R.Everit55 Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 My Mary was the most beautiful human being I ever met. From that day in college in 1981 when I saw her and said hi. I idolized her. She was a pillar of strength and humbleness. She was so knock out gorgeous. I couldn't believe my eyes. When she spoke to me my heart beat raced. We fell in love so easily. I remember our first embrace. Our first kiss. I ask myself why did I wait eight years to marry this most perfect princess. We had Allen in March of 1988. We married April 30 of 1989. It was the most beautiful amazing day of my life. SHE made it perfection. I would never ever have imagined her body being overtaken by such an angry disease as ALS was. I HATE THAT MONSTROUS DISEASE! While I have the most beautiful memories of my bride. I also have the horrible memories of what the disease stole from her slowly one thing after another. I never imagined there would be a day I wouldn't hear her voice anymore or hear her say I love you. But I didn't need to hear her. I looked in her eyes up until she died Jan 9, 2015 and our hearts spoke. I don't know when I will start to forget the loving memories of her. I imagine sometime it may happen. I thank god I have my family with me. Our son and DIL and two grandsons and granddaughter. Because some here live alone. And don't have anyone. I have to say I'm the lucky one. 34 yrs together. I'm the lucky one to have had a beautiful amazing loving bride and very best friend in Mary. I am the lucky one. Even when my heart is breaking I'm still the lucky one. Butch 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 Your story is heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. I think you both were lucky. I always said I was the lucky one. My husband was so good to me and for me. We would shake our heads when I told him about other women who would constantly complain about their husbands. I would say that 'mine was the best, I'm so lucky to have him'. It is hard living without him and especially seeing those same women complaining about their husbands. I still feel like I was/am the lucky one to have had him in my life from childhood through 36 years of marriage. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 You have every reason to hate ALS, Butch, and their misdiagnosing in the beginning didn't help, how many times that happens. I guess it wouldn't have changed anything to know except you didn't get much time to adjust mentally and then she was gone. Your family is very special to me, you are amazing people and haven't deserved what life's handed you, but you get up with grace. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 I would love to be angry at the Drs for misdiagnosing Mary but as you said Kay it would not have changed the outcome. I would have just had more time to prepare. But there really is no preparing for to lose the love of your life. I am glad I can come here and write when I get the need to say how much she meant to me and what a beautiful person my wife was. I don't find words often but when I do I come here. Thank you both for listening. Butch 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 She sounded like an amazing person I am sure she felt lucky for having you , you both brought joy to each other. I was lucky for my husband he loved me unconditionally when I didn't deserve it. We were all truly lucky and blessed to have our soulmates. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty65 Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I'm not sure Butch you will ever forget the loving memories... in fact, I highly doubt it... I'm just hoping for all of us that they will get less heart wrenching as the years go by... maybe more heart-hugging? I tell at least one story or little snippet about Ron every day when I'm at the shop. Today, my chef was talking about drinking milk, and I laughed, smiled, and cried when saying how the only way Ron would drink milk was with ice. It hurts to do that, more than they know, but I HAVE to... to keep him close. I don't imagine I'll ever stop doing that. I just hope it doesn't hurt as much as it does now. It's not like the thoughts aren't there anyway, why not get them out, right? (((hugs))) Patty 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Something to note: We tend to think about the sad times surrounding the death of our spouse and I understand why. What we don't do often enough and hopefully will more as time passes is remembering happy moments in their lives like times that made us laugh or a memory of something terrific they did for us. What you describe Patty that you do in the shop every day is what I'm talking about. Sad or happy memories keep them close but we have to make an effort to remember a happy time when sad times come so easily but I do know you can't force this one when grief is new and raw. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 2 hours ago, KATPILOT said: Something to note: We tend to think about the sad times surrounding the death of our spouse and I understand why. What we don't do often enough and hopefully will more as time passes is remembering happy moments in their lives like times that made us laugh or a memory of something terrific they did for us. What you describe Patty that you do in the shop every day is what I'm talking about. Sad or happy memories keep them close but we have to make an effort to remember a happy time when sad times come so easily but I do know you can't force this one when grief is new and raw. It's difficult to do that with how my Mary died. I never forget how ALS stole every little things from her. And never stopped. But I do try to recall how it never stole her spirit and love for me our son and our grandsons. She didn't have to be able to speak to know she loved and adored us. Until her last second on this earth. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I hear what your saying Butch and I see how I have sounded a little insensitive not thinking beyond my own little four month battle with what took Kathy and I by surprise. I'm sorry my friend. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Oh no I wasn't arguing with you. I am sorry if I came across as such. I'm not wording things right. I'm discombobulated since my moms passing. Forgive me. ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I don't word things right myself Butch. I know! We can forgive ourselves, okay? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Absolutely my friend! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I think we are a pretty good bunch. Sometimes the pain might make us "bite" but we always bounce back and appreciate each other again, and understand. And sometimes what felt like a bite was really a hug, and we realize that too. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 It can be sometimes difficult in reading words without hearing them if that makes sense. But we all love each other here for sure. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 My cousin was a teacher at college, PhD in English. After she retired, she just "let it all hang out." Now she does not teach it or write it either. But, sometimes when we forget to put a comma between some things, they say completely different things.. Since I quit typing medical reports, I forgot how to spell medical words, and do not care. Now my sister, she is something else. Billy's obituary was put in our county newspaper with his picture. People loved it. I just plain old countrysized it. She did not want it put in the city newspaper until she had rewritten it. So, it was not put in the city newspaper. But guess what.....July 20th, on his birthday, he will have his countrysized obituary placed in his memory in the big city newspaper. Billy would love that, the fact that it did not have to be proper English. As an addendum, lately when I write the word "mail" I always put "male." Another short circuit in my brain. And as another addendum, she informed me she was going to write Mother's. Hey, she has been her caretaker for so long, I don't know the woman anymore anyhow. But, she is my mom, and give or take, good or bad, the apple probably didn't fall far from the tree. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Billy and I have the same birthday! Last year Al was here on my birthday. Not very healthy, but here. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 I didn't think you all said anything wrong, your experiences are just different, that's all. All of our experiences are hard, we can't compare, they're just unique. Discombobulated? Didn't think I could even spell it! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Gin, I am glad we never celebrated very much on the special days. We usually had cake, cards, but nothing big. Billy and I both had got into the habit that if there was something we wanted, we just would get it and call it birthday present. July 3rd would have been our 55th and it seems like only yesterday. We did not have pictures but had a full church. He sold his handgun to pay the preacher. Times sure were lean but his mom fixed the best pinto beans, fresh onions, cornbread and tea so we never went hungry and we would fish nearly every evening in the summer and that old Dorcheat Bayou provided a lot of bass for us. Him and his dad would put out set-hooks for catfish. Just plain old southern eating. Wish I could do it all over again. Don't even want to acknowledge a month of October this year at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Billy and Al both died in October. I will tear that month off the calendar, also. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 I don't know why but I used to dislike April.. That is when my dad passed away, and Billy's dad too, I think. But October was one of my favorite months, the leaves are usually so beautiful. I will be in my apartment and will not even go up to Bodcau or any of the forests to look for them at all. I'm sorry we both lost them in October, and all people born on July 20th must be wonderful people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 I will be thinking of you on Sunday, Marg. Okay, you all can tear October off the calendar, but not until after my birthday (7th), okay? I expect chocolate cake! October is hard for me too now, not only because I don't have George to celebrate my birthday with (it's lost most of its luster) but also our anniversary is in October and it is worse than a slap in the face that we waited our lifetimes to find each other, just to lose each other all too soon. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Maybe all this hurting will make the reunion only sweeter. I have to believe that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 On June 30, 2016 at 5:05 PM, Marg M said: ...But guess what.....July 20th, on his birthday, he will have his countrysized obituary placed in his memory in the big city newspaper. Billy would love that, the fact that it did not have to be proper English... Marg, I loved this post about the obituary. I never wrote one for my dad. My younger sister, the extreme narcissist, not to be confused with my older sister the moderate narcissist, offered to help me write one. I said, No thank you, but meant, "*#@^*, NO! And get the *%#&* away from me!" I was far to overwhelmed to even think about doing this, but felt that I was the only person on the planet who could do it. And then I thought it was too late. But I run across people who knew him and don't know he is gone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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