west

I think a simple you are in my thoughts and prayers each day is a good way to start. Also I am here for you if you want to talk, acknowledge that you miss her dad and her in your life. Leave it simple...her loss is great and she is still in shock. I wish there were easy answers but I do not think there is. good luck she will come around.

It is funny after a year I do not feel guilty because I really knew we had tried to do everything. when it is stage 4 cancer there is not much to do but pray for peace. I think the hard part of the journey is to realize that you are alone and the loneliness is the worse. No one there to ask you about your day, to comfort you, to tell you it will be alright. That is what I am sorry for...not guilty. I think if he could stay he would have so sometimes there is anger that this is what happened to him too early in his life.

I too lost my husband to cancer and after two weeks in the hospital he came home for a week and finally passed. I was grateful to God that he did not suffer a long drawn out and painful death. At that point I knew it was best for him and that extra month would be great for my children and I but not for him. I believe it was merciful that he no longer had to suffer. It has been a year and I miss his laughter, his strength and his love. I know he is in a better place and I look forward to the day I can join him, but for now this journey of grief is exhausting.

What you said was beautiful. I also know that sometime the soul mate is the one you do not have to say anything to; that quiet that you know each other so well. I miss it so much.

I do read the posts not continually but once in awhile. I do not usually post since I belong to a support group and use that as my primary source of communication. I do gain support from everyone who is on the same journey as I am; not easy and each day is different. May we all manage to see the light at the end of the tunnel. West

Death is a sad time and when that person is special it is even sadder. May you think of your husband and his uncle together and enoying each others company.

I am so sorry for your loss. my husband died last year and my two children experienced different ways to deal with their grief. One good- talking and expressing his feelings and seeing a therapist and the other not so good which eventually came back to haunt him. I know then that people deal with their grief differently. Maybe talking to a grief therapist may help you understand your loss and understand how your mom has dealt with the loss. I congratulate you on all the positive things you are doing with your life. WEst

I too just hit the year mark and the person who said the fog lifts and the grief is still there is so right. It is a sadness now that does not go away. It would be nice to have that love and feeling of someone who cares. the second year according to most counselors can be harder because of the reality of where you are. I hope and pray that we will all come out of this and find happiness again. West

It has been a year for me and I too am so forgetful. It is the stress of dealing with everything in your life. Not only is your love not there but you need to be mom and dad to your children, gardener, cook, money handler etc. No wonder you are so stressed...it is understandable. Take it easy and as the journey progresses your mind will clear and you will find peace.

hi, I am so sorry for your loss and for what your "friends" have put you through. I lost my husband a year ago and I agree with you that when people say call me it is just a pie in the sky thing. They never really mean it and feel better themselves for saying it. Try not to think about it and maybe volunteer your time in a homeless shelter or food pantry. I have found it is a positve way to spend my time and I tend not to think about my loss but about how much I can help others. My children lost their father to cancer in a very short time so I know what you are going through. You have lost your best friend, but I believe she is still watching over you.

maybe you are just exhuasted. have people offered to bring a meal or give you a moment for yourself? maybe you are jealous of them...I was and still am that people did not have to live through this horror of cancer and then loose their spouse. too many options...maybe talking to a therapist may help. I am understanding your anger!

The song brought tears to my eyes, bu joy knowing that he is still by my side.

You need to do what is best for you and your children. I just went through the first anniversary of my husband and it was very emotional. going to a family cemetery may not be what you want. You need to decide for yourself what the right thing is. You will realize it and then follow your heart.

I too just celebrate my husband's first anniversary. I agree the month was most difficult remembering last year at this time. It feels as if time is standing still and nothing helps.

To answer your question no it is not as hard for a man. In my bereavement group most of the men are dating or have women who bake or cook for them. I guess the ratio is a lot easier for the widower.

Love is in my heart, that is all I need right now!

I too teach in MA, know all too well Dana Farber, and lost my precious husband. I love the fact that each day I can smile with my students; they help us get though the day. May god bless.

I know how you are feeling, but we must keep on going because that is what your beloved would want. It is hard and you can do it; find happiness in little things.

If you can see a therapist and you will be able to talk it out; they will understand you. Know that unless people have walked in your shoes then they do not get it. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Wow...this says it all! thank you

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. My feeling is that there is nothing to do, but just keep on going and pray for the strength to complete the journey.

you sound like a wonderful daughter and sister. Maybe the problems you mentioned are a little too much for just you to handle. About your brother and his way of dealing with your dad's death; some people turn to alcohol to escape the pain. I think it brings another set of problems that become habit. you are right to encourage him to stop, watch see if it escalates and if it does maybe some type of professional help for him. Also if you are overwhelmed try a support group for people who have lost a loved one. Start with hospice in your area and see if they have one that might fit your needs. It is just a suggestion, but talking to others does seem to help. I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you for your suggestions.

It is almost a year, but the loneliness seems so much worse. I read a lot of the posts today about everyone moving on and I think I am doing it too. The loneliness is too much, no one to talk to, to share my thoughts, to share the problems of the kids. How do you get past this?

My year anniversary is coming in March. Someone has said that the second year is worse, I cannot imagine. May you have a week filled with wonderful memories of Michael, and may you be able to deal with his loss with the hope that his strength and his love will be felt by you. I will be thinking about you and saying a prayer.