nats

Dave, I can only imagine how you feel I would be broken to say the least, that's been one of my biggest fears since Ruth passed so I backed all of the laptop up to an external hard drive, and the laptop goes everywhere I do, I have an old one sitting out at the house as a decoy, I would offer a reward at the pawn shops you never know what will happen...my thoughts are with you. NATS

Lina, I so understand what your expressing here, when my new found love Brenda and I are out in public or just this weekend at the beach we notice couples who are very not in touch with the whole concept of being with the one you love...we notice the "take for granted" attitude many of these people express, we notice the bickering over the simplest things, we notice the texting while having dinner with little conversation with the spouse, and just yesterday we noticed a husband ridicule his wife for trying to assist him by helping him pack his electronic items so he would not forget any...we just look at each other and say "if only they knew" what it's like when your spouse is gone, at times we both share thoughts that we would like just 5 minutes with these people to let them know just how precious this time is and to not waste it over this non-sense...your no witch for feeling this way as I am grumpy when I encounter the same type of situation, Ruth and I never fought we had small differances in our ways of thinking but we always met half way, just as Brenda and I do, and with us maybe even more so because of our losses and what we've been thru...hang in there and if you feel some of that "compassion, empathy and patience" have left with Arthur ask him to send some back, you may think I'm off my rocker (not really in one, LOL) but it works, open your mind, heart and soul to accept any and all that can be taken in from your beloved memories and what you'll find if you ask and look.... NATS

Babylady, Hello, I'm so glad you shared that with us...I been have reading and studying this exact topic, I have had a sixth sense so to speak of knowing when things will happen or so called gut feelings for some time now just never explored it or gave it much thought until Ruth passed, now I am really paying attention and aware of the "feelings"...a well known medium had panic attacks when she encountered the spirits reaching out to her and at times I wonder about all our encounters that we just shrug off? I may some day have a reading I have considered it very much...they say the readings via phone are very accurate as the medium has no visual sight of you or your reactions...you must feel at ease knowing what you do now...peace be with you... NATS

AMW, I have traveled down the same path in many months past, first, what your feeling is normal for many of us if we really have a normal, second, I don't want to be insensitive but here is how I delt with many of my own setbacks... on many days I looked myself in the mirror and told myself I would not be beaten by grief or fighting the insurance company I had to go on for myself now "I" is what mattered, I also reminded myself of the fight Ruth had and that she would not have wanted defeat for me, and I would guess Jim would feel much the same I know I would as a husband had the tables been turned I would have wanted Ruth to carry on an conquer as we did as one...may you find some peace and strength in just knowing we are all or have gone thru the same feelings.... NATS

JanC, My thoughts on the topic...each one of us must do what we feel is comforting to us, as our feelings and comfort is what's most important during this time...I have Ruth's Urn sitting in a memorial spot I've created in my home, she wanted to be scattered but changed her mind upon discussing how I felt, and I told I wanted her with me until it was my time then the two urns of cremains are to be scattered on our favorite Bass fishing spot by my sons...I also have a small pocket urn that is always with me, I have found this most comforting at times and I truely think it allows me keep in touch with her on another level, I have been reading much about how our loved ones still touch our lives daily from the other side and are very much still with us....may you find your answers... NATS

Lina, You are so correct we do tend to not so much forget but accept our spouses are gone without realizing it...I have endured 2 1/2 years with several of the same feelings...this week is rough as we would have celebrated our anniversary Sunday the 17th and I have been feeling the waves of grief try and roll me over but I'm standing tough as Ruth would have wanted...as for the permanance, I tend to look at it as Ruth left on a journey ahead of me and I'll be there one day myself catching up with her and all the other people who have left ahead of me...keep moving forward it does get more acceptable as time passes but I don't think it will ever truely be gone, even as I have fallen in Love again with a wonderful woman we both still miss and grieve our beloved spouses but we both refuse to be in misery and we tend to focus on our new journey with positive energy not the negative energy grief palces upon us. May you find some comfort in the days to come... NATS

Anthony, I can relate to your frustration regarding the family and cremation, Ruth's family wanted an open casket viewing before her cremation but she told me many times she did not want to be in a closed box at anytime or buried in the ground...upon planning for her memorial the family made plans to arrive within days assuming she would be viewed, not the case, I advised them she would be cremated as she wished and the service would be held then, needless to say not a single brother or sister attended her memorial, they are old fashioned people and didn't understand or respect her wishes, I have heard from no one since, her daughter and son attended but have since become hostile and are no longer allies needless to say...we do what we must it is now "US" we have to care for so I myself have reached the frame of mind that I could care less what others think concerning the choices I make, the only person that matters is "ME"...oh and of course the new found friendship and love I have found plays a big part in that thinking as we both have chosen to remain independent but still fully functional as a couple taking nothing for granted and focusing on passing the grief of our departed in positive ways...go with your heart and I think you'll find the most peace...may you find comfort in the days to come.... NATS

Hello Anthony, You found a wonderful group here we all "get it" unlike many of our friends and family even as they try... I have been a member since 2010 you can read my first post at the link below...everyone here has much to share feel the freedom to explore and seek the answers you are looking for...I do not post much anymore but monitor the new posts via email yours struck a nerve and I wanted to let you know your on the healing path being here...I pray you find the answers and comfort on your journey... NATS

Lina, I feel your loss and heartache, after 2 years and 2 months I still miss my wife and I'm sure I always will and I still have the days you are describing...but maybe look at it this way, Arthur has already reached home he just left here early to prepare for you to join him.... NATS

Hi Dave, I'm happy to hear you are healing and moving forward...I also have been going forward and healing as I found someone early only 7 months for me but we both had lost spouses and I think that was big factor... Brenda lost her husband in 8/2009 and Ruth passed in 02/2010...I don't post much anymore but monitor the site via email notifications so I can see new posts...we are blessed to have found another special companion and love as not everyone does or wants to, and I have found this relationship is like none other...a bond that's built on total unconditional acceptance of each other and what we have endured...so keep moving ahead my friend in grief yet still allow yourself the space to miss your loved one, as I still have many days of grief waves and longing to hold my Ruth....life is complicated indeed but we try not to analyze everything to much just enjoy each other and our new found love.... NATS

Hi Dwayne, Ironic I was just thinklng of you the other day...I stop in for breif reviews these days and noticed you had not posted in some time...now I know why...GREAT NEWS keep moving forward...I also have been busy taking new directions, working 45-50 hours a week, going to the gym 4 days per week, spending time with Brenda and I've started my Web Design business up again...keep us posted on your progress and kayc is correct you need more sleep try 4 hours a night that's what I run on for 4 days then I get about 10 hours on days off...take care... NATS

Ok..update.. I am going to continue forward on this path, I'll step away when the tears and fog cloud my way... going knowing Ruth is watching over me...and I have a good crew with me today for support... NATS

Hello To All, First Happy Valentines Day...try and find comfort somehow...this is my second and the day my wife Ruth passed in 2010, it does get better or maybe not better but more tolerable, these days will always be etched in our hearts, for me, I focus on all the happiness which was present in our lives and somehow I make it...I hope everyone finds the comfort they need today... NATS

Hello To All, Today is the second anniversary of my wife Ruth joining the Lord, she left this world on 2/14/2010...I have made great progress on this grief journey but today the path is clouded with tears of rain and fog....holidays are hard and birthdays as well but today I feel the gut wrenching, panic, emptiness, and just plain missing my wife Ruth feeling...I am with someone as many of you know and she is a widow herself so I have great support as she knows where we are, but the feelings of grief are still present and the sadness is renewed for me today as this was such a special day for us, we made it special from the first year, acting like teenagers sharing the candy, placing several cards around the house to be found and sending flowers or bringing them home, and all the LOVE is unexplainable the happinness we brought to each other was the best that it could be...many have asked me since I am in Love with someone again does that not change it? No...we have our own unique feelings regarding Valentines Day Brenda and her husband didn't celebrate as we did and she fully understands what happens to me today, we have shared our feelings and have a nice comfort zone... I had thought about taking the day off as I feel I won't be at my 110% I push for daily but still undecided I have about an hour before I need to decide, I'll most likely go in as what would be the point staying home and going thru being so uneasy and I know Ruth would not want me just laying around drowning in my tears...I have come a long way to do this would seem as if I'm taking a step back but I'll see how my heart guides me...I hope all of you are comforted today in someway as we all are going to be missing our beloved spouse's today... May God Bless All... NATS To You My Wife, Happy Valentines Day you are with me always....Love me.

HAP, I read that book and found it interesting and comforting maybe we all get a different meaning from things we read?? another book I read is "Heaven Is For Real" and I am reading "90 Minutes In Heaven" now, these books take things to levels not touched on in everyday life, maybe because we don't really understand it all as mortals?? I will pray for your student and all the grieving hearts daily as normal as Yes we all need it daily. NATS

Dwayne, The waves must indeed be flowing for reasons we do not know maybe pushing to hard as Marty said or just the way it is...ironic how your post came to my Android while I was also having several huge waves of grief since returning to work after a beautiful Holiday and vacation...for the first time in awhile I noticed how "loud" an empty house is when returning home one day...I also am very positive motivated but this bump has me feeling a little down, and then my Dr. decided since it's been almost 2 years since Ruth's passing I am "surely over it" and decided to adjust my meds down to a point it's hard to function, well needless to say I am filing a complaint and firing him, seeing how there is no possible way for him to make that incompentent determination based on his lack of having gone thru the loss of a spouse, his determination is pure speculation and text book teachings, people you would least expect to knock the wind from you are amazing at times...anyway my friend we'll both get back up, keep the faith and find our way just look to the light...you know the rest... NATS

Dwayne, Thank You....and I wish you a Merry Christmas. Also see that smile on Ruth's face in that picture, when I feel down I just look at that as I know she is that Happy in Heaven... NATS

Twas 2 days till Christmas and all thru the house, it was looking quite fitting enough for a mouse... My tree is up, with decor galore, with all the ornaments we used to adore... Ruth's shrine has been changed to reflect the season, and what keeps me moving is all of her reason... As I prepare to enjoy the days to come, there's not a memory left undone... My Life has changed many ways indeed, I find myself helping others in need... A new Love I have found, That keeps my world going around... We both have lost and loved that special one, But we intend to leave nothing undone... We have found a special bond between to hearts that grieve, But this Love is so natural and hard to believe... As we build new memories during this Holiday season, We'll remember our spouse's with many a reason... NATS "2011" Merry Christmas to All, and may you find some Joy during this Holy Season. Attached is Picture of my small tree...I'm so proud of it. NATS

Lance, Yes it is hard to adjust, take your time, I have found it's easier if we don't try so hard trying to figure all this out..."go with the flow" and "easy does it" are my two biggest allies during this journey. I am approaching 2 years and it takes time...I hope you find some comfort in the days to come... NATS

Hello Anne E, We all do what we must to get thru each day, I also picked the favorite decorations for my tree that Ruth and I enjoyed, my oldest son had helped her get a complete Dr. Suess "Cat In The Hat" collection from Burger King (as he was manager)years before I met her, it was her favorite and they are on the tree, I also put the ones we had collected over the years....keep moving forward at your pace and as far as the cards, myself I would reconsider as the last thing we need during this journey is regret if we didn't do something or say something to someone, I've done that and felt the regret it adds to the grief, not fun, but that's just me...sounds like you are adjusting as we must, be easy with yourself and keep the positive energy flowing.... Merry Christmas NATS

Dusky/John, This is nice and Oh so true, seems many only "go thru the motions" twice each year, Christmas and Easter, I like Dwayne have discovered early on to follow the path of the savior back in the 90's when I turned my life over seeking sobriety, I found that sobriety among other things and I am now diven to practice and share what was found...one of the many found items was my wife whom I shared a "Love Like No Other" we had a brief time here on earth a mere 10 years, but those years were filled with Love, Caring, Sharing and Acceptance and Feelings many never find so I am indeed "Thankful" for what we have...Yes have as I feel it continues only now on a different level and although she is not physically here or with me she is indeed still "with me" and I will indeed join her one day...I now have found another "Love Like No Other" and I ask myself daily how this could be so, but the answer evades me which is fine because as Dwayne said only the creator knows why we were brought together, at times I see the message we carry and teach the children of our children and when that occurs I stop questioning and just share and enjoy... Thank You for this wonderful card and another message that has reached my heart... Merry Christmas and Peace On Earth NATS

Alone, I fully understand your sadness and loss, your story touched me as my wife also loved Christmas with the tree and all the decorations along with her snowmen...you are conquering a huge step in your grief putting up that tree I did as well my first Christmas with no regrets and I have it up this year as well with the start of a small village in my new home, I did cry alot decorating it but it's so beautiful and I know she loves it just as your wife will loves yours...keep the positive energy flowing your path will be smoother... I wish you comfort and peace in the days ahead... NATS

Ref.. I fully understand your emptiness and heartache, I am approaching my second Christmas since Ruth passed...you are in a very fragile stage of your grief and as someone said indeed raw and in a fog, I remember it Oh so well...what worked for me was to take things slow and easy, there is no timeline in which we must finish our grieving indeed we will all carry our losses with us most likely forever but we can heal and mend if we so choose, when we so choose...I had my first Christmas without Ruth with very little spirit of joy but I did have Christmas as Ruth and I shared much more than the commercial aspect of the special day, I had a small tree with her snowmen around it and her picture close by, I do not want to offend anyone but for me Christmas is very much still to be celebrated for the reason of the day only in a new way, just as each of our days are new since our spouse's have passed we must all find a comfort zone in all the things that are No More...Be gentle ref, one day at a time and if need be one minute, keep the tears flowing as said above it's the best healing you can get, I still cry some times as if it happened yesterday...I wish you comfort and peace in the days to come and may you find some answers as needed... NATS

Jeanie, We all have felt your loss and confusion, finding the site will indeed be helpful for you, I am approaching my second year since my wife passed and the people here are very "healing" as they/we understand unlike the people who have not gone thru this journey, and frankly I pray they never have to...take things slow and at your pace as impossible as it seems now you will adapt but at your pace we can not rush this process, but we can and do have a big part in how quick we move on based on how we approach this on a daily basis, I choose to face it head on taking control as Ruth would have wanted, moving forward with positve energy and not living in sorrow each day...however you feel, know you can come here and find many answers and thoughts to help you ease the pain you feel... NATS

Terp8r, This my second Christmas since Ruth passed but I have learned much about this grieving process the last year....we must think positve memories during these times and remember the good times we were blessed with in the past, yes this does cause some pain reliving those memories but it allows us to heal and progress forward on this journey, I see so many focusing on the negative aspect of our spouses being gone which is OK to some extent as it is indeed a fact but we need not dwell on it so hard, I say this I did this for about 3 months and found myself on a downward spirial to no where, dreading each day...but I then understood each of our spouses that we loved so much would not have wanted us living this dreadful life of grief, I am really thnakful I'm the grieving spouse not Ruth I focus on that when I really feel down and somehow my thoughts change, so hard as it may be somehow, someway, we must find a bright spot in each day, and remember happy thoughts as they will excel us thru this journey... here is a quote that helps at times.... NATS "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure" Unsure Of Author