Struggling with doubt

[Dew's Girl]

I apologize if this is offensive to anyone.  I know religion is very personal.  Please delete if it's a problem.  I just needed to make a confession.

The only thing that keeps me going, keeps me putting one foot in front of the other each day, is the thought of joining Daniel again after I die.

I'd never admit it aloud outside of this place but I struggle every day to convince myself that is true.

So many people believe different things about what happens after we die and religions teach differing philosophies. We can' all be right.

Daniel wasn't my first husband.  What if that means I'm stuck in eternity living with the short mistake I made when I was 17? What if we all return to the source of life (God) and heaven is a metaphor? What if we don't take memories from this world into the next?  What if there is no "next"?

Every night I go to bed and tell Daniel that I hope this is the night we are rejoined.  My heart believes that this will happen when I pass on.  But logic and thought during the day keeps tormenting me with these questions.

I so envy those whose certainly provides them peace.

[MartyT]

Amy, my dear, what you've shared is not in the least offensive ~ and I can assure you that the spiritual doubts you've shared are so common in grief as to be nearly universal. This questioning of everything we were taught to believe in ~ or whatever we thought was true ~ gets blown to bits when the person we loved so dearly is taken from us.

I don't know if you've ever read A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, but I think it's one of the finest examples of this struggle with faith in the face of significant loss ~ especially since the author was himself such a noted teacher and writer who used philosophy and logic to support the tenets of his Christian faith.

I have no answers to the questions you are asking, Amy, except to assure you that you're not alone in your search. You might find this article helpful: Religion and Spirituality in Grief   ♥

[kayc]

Amy, if there was even a slight chance I'd be stuck with the guy I married at age 17, I'd make sure I went to hell instead of heaven, because he'd turn it into one!  C.S. Lewis is indeed a good recommendation, and I hope you'll give it a read, I think it'll help.

George is my soulmate and whatever else I do in life is nothing compared to my life with him...no God, no matter how you view it, could stick me with any other after having known George, we belong together.  The Bible does say that things are different in heaven than they are here, so life as we know it may differ but it will be good, of that I have no doubt, it will no longer have the limitations that we are used to here, it will transcend anything we've known.  I so look forward to being with George again and discovering all that awaits us!  

[Gin]

Amy,. I have been plagued with this, also.  Al was married before me for 40 years.  I also had been married before.  We both felt that we were soul mates and so grateful we finally found each other.  Maybe his other wife wants to be with him as badly as I do? I have read so many books, but still have so many concerns!

Gin

[kayc]

Most people who get divorced are so for a reason, and usually once one of them has remarried, if there was hope or longing for reunification, that pretty much polishes it off.  I wouldn't worry unduly about it, it's more about both of you wanting to be together and since there's neither male nor female nor marriage in heaven (as Christianity depicts it), that's not a concern...besties are always besties.

[KATPILOT]

Amy if you read this I hope it brings you some comfort. Kathy wasn't my first marriage either but she was the ONE. Sometimes we find ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. It happens. Faith is a funny thing. If you hope, want, and believe in something that you can't touch hear or see, that would be called faith. Without faith, we are lost. WE all believe in something. I believe with no doubt that I will be with Kathy again. We both believed that from day one. With so many religions in this world and with so many beliefs in the afterlife, this was ours. I don't believe in organized religion but I got my step mom to church on Sundays because her faith compelled her to do so. Her belief in the afterlife had no place for her to be with my father. She would be with God and all would be wonderful. I liked that in her. She believed and kept her faith. I have a funny feeling that heaven for her was real and is real. Just not mine. I remain close friends with my ex wife but that's all it is. I don't have to imagine I will be with her for eternity. I have a place to go that's right for me. I have a faith that I will find Kathy again and I'm not talking physical. I'm talking spirit cause the body is flat out left behind. You struggle trying to convince yourself. Perhaps you might consider letting go of that struggle and just allow yourself to believe. I hope you find a time when you don't lie in bed hoping that night is the time you will join him. Daniels not going anywhere. Death is forever. Rather than hope to rush, let yourself LIVE to be with him. Life has more to offer dear one. I think Daniel would like to see you live it.

And one more thing to ponder as you fear living with a mistake made years ago. If it had not happened that way, you would never have met Daniel. Everything that happens in our lives lead us to where we were, at the right place at the right time.

Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.

[Margm]

Well heck, two of Billy's old girlfriends are where ever he is.  Hmmmmmmmmmmm

[Margm]

8 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

Perhaps you might consider letting go of that struggle and just allow yourself to believe.

I love that Steve.

[Gwenivere]

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

Well heck, two of Billy's old girlfriends are where ever he is.  Hmmmmmmmmmmm

But he didn't marry them, Marg.  Big difference!