KarenK

Kay, I'm so sad for you and beautiful Arlie. I know you are best friends. Life is far from fair. I hope you will have many special days in the park. Pay no attention to those who would judge you, only to those of us who love you. Thinking of you, Karen

This is stupid and I know it. Tonight, I knocked my favorite coffee mug(empty) off the counter and it shattered into many pieces,along with what's left of my heart. I just sobbed. It was a souvenir mug from Yellowstone. I had waited 50 years to return to the Tetons and surrounding area where I spent the best summers of my life. We made the trip before Debbie and Ron were diagnosed with cancer, a good time in our lives filled with traveling memories. My son is a whiz with steady hands and Gorilla Glue and although it won't be usable, I will keep it for the memory. The older I get, the more those memories fade from my brain. Too bad Gorilla Glue doesn't work on hearts.

Johnny, My heart goes out to you on this special day. How very true that nobody knows how the story will end. I met Ron 47 years ago at a red light. He rolled down his window and invited me for a drink. I declined. I didn't pick up strangers. But this guy was kind of cute and drove a "hot" car, so I told him that he could follow me to my friend's house. We were going dancing. I figured it was safe. After all, her dad and 4 kids were there and this was back in the day when the world wasn't quite so crazy(to me, at least). We drove to the club in separate cars, had a good time dancing and for some reason I told him my "real" name and phone number. My friend and I had a policy to never give that info out. He left during the evening. Three weeks later, he called me for a date as I was leaving to go dancing again. My friend and I met him at the club. We danced some more, got a little drunk, and he drove me home. He stayed for 41 years until his death on May 5, 2013. I could not have dreamed how our story would end. We can treasure what we had, which is more than most. I still see that cute guy in the "hot" car sitting at the red light................

Kay, Do I have to come up there and smack you around or lock you in your room? You are grounded! LOL Surgery is serious business, girl. Love Ya, Karen

Nice Mother's Day today for me. I woke up thinking it would be a rather sad day as Debbie would always call on Mother's Day and my birthday. When I walked into the kitchen, there was a basket flower arrangement sitting on the island. My son had bought it for me. He said he woke up and realized that I really have no one left to buy anything for me except for him so he went out and got them. I was pleasantly surprised as neither he nor my grandson are big on gifts except for Christmas. During childhood and marriage there were gifts and cards exchanged for every occasion. It was just a way of life, one which he did not adopt. I give thanks for the blessings I still have. Kay, so glad surgery is behind you. Your Mother's Day gift is beautiful and you so deserve it.

JTP, "I've been killed and I have been left alive" is a quote from Ana, another one of our members. I think that thought remains constant with most of us here because we do understand. I'm so sorry you've had to join us, but we welcome you and will walk beside you on this most treacherous journey. There is no "being stuck", no "choice" that you made. It was made for you. You will adapt in your own time. I don't say "accept", only "adapt" because that is what we do. I lost my husband Ron to cancer 6 years ago after 41 years of marriage. A year later, I was slammed with the death of my daughter, also to cancer. They had no "choice". Neither did I. You will "move forward", whether it be one minute at a time, or one hour at your own pace. Ignore those with their petty remarks and suggestions They will never "get it". Peace to you, Karen

Have a peaceful birthday, Mitch. Somehow, "happy" no longer pertains to birthday.

Six years ago today, we brought Ron home from the hospital in an ambulance attached to a portable ventilator. I will never forget when the Hospice nurse removed the ventilator, how he sat up and said "I'M ALIVE" and immediately fell back into semi-consciousness. I held his hand as he took one less breath each hour for 19 hours and then he was gone. I think I was stunned. This could not be, but it was. It was the start of what has been the worst years of my life. The days are somewhat easier now, yet still filled with the unending sadness and loneliness that have become my constant companions. Life goes on..............

Kay, Just read your "news". Please know that I am thinking of you and sending good vibes your way. I am blessed with a million moles and accumulate more the older I get. I have a checkup every year to make sure all is well. At least 20 years ago, I had a Melanoma removed from my lower spine. A bit worrisome because of the location, but a specialist did the surgery and all has been fine since. We love you and are all in your corner.

Gwen, Pinky rings are the hardest for me to keep up with. They seem to be just a tiny bit too big and are always slipping off my fingers inside my purse or in the grocery bags when I'm unloading the groceries. I keep some of the bags to use in my small trash cans in various rooms. I lost a favorite in January and went through the bags which I hang in a closet, but it seemed to really be gone. Strangest thing happened..........in March, I took the last bag(of a handful) from the closet and laid it on the footstool of my favorite chair to use in the nearby trash can. I noticed something on the floor and lo' and behold, it was that ring. I know it hadn't been laying there for 3 months, so either my "ghost" that lives here placed it there or it fell out of that bag I had checked previously. So, if you're crazy like me and save grocery bags, check them. Sure hope you find your ring. I'm sure it's very special.

Darrel, So glad you have returned "home" safely. Will be waiting for that photo. Houston is my birthplace.

Kay, so sorry you are facing yet another weather challenge. Sure hope you can get supplies into your area. Saw pictures on the internet and it looks awful. We are twins again! I have 12 teeth left, but will be losing one more that has broken off. I've always taken care of my teeth, but they have sure not returned the favor. Will go back in 3 weeks to be measured for a partial that can be added to, if necessary. The pain has eased a bit, but I look kind of like a werewolf now. lol Guess that's fitting as wolves are my favorite animal. Will definitely not be going out anywhere until I'm presentable.

CairnLady, My daughter lived near Glasgow, Ky out in the country. Such a beautiful green place, but oh so humid in summer and icy cold in winter. I have been there many times. Darrel, Wishing you the best in your move. Third times the charm, you know so maybe the hurricanes will leave you alone. I was born in Houston, but have not been there since I was about 5 years old when we moved to dusty west Texas.

I read the "Two Women" book yesterday. Thought it was pretty good. We all do what we have to do to survive. Have been dreading the extraction of my 4 front bottom teeth, but decided I had to bite the bullet and get them out. Constant infections and getting worse over time. Been waiting for 3 months for my insurance to respond to the dentist with their estimate of a partial, but couldn't wait any more. Just got back from the dentist. Hurt like hell to get the gum shots, but I survived. Every tooth extraction makes me think of poor Ron having 13 teeth pulled in one day. He was so much stronger than I will ever be.

Marg, I picked up "Two Old Women" at the library today. Plan to start it when I finish my current murder mystery. I read about 30 different authors, so I jump around a lot. As we get older it is scary to realize that we are not immortal. I probably never thought much about that until I lost Ron and Debbie. The problem with my heart is not hearing it beat, but with how it beats hard enough to shake me sometimes when I lie down. I seem to "work" in reverse. My BP goes up when I lie down, instead of down. But, I've been all checked out and stamped "acceptable", so ......... I'm sure a lot of it has to do with only sleeping around 4 hours at a time. I have yet to figure out how to stay asleep.

Johnny, Your memory of dancing with Rene'e is beautiful and special. It is memories like those that help us find our way.

Kay, You have so eloquently expressed what many of us are feeling. Each of us feel a love and a loss that extends over time.

I am very proud of you, Maryann! You have come so far. I hope life is treating you well.

Johnny, I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand how devastated you must feel and what a "slap" it must have been to see that wheelchair. The night I took my husband, Ron to the hospital for the last time, we had just received a delivery of medicines and IV equipment prescribed by the hospital he was discharged from just 5 hours before("We think that the Sepsis is gone,but just in case it's not, give him all this medicine...........") Long story short, after 6 months of procedures done and redone and medical errors following his cancer diagnosis, his poor body and soul said "Enough". Following an aspiration into his lungs, he was put on life support. He could not recover and a few days later, I was responsible for removing the life support from the man I had been married to for over 40 years. I felt guilty beyond belief, unbearable anger against the medical profession and totally destroyed. A year later, I watched my daughter die after a long, vicious battle with cancer. I did not think that the pain could get worse, but it did. For a time, I think I lost my mind. I did things that were costly and illogical without thinking, not like me at all. It was the only way I could temporarily escape the pain. That was 6 years ago. There are still days where it is a challenge to want to remain a part of the human race. The horrible memories are burned into my brain, just as the good ones are. As time passes, those good memories will trample the bad. Grief has no expiration date. You will simply grieve until you don't anymore. It does not mean that you love the person less. I think it just moves to the back burner of your brain. Sorry to be so long winded. Just know that whatever you are feeling is normal. Each of us has felt it and we remain here to support you in any way needed. Karen

As Kieron said, it's the "Almighty Dollar". Another new label to create a malady that can be miraculously cured by yet another new pill. I watch a lot of TV and at least once a day there is another new pill on the market that is unfamiliar, each with side effects far worse than the condition it "cures". Time has no meaning in grief. After six years, the pain in my heart and the loneliness are still almost unbearable. I don't cry much anymore, but the feeling inside is like a big lump of nothingness. What I wouldn't give to hear that crazy old fool hollering at me from the family room as he watches TV, "Did you see that ?" I never did learn how to see through these darn walls. lol My body and soul are completely wrung out and were it not for all of you here.................................... I love you.

Gin, Have not heard from you in several days now and am wondering how you are feeling. Hope the incision pain has gone away and you are resting and healing well. Please check in when you can. We love you.

Gwen, You are not alone. I am a "numbers" person. In my head, I retain SS #'s(mine, of course) along with Ron's and our son"s, plus various bank accts., pins, utility accts., phones, etc. You name it, it's there tucked away in the part of my brain that still functions. Yet, I can't retain the # from the caller ID two steps to the computer to check who called with the latest scam. Sometimes, I have to look three times just to check the number. So I will drool right along with you.

GIn, So glad you are okay. Good that you were able to get to the doctor and that the heart problem was resolved so quickly. Hope the incision pain starts to let up soon. Please take care of yourself. We love you! Karen

Marg, glad to see you're still "sittin' up and takin' nourishment", as they say. Never have figured out who "they" is. You are one busy woman. Hope you find an apartment that suits you better. Just as well you haven't unpacked all the boxes, yet. lol Keep in touch when you can. We love ya'. Karen

Better yet, George. Don't show up and when she calls to find out why, tell her that you only converse with people when you can answer the phone. You don't take messages! I'm sorry that's mean, but it angers me that she treats you badly and does not appreciate you.