Getting rid of old drugs

[Gin]

My husband Al has been gone for 3 months and his several boxes of his many, many drugs have been on his dresser all this time.  Today I took the first step and got rid of one box.  He sorted them every Saturday for the week.  He was so careful doing this.  I hated to do it, but it was a start.  I was going to start on his clothes, but this was easier.

[Margm]

Well Gin, I got rid of all Billy's healthy protein drinks that he had a whole shelf filled with.  Guess he won't need them anymore.  That did not hurt too bad.  Changing trucks with my son nearly killed me though.  Clearing out all Billy's stuff really got to me.  I am not ready to get rid of his clothes.  Heck, I'll wear them.  Can you see me at 5 feet wearing a man's clothes that was 6'2-3 inches?  Well, I can sleep in them anyhow.  Not getting rid of them.  Not ready yet.

[Guest]

Anything medical, pumps, medicines, syringes, adaptive equipment, all of it, was the first to go.  The last thing I wanted to see was anything that reminded me of the last weeks, of the cancer, of the treatments.  Everything was gone within twenty-four hours.  Haven't regretted it since.

[Margm]

I did not keep anything medical of Billy's but his remaining 50 morphine pills.  I got rid of everything pertaining to his illness, except I drink the Boost and Ensure that I had bought for him.  He couldn't, and I bought a lot of them.  They help a lot when your just not hungry.  I cannot take pain pills because of the ruptured colon.  Kind of like having Crohn's disease, can only take certain medicines and can only eat certain things.  Don't know why I keep them..  

[Gwenivere]

The very first thing I did was clear out all medical supplies in the house.  It was a weekly ritual to fill pill boxes too.  I did keep pain meds.  But all the other stuff went.   I was able to find a place to donate catheters and sterile supplies.  His bedside table is so barren now, not that I cared for the stuff.  It was a good thing to do and the easiest because if the reminders.  One step at a time, Gin.  What you feel you can handle.  

[WolfsKat]

I went through my husband's meds as well. Did that early on. Kept the pain meds and the meloxicam. He had about 15 sealed Symbicort inhalers, I gave those to a friend with COPD.....he has a prescription, but had been doing without since the cost was too high for him. That would've made Connor happy, to help another out.....he was a very caring person. And to throw them out seemed wrong when I knew someone could use them.....some drugs are expensive....too expensive for some to manage to buy!

[kayc]

For some of you who still have their clothes, you might consider taking them to a quilter so they can make a quilt out of them, maybe even a couple (one for a child?).  I wish I'd heard of that before I donated his clothes to Sponsors, but at least I did with them what I felt he would have wanted.  It would have been nice to have had a quilt of "him" though.

I hear you, I will never ever forget each of those steps...picking up his car from the doctor's office after he died (he'd gone by ambulance to the hospital) was really hard.  Cleaning it out to sell it (I had to for financial reasons) was really tough.  But the hardest was his trailer that he'd lived in during the week while he was working...every ounce of it was HIM!  It had the wooden holder for his mail, it had the snoopy contact paper in the cupboards I'd put in for him to brighten his day.  It had his personal belongings, everything about it was him.  I cried anguished wails that could be heard down the street when I cleaned this out!  I felt under pressure to do it because I wanted to give it to my coworker that detailed and sold his car for me at a premium price, so he could use it with his family beginning that summer.  Looking back, it was just way too soon and I wish I'd had someone with me to go through it all with me.  Doing it alone was way too hard.

[Margm]

I don't know Kay.  I am at a stage in this process that I don't want anyone sorting out or touching his "stuff."  And, I can get mean.  Kind of like a snarling dog, my family has learned to let me alone on some things.  Trading trucks yesterday was the thing to do.  I have never had anything but smaller cars and we were a two vehicle family.  I would never have thought to drive his truck until we became a one vehicle family and at this "country" home in the city a truck was the most important.  My son and Billy both fussed at me for driving on the ditch side of the road, but it was because I could not see the line good because of that hump in the hood of the Toyota.  Billy, after I got very ill, he wanted me to  quit driving period..  I am glad I did not let him take that part of my independence away.  Had a few bad days lately, but I will bounce back.  Have to.  

[MartyT]

Marg, I love your spunk and determination! (I am 4'8" ~ my students used to call me Mighty Mouse) ♥  

[hollowheart]

Kay, I'm giving you a virtual hug! I'm sorry you had to do so many things so soon. You would think you'd be doing it in just some sort of Zombie daze, but that's not always the case. I know cleaning out his trailer was tormenting. Knowing me I would have dumped everything in a box and dealt with it later. I know that would have been hard too.

I still can't go into my sisters apartment. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I have to clean it out, I feel like throwing up thinking about it. I think I will just have someone put it all into boxes and put it into storage. She shopped and bought so much stuff. We have thousands of DVD's between us as we are big movie fans. I will keep some of her clothes but can't bring myself to give any of her things away. It feels like I'm losing her doing that. I want to keep everything.

[Guest Janka]

11 hours ago, kayc said:

For some of you who still have their clothes...

Dear Kay,

the clothes of my beloved Jan it´s something that stays with me for the rest of my days.I put it in the bag in my bedroom.His jacket yet stays hanging up bedside.I use to tell him that it´s waiting for him to come to do not have a cold then.I know that it can put a smile on his beautiful face talking to him like this.

Janka

[kevin]

After reading a couple of posts on clothing and personal belongings I looked around the bedroom./.....still have two purses on the bed posts, pj's still in one of the drawers, whole bunch of Lady garments, jewellery boxes, and all kinds of perfumes..........and under the bed is another treasure chest...This will take another few months, and no big rush, or should there be a rush.....

[Guest]

No Kevin there should not be a rush.  There is a time for everything including when to move things out of the house.  Circumstances dictated I move Deedo's valley clothes in September and I took the opportunity to clean out both of our Pinetop closets at the same time so most but not all of her clothes are gone.  The jewelry, perfumes, stuffed animals still adorn the house and will for quite some time as they do give me comfort, sometimes tears but generally comfort.  There are reminders of Deedo on every wall, every door, everywhere I look.  They will be here always, or at least until I decide I need to say goodbye; for now I don't see that happening.  So again my friend....no rush; only when you're ready.

[kayc]

No Kevin, no rush.  Take your time.  Some people choose not to get rid of anything.  Some do a little here, a little there.  My neighbor's wife has been gone about 13 years and he didn't get rid of anything until this year, he probably never will deal with all of it, that's okay too.  

I still have stuff of George's, it's been 10 1/2 years he's been gone.  Some I gave to my son.  Some I donated to Sponsor's, a favorite cause of his.  Some is still here and will remain here.  That's okay too.

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, kevin said:

This will take another few months, and no big rush, or should there be a rush.....

Oh my, heavens no!  I did things when it hit me to do it and it felt OK.  And that was I early grief.  Now I have no urges to do anything with stuff I had planned to.  It has to feel like the 'right' time.  And as others said....some things will stay forever.

[Lindork]

On January 13, 2016 at 4:58 AM, kayc said:

For some of you who still have their clothes, you might consider taking them to a quilter so they can make a quilt out of them, maybe even a couple (one for a child?).

That is a great idea, when I decide I am ready to look through his things.

[Gwenivere]

4 hours ago, kevin said:

This will take another few months, and no big rush, or should there be a rush.....

Oh my, heavens no!  I did things when it hit me to do it and it felt OK.  And that was I early grief.  Now I have no urges to do anything with stuff I had planned to.  It has to feel like the 'right' time.  And as others said....some things will stay forever.

[KATPILOT]

This has always been a tough subject on many levels. First comes the disturbing fact that they represent such a painful time of the illness that took them from us. For me cancer treatment required several drugs to counter the side effects of chemo, radiation, and pain. I hated looking at them and tried to dispose of them in a proper fashion. It used to be easy years ago to take them someplace to be enviornmentally friendly. Today they make it much harder but not impossible. I was disturbed because I was left with a lot of blood thinner injections that were extremely pricy but could not be returned for someone else to use. They had to be destroyed.  Second was just having medications in my home was not comfortable for me as I only have vitamins and aspirin and don't like stuff in the medicine cabinet just getting old. Thirdly and most disturbing was how I kept the pain killers in case I could come up with the courage to take the whole bottle which crossed my mind many times during those first horrific months. That of course was the darkest time of my life to date and I needed to get them out of my house badly.  Oh yeah, I wanted to be with her that much.......but thankfully it didn't pan out.

The one thing I do is keep the things that have happy memories. Most of the clothes are all gone now save for her wedding dress and the dress she was wearing when I first met her. I like to look at those every once in awhile and they bring a smile to my face before a tear to my eye. My six year old triplet granddaughters love to go though her jewelry drawer and put things on and it tickles me to see them doing that. I'm five years now and I see things differently. The triggers of her stuff no longer gets to me because the joy of the memory comes first. Actually, I guess you could call them happy triggers. It just took time, a lot of time, but I have to say that I sure am glad I kept some of those things. I was lucky enough to even have her baby book that her mom kept as well as her yearbooks, photographs, and so many other things, and that pleases me to read not lamenting on the past but appreciating the person she was. I've learned more about her than I ever knew. So if you have any doubts, stick them away out of site and see what happens later. As my good friend who was like my Jewish mother would say, "It couldn't hurt".

[kayc]

I agree with everything you said and have found it totally true also.

[Margm]

I kept the pain pills too.  My neighbor widow told me to get rid of them.  The pain was so bad at first I formulated a plan.  In Arkansas you can get so far out in  the woods you won't be found, except by hunters.  But, that would cost too much to look for me.  My daughter had the state police looking for us once because she could not get in touch with us.  And I have too many people that I would hurt.  Also, my religious convictions are so foggy, I might not be with Billy, and when the foggiest fog let up, I gave up that notion anyhow.  I still have them, but I hid them.  Could have just thrown them away.  My memory will not tell me where I hid them.  Actually, with health a precarious thing and as of today we have lost a bunch of famous people to cancer, the most famous in my life was Billy, but it is something I don't have hopes of them finding a magic cure for every stage.  They cured me, but years later the cure might kill me, but it won't be blamed on cancer.  I am alone now.  "The sun is out, the sky is blue, there's not a cloud to spoil the view, but......."  And, I finally remembered that came from "Raining in My Heart" by Buddy Holly, many, many moons ago.