nats

Dwayne, AMEN to the above post to Pam...you are remarkable...I thought I was strong faithed but I believe I've found someone who's got a jump on me...your constant drive, faith and positive mindset inspire me and just enforces my faith even more, our God does indeed work in mysterious ways, the presence that is brought forth in your posts is amazing and it's so healing for all who read these with all the energy expressed...I wish we could sit down over a hot cup of coffee to share our beliefs and faith as well as speak of our wives... keep moving forward my friend, I pray God hears your prayers and comforts you daily... NATS Edit...Dwayne, I had an x-ray last year that also showed a spot, I scheduled a second opinion with the Moffit Cancer Center as I wanted to ensure I had no un-needed tests or biopsy's...the Doctor there advised me it was from a spore that is common in people who have lived in the tri state area around Ohio, Kentucky, and Indiana,(I was born and raised in Ohio) the spore is inhaled then our lungs form a shell around this spore as a natural protection, this protection is detected in x-ray's as a spot...I had remarkable faith that all would go well and God answered my prayer... NATS

Thanks Again Marty.. I have found many there, what a wonderful collection...I have found many in several grief books as well...maybe you could explain why these comfort us so....♥ NATS

Beth, I carried Ruth with me for weeks in her Urn, then one day I purchased a samll pocket Urn and had it filled, I cary that with me daily, I have also set up a memorial for her in the living room, the Urn is placed on her favorite credenza topped with silk flowers, an angel, a rose, a picture of us, and an LED candle that burns daily from 6PM until Midnight, above the entire credenza is a crucifix...my new companion has her husband in her bedroom as Pam does, people have asked me if that bothers me when I stay with her sleeping in the room with his Urn there and it does not one bit, in fact I didn't even give it a thought until they asked...we each must do what we need to during this rough time, you will know when the time will be right to adjust what you do...but for now just take it day by day.... NATS

Mary and Deb, I am thankful that what I share with my fellow grieving companions finds it's meaning into your hearts and provides some comfort, that is just another reminder to me that I must continue to travel this journey learning and sharing what I learn with my friends so that they may find the comfort and peace I am finding in my "new life"... I will indeed keep posting the quotes and poems as I seek them from many sources because they provide me with much comfort and a healing positive outlook on this journey... NATS

Hello My Friends, Having a bumpy ride this week, this has helped....grab a tissue... God Bless All NATS A shadow of joy flickered; it is me. I told you I wouldn't leave. My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart. I still love you. Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned. I am in the Light. In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard ~ these are the places I stay with you. My spirit rises every time you pray for me, but my energy comes closer to you. Love does not diminish; it grows stronger. I am the feather that finds you in the yard, the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind, I place our memories for you to see. We lived in our special way, a way that now has its focus changed. I still crave your understanding and long for the many words of prayer and good fortune for my soul. I am in the Light. As you struggle to adjust without me, I watch silently. Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world to make you notice me. Impressed by your grief, I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness. As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help. You should know that the fountain of youth does exist. My soul is now healthy. Your love sends me new found energy. I am adjusting to this new world. I am with you and I am in the Light. Please don't feel bad that you can't see me. I am with you wherever you go. I protect you, just as you protected me so many times. Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you. Mother, Father, son or daughter, it makes no difference. Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it makes no difference. Whatever our connection ~ friend or even foe ~ I see you with my new eyes. I am learning to help wherever you are, wherever I am needed. This can be done because I am in the Light. When you feel despair, reach out to me. I will come. My love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth. Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had when we were together in the physical sense. You owe this to me, but more importantly, you owe it to yourself. Life continues for both of us. I am with you because I love you and I am in the Light. -- Author Unknown

Schnibley, Nothing is wrong with you..."I just have to believe that things will get better"...., yes that is true, things could always be worse that's what every single one of us here has a tendacy to forget, including myself...we must take the remainder of our lives and continue on, however we all decide to pursue the future we still have "ourselves" and we must remember that...all of what we "were" revolved around our spouses, now we must focus on what we "are" as ourselves...I pray God will guide you and lead the way to your answers and thoughts, and you will find many answers here as we are all are taking the same journey just different paths... NATS If the future seems overwhelming, remember that it comes one moment at a time. — Beth Mende Conny

MZM, It is good to hear you are healing in a positive way and moving forward....I also have met someone I do not want to let go and like you take no one or anything for granted, I also find myself doing things "now" that I would have said I'll do tomorrow, (I still have a few things I put off, LOL)...I would like to offer just a little caution in your new relationship so you are not taken by surprise only because I have experienced it...my new companion and friend has also been down the grief road as she lost her husband 2 years ago, a few months ago she had to evaluate our relationship and wasn't sure if she loved me or we were just leaning on each other to fill the voids we both had....one night she told me she didn't think she could love me the way I needed to be loved and wanted to be just friends, needless to say I had a total meltdown and it triggered the grief for Ruth worse than before our relationship began, we saw each other a few times during our break and she dated some other men during the break, that hurt I'll be honest as it scared me that we would not ever be a couple again and maybe she was correct, see I had fallen in love with her no doubt and was once again losing someone...the days and nights were miserable as I had just moved into a new home and really having a hard time adapting as it did not feel like home, I had no memories of Ruth in this home as she had never lived here...I kept up my daily healing with prayer, unpacking and working...I decorated the house and one day while getting some yard work done it just hit me how much Ruth was really still with me and always will be... Brenda and I continued to see each other for dinner and talking then one night after dinner I walked her into her home as normal, gave her a hug and told her I loved her and not to forget that, at that time she looked at me and said she had figured out that she also loved me as well...I was taken by surprise and we have been seeing each other since, we have found something most people never find again and we are very thankful we have each other, it is so nice to be able to laugh, love and live again, we are very much a couple but very independent as well...my thoughts for you are happiness, I just want you to be aware of the feelings involved in this "new" relationship and that we are very easily hurt since we have endured such a loss...Enjoy all you have found just keep things in perspective and remember how life can change faster than we can blink our eye, with that in mind yours and my new journey will be one of happiness yet we'll know that we can still remember our love ones who are now our guardian angels...may God Bless you and guide you in the days to come.... NATS

PBJB, Great positive energy here...I also feel much of the same you speak about...I'm moving forward with Ruth's blessing and when we understand they are still with us things get so much easier...glad you shared your energy...may you continue to travel on your healing path... NATS

Earl C, Oh my friend in grief you have just began your journey and I remember those days so well and still have them...things change, trust me on this one I would not lead you astray BUT we must take things slow understanding the changes we are going thru...we need to focus on positive energy and thoughts to heal and survive, while that seems impossible it can happen...here is my Quote for the day which seems so fitting and what's really amazing is I selected it before even reading the thread I hope you can see some positve in this... NATS ---------------------------- They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies. — William Penn

Kayc, Thank You so much...my schedule at work has changed so I've been making some adjustments in time management, my routine and reading the posts here. Marty T, What a great link, you are so correct it fits nice here as we all sometimes fail so see what we still have left due to our grief... Today I really feel waves of tears as I watch the service for famous Tampa Bay Buc Leroy Selmon BUT one of the people stated Leroy's not gone just out of body, AND that really sunk in as our spouses are still very much alive in our minds and hearts because of all we shared and did will be forever etched in our minds AND memories never die.... NATS

Deb and Carol, I am glad you both enjoyed them, we are all on a rough journey, a journey with no map and our companion is not by our side as we know it but if we move ahead forward at whatever pace we so choose and find comfort in some way we have traveled far...T enjoy seeking these poems/writings as they are indeed comforting and they stimulate your thought process allowing you to really see the light so to speak...now that we have a thread dedicated to this I will continue to share the ones that touch me the most... NATS

Lucia, Thank You for sharing that is so touching and offers comfort and something to look forward to.... NATS

Cheryl, You deserve a big hug for trying so hard, I'm sure your husband is so proud of you, keep moving ahead it's what we must do to heal....we all have our "triggers" that smack us in the face when we expect it the least, that's a part of this journey that I dislike the most as it's an aspect I can not control, but knowing they happen keeps me prepared and I know they will be with me forever so I'm learning to cope and deal with them... from a male aspect there are many things I am having to learn as well, all the laundry, ironing, and cleaning are a chore to keep up with for me but Ruth made them seem so simple, I can't tell you the number of times I've had meltdowns folding the laundry because when I do I hear Ruth telling me to be sure and put the clothes away in the dresser not just leave them in the basket, ... I do indeed understand the hole in your heart I have one as well but I have decided to let someone in that hole and to use that hole as a reminder of how short life is and how little we really cherish the love, closeness, friendship, companionship and simple things that are just "normal" for the everyday couple, a couple we all used to be... I now take life more serious ensuring that I do not miss a day of telling God Thank You for all I've been blessed with, and I never let a day go by that I do not tell Brenda how thankful I am for God bringing us together whatever the reason I do not question... keep moving forward my friend in grief as you are on a positive path seeking to do what is needed to endure this challenge we have been given....if I can ever be of help in advise or input please ask, I believe we all need to share our knowledge... God Bless NATS

Hello My Friends, I just wanted to share my thoughts concerning the topic... Regrets...we all have many I'm sure as I've read several here, but the fact is we must accept we can not go back so in my healing I have left any and all regrets behind, closed the door and don't look back, I did have them until I understood that it hinders healing, with so many issues we deal with after the loss of a spouse we can not beat ourselves up on what we would've, should've done different, we must understand we did the best we could considering the situations, none of us were trained to go thru what we did...myself and Ruth did much of what many of you said you wished you had done, to make you all feel better it did not make a difference, I still had the regrets...we spoke of a new relationship for me, we spoke of her surviving, we spoke of all the little things that are normally forgotten, we held each other every night, we spent an enormous amount of time together, I also being her caregiver attended every appointment and kept a daily journal...the last we knew the Dr. said she would be OK for an easy 6 more months after the final round of chemo when in fact she didn't even make it 6 days...we had no Hospice as he said it was not needed yet, oops he kinda mis-calculated that a little....I had no clue she would go so fast but she knew the day it was happening, I had returned from the pharmacy as she called me to her side and ask me to promise to never leave her side again or alone to run to the store, with tears in her eyes, I made that promise then lay down beside her to comfort her....later that evening she woke me as we had been napping and she had chest pain, we checked temp. BP and pulse all OK, we gave her some pain meds but no relief, I called the doctor and he advised me to give her some nitro as she had some heart issues many years ago, it did not help, I finally called 911 as she begged me not to as she said she'd never come home, but I could not let her endure the pain, they transported her around 10:30PM, within an hour I had our Priest by her side and the family at the ER, the Dr advised me she needed a ventilator to survive, answer was NO, I advised him to due what was needed to make her as comfortable as possible and to let God take over...around 1AM she was wrapped in an ICU cocoon and in total comfort and responsive only to me, we prayed and I told her it was OK to go on home, she had won the battle by showing such a determined fight to beat it but God had decided she needed to be in Heaven so it was OK, I reminded her I would be with her again one day and to save me a spot....at 7:50AM Feb.14th 2010 she took her last breath, and as her heartbeat stopped on the monitor I told one last time how much I loved her and she heard me as her heart beat a few more times and she smiled...my Ruth is now my Angel...the regrets return sometimes but I remind myself to leave them tucked away as they serve no purpose in my journey to healing and my new life... God Bless All.... NATS

What I've learned these past few months is life can continue if we are open and honest with ourselves about our grief, not looking at constant negatives why we cannot but finding reasons why we can.... I've learned to manage my finances and pay bills something Ruth always did, but during her sickeness we did it jointly, I think she insisted this now to prep me for this time.... I've learned things that I used to hesitate doing for whatever reason are now getting done with little or no hesitation.... I've learned to enjoy how to relax some not being a constant type A personality feeling I must always be on the move.... I'm learning to share my life with someone new, taking all the energy I have to enjoy and embrace this new companionship and cherishing every single minute taking nothing for granted.... I've learned to give thanks everyday for all I've been blessed with and the time I had with Ruth, reflecting on how much life is still left to live, knowing she would want me to continue on my life's path.... I've learned to be receptive to Ruth's presence I feel daily and the encouragement she still provides in her own sutle way.... I've learned to like myself, something I did not understand until now.... Each day I learn and grow the new normal, once again reflecting on what I can do, not what I cannot do....God is with me, Ruth is with me and I have a mission to finish, not sure what but I have two of the best guides one could find.... Peace to All... NATS

Hello To All, Just a few words of positive energy...had a nice weekend... spent some quality time my new best friend, I'm discovering things about myself I didn't know existed...most of all I'm starting to enjoy life again and my grief is now turning to a new love for Ruth, I've heard about this but wasn't sure what it meant but I'm starting to understand...I'm thankful for another week of living.... NATS

Dwayne...my thoughts and prayers are with you my friend...you must be getting tired...but having the strong faith you have I know must help, I wished you lived near so I could offer my help to you in any way. Please take care and keep us posted how your doing. NATS Ps..I am trying to teach myself this new DROID phone so forgive the errors Lol...

Marty, I can only imagine how you feel, I have 2 dogs 1 being Ruth's that she had when we met, I have thought how hard it's going to be when he joins Ruth, I have already decided he will be creamated and placed beside her where she rests in the family room. I will have to get another pet to be with the remaining dog as he is young and would be so lonely at home while I work...I pray you will be feeling some comfort in the days to come, it must be hard... NATS

Di, As you can read none of us want you to leave as Marty said during our grief we sometimes and do take things as hurtful, everyone here has that feeling of loss and emptiness and we know it's no fun, Please do not leave the forum as none of us wants to feel the loss you contribute to the group, as said this about our GRIEF not belief, you are very special and your thoughts are yours which make you special, we all need the various visions and input from everyone here...you have not worn out any welcome at all and you should never think that, Please reconsider your choice, but whatever choice you make I pray you will be comforted and find peace in the days to come...we are all on a long journey and we need the path to be smooth.... NATS

Earl, I have this as a link in my signature as it inspired me so much..... here is the Video Link NATS

Cheryl, I remember you posting that you had printed it, I thought it fitting for this thread as some may have missed it...I'm glad you find direction when reading it, if we help each other in even the smallest ways we are completing a portion of the plan for us...I find these quotes get me thinking and give me a new outlook on reality/life as well as keep me in check. Here is another I don't think I posted this one in previous thread... NATS If I should die and leave you here awhile, Be not like others, sore undone, who keep Long vigils by the silent dust, and weep. For my sake turn again to life and smile, Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do Something to comfort other hearts than thine. Complete those dear unfinished tasks of mine And I, perchance, may therein comfort you. — A. Price Hughes

Thanks , I love this thread as quotes and saying's are a thing I've truely learned to enjoy since Ruth passed as they allow my mind to look at this journey in a positive way, here's one of my favorites..... NATS __________________ How We Survive If we are fortunate, we are given a warning. If not, there is only the sudden horror, the wrench of being torn apart; of being reminded that nothing is permanent, not even the ones we love, the ones our lives revolve around. Life is a fragile affair. We are all dancing on the edge of a precipice, a dizzying cliff so high we can't see the bottom. One by one, we lose those we love most into the dark ravine. So we must cherish them without reservation. Now. Today. This minute. We will lose them or they will lose us someday. This is certain. There is no time for bickering. And their loss will leave a great pit in our hearts; a pit we struggle to avoid during the day and fall into at night. Some, unable to accept this loss, unable to determine the worth of life without them, jump into that black pit spiritually or physically, hoping to find them there. And some survive the shock, the denial, the horror, the bargaining, the barren, empty aching, the unanswered prayers, the sleepless nights when their breath is crushed under the weight of silence and all that it means. Somehow, some survive all that and, like a flower opening after a storm, they slowly begin to remember the one they lost in a different way... The laughter, the irrepressible spirit, the generous heart, the way their smile made them feel, the encouragement they gave even as their own dreams were dying. And in time, they fill the pit with other memories the only memories that really matter. We will still cry. We will always cry. But with loving reflection more than hopeless longing. And that is how we survive. That is how the story should end. That is how they would want it to be. Copyright © 2009 by Mark Rickerby

Hello My Friends, AMEN Earl... Dimci...Ok, I am wondering if you do not beieve in afterlife what happpens to our spirit when our bodies pass/die? and I never use that word die because I also not only believe, I know there is an afterlife only our bodies pass and I also feel we have been chosen for this task/journey for a reason...I am not trying to be harsh just understand...one thing I think is we must first beleive in order to feel the presence of our spouses...I hear Ruth's voice, I find pennies on fresly vacumed carpet, and I feel guided by her so I know she's my special angel...I also have Ruth's Urn in a special place kinda watching over things in the living/great room...maybe you take the approach of the movie with Kevin Costner "if you build it they will come"...if you believe it may haooen for you...once again ytrying to understand?... May God Bless You NATS

Becky, I also went thru some stages early in my journey with the same issues, what I found is I needed to slow down, I had days I could not concentrate enough to make routine choices, things I decided every day seemed in the fog as you say...you understand it's happening whiich is good, try and find something to relax your thoughts and mind, focus on things at your pace, when I discovered it was happening to me I would attempt to derail the issue with prayer and meditation...I also made notes to keep things in order as well...the crying is a normal healing process our brain does as humans so let the tears roll, the more the better, Crying releases endorphins which in turn relieve stress and allow you to feel better...I had the same issue now I just cry when I need to... I pray things will ease for you and you may find some comfort.... NATS

Hello Earl, Just wanted to say hello...I see you found our wonderful group of people...that's part of all this "helping each other", I check and read daily but don't always post...I prefer to make entries from laptop I still am having a hard time using the small keyboard on my smartphone LOL...well take care for now and may God continue to Bless you... NATS