle of the night on Sunday remembering ''Pumkie'' as in Pumkin, He called me Pumkie. I miss him so much. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 That's kind of a take on Lamentations 3:25, something Abe Lincoln used to quote. They say it's mostly true but I'm not so sure it's applicable to terminal illness or death. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 JC@BTOWN, I just want to say how very sorry I am you had to find us and I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad your children are a blessing to you and giving you some peace of mind. To lose a loved one so suddenly puts you in this surreal space that you almost can't believe you are in. I"m still in shock months later. I hear about horrible things on the news and wonder how those people cope and now I am one of those people and it is torture. Thank you for sharing. There are a lot of good people here and talking is like comfort food, so I hope we can help. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC@BTOWN Posted March 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 I am sorry for your loss as well. I never hit a place that this felt "surreal". I take that back, the first two days I was like that and maybe it only lasted that long because I was there when it happened and I knew he was gone, so maybe that's why I only had that feeling of "this isn't happening or WTH just happened" for a short period of time.. I also don't know how I managed to keep myself from being hysterical when it happened. I was very upset and shaken but once emergency people were there, I stood back with my kids and we prayed and watched them work on him but in my heart, I knew it was too late. you see so many people on TV, whether it be on a movie or news that flip out and are beyond hysterical and that just wasn't me. I was crying and feeling the emotions of what was happening but I wasn't hysterical. Now my daughter who ran up on the scene got hysterical and her brother had to grab her and the emergency workers had to have a talk with her and make sure she was ok but once they told us "he's gone", her little switched flipped into a mode that was totally my husband "ok, now this is what we need to take care of and what we need to do and these are the calls we need to make"... I am proud of both of those kids... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted March 14, 2016 Report Share Posted March 14, 2016 JC, condolences for your loss and welcome to the board. Surreal or Twilight zone it was different feeling......When friends and family talked to me they knew something wasn't right because I appeared too calm......I was told that is common for most of us, it is trauma or shock, later it hits ,and that is when the support is needed......I think it had to be two /three weeks before it actually set in and forty days to kinda right the ship.......not looking forward to ever have to go through those early days of Grief again.... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC@BTOWN Posted March 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2016 Thank you Kevin. This is a tough road to go down and I know it's a long road, a long process and for me it's a second by second and day by day process. Most days are doable but Sunday was not a good day for me and I expect to have many of those but I also expect I will have many doable days yet to come... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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