nats

Kay, Thank You so much...I am indeed having a good day...sitting and remembering Ruth's birthday's from past... in between the tears and smiles, I understand just how I'm really so Thankful for the time we had...and the time we have now! Peace Be With You NATS

Fae, Your welcome, I feel it's important to share these experiences, even if just one person finds comfort or an answer, I have completed what I seek to do, Help others going down this road of grief none of us wanted to travel. Happy Holidays to You Also, and Thank you for the kind words. Peace Be With You NATS Babylady, I'm pretty sure they are hanging out together and watching over you...my visits come and go...I keep an open mind and they just happen I never know when. Happy Holidays and Peace be With You. NATS

Anne, Thank you...yes it was pretty intense, but indeed nice. I hope you enjoy the Holiday season as well, we do get stronger each year but still feel the emptiness at times. You are doing well I read your posts often. Happy Anniversary, it will ALWAYS be, not would, you know me...Mr. Positive and sometimes I really wonder how I keep that attitude, but I'm pretty sure it's my faith. Peace Be With You NATS

Hello My Friends, Well today is Ruth's Birthday, I have felt the waves rolling days ahead in anticipation of today, I woke rather down but had an amazing spiritual visit with her moments after waking, in fact I had to double check if I was indeed awake. I told her Happy Birthday and felt the warmest wave surround my entire body and a comfort as if she had her arms around me, the dogs seemed to notice a presence as well as they got excited just like when she would come home from work. The tears rolled for a bit then passed rapidly, as I heard her say "Thank You for the wish, now go and have a good day", WOW, the experience left me drained but moments later I was full of energy and ready to take my day head on...I've completed my shift at work, shipped my packages, and now getting car serviced in preparation for vacation. I'm going to stop and pick up some groceries and make chili for dinner, Brenda will be joining me, she knows today was Ruth's birthday so it will be nice to share a few memories with her. Since she is a widow she knows all to much just what and how we feel on these days saying all the right things to comfort me. So as the day goes by I have gotten positive vibes and a comfort knowing my Dear is celebrating in her after life...just as joyful as she did here. May We All Find Peace NATS

Hello Chris, I agree with Karen, I also think you should attend, we always have the option of leaving should it become to overwhelming. I was hesitant to attend these sort of events as well but decided to take this grief head on and kept a complete open mind...I found that setting out on these events to be helpful sometimes and others no so much...what I did was set ground rules for myself, I always drove myself so I could leave or have my car for refuge, I also assured myself I could just leave if things did not feel well. It's these little hurdles we feel that allows us to heal, you are doing a good job of staying on path even feeling the distractions and despair. You now of all times must trust your heart and do what you feel is good for you..."easy does it" I still tell myself even at almost 4 years I have my moments and have to regroup, step back, and alter things as needed to stay in that comfort zone. Take care and may you find the answers you seek... NATS

Good Answers...of course Marty and Mary are already ahead of us all...LOL that's why they lead...anyway here are my thoughts... re·solved ri'zälvd,-'zôlvd/ adjective adjective: resolved 1.firmly determined to do something. "Constance was resolved not to cry" synonyms: determined, hell-bent, intent, set More "he was resolved to marry her" Yes, according to the definition, but we must want to resolve our "Grief"... I have chosen to see positive energy from the loss of Ruth, I'm so sad some days but then again I was sad watching her battle the pain and discomfort she was in. I have come to terms as I am resolved to not let Grief control and destroy me, I will cry, I will feel empty, and I will always miss her but I will continue to live this new journey and she will always be with me gently allowing me to feel her presence, in a warm breeze and all the memories that will forever be embedded in my mind... NATS

Hello Chris, Yes indeed these triggers do get less as time passes but as Mary said we never know what will "trigger" the waves...I've been doing great, had a wonderful Thanksgiving with the new woman in my life and her family, we had such a nice dinner, and a nice visit with everyone, but today the waves hit me within moments of waking as my dear Ruth and I always decorated the day after Thanksgiving, having such an enjoyable time, laughing and deciding how to set up our massive amount of decorations. The past years have been the same, a few waves came and went but this year for some reason the "grief monster" is hanging around a bit, but I will do as always, welcome the waves, let them hit me smack in the face, knock me down, then get up and take things head on...I am going to decorate some outside today just as I would have as I refuse to allow the negative energy win, and you know what, I'm pretty sure the little monster will be put in check when I've completed that simple little task...and I will feel a big smile beaming from my "Angel Ruth" as she will be happy I'm continuing our tradition on a smaller scale but still continuing... May Peace Be With Us All... NATS

Death...a new beginning. It teaches me I must learn more about myself... It teaches me how short our stay on earth really is... It teaches me not to take life for granted... It teaches me to enjoy simple things that never mattered... It teaches me to enjoy everyday... It teaches me how to talk to God... It teaches me to survive, until it's my time, for my new life. NATS

Hello Chris, I read your thread today and wanted tell you the journey gets less intense as time passes as many have said...one thing that has helped me on my journey is positive energy...I know that is hard at times but it truly makes difference in daily adjustments we must now make. I am almost 4 years into the passing of Ruth my Wife and like everyone here have passed many phases of this journey, the ups and downs will indeed level out. Your family gathering at Christmas sounds wonderful, enjoy every moment and know your Paula will be just over your shoulder looking upon you all. May Peace Be With You NATS

Anne and Kayc, Thank you both for the kind words...Anne I'm glad I was able to offer some comfort during those days....Kayc, you are so correct we all want the best for the ones we Love not wanting to see them in anyway unhappy. We spoke of my moving on often but I didn't think it would be possible, and when I found this new Love Ruth surely would be unhappy if I'd not taken this path as she always did everything she could to ensure I was happy. I wish you both a wonderful Holiday Season, May Peace Be With You. NATS

Here's a nice piece that I have a link to in my signature posted some time ago, but I thought I would repost a link for new members... NATS Death Is Nothing at All http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/index.php?showtopic=6413

Hello Fellow Members... It's been a while since I've posted but I do follow and check in from time to time...I wanted to post today as the season we are approaching is a constant reminder of all the things in life I'm thankful for. I feel the grief waves roll heavy during this time of year, but I've noticed this year is really intense and sometimes unbearable...as I enter the stores this year my emotions are at a new level in this grief journey. The happiness Ruth and I shared during this special time of year is now triggering vivid memories of the seasons past and I'm thankful for these events as it allows me to see just how blessed I am to have shared, learned, loved and lived those days with her. I continue to develop my new relationship and I feel many of the moments from the past allow me to see this new journey in a way I've never seen life before...I now really understand my feelings more, knowing life can change at the blink of an eye or over a few months has driven me to focus more on letting people and my loved ones know how I feel and how thankful I am for them being in my life, for the laughs we share, for the tears we share, for the love we share and for the happiness we share. The positive energy I have flowing is at times overwhelming as well, I've never experienced these emotions as I can remember, or if I have I did not understand them. Life is good, and I still and most likely always will miss my wife, but I am doing just as she would have wanted, "living my life and sharing all the love I have to give", cherishing the little things and giving thanks for all I have learned and continue to learn taking nothing for granted...one of the most positive feelings I would have never thought this grief journey would have created. May Peace Be With You All NATS

Wonderful Topic...have a blast with the violin, I got a Guitar a while back always wanted one I dabble here and there with it it's been a bit going to pick it back up... What I've done the last 3 years and the last year and 2 months is transform my body, mind and soul, from the person I was before Ruth passed to the person I am today...I endure the grief with positive energy, just today I remembered a special time Ruth and I had working outdoors, instead of tears it brought a smile! Another thing is I have given myself a new look and feel, last Feb. Brenda and I joined a gym, we have worked hard with a regular routine every other day, changed our diet to healthy food and transformed our 55+ bodies into toned lean 40ish looking people and feel great about it...I give myself vacations staying at 5 star hotels or resorts where I can bask in the sun on the beach or be waited on with room service. I have allowed myself to fully enjoy the new "love and companionship" Brenda and I have found always giving thanks daily we have each other to share our lives. I also just recently planted the start of my first garden at my new home, been here 2 years now and just last week did my spring yard clean and was motivated to plant a small 4x4 raised bed garden, we'll see what happens my two tomatoes are doing well the first week in the ground, going to add to it on days off... We all need something for ourselves for we all have endured much pain with our the loss of our loved ones, I know Ruth would want it this way and really would be as she would say "a very unhappy camper" if I had not taken this positive approach to my life after her passing, we spoke of this often and I told her I would try so I couldn't let her down....I think she'd be happy. May all of you find and do that something special just for you... NATS

Cakes01... Your so welcome, I'm glad I was able to provide you with that feeling...I am very strong in my faith and as I see signs and messages it becomes even stronger...the pennies from no where, things rearranged, the feelings of Ruth in the room, all things that allow me to know she is very much with me in spirit...you know someone else mentioned talking to our loved ones and that indeed brings some comfort, I agree and speak to Ruth often...I think none us understand why our loved ones passed even as many were sick we did not want to think they would pass, many including myself had faith they would be better and life would be normal again...I sure it does happen for some, but for most it's about a reason, a learning, and a mission we have been chosen for, the reason is not for us to question only attempt to complete, your Marcus was a wise man saying "everything has a reason" he understood what many miss in life...he must be very caring and patient...reflect on what you have with his thoughts and you will endure his strength as you heal and find your place on this journey... Take Care and Peace Be With You... NATS

Hello Cakes01... We all indeed understand how you feel as we ourselves have had those feelings...this is a hard journey and early in the stages we find no reasoning to our loss and emptiness...the friends are normal, as your correct they don't know what to say and it makes them uncomfortable, I found the best support Here as we all have the that "understanding" and can relate...In the days and months to come things will settle but it does take time, we just need to be patient, it's hard I know even at 3 years I have my days...something that works for me is "Happy Memories", I focus on them when feeling despair, I do become a full blown wave of tears but the feeling passes quicker and my mind settles with a comfort...as for Marcus being alone, my faith tells me he is fine, still and always in Love with you as well as all of our spouses still love us in fact they are with us more than we know, we just need to be open to the messages they project...take things day by day and allow your mind to rest some as all this trying to figure out things really just confuses us more. May Peace Be With You, continue to come here we will all travel with you....... NATS

Hello Melina, I saw your post and wanted to post my thoughts...I am at 3 years and 2 months since Ruth passed, I've been trying to be & live normal again but to be honest I have found nothing "normal" in my new life, in fact I've come to see I do not want a "normal" so to speak as then I will take for granted all I have learned in this journey of grief, I say that as I watch other people who really have no clue what life is truly about, I am not being judgmental, I just see so many unhappy people in the day to day life when they should be thankful they have there Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other yet they are bickering, ungrateful, and seem miserable...I like my new life each day as I am so thankful I have been able to learn and grow from this most life changing event, I have found a new love and take this journey with never missing a moment to share a smile, hand holding, and general being like a teenager in love not allowing that "take for granted" routine that many of us get into, I myself was like that always thinking Ruth would always come home from work, always be there to talk to, always be there to cuddle, and when she got sick I quickly discovered there would be a day she would not come home! We all hold our futures in our own hands and minds, we just need to get our hands wet and the mind working on "the plan" to regain a new us, I don't want to sound harsh but many of us linger in this grief of our own choosing, I myself found that I was feeling sorry for myself and saw no light, I felt bad and wanted out of this trend I was on a path to no where...then I said to myself one day "Ruth would not be Happy seeing me this way" and decided to make "the plan"... You can find a new routine but "normal" I don't think that's possible as the other half of our once "normal" is no longer here as we know it, but we can still always cherish the memories as we build our "new sense of normal" with what ever course we choose... May Peace Be With You NATS

Anne, "In Darkness Comes The Light"...That is such a fitting quote/topic as we all have seen the darkness and many of us are still in the darkness! As we all know much to well it is indeed darkest before the dawn, but if we are patient and nurture our wounded heart, the light does indeed shine brightly once again, many of us find "new meanings" to life we never knew existed and we all are discovering things about ourselves we never knew...I would never imagine my life changing as much as it has in 3 years, but the passing of Ruth has indeed given me a perspective I've never had before...keep positive as I know you are... you as well as many and myself are just encountering the bumps of grief...one thing that has allowed me to deal with the ups and downs of this trip is I've come to understand that this journey will never end! I will always miss Ruth even as I love Brenda and Brenda will always miss Glenn even as she loves me, we will all always and forever remember how we feel inside with the loss of our beloved spouse's as we did not choose to have them leave so soon...but in the end the journey will indeed end and our loss and pain will no longer exist as we will be reunited with our beloved in spirit if we so believe...many say we are being taught as we take this journey, in the beginning I was not in agreement with that, but as time has past I have indeed learned many things I never knew before, I take these new found skills to comfort me daily and continue to build a "new me" a more in depth me...be patient, positive, and thankful and you to will see the "Light" again as you yourself are a radiant light you can not see.... May Peace Be With You NATS

Hello Everyone, Seems the spirits are indeed active right now for some reason, maybe the passing of Easter and what it means to many of us? Maybe the spring season? Whatever the reason I would imagine all of us welcome these "signs or messages" that we receive. I say active now as when speaking to Brenda this evening to tell her good night and share our day she mentioned that after vacuuming her spare bed room this evening and leaving the room she heard a clanging noise, upon returning to the room she saw the ceiling fan chains swaying making the noise and the fan was tilted...this fan is hung above the spare bed and the room has high ceiling's, Brenda is small and could not have bumped or even came close to the fan while cleaning...her Husband passed in 2009 a few months prior to Ruth's passing...she as well as I welcome the visits and we share our "common bond" of the passing of a spouse, and allow those lives to be separate from our new life together but we view these visits as our spouses almost being happy we have found what we have found...happiness, love and companionship once again yet still remembering our dear departed....and allowing them to still be part of our lives even tough they are not present here in the physical sense... "May We All Have That Special Message Or Sign" NATS

Melina, It's good to hear your doing OK...Signs and messages are a very active part of my life, never knowing when they will happen keeps me on edge at times but provides a comfort that's like no other. Just last night I stopped in at the gym for a late night workout after a stressful day...I attend a gym that's open 24/5 so when I work late I can stop on the way home grab a superset workout then a quick tan for 10 minutes. Last night was a moving night as I received a "sign" from Ruth in the form of another penny from heaven, I had just finished a superset and was walking around the gym for cool down before starting my next set. I had walked the same path 3 times cooling down and planning my next set when on the 4th round I came upon a beautiful shinny 2005 penny, not tarnished or worn as it should have been being of that age, now keep in mind this is 1am in the morning with no one in the gym but myself and the staff of one. I had walked this path 3 times with no sign of this penny but on the 4th it appeared, upon reaching down and picking it up I was comforted with the cool breeze that most often follows these signs as if something is passing me or blowing by me. I was taken back a moment and let the tears flow down my cheeks as I gave thanks and said "hello sweetheart glad you stopped by" see 2005 was the year I moved in with Ruth after dating her for some time... I have these signs and messages on a normal basis but I have yet to figure out what triggers them and frankly it really does not matter as I welcome them with open arms except when I receive a message or feeling of sadness or negative energy which happens at times, when that happens I share the thoughts with friends or my children to discuss what may be happening. So in short some of us are truly somehow "in touch" with the other side, I have always had this sense but it has not ever been as strong as it is since Ruth's passing. We are powerful bodies of energy we just need to tap the resources we have been given and enjoy them the best we can. Take Care and Peace Be With You Nats

Happy Easter to you as well Harry and everyone else. Today is the Sun is shining in all it's glory here in Florida, I will reflect on the specials Easters Ruth and I shared, do a few chores, then prepare an Easter dinner for Brenda and I and we will reflect on our times together. We attended the evening vigil last night and as always it is was very moving service. May Everyone Find Some Peace and Positive Energy somehow today and everyday....NATS

Hello Cy, I saw your post and it really hit close to my heart, I just had to respond... I didn't do the eulogy for Ruth's Life Celebration but I did assemble the DVD Video we played prior to the Mass. You said... " I realized this is the last thing I will do for her. I will be saying goodbye to her". I think maybe if you look at it this way maybe you'll find a small bit of comfort...this is not the last thing you'll do for her, you will go forth as I'm sure all of our spouses wanted for us, also you do not have to say goodbye, instead how about see you later!...regardless of your faith she will never be gone just as my Ruth will never be gone they will remain forever in our hearts, just there physical bodies are no longer here with us but they truely live in our minds, hearts and souls as the memories of them can not be erased... If ever I can be of help or you need someone to talk to please reach out... May Peace Be With You NATS

Hello Harry, I also understand as I've had 5 passing's in the last 4 years, a close friends husband, my wife, my new Love's Father and Mother and my Grandfather, I think we all ask "Why me" and have thoughts as you at times... for me I choose to see these passing's as that we are being taught by God and yes we all have been paying undivided attention to a life we "didn't think would happen to us"...I think part of the intense grief we feel when these passing's happen is due to the fact we as a society suppress death and we do not teach, talk and prepare for this as we do many other things in our life, with that being said I think is why it is so hard for us to deal with...now teaching is by no means going to take away the loss, loneliness, missing, and just feeling empty but it may better prepare us for the healing that must take place, the adapting that must take place, and the understanding that must take place. I read many of your posts you are truly a smart, gifted and blessed individual, the success with your projects are something to be proud of and I know you are, you are on a mission my friend in faith and if you feel as though you are "being slapped around for some perverse demon's kicks"..."KICK BACK" as you have been doing do not let this stray you from your mission...I have learned much from you over the years, I never told you but I think now is the time... your drive is an inspiration, your goals are amazing, and your heart is big and full of goodwill...slow yourself to "Harry's" pace not the world's, stay on your course these are bumps we cannot avoid as we have no control to steer clear but we can, absorb the bump if we are prepared and understand...Peace Be With You NATS

Hello Cindyit, We all feel your grief and emptiness...everyone here has been down that same path, in different ways of course but the end result being the same...your story as many have brought the waves of grief back to the front for me as I so remember those first few days and wish no one had to endure that feeling and experience...I seem to be more sensitive the last few days as I just past the 3 year point last week myself...you have found one of the best places to share and find the answers you will need in the days to come...everyone here truly understands what you are going thru unlike those around us who have never been down this path, they mean well but at times make things more difficult...here are some things I learned...take each day one day at a time at your own pace, rest and sleep when you can as the grief takes an enormous amount of energy, to this day I am better functioning with more rest than less since Ruth's passing...eat and keep your nutrition levels up our body needs the extra fuel during this time, at times you won't want to eat but that's OK, we now have a reason to snack, I prefer several small snacks or meals and one main meal per day...come here often as we have many wise members and a great moderator to guide us...know that we do survive even now as we feel a total wreak and see no light only darkness, as the days and nights pass we start to heal...cry as much as your heart desires it's an amazing natural healing function our wonderful creator gave us, I still cry many days as I'm sure many of us do...I pray the days ahead will be less painful for you and know we are here for you as it's already been said. May Peace Be With You

Hello Mary, Psalms and Proverbs are my favorite books in the Bible, Glad you shared your story, I have those meltdowns once in awhile also never knowing what will trigger them, I used to fight them back but no more as like you the release feels good in a way. Those cookies sound good glad to hear things are going well without the sugar, may you continue to feel better. Take care and peace be with you. NATS