closs86

Hi Tina It has been 2 months that I lost my husband, and we were also together 44 years, we had a good marriage, and he was a good man, kind, we have children and grandchildren, and we all miss him so much, it is sickening,I have a twisted stomach and chest since this happened, some days it is a drop better, and some days a lot worse, right now I am feeling very angry for the past few days, no reason just angry, and I hate it, don't like this feeling, I dont have any patience, and don't want to be bothered. I hope this passes. How can we ever feel better, I was with him since I was 16, I don't know any other way, so scary. Take care karen

Hi Pamy I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you and your wife had a terrible long suffering. I also lost my husband to pancreatic cancer on April 6, from pancreatic cancer, in 3 weeks, very aggressive, I know the hole in your heart that you are talking about. I have a tight throat and chest since this happened, some days it is a drop better and somedays it is worse the counselor told me that what I was feeling is a broken heart, and that Is what I have a broken heart, never to be mended again. I pray that we can find some comfort someday, somehow. I do know that I want to be with him all the time, and I do know that he is with me, just can't see him, but it is so lonely, we were married 43 years, half of me is gone. Everyone keeps saying that in time you will feel a little better, I hope they are right, we can't walk around like this forever. I wish you peace and come here there are a lot of wonderful people here that are glad to help and listen. Take Care of yourself God Bless Karen

Hi Leesa, So sorry for your loss, I also lost my husband in April, also healthy, ate well, exersized every day, what for?, he god sick and in 3 he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that spread, and he was gone. This is a good place to come, it has been helping me get through the days, my 2 sons were also there when he passed, it was a horrible experience, I am finding strength in knowing that my husband is with me, close by I can feel him, so that comforts me. I am also going to grief counseling, that also helps, we have to do everything to try to help ourselves, our husbands wouldn't want it any other way. I miss him every minute of every day, and have true heartache, but we can't change what has happened. Take Care Karen

I am so sorry for your loss, and your pain. I also lost my husband on April 6, pancreatic cancer that spread, he was gone in 3 weeks. so I do know the feelings that you have, my insides ache, the counselor told me that the feeling I described to him is heartache. the tightness from my throat through my chest and stomach, We were together for 43 years, He was a very strong man and healthy, I don't know what happened to him. It is terrible this grief, and it is terrible to be alone, we were always together, never apart for not a day except when I had my children. we loved each other and liked each other. The house is so quiet now, I have to leave the TV or radio on all the time, can't stand the silence. are you working? we have to keep ourselves very busy, that is the only thing we can do, push ourselves out of the house, and to talk to people, and keep going, or we will fall apart. This is a very good place to vent and to pour your heart out, everyone here understands, and is somewhere in the grief process, it really helps to let it out. Are there any bereavement groups around you, I have been going and that also helps, people who understand truly how you feel. Have a good night sending you hugs Karen

Hi Bill I have the physical ache in my body also, from my throat to my stomach, that tight feeling inside, somedays it is better than others, but it is always there. A counselor told me that the feeling is true heartache, that is what it is. I also try to keep very busy, but Johnny never leaves my mind no matter what I am doing, he is always there. He also had plans to open a bike repair shop this summer, he had collected everything he needed and was going to rent a store and try it. But it never came to be, he was so excited about it. Then the stomach ache, and in a total of 6 weeks he was gone. 3 weeks in Sloane Kettering Cancer Center, Manhattan, and they couldn't help him, it had spread to his liver and the fluid around his stomach, no symptoms, how could that be, nothing until the stomach ache. It is hard for me to understand that. Besides he was very strong and healthy, ate right, walked 2 to 3 miles every day, so what happened?????? Well sorry I had to vent a little Hope you have a good sleep tonight Karen

Hi Korina Happy Birthday Scott, loved the poem Mrs. B , Hope your day was peaceful, Hugs to you Korina, Good Night Karen

Hi Nats, It is funny that you say these things, because I truly know that he is with me, like you said a sixth sense, I feel him, just can't see him. I asked him to stay close to me and not leave until I can go with him, and I know that he will wait for me and stay with me. He is helping me do things that I never did, it is like he is guiding me in the direction he wants me to go. I fixed things that I wouldn't even ever think I could fix, I drove and haven't driven in years, I ask him to help me and he does. It is a strange thing this new relationship with them, but I feel calm inside like he is right beside me. Good Night Karen

Hi Bill It is so hard to deal with what we have been dealt, Today i was in and out of the house all day long, doing a lot of nothing, normally Johnny and I would be walking or taking a ride now there is no one, I know that he is with me all the time, I feel it. but I can't see him, I know that I will be with him oneday, but it won't come to soon. We were together 44 years, so half of me is gone, and I will never get it back, I talk to him and write to him all the time, maybe I lost it, but it helps me cope. I lost him on April 6, and I still am shocked by it. Take care Karen

Hi Nats, You have a kind heart I can hear it in your posts, and you make me find some comfort, I to am happy to know that I will be with Johnny again, I just wish it was time now. I know that he is with me all the time, as i can feel him near me, anytime I ask him a question or need help, I get an answer, so I know he is right near me, What can I say, my heart aches for him we were together 44 years, half of me is gone forever, Take care Karen

Hi Bill We are all searching for answers that cannot be answered, we just have to get used to the idea that they are gone and we are alone, and I don't know how to do that, Eating has become a chore, and I eat anything just for survival, we used to eat so healthy, for what, it did nothing, so now I just eat anything so that I won't faint. I don't know what is going to be, I drove for the first time in years today, I took his hat with me and sat it on the seat besides me and said you better help me do this, and he did, I drove all around, I surprised myself, I know that he was beside me. I don't know what is in the future, all i know is today, and not even that, it is very strange. Hope that we all find some ;peace, Karen

Hi Suzanne, I hope that it works out for you, I take some med, to sleep and it does help, you have to do what will help you, I am glad that your docter is compassionate, that means alot. Take care Karen

Hi Kay I have dreamt of Johnny twice since he passed first I dreamt that he was laying beside me and we were hugging so tight, and then I woke up and had a terrible day, because I didn't want to wake up, then the other night I dreamt that I opened the kitchen door and he was standing there with a big smile on and looking wonderful a little younger, when I woke from that dream I wasn't as upset. I love to sleep, because there is the chance that I will dream of him. take care. Karen

Hi Chrissie, That is wonderful, weight watchers, it will make you feel good, and that is a good thing, god does have a plan for us, I wish I knew what it was, but there is something. I lost Johnny on A;pril 6, married 43 years and he wasen't sick a day in his life until 3 weeks before he passed, so who knows??? I wish you well and hope you accomplish what you want. Take care of yourself Karen

Dear Kim so very sorry, for all that you are going through, I will keep you in my prayers, Take care of yourself Karen

Hi Becky, I am so sorry for all you have been through, that is so terrible, you must be having such a hard time, I wish I could help you, but I don't know what to do myself, I lost my husband, also my soulmate since we were 16, after 43 years to cancer in 3 weeks from diagnosis to gone, it was pancreatic that had spread. He had no symthoms at all until it was to late. You went for counseling for all the other losses you had, you should go again since you know that it helped with the others. I hope that you find some peace, I hope that for all of us. Take care Karen

Hi Nats, Thank you for your comforting words, I am trying so hard to deal with this, I don;t want to burdon my children, but sometimes, like tonight, I can't help it, I visited with a friend today, and when I got home and she left, I had a burst of energy not the good kind and ripped apart a storage room, and threw a lot of stuff out, nothing that belonged to Johnny, but a lot of just stuff, and it made me feel pretty good to get rid of it, then I spoke to my son and kind of fell apart on him, I hate to do that I feel bad, and I start to say the wrong things, like I want to go with him, i shouldn't do that to my sons, they worry, but that is how I feel, I do want to go with him, I am sorry that I am so down, I can't help it, I am not feeling good the past few days, I am in a dark place. I appreciate you praying for us, Thanks Nats God Bless

Hi everyone, I am pretty angry also, but I don;t know at who, I am just lost and don't know why this had to happen, We were going along great, happy, he was retired enjoying himself, only 60, and then boom. I don;t know if I can live alone, I am having a hard time, I was at home with my mother, then I got married and was with John for 43 years, never alone, this is very very strange for me, and I don;t know if I can do it. The only alternative would be something that is not good, but I don;t know what is going to happen, I am very depressed tonight Take care of yourself karen

Hi Nats, Ruth sounds like she was a brave strong person, so sorry for your loss, I don't know how we get through this, it is so hard, I lost my husband April 6th, to pancreatic cancer, in 3 weeks, it seems to be getting worse, the pain, the stress, the depression. Where does it stop? I miss him so much, he just didn't deserve for this to happen to him. I have 2 sons, married with families, they are very good, and around a lot but it is not the same, I want him back. Why did he have to go so soon? I just can't accept this whole thing. I am lost without him. I pray for peace for us all Karen

Dear Lucia, That was so wonderful, your grandaughter is a special girl, he was there, i believe that, I have my husband with me on my nightstand in an urn. It makes me feel like he is with me all the time, My granddaughter is graduating to middle school, and Johnny won't be there, he passed April 6, I really don't even want to go to it, but I love her so much, she would be so dissapointed. I am having a really bad night tonight, I am very stressed and depressed. Hope we all find peace Karen

Good for you, I bought a weed puller today, I hope it works, I tried the weed whacker but it didn't really do a good job, so I was pulling them out, but I will kill my back, so I bought this contraption in Home Depot, I will let you know how it works. I also never turned the weed wacker on before, at least we are trying. Have a good night Karen

Hi Suzanne, It is good that you seen your doctor, hopefully the medication will help you, my heart is so heavy tonight, I miss him so much, he passed april 6, I feel physically sick, this is just terrible. I am also happy to be on these sites, it does help knowing that there are people out there that really understand what you are going through, and feeling. It is so hard for anyone else to understand, we were married 43 years, and our children are married, so now I am alone. Now what??? what do we do????? Take care of yourself Karen

Hi Bill I am so sorry for your loss, and all you went through. I am glad that you got to a counselor, I am trying to find one now, I go to a few grief counseling goups, but I might need one on one. My husband also passed of pancreatic cancer on April 6th and I am so lost, I know what you are talking about, my emotions are crazy, anger, frustration, knots in my stomach, chest and throat, how do we deal with this giant loss in our lives. this void, this half of us that is gone. my husband was diagnosed and passed in 3 weeks, he was a healthy man up until then, we walked every day 3 miles, ate well, big deal, I am having a really bad day today, my son and grandsons were here today, and it seems when they leave, I really crash, I miss him so much, I think the pain is getting worse. What do we do? Hoping we find some peace Karen

Hi Billw I know what you are saying about hiding out in the house, don't do it, you have to push yourself out the door, even if you don;t want to go, I lost my husband April 6, after 43 years, we were soulmates and had a great marriage, I push myself everyday, or I will become a hermit, we can't do that to ourselves. they wouldn't want us to. My heart goes out to you, the pain is unbearable, I know, the counseling is helpfull. and family and friends, you just have to reach out and call them, sometimes they are afraid to bother you, they don't know what to do. Don't feel funny calling and asking someone to come over and keep you company if you are feeling bad. I only can hope that this gets a little easier for us. Every day is a challenge, never know how you are going to feel, sad, angry, depressed, or all. I am upset with our maker also so don't feel bad about it, it is a natural feeling, I want to know why? just when we were starting to relax and enjoy life, he was only 60. so sad Well I wish everyone here peace in their hearts and minds Take care of yourself as best you can (((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Karen

Hi Nats, I am glad that you got everything straightened out with the ins, co, You are so right, all the crazy paperwork while you are grieving, how do they expect you to concentrate on all that stuff while your mind is all fogged up. Well have a good night , Karen

Hi I am so sorry for your loss, I also lost my husband to cancer he was diagnosed and passed in 3 weeks April 6, he was only 60, and perfect until 7 weeks in total before he passed. He also suffered the last few days, it is horrible to see someone you love suffer and you feel helpless, It is horrible that your wife suffered so much, and for so long. I also get real angry sometimes, I think counseling is a good idea, I am also going to go, We have all been through the worst thing that could have ever happened to us, and we are left behind to try and figure out why, I don't think we will ever find our answers. My heart is heavy, I pray for us to all find some peace. Take care of yourself Karen