KarenK

Gwen, So sorry you are in this lousy situation. At least they should provide a comfortable bed. Not an ideal place to try and recover. Hope you will be in the comfort of your own home very soon.

Gin, I'm so sorry for your loss and for what your poor brother is going through. I hope his daughters will be able to make living arrangements for him. I hope your son will take your advice and get proper care for his leg. Thinking of you.

Give me small peaks anyday. Well, not now,but way back when. Climbing so high that you need oxygen or free solo, I just don't get, but we're all different. We did have fun wilderness hiking or offroading to new places. Would probably still be offroading if I could afford the gas. How are you feeling, Gwen? Any improvement in the fluid situation or possibility of going home? Hope the snow is not too bad when you do leave.

I was perusing an article in the AARP newspaper which said that some scientists have determined that loneliness is now a disease which causes all sorts of maladies, both mental and physical. Duh! What was their first clue? I sure was in better health before Ron died. I probably took better care of myself. I had a reason to. My mental and physical energy have been zapped. Most days, my attitude is "Why bother". I don't think there is an instant fix for this "new" disease.

Gwen, I have been waiting for your update, hoping you were just busy resting. My heart hurts for you. You will ALWAYS matter. It took 8 days to diagnose my Aspergillus and forever to get any strength back. Maybe they have not given you enough time to heal or maybe it is time for a 2nd or 3rd opinion. Even with Aspergillus and COPD, I have never been put on oxygen. I have learned to live with the shortness of breath and dizziness. No more wilderness hiking for this girl. LOL I have never quit smoking which may get me in the end. I am not sure how you stay sane through all of this. I only know it is hell to get old and have to adapt to all these changes. I know you are horribly depressed, but I also know you have a strong will to live even if you do not feel it. You want to get back home and take care of your fur babies and your home. You can bet they miss you and wonder where you are. You are their Mom! Keeping you close to my heart. Love, Karen

Dogs are so funny. Our two know that when I remove my glasses, I'm either going to bed or to shower. They promptly trek down the hall into the bedroom and lay down. I call them my "shower guards".

Connor's Mom, I'm so very sorry. Your Connor looks so much like our Mickey that we had to let go when he was 14. Perhaps they have found each other in "Rainbow Heaven". He was my constant shadow. I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. In time, I hope your pain will subside. Black Labs are such wonderful dogs.

Kay, I think it's priceless and very much "on the money" sometimes. Going from a productive person to feeling somewhat useless is a hard pill to swallow.

Kay, I'm so very sorry. Sometimes we just have to let them go. When Batman started going downhill, he would hide in various places and not come out when called. Then he started pooping next to the litter box instead of in it. I'm sure he was confused. I took him to the vet in the middle of the night as he was having trouble breathing and she said the kindest thing was to let him go. He was Ron's buddy. In the last photo I have of Ron(3 months before he died), they are together on the couch. So very sad. Thinking of you.........

Gwen, so sorry you are back in your favorite place...NOT...but glad they caught this early. Pneumonia is nothing to mess with! Glad you have your phone or tablet to talk to us. I know how lonely it must feel. I felt like I was on another planet when I was stuck in the hospital in Ky. Glad my SIL brought me his laptop to talk to you guys here. Kept me sane, sort of. Keep us posted. We love you.

Dee, I think you're right about Asian Pear. Sounds familiar. Time to drag out the old butterfly net and get that butterfly off that tree. Ooops! Ron grew up a coal miner's son in the W. Va. hills. Times were very hard and they hunted for survival. He loved to hunt and we always ate what was killed. No trophy hunting except for a HUGE set of elk antlers from one our son killed. He was a much better all around cook than I am. He enjoyed cooking and I don't. That being said Marg, I will try cooking apples. Already found a recipe online. What kind of apples do you use? For me Marg, talking about things like this is part of the healing process. It gives us a chance to remember our loved ones as they once were and maybe not shed a tear.

I have eaten deer, elk, javelina, and bear, none of which I would want a steady diet of. I could not bring myself to eat squirrel or dove, just too cute and tiny. Elk is the least wild tasting. Bear is greasy. I was married to a hunter. I wish I had teeth that could eat apples. Some of them sound very good. We used to get some kind of Japanese fruit that was like an Apple/Pear, sort of a brown color. Very good, but expensive. Would only buy a couple. Can't remember the name, but got them at Fry's(which is Kroeger).

Dearest Katie, It is nice to hear from you. No need to apologize for not posting. You are busy trying to live this "new" life you have been thrust into. I understand about leaving people behind. It's as if you are watching them recede in the rear view mirror all the while knowing you must continue forward. I hope one day soon you will be able to see the sunshine again. Peace to you.

Kay, carry a big purse and plop Kodie in it. It seems to be the fashionable thing to do. LOL

Ana, so sorry to hear about your father and all the stress you are having. And, Kay, your poor daughter. I hope this guy just gets on down the road. How very unfeeling he is. My Xmas went well. Just spent the day watching some really dumb movies on the free channel. Just another day in paradise. LOL My son got me this Kindle as I read so much. Will take a lot of getting used to as I do not even use a cell phone, much less a smartphone. Technology rules, I guess.

Kay, you quoted something I said on Sunday afternoon when we were discussing looking for a new companion. Just thought I'd let you know where you saw it.

Wishing peace for all of us during this holiday season. The guys, dogs and I will be having meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, and asparagus for Christmas. Not exactly traditional, but nothing is anymore.

Gwen, I've had a hard time adjusting to just being home all the time. My life consists of the grocery store, library, and Walmart. Every time I make a new piece of jewelry, I ask myself why. It's not like I'm going anywhere nice to wear it. It's just something to do to pass the time. Like you and Steve, Ron and I were always on the go. Not really far away trips, but always running off to New Mexico, Colorado, other parts of Arizona, and the cabin. We ate out most of the time. We'd do crazy things like seeing how many Goodwills or Big Lots we could hit in one day. Crazy, but fun for us. Maybe that's why I don't have friends. I'm too crazy for them. LOL Now, I go nowhere and it's really boring. I've never really been alone. Married at 16, a mother at 17, divorced and remarried at 25. I used to crave peace and quiet and time alone. Be careful what you wish for.

Kay, I sympathize. When our black lab, Mickey was a baby, his favorite thing was to chew the plaster on the edges of the walls. Go figure!

A few years after Ron died, I tried perusing some dating sites, a completely foreign concept to me. Being much older, there were not many men to choose from. I didn't want an "old man", and these old men were looking for someone 20 or 30 years younger anyway. I finally realized that the person I was seeking would never be found because he was already dead. That was the end of that. Although I'm lonely, I'm not that interested in starting over. I think my flame of wanting love has been doused.

Ruth, I guess I had to think about this a while. I have been in a semi-fog for longer than I care to remember. My husband died in 2013, and then I lost my daughter in 2014, both to cancer. We were married for over 40 years. I feel as if I'm living someone else's life and I don't like it. I'm not sure that I have grown, rather lost the carefree, try anything once attitude I used to have. Facing your own mortality will do that to you. I'm sure getting older and a bit slower with failing body parts doesn't help. Ron and I had no close friends. It was always just the two of us. I don't have a lot of faith and trust in people(give me a dog, any day) and although I've tried joining a few groups, I am uncomfortable. I feel somehow that I just don't fit in. I'm not financially able to travel, even if I wanted to. I look back some 43 years to when my father died. Ron and I always helped her in any way that we could, but until I lost Ron, I don't think I realized how my father's death affected my mother. We just didn't talk about it and I feel guilty now. Perhaps there was something more that I could have done. I kind of feel like my life is in permanent limbo, waiting for something, just not sure what it is.

Gwen, cataracts cause night glare and halos. Not saying you have them, but I do. I am definitely lax about going to the ophthalmologist. Used to have vision insurance when I was working, but lost it when I retired. It was the one thing the union didn't bargain for for retirees, I guess. All those years ago, I was told I had the beginning of cataracts, but not enough for surgery. I just keep buying $1 reading glasses in stronger strengths. LOL All laughing aside, I used to have a prescription pair for reading and driving. Bifocals gave me a terrible headache. I can get by in the daytime as long as I don't have to read a street sign. After dark, it is absolutely scary so I really try to stay off the street. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until I got caught leaving the grocery store in the dark last week. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone. My doctor visit is considered medical so insurance covers that. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and pay for "real" glasses, I guess. It's nice that you've been invited to some festivities. Perhaps one of the party or band gig invites could give you a ride if you feel up to going. It's not "family", but it beats sitting at home. I'll probably celebrate with the dogs. Although my family is here, they are in their own world.

Kay, I hope your little guy is doing okay. I'm sure he was very frightened. I checked out the Alaskan Klee Kai when you told us his breed as I had never heard of it before. What a special little dog and quite rare. Sending hugs for you and Kodie.

To quote Johnny from another thread "I will never know another happy Christmas". That's how I'm beginning to feel. My last was in 2008 and it was semi-happy. I was in Kentucky with my daughter awaiting her first cancer surgery on Jan. 1, Ron having flown home for emergency hand surgery. My granddaughter and I drove into the "boonies" looking for a tree farm to cut our own. Two ferocious, huge dogs were on the owner's porch. We decided not to chance it and found one at Lowes. I tried to make Christmas nice for Debbie with decorations and presents, but it really wasn't in our hearts. That was the year I ordered a small decorated tree for Ron who was home alone. That's what I still use, all these many years later, accompanied by a nativity scene and minimal presents. The family room corner looks forlorn. That's what I feel in my heart. I set it up today and remembered the many, many years of 7 ft. trees decorated with all my beautiful decorations and Christmas bears and items sitting around(which I still have, but don;t know why). So many presents you could barely count. My son said he couldn't even remember the last time we had a big tree. Where did it all go? I'm so sad.

Gwen, pictures are in Loss of Pet Section, living with Loss thread.