closs86

Hi Lainey, It was a very tough day for all of us, but our grandchildren were happy to write notes to grandpa, then we went outside and told him how much we loved him, said happy birthday and the 5 of us let go at the same time, the kids were in awe of the balloons going to heaven to grandpa, they just stood there and watched them disapear, and said that grandpa took them out of the sky so he could read the notes, my heart was broken and I cried and cried, but I think it gave the kids some comfort that he could see their notes. My grandchildren are 11, 9, 8, and 7. Today I was very drained from the whole weekend, it wasen't easy, I miss him more and more every day, I lost him on April 6, I am not happy to hear that the pain is going to get worse, I don't know if I can physically stand it. Hugs Karen

June used to be my favorite month too, now it is just to painful, his birthday was a first very difficult, now fathers day, this is so awful for all of us, Take care Karen

To many things, I am so sorry, I will pray for you God Bless Karen

Hi I also dreamt of Johnny a few weeks ago, I dreamt that he was lying beside me in bed and we were just hugging and hugging, then I woke up, I was very upset, it was so real, I could feel his arms hugging me, then I dreamt I opened the kitchen door, coming home from work, and there he was standing by the stove with a big smile on his face, these dreams tell me that they are trying to let us know that they are alright. I believe in that, I know that he was with me in my dreams, that is how they communicate with us. I also know that he is with me all the time, I feel his presence, and he gives me a lot of signs, but you have to ask them. and then they will do it., and you have to believe Hugs karen

Hi Nats, Was very drained today after the weekend, I tried to relax and get myself together again, went out to the post office, and to get some food, came home and tried to relax, Hope tomorrow is better, for all of us, God Bless Karen

Hi Sharon I know about the anticipation, all last week i have been anticipating my husbands birthday today June 13th, my insides have been like a pretzel the last few days, we also did balloons, and my grandkids attached notes and watched them go up to heaven to grandpa, very very sad, and tough day. I love the CD idea, but I don't think I would know how to do it. Take Care Karen

Hi Nats, I am happy also that you have a good friend, it is good to have someone to talk to and to go places with, Today was a tough one, we were all at my sons house, he made johnny's favorite dinner, ravioli, stuffed artichokes, and good italian bread, I bought 2 helium balloons, had the grandkids write notes, attached them to the balloons, and let them go, the kids stood in awe watching the balloons go to heaven to grandpa, very emotional day, then my daughter in law made a cake, the kids sang happy birthday, blew out the candles, and that was it,, tough tough day, I miss him so much, my insides feel like a pretzel tonight. I hope that i feel better tomorrow. Take care God Bless Karen

Hi Bill Somehow I got through this weekend, and am still here, so much built up stress inside. We all had a real tough day, my son made my husband's favorite dinner, we had the kids write notes and attached them to 2 helium balloons, went outside and wished him happy birthday told him how much we love and miss him and sent the balloons up to heaven, the kids were in awe watching the balloons go up to grandpa, it was very emotional, then they had a cake for him and the kids blew out the candles, very very tough day, I miss him more than words can say, We are hurting so much because we loved them so much. It is good to get totally involved in something like the house, I did that yesterday from the minute I got up to the minute i went to bed, I cleaned and organized the whole house, It is an anxiety release when you do that, you focus your energy on something else. Have a good tomorrow Karen

HI Today would have been Johnny's 61st birthday, and we spent the day at my son's house, the whole family, he made Johnnys favorite dinner, and we had the grandkids write notes to him and attached them to the balloons, and went outside, wished him happy birthday told him how much we loved him and let the balloons go, the kids stood in awe watching the balloons go to heaven, then they dissapeared into the clouds and they said that grandpa pulled them up and was reading the notes, very very emotional day, then my daughter in law made a cake, and the kids sang happy birthday and blew out the candles, I think of last year we had a wonderful celebration for his 60th birthday, I just don't know what happened. I have a lot of built up stress in my body from this weekend, I hope it lets up a little. It is so hard, and so sad, it is great that we have this place, at least we all understand each other. Take care everyone god bless Karen

Hi Mary, You go girl, good job, I am also trying to drive, haven't driven in years, and am also apprehensive about it, but I go a little further each time, It makes me feel good that I am not the only one experiencing this, it is scary and takes a lot to do it, but we don't have much of a choice. So happy you had a good time, and a navigator for your first trip. God Bless, you will be my inspiration, when i attempt to go further Karen

Hi Bill I hope your barbeque goes great, it will be good to be with family and friends that loved your wife, try to have a good day, I am going to be with my sons and my grandkids tomorrow, so I hope that everything will be o k, I also was upset and mad at god for a while, but not anymore, you will make peace with him, Take care Karen

Hi, I lost my husband 2 months ago, and I also believe that he is with me, not at first, but about 1 month later all of a sudden I felt his presence, and he has been with me ever since, I ask him to stay with me, and wait for me and we will go wherever it is together, and I know that he will and he is, I feel it. It is amazing but I have a peace in my heart, like i know he is here, I just can't see him Take Care Karen

Hi Rob I am so sorry for your loss. she was just to young, I lost my husband opf 43 years on April 6th suddenly also to pancreatic cancer, he was diagnosed and gone in 3 weeks, His birthday is Sunday June 13th, and I am very anxious about it, my family is going to be together with my grandchildren and I don't want to upset them. I don't undertstand why we have to suffer like this, My heart is broken, Half of me is gone forever, the pain in my body is unexplainable. I wish you peace Take care, Karen

HI Bill How r u?, I had a pretty lousy day today, I worked, but the anticipation of my husband's bithday is overwhelming to me. I think of last year, we had a big birthday for him he was 60, the whole family went out to dinner, and we had such a good time, he was so happy, what happened?, It is so depressing. I don't know how I am going to get through this weekend, I don't want to upset my grandchildren on Sunday, we are all going to be together at my son's house, i am very anxious about it. Take care Karen

Dear Mary My johnny also did all the driving, I haven't driven in years, but guess what I have started again, I have been going local, like everyone is saying its drive or stay at home. we don't have much of a choice, my next challenge is the highway, haven't done that yet. I will keep you in my prayers, god bless Take care Karen

Hi Nats Thank you for that link, it really gave me a lot of information, that I didn't know. I am so happy that you were able to sleep in your bed again. Today was a much better day for me, I woke up feeling better. Thank god. It was smart to change things around in your bedroom, and the comforter and all, it sounds like you are doing well, I am a little anxious about sunday, it is Johns birthday, so my children and i are going to be together for the day, I hope that it is not so hard for us. I pray that we all have better days, with peace filling our insides instead of anguish. I hope you have a good day, God Bless Karen

HI Kat I also went to group counseling, I went to a few, because most were offered by churches in the area and the sessions were once a month, I found one group that i like, but I also will start one on one, it is good to be able to talk to someone, Always good when it is someone that understands what you are feeling and expressing, it does really help, even coming here helps me, because everyone knows what you are talking about, especially when you are having a bad day. Make sure you are comfortable with the therapist as everyone said, that is important. Wishing you well Karen

Hi Tishira, Today was a better day for me, thank goodness, I don't think I could have taken another day like yesterday. I also have my husband besides me in my bedroom. I like knowing that he is with me always.Thank you for praying for me, I also pray for all of us to get through this terrible time. I have to go to work tomorrow so I will be o k, when i am there i have to talk to people and mingle that is part of my job, so for the next 3 days i will hopefully be o k, I am a little nervous about his birthday sunday, my sons and their families and I are going to get together for the day, I hope that it dosn't get very emotional. Well have a good night, Hugs Karen

Hi Bill Bad day today for me, emotional roller coaster, 2 months yesterday since he left, his birthday is the 13th so maybe that is all part of my emotions. I hope that somehow we start to feel some comfort and peace. Take care karen

Hi Nat, Today was a strange day for me, after visiting with our friends yesterday I was feeling fine, woke up this morning and had to make some calls to the union and social security, on hold for a while, got a little annoyed, and before you know it I had a full blown anxiety attack, I had to take medication and stop everything for a while until i calmed my insides down a bit. I think it was a delayed reaction from being with his best friend yesterday, I think I internalize my feelings without knowing it, and then they broke out today. Then tonight I did nothing but cry and my son got upset and I don't want to make my children feel any worse than they do, I really hope and pray that tomorrow will be better. Today was scary. Take Care Karen

Hi Tishira, I am happy that you found some comfort in our words, we are all feeling the loss of our soulmates, and it hurts so much. I had a real bad day today, it is 2 months now, I don't know but today I felt worse than I have in a few weeks, I was on a real true emotional roller coaster today, I hope that tomorrow will be better. Have a good day hoping we all find peace and comfort Karen

Hi Nats, I have to say I had a better day today, I was with some friends and my husbands best friend since they were teens, I was very worried about going to their house and all of us being together without Johnny for the first time, I didn't know how it would go, it was strange at first, but then everyone started talking about everything, and there were even some laughs, I was happy that I went and didn't make it become something more than it was, I go to bereavement groups, it is good to talk to people that are feeling what we are feeling, so that you don't feel crazy. I also pray for strength and that we can get through this. I will drive again tomorrow, that is another thing that I haven't done in years, and was very hard for me to do, but I drove a few times now, not to far but I did it, I have to keep pushing myself, it's not easy. Have a good night Karen God Bless and give us strength

So sorry for your tragic loss, I did that so many times, tried to turn him over so he would stop snoring, I can't imagine the horror you had. I also lost my husband April 6 from pancreatic cancer 3 weeks from diagnosis to gone, it is horrible what we are going through. I think the death certificate should have cause of death. I don't know if there is any way you can find out, if they didn't do an autopsy, I understand that you are concerned for your sons, I also have 2 sons . I don't know what you can do besides having them do the autopsy now, but that will cost you a lot of money. Hope you find some peace God Bless Karen

Hi Bill Today was a little better for me, I wasen't so angry today, I went to some friends, I was very worried about this luncheon because my husbands best friend since they were teens is part of this group, and I was worried how I would handle it, but after the initial greetings and hugs it was OK, I had a decent day and got past another hurdle, We have a lot of changes to make in our lives, it was so strange to be at their house all of us without my husband, I knew he was there with us in spirit, but I wish I could see him. I miss him so much, my life is changed forever, don't really know what is ahead of me. Take Care Karen

Hi Nats, I was feeling a little better this morning, my son and his family came to visit, then I started to feel angry again, I don't know what this is, I have no patience, don;t want to see anyone, and just feel mad, I don't like this at all, I am trying to fight this feeling, but it is to strong, my insides are twisted like a pretzel. I just want Johnny back, It is 2 months now, how can we do this, it is getting harder and harder. Good Night Karen