niamh

I'm sorry Jim can't talk to you about it Kay. I think grief can be possibly "harder" for some males to talk about. I had a friend who came into my life towards the end of last year, he lost his Mom 4 years ago ..........I thought, at last, someone in real life who will be able to relate to me. Unfortunately I was wrong, he told me that he has not dealt with losing his Mom and has the idea that grief is just simply negative thinking, tears a sign of weakness etc. I tried initially to explain it but we just think so differently on it so eventually I just stopped talking about it . I had no choice but to respect his decision much as it saddened me ..........while I know I could not take away his pain, I could have just kept him company on this lonely road. But I knew I couldn't push, it's not for me to force anything. Unfortunately as time went on I had to hide my grief from him and we've had some real heated discussions about it all, haven't seen or heard from him in a couple of months now, the 15 month mark for me hit me pretty bad and I couldn't hide anything and when I tried to talk to him it all blew up on me. I hope someday Jim will be able to talk to you about it, I think we all know on this site how much it means to have people relate, have people who can listen without judgement. wishing you lots of peace and comfort Niamh

I know it's easy to say Tom but no matter what you did even if you could turn back time it would not matter,I know it's so hard but this is not personal,it is nothing you've done wrong,nothing you've said or didn't say,don't mean this to sound bad but it's nothing to do with you at all. The only way things could still be ok is if you could have saved her Dad which is an impossibility anyways. I know of course it feels personal and you are hurt. It takes time to even realise and understand what grief is for anyone who is slapped with it,it's not something we are born knowing about. So it will probably take time for Fern herself to grasp what's happening to her,with her emotions and feelings so until she is aware herself it's almost impossible to talk and explain to someone else. It took me time,time alone,time reading and trying to make sense of the chaos going on.....it was only then i could "explain" my behaviour to friends.and there was nothing anyone could do to speed up that process,no matter what they did I had to learn and grasp this myself. Try not to take it personally if she doesn't reply to your email,there's many I've ignored because I simply had no words. As always wishing things will turn out good for you N

I'm sorry things are so tough cat_lady, i too feel like that sometimes that nobody at all cares, the one person who did is not here anymore & so much seems so pointless to me these days, I think deep down I know people do care but it's not the unconditional love that Erin mentions too so I find it frustrating and as you say gets so magnified so somedays I feel like there is not a single person who truly cares. I lose my patience so easily, sometimes i feel like a little child wanting to throw a complete tantrum, the smallest thing can set me off but it's never that issue itself, it's always the bigger picture of just wanting & needing my Dad. I do know the one "good" thing is that I am aware of all this, so now when things hit to that extent, get blown up in my mind, it's just a case of riding out that rollercoaster and hanging on tight. sending you a big ((hug)) and lots of peace and comfort, Niamh

maybe "educated" guesswork Tom but not being able to talk to you is possibly because of how in her face it is for all that she has lost ............the one man who would do anything for her no longer here, no boyfriend/partner/husband can provide what a father does, possibly the fear of having another male in her life which doesn't come with any guarantees (no matter how much you tell her you love her, will be there etc, there is an intense fear for a girl losing a father she's close to and nobody can ever provide that same level of security). There's also possibly a fear of losing yet another male person that she was or could be somewhat dependant on .....so it's "easier" to stay away for now..........no expectations, no disappointments. Also the future possibilities with you..... marriage/family etc .........all things her Dad was supposed to be here for, sometimes when we lose someone we don't only lose that person, we lose our entire future as we "planned" it or hoped for, every dream can be lost because nothing in the future will be what it was supposed to be now. In some sense girlfriends or just friends may not fully represent a girls dreams in life .....if marriage and family are something someone had hoped for ......but a boyfriend does represent that possiblity. For me personally right now I cannot even fathom the concept of marriage for myself because it would have been something so special to be shared between my Dad & me, I don't know how I could do it without him, for now it's an overwhelming fear to think of it. as always wishing you much peace Tom, Niamh

hi Amy, what about just writing to your Mom..... I'm sure once you get pen to paper it will simply flow out of you. sending you lots of comfort, birthdays are so hard. Niamh

hi princesspeanut, I'm sorry for the guilt you feel. While I cannot really relate to wishing you had done more with your Dad, I can relate so much to you wondering what he thinks now and is he disappointed. I too wonder so much, I've changed so much since losing my Dad and sometimes I have to do things for me and me alone without worrying about anyone else and I wonder if my Dad thinks i'm selfish now, if I am disappointing him with some of my actions and behaviour. yet at the same time I think he's got to be proud of me, for simply surviving this long without him. Somehow I think all our Dad's are truly proud of each of us, our bonds are so special and we are all here trying to get through every day as best we can. You're not crazy at all hun, I know, some of the new me, I get mad with, I feel like I'm being a disappointment, but then other parts make me feel proud and I'm pretty sure my Dad too. You know I often wish my Dad were here even if it was to be mad at me for doing something, wishing he was here even if just to tell me off .........anything at all, just to have him here. try to be gentle with yourself, grief is such chaos and I think you just gotta hang on tight when that rollercoaster gets bumpy throwing you all over the place. ((hugs)) and peace to you, Niamh

hi Nicholas I too agree with Carol Ann and mfh, I really don't think someone can "wallow" in grief, it is painful, it is miserable and you feel whatever you feel for how ever long you do and nobody can say there is something wrong with it. You are doing so much already, working, coming here talking with everyone, making yourself go out as you say. Nothing at all wrong with going in your son's room or doing anything that makes you cry. My thinking is nothing can really make one even more sad after they have lost someone so looking at his photos going to his website, letting those tears flow is far from wallowing, it's simply what you need to do at that time so it's good for you. Nobody knows your grief better than you do Nicholas, you are the one true expert on it so I say just go with the flow of it. sending much peace and comfort your way Niamh

Me too Erin, I still struggle with photos, I can glance a little at ones that are up and always were but I don't go through old photos or anything, in fact I have a bunch from my Dad's brother i need to get copied for myself and I still haven't even been able to do that. it's like how can my Dad just be a memory or photo now ? Sometimes I find having to tell myself that yes life was really that good, it wasn't a dream, my Dad was really and truly in this world with me but it feels somewhat dreamlike because in one sense it was so long ago (17months), I find it hard to believe that I used to be such a happy person once upon a time, all seems so far out of reach now. ((hugs)) N

hi hello123, I can relate to your fear, I'm definitely not forgetting my Dad but since he's been gone I don't know what it felt like to have him here, I no longer know what that secure feeling was like, it will never ever come back again, that I know, I will only ever be able to get a fraction of that security if even that and it will always be a temporary feeling. I remember talking to a friend who lost a parent when she was a teenager and when I asked how long it had been she could not remember how many years........that really stunned me, she was 15 or so when she lost him. Don't think I'll ever be saying "I don't know" as to when my Dad left this world & I wouldn't want to foget it either. I hate that it is just memories now, memories don't give the same feeling of having the person around, they're just not as real. I also hate all the new routines without my Dad, things I have to do because I can't do them like before when he was here, wears me down sometimes just wanting the old normality I used to have. Yep, I have a real hard time knowing how long is ahead in life without him, half my life with him, half or more than half without him, that ratio is all too wrong, we've just been cheated of so much. ((hugs)) to you Niamh

aw Shelley, I'm so sorry to hear that, I know how much she means to you, thinking of you xo

hi Sharla, It's good to hear from you hun. I'm sorry you've already had to deal with his birthday, it's horrible not being able to go shopping for a gift, a nice card. It's so true what you say about when someone is in this world how they don't occupy your mind all the time. I too have my Dad in my mind all the time........I have yet to really laugh or smile at a memory, I still can't think back ......most of the time it's still just the fact that he's not here, i can't go chat to him at dinner about our day at work. I'm sorry to hear there are some issues with you and your husband, I hope so much it will be ok. Yes losing our Dads changes us and it's very hard to deal with that change, it's not a change that we asked for, not a change we could have ever prepared for. I do miss the old me so much too, I really feel like a part of me just left that night with my Dad. I too still question God & all that. The only times I've been to church since have been for 2 funerals of people very close to close friends of mine. I did go one other time a couple of months ago with a friend .......we went to light some candles, so I went in, lit one for so many people, asked for signs and so on. Well, so much went from bad to worse for me in the weeks after that so it really didn't help my questioning of everything .........I make myself go to a church, light candles and just try and then even more stupid trivial crap landed on my lap in the weeks following. Needless to say have not been back since and even when friends are having tough time with life etc I can't even say the words "I'll say a prayer" because I won't and can't pray. I wish we had the answers to what life is all about. I have no clue why I don't get (or see) and signs or messages from my Dad either, when he was here he would have moved Heaven and Earth for me, now I wonder why he can't but I think underneath all the doubt I still have to believe that he lives on, he has to.........I think if I lost that thought with 100% certainty I'm not sure I could continue in this life. I'm sorry you also have the stress of sometimes wondering if you have cancer when you get stomach pains. I think grief can also hit us physically and I think it's logical that you would wonder and fear you have it because of the traumatic experience you had with your Dad. I know I've had times where I have felt physical pain in my chest, can get aches and pains out of nowhere, stomach pains too .........it's often at a time when I am struggling very much with needing and missing my Dad and something else is also causing stress. I didn't lose my Dad to cancer so that I can't relate to but I'm sure others here possibly can. Like you I cope a little better too, it's not easier just different, I still don't like life, still need and wish for my Dad as much as I ever did and all I can do is live with it, I know I will not ever see the day where I can say I am ok with my Dad being gone. Sending you a ton of love and a big ((Daddy girl hug)) Sharla, Niamh x

Hi Lilac I'm similar to 2sweetgirls.....I've pulled away from those i don't feel i get support from....or the support I need....everyone needs their own support....some need space at times,some need to be around people a lot more.a few of my friends have been truly amazing,I was 100% honest about what I needed and they listened and HEARD ....what I needed them not to say to me,the usual cliches and as hard as it was for them many times and still they bit their tongues and kept quiet and it meant the world to me. In some ways i do feel hurt by those I've pulled away from,maybe it's more disappointment but I don't focus on it,in the grander scheme of things it's not much hurt compared to losing my Dad and that's about as much hurt as I can deal with at the moment. I feel I have more than enough to deal with than trying to be a certain way for people,grieve the way they expect me to,deal with it the way they want me to....my focus is entirely on just doing the best I can,MY WAY,whether others like it or not. In some ways I get that many people just don't have any clue at all how to handle someone grieving and it can make things awkward.sometimes i do feel annoyed at them,other times i just resign myself to the fact that most of it is ignorance.....I don't think people in our lives intend to hurt us,not be supportive.the amount of patience and compassion needed to support someone grieving is enormous and I guess some people just don't have it or are not fully aware of what we need. I know my actions with some have hurt them too because they feel like I just abandoned them but i needed to do it for my sanity.but as I said I cant focus on that for now,I have more than enough hurt and pain trying to just get through everyday. Just know you certainly have a bunch of friends here who get it and are always here with you on this rotten road Hugs and love to you Niamh

hi Chai, (((BIG HUGS))) to you hun, I can sure relate to some of what you are feeling too. I so get the feeling of being less comfortable talking to people. I've always been very outgoing, chatty, would talk to anyone no problems. Now I cannot stand being around people I don't know, sometimes I feel like I just don't have the patience for the chit chat, who cares about the weather ya know ? I'm sorry you feel it too with those special friends though. Sometimes I have a hard time calling anyone, but for me it's more like a trust thing and fear of "rejection" (using that term lightly here), I'm afraid to ask people do meet up or do anything because of the fear of them saying no. When people do make general arrangements a lot of the time I am simply waiting for the cancellation or changing plans because I feel like I don't trust anyone anymore...........if my Dad said he would do something, he would move Heaven and Earth to do it, never let me down so I guess now that I've had the ultimate "let down" from him it makes me think everyone else will most likely end up letting me down too even with the small things so it's easier not to expect anything. I definitely get the not having anything to say to people. I've been like that quite a lot the last 2 weeks, I've had a rough 2 weeks with a funeral and family party I had to attend so they were emotionally draining. I found myself just wanting to be completely alone the last couple of weeks, wondering whether to call any friends but I didn't because I found I didn't know what to say, I had nothing to say ........I think I just so badly needed my Dad, he was the only one I wanted to talk to. Do you find the feeling of not having anything to say comes and goes or is it there all the time now ? I find it comes and goes......maybe after weeks of faking it on the outside not talking much about whats going on inside I get to the point of not wanting to talk at all because it's like I'm just all out of thoughts or there's so much in there I don't even know where to start. Do you know why you think you say things people will want to hear ........do you feel like you need support from people and you're not getting it from them? I'm so sorry for the confusion you feel. keep talking with us here Chai, hugs, love and comfort to you ! Niamh x

Anne, I am so sorry for the loss of Dick and you are so right about doing well. I just wanted to comment on something that really struck me in your posts ..............."no one can make me like it", I just love that phrase so much, we do the best we can. I know I will ever get over losing my Dad, I just live with it and that's all there is to it, some days it's too much, other days I handle it as best I can, it is what it is and I'm still on this earth so for me that in itself is pretty dam good & I just could not agree more with no one can make me like it. We all do what we have to do, we are all surviving losing our loved ones but it doesn't mean we actually like it ! So thank you for the lovely simple phrase. wishing you much peace and comfort, Niamh

hi Luna, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Mom. You've definitely come to the right place to talk about this. This site has been and still is a lifeline since I lost my Dad 16 months ago. I'm so sorry too that your Mom was sick but as you say she is your Mom and I've no doubt she adored the ground you walked on. I wish we could get the answers to our questions, I wish you could know the answer to why your Mom took her life, it's so hard not having any answers when we lose somebody, it's so frustrating. (and that's an understatement!) I too find it's the smallest thing can upset me and it's perfectly normal. When I hear people even mention their Dad not to mind stories about something their Dad did, said, helped with, it hurts so much. Of course it's upsetting to hear someone else talk to their Mom, hearing a Mom call her daughter sweetie, these are the things that people in general tend to forget after the services but it goes on everyday for us. I am glad you had a great Step-Mom and yep you are so so right, nobody can or ever will replace your Mom. I feel for you when you ask the question why ? Although my Dad passed suddenly I too have many of the same questions as you. I think maybe from reading stories about people who have died for a few seconds, come "back from the light" and all that, it makes me wonder too why didn't my Dad come back from it, was it too nice there to bother coming back to me & Mom in this cruel world. I think deep down I know it probably wasn't his choice but the questions are there and will be I think until the day I see him again. Although circumstances are different, I too think with your Mom it simply was no longer a choice she had either, absolutely nothing at all to do with you............I can't even imagine the pain for you and all I can do is hope so much that you don't blame yourself and that although you have the questions that deep down in your heart you know your Mom loved you and that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this. It's easy for someone on the outside to say that to you when they are not living with your pain and questions. I don't know what your beliefs are but my Dad always believed your time is up when it's up ........I've always believed that too but yes it's been shook to the core, wondering if I could have done more at the hospital, wondering if the hospital could have done more, should have done more. I think part of me will always think yeah if x,y,z was done my Dad would still be here and I wouldn't be living this nightmare, but another part of me does too think nothing would have changed this because his time was simply up in this life. It doesn't make any of it any easier, it doesn't give me any comfort, I think all it does is stop any guilt from truly eating away at me. I hope you will find some tiny bit of peace just sharing with us here Luna, knowing that we can relate in part to some of how you feel and what you are going through. None of us will ever know exactly how anyone else feels after losing a parent, but we can certainly relate and everything always makes sense to us in the crazy chaos of grief. sending lots of hugs, love and comfort your way Niamh

Babypod, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Grandma. I don't have children but I know how debilitating grief can be since I lost my Dad. It's so tough having to wait until end of June before you will be joining your husband, I hope that time comes fast. I completely get the feeling of you not wanting to be in a world without your Grandma, I too feel like that, the world doesn't seem right anymore to me, I feel out of place, it just all feels so wrong. I too don't know how to live in a world without my Dad and yet I have somehow managed it for the last 16months, really I have no clue how. The only thing I can suggest is to take things slowly and try not to think ahead if you can. For me that was partly all that kept me going, just focusing on the very moment I was in, knowing I really only had to get through NOW, later will take care of itself. When you have "jobs" to do, take them one at a time, one a day if you like and try to think that this is the only thing you have to do, then you can take your time out for you. So something like if you give your kids breakfast, think of that as being the only thing that needs to be done and then go spend some time in your room like you want. Like 2sweetgirls says you do need "me time", time to sit and attempt to process all of this. Grief in itself is a 24 x 7 job and when you have anything else that has to be done it's overwhelming and frustrating because your mind is alrealy FULLY OCCUIPED, no vacancies available yet at times there has to be. You are doing a great job, you are still here, still doing the best you can in the face of such a nightmare. Tiny baby steps are all you need, right now life is not the same as before so anything that would have come naturally without thought can now be such a big deal and it's completely "normal". So take your time outs during the day, it doesn't mean you are ignoring your kids, you do need to focus on your needs now aswell. Do you have any friends who could take your kids even for a little while or come over to watch them somedays and just allow you to be able to have some time alone where you don't have to be right there with them, that someone else can mind them for a bit. I wish I had the answers Babypod, I wish there were answers. I still have many times where I simply can only take this minute by minute because I don't want to be here another lifetime without my Dad, I'm so weary from it, there's SO much I want to chat to him about. So I just keep telling myself that right now is all I need to get through and block out any thoughts of the future. It can be hard to do, sometimes it happens naturally because things just become too much for me, other times I have to focus on doing it but it brings the tiniest bit of calm to me when I'm not thinking about all the time left without my Dad. Sending you a big ((hugs)) lots of comfort and peace, Niamh

hi JEM0952, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. Welcome to our online family. While none of us can take away your pain, make anything easier or better I hope you will come to realise that as alone as you feel right now you will find others here who can relate to you. We all feel and deal with it differently but coming here has made me realise that I am not the one and only person in the world feeling like I do, someone else can nod and agree and understand and it means a lot ...........makes me feel "normal" as abnormal as I feel, my life feels and the world now feels. I am so sorry too that your Grandmother said that to you and refused to let you do the eulogy .........was she your Mother's Mom ? Such a heavy load to land on you and it's far from the truth, you are not the cause of your Mom getting sick, I hope you know that. Perhaps the shock of losing her daughter so suddenly caused her to lash out and you unfortunately were the one she took it out on you, it's not an excuse for what she did but maybe just a possible reason. Do you talk with your Grandmother now, hear from her ? I'm glad your Dad is clean now, how awful for him having gone down that road. Do you have him to talk to these days ? I'm sorry your friends jumped ship right at a time when you needed them, you needed them not to give up on you and to just stick by your side. I do hate the line "call if you need anything" .........for me personally I found it hard and still do struggle to make calls to people, I still need them to be the ones to contact me for the most part. How brave of you to confront them, it's sad to hear nothing changed even though they apologised to you. I think grief scares a lot of people, especially when they have no experience of it, they don't know what to say or do so they avoid it and that's the last thing some grieving needs. I don't blame you for not being able to forgive them. For now I've lost contact with cousins who were like brothers and sisters to me all through our lives, I too am an only child. My cousins lost their Mom 5 years ago so I thought of all people they would understand but unfortunately I didn't get the type of support I needed from them and I had to pull away for now. I'm sorry you don't have any support from your Dad or Mom's family, that's just so so wrong. All I can say to you is that none of this lack of support is your fault, it's not because you want to talk about how you're feeling, because you want to talk about serious issues ........the problem is with others who do not have compassion and patience that you deserve. I hope you know that. Of course Mother's Day on Sunday is going to make you feel so emotional, it's a horrible hard day when your Mom is not here. I get feeling mad at any mention of the day, last year was my first Father's Day without my Dad. Seeing cards in shops, ads everywhere for what to buy a Dad was just so cruel and hard to see. So unfair that I couldn't go shopping for a cool gift for him. Have you ever thought about a grief support group ? I went to an 8 week one recently, only reason I went was because my Mom wanted me to go with her. It was refreshing to see someone face to face just nod when I spoke and know where I was coming from. It made me realise that I wasn't the only one in this country feeling like I did. This website has and continues to be my lifeline, I have no clue how I would have survived the last 16months without everyone here but being able to sit face to face with someone else going through it at the same time was good. Of course none of it eased my pain or hurt but there is something to be said just knowing others can relate to how you feel. Because everything you think and feel is perfectly normal...........it's not a normal we are used to, it's not a normal we wanted or chose, it was forced on us. I only wish I could clone a couple of my friends and send them to you because there are angels to me. Do you ever hear from your friends now ? I wish I had advice, I wish I had words of comfort, I wish I could guarantee everything would be ok but I can't and there just really are no real words of comfort for this nightmare. All I can do is promise that we are always here & can share with you. Sending you a big ((hug)), lots of comfort and peace hun, Niamh

I am so sorry for each of you who has also lost your Dad. Kayla, I'm an only child too, I still have my Mom, I'm so sorry you've lost your Mom aswell. I too have that feeling of being abandoned by my Dad. He never ever disappointed me or let me down when he was here ...........but now at times although I know logically it wasn't his fault or his doing but I feel like he let me down ..............and WHAT A LET DOWN, it couldnt actually be any worse. Erin, I know I still get angry too, for me I think it's simply due to the complete and utter lack of control of all this, that nothing at all I do can bring my Dad back, nothing I can do to chat to him properly. Angry that nobody explained to me why my Dad was taken from this world and why my Mom & I were left alone without him .........angry that I don't know for sure "who took him" and where he is now. I think our parents provide a security blanket in this world, no matter how old they are, no matter where we are in life, single, married, married with our own family, married with grown family & grandkids......none of it matters, a parent still provides some sense of security and losing that is scary, there's no blanket under us anymore ..........maybe just a few threads because I don't believe anyone else can provide that same level of security. I remember someone once saying to me that I still had family, I still had my Mom .......but none of that "matters" with grief, because the problem is the ONE and only person you want is not here, of course I'm grateful for my Mom & family but I simply want my Dad and nobody else can take his place, nobody can give me what he gave me so I do feel alone, empty, abandoned & scared without him. ((hugs))) to you all, Niamh

YES, YES, YES, to just know they are really there, waiting for us, still able to see us and be with us would be so good. The not knowing for sure I struggle with so much as much as I try to believe, as much as I think this "life" can't all be for nothing, there's always some level of doubt because I don't sense my Dad around, I never feel a brush/tip against me or a sense of comfort and love that would be him. All I hope is that someday we will experience something to give us that comfort ((hugs)) to you all ! Ni xox

hi Nicolas, you're very welcome. I'm sorry for the extra tough day today is, 4 months, so little time, yet a lifetime too. All I can say is no amount of research done by anyone can tell you how you "should" deal with the loss of your dear son, if you cry loads, if you cry little, the only thing I think matters is that you do what you need for YOU and there is nothing wrong with it, just because it may differ from someone else or from sample of people definitely doesn't make it wrong. sending you a comfort (hug) and a wish for peace today, Niamh

hi Nicolas, I haven't read that book you mentioned but I have read a lot over the last year and seen those so called stages rebuffed. Kuebler's initial study/interviews were actually done with those who were dying but it somehow was applied to grief and bereavement over the years, perhaps because it was one if not the first study done on anything related to death. I don't believe in any stages at all, it's all too chaotic for stages. From the moment this happened I did read about those 5 stages and they just never made sense to me, I was feeling so much more and thought I was going crazy because I had all these extra feeling in addition to those 5 stages. Thankfully after lots of reading and googling my feelings, emotions and coming here I realised I was actually normal, not losing my mind just because I wasn't fitting into these stages. I know other research over the years have put different spins on grief just like Bonanno and his trajectories. For me personally I wish people would stop trying to categorise grief, but I guess it's human nature in a way to want to have things "organised" but grief is the one thing that cannot ever be organised. I've seen first hand people trying to slot themselves into a stage of grief and struggling to do so ..........because you can't slot yourself into any specific stage, the stages are only a handful of emotions that we can feel all at the same time, or chop and change between them a matter of split seconds and when one doesn't fit into any specific stage or trajectory it can place additional pressure and worry that the bereaved really do not need. Marty posted a good article "the myth of closure" in the news section and at the end of this article is a link to another article well worth reading "The Myth of the Death, Dying and Grief." Crying I definitely believe is a good thing and always did .......emotional tears have a different chemical make up than say sting from onions or something, the contain a natural painkiller. Crying doesn't take away my pain but I feel like it gets something out of my system, at times I just feel like my entire body could just burst open with the pain and so the tears generally come and I go with it......I guess it feels like the crying stops my insides from exploding (which I know they probably couldn't anyways but sure feels like that !!) so I won't be stopping those tears anytime soon. Here's a good article on crying and tears "how crying can make you healthier". I plan to stick to my crying and my tears anyways, it's healthy and all good Niamh

yep I have felt like that, sometimes I feel like everything just snowballs and I get so worried about so many things .......in the end I actually find myself not caring .....it's like things become too much and my mind just shuts down which is probably a good thing as I stop worrying and stop caring. I try to just focus on the moment I am in, try hard to block out next week, next month etc. I just cry it out sometimes or get stuck into tv to escape from it. It's hard when all these little things that would never really have bothered me before can suddenly feel so enormous and there's nobody here to calm me down like my Dad would have, it makes me mad having to deal with all those other stresses thinking surely dealing with losing my Dad is enough, why am I given more stress. Just wish I could get a break sometimes ! ((hugs)) to you hun, Niamh

Birthday Wishes to you Cat_Lady, I know it's a real tough day. I struggle a lot with all these holidays and anniversaries now, there's always such a huge void. The simple thing of not seeing my Dad's name on a birthday card always hurts.Parents do make bdays special, the day is empty without them. I know on my birthday and my Dad's I always have one of his fav cakes, just a little "new" routine, although on my own there's still a special tie to my Dad doing this. wishing you as much peace and comfort as possible for today hun, ((hugs)) Niamh

Good for you Shelley and the most important things are the memories which will be with you always xo

I'm totally with ya Em, so sick of one way chats, I NEED so badly to get a push from my Dad, a bit of encouragement from soneone that I trust fully, that I can believe...... I feel so so weary from it all at the moment, just so sick of this world without Dad. Yep this week I feel like the weight of it all has just quadrupled, I want to run, want to sleep it all away, just want him back, just really don't know how to do this some days. ((hugs)) to you, sorry my post isn't exactly encouraging Ni xox