KarenK

WOW! Snowmageddon for sure! Glad you are okay, Kay. You are a pioneer woman in my eyes. Thanks for the shout out, Marty. Can you find Marg for us, now? Sure hope she is okay, also.

Darrel, The evening attire has always been a bit outlandish to me, but I think that one took the cake. I remember when it used to be "my designer outdid your designer". Now it's Walmart commercials professing to dress the stars "behind the scenes". Did I miss something?

Just to hold someone's hand and share a kiss...........How nice that would be. Those are distant memories and probably always will be. In May, Ron will be gone 6 years. He used to tell me that I wouldn't be alone for long after he was gone. I told him what an old fool he was. I guess I was right. Sad to think so, but I think that ship has sailed. Read on he news about an Amtrak train stuck outside Eugene, Or. due to downed trees on the track. One of the passengers said power is out in Oakridge which is the area Kay is from so hope she is okay and able to keep warm. Way too much snow! That moment from the Oscars was beautiful and tough to watch, Ana, even for this old lady. I shy away from the romantic movies also, Gwen. Easier to hide myself away in an action or murder mystery. Messy, but less so for the heart.

All is well with me. Still waiting on feedbback from my dentist in regard to replacing the majority of my bottom teeth. Not looking forward to that one. Had a couple of soggy days recently and record snow in the high country. Must have been sent here by Kay and Gwen. lol Yesterday was Ron's birthday. He would have been 72. No one but me remembers............. Have been keeping "busy" creating jewelry. That's about all I can muster these days. Also watching a lot of Netflix movies(signed up for the free 30 day trial). Nice, because there are things I can't get from the library. So, nothing earth shaking, just life moving on.......

Darrel, Just wanted to wish you a nice birthday. "Happy" almost seems like a slap in the face when you are feeling down. Yes, life has a way of creeping up on us and past us, it seems, without that special person to share it with anymore. I often wonder how I got this old without noticing and have I accomplished anything worthwhile in this lifetime. I think we have all accomplished the most important thing in life. We loved and were loved by someone. Who could ask for more? Hope your day is brighter. Karen

Marty, Hospice Of The Valley treated Ron with love and dignity and were responsible for transporting him home to breathe his last breath. Nurses stayed here with him round the clock through the end. I have only kind words for them. My daughter lived in a rural area. The Hospice in her area was probably understaffed for the large area they covered and definitely poorly trained. The nurse who visited most often did not even have a license, I found out later. It took them hours to arrive when called. I was appalled to learn no one would be there to provide medical assistance during her final hours. Just "give us a call after she's gone and we'll call the funeral home for you." I watched her die screaming and in convulsions, an unimaginable horror and I was helpless to stop her torment. Therein lies my anger. Such different treatment from two organizations who should operate on the same principle.

Kevin, you are really showing your age now(lol). When I was growing up, we lived in mobile home parks. All of them had a shuffleboard court. Of course, only old codgers played shuffleboard. And little kids, like me. Glad you met some new friends and had a good time. Hope it's an indoor court.??

Gwen, I'm so, so sorry that Ally is not doing well. Although it saddens you, it seems like the hospital might be the best place for her right now, especially with the weather you are having. Our pets are truly our "fur babies" and we only want the best for them.

It seems that many of our spouses experienced less than stellar medical care. In Ron's case, a catherization(which he told the nurse NOT to attempt due to scar tissue) led to a bladder blockage which then required surgery, a chemo port and feeding tube implanted incorrectly...........Those are just the beginning of a long list of errors that finally delayed his chemo treatments for 6 months. His poor body just could not withstand any more. Would he have survived if all had gone smoothly? I don't know, but at least he would have had a fighting chance. That was where all my anger and resentment was directed. At the inept medical profession. In my daughter's case, it was the Hospice she was involved with and the God she loved who left her to die screaming and in convulsions. It took me many years to let go of all that anger. Holding onto it was not going to bring them back or change the unknown future. So, it just kind of dwindled away to be replaced with nothingness. As far as feeling anger, resentment, and jealousy just in general, I don't really feel any of that for anyone, which is what I think you are referring to, Cookie. I don't seem to feel much of anything anymore.

Somehow visiting a gravesite is just not the same as sharing a special moment, kiss, or dinner so I will do none of them and treat it as just another day, like so many other lonely ones now. Was listening to one of my "Kitaro" cds while running errands today. Beautiful music, but sad at the same time as I remembered a concert we attended many years ago. Almost 6 years and the sadness never ends.

Happy Belated Birthday, Marty! Hope it was a special day. We love you.

I feel for you all in the snow. Where my daughter lived in Kentucky, just traces of snow, but I remember the deadly ice storms and freezing cold a couple of winters I was there. We had some 6' snows at our cabin outside of Flagstaff, but did not go there much in the winter. Here in the Phoenix area, it's been a bit chilly to me 50's and 60's, but after living here for 60+ years, my blood is like water. And here I was hoping to move to the mountains. Brrrr!

You are not alone, Gwen. I lost both Ron and Debbie and Ron's dad(several years ago), all to cancer. I find it difficult to even hear the word, perhaps out of fear and most certainly out of disgust. I am proud of you too, George. Unfortunately, Diabetes is the gift that just keeps on giving, affecting everything else in your system. For me, the most I can muster up is to continue to make jewelry. I have made a ton of nice things(to me anyway and Ron thought so). It keeps me out of trouble, not that I go anywhere to get in trouble. Not much happening at the grocery store, library, or Walmart.

Darrel, Nice to hear from you. I love my Kachinas and other Native American craftwork. There are times when it makes me a bit sad to see all of it sitting here as it represents part of the happier life I once lived. Such a different solitary life now. Have passed by Holbrook many times on our way to Gallup and Zuni. My photo was taken by the wall(hand painted by a Zuni artist) outside a shop in Zuni. He made beautiful hand painted drums. Those were the days....... Peace to you and be well.

Cookie, He's a cutie, for sure! Just waiting on the sidelines with mischief in mind, I'll bet. Puppies are like toddlers. Can't turn your back for a second. My daughter had cocker spaniel brothers she named Rio and Lobo(after a John Wayne movie), Ron's favorite, of course. I'm not sure the missing ever ends.............

And to you, Darrel. My wish is for lasting peace in all our hearts.

That's the reason I quit trying different churches, I guess. I just wanted to fit in somewhere, but in my heart I didn't anywhere. Somehow it is easier to feel anonymous on Christmas Eve. People are welcoming for a brief time. It was nice, but brings a bit of sadness, too. Sure hope you stay out of the ER!!

Gwen, I'm so relieved for you that things are "so far, so good" with Ally. You definitely don't need another "hit" right now. My Marley's Lupus is under control for now, although she is on an antibiotic and vitamin long term. She appears to be having a hip problem late at night. She's like a granny when she gets up. Am going to try Glucosamine. Don't think it has anything to do with the Lupus. For some of us, Christmas will never be the same. There is no joy anymore, but I try for the ones that are here. My heart breaks for you also. I'm not religious, but last Christmas Eve or maybe the one before(can't remember), I went to a church service just for the beauty and the peace. It's something to think about. Hope your cold is clearing up.

Jame, Welcome to our "tribe" We are all warriors fighting our grief. Some days we are able to win the skirmish, others not so much. We are always here for each other to lend an ear or offer a much needed hug. I'm not sure I will ever be OK again. I'm not even sure what OK is. I suppose as Darrel says, it's "putting one foot in front of the other", which I have managed to do for 5+ years after the death of my husband followed by that of my daughter a year later, both due to cancer. Neither death was sudden or unexpected, yet I was not prepared to lose them. We never had "the talk".........things were left unsaid, but I have to believe he knew how much I loved him for 40+ years. I know she knew how much I loved her. Peace to you as we walk this rocky path.

Gwen, Are you still on the oxygen full time? I'm sorry, but I don't get the shortness of breath being caused by the cessation of smoking. What's the point of giving up smoking? It's like the pills doctors give everyone for various ailments that then require other pills to counter the side effects of the first pills. Just a vicious merry-go-round. I get short of breath if I walk very fast or far or when cleaning house. I chalk it up to the COPD. Do you have a handicap plate or tag for your car? I have one because of the COPD. They are a blessing for parking. Hope you are having a better evening

Marita, Kachinas are hand carved Native American dolls created by the Hopi, Navajo, and Zuni craftsmen. Each one is unique and carved to represent an animal such as wolf or owl or immortal beings such as Corn Mother or Sun God, for example. They are said to be messengers between us and the spirit world. Not sure if any other tribes do this work, but the Hopi craftsman do the finest and most expensive ones here in Arizona. The Hopi reservation is a tiny one and sits smack dab in the middle of the large Navajo reservation. Not sure how that came about. All my Kachinas are Hopi which I purchased from the craftsman. Used to have 30 of them, but had to sell many so am down to a dozen. They are carved from the Cottonwood root and stand an average of 8" to 20" high, although the size is limited only by the artist. Somewhere around this messy house, I have a book about them which I will gladly send to you if I can find it. Living in Arizona for over 60 years, I have collected a lot of Native American pottery and hand painted drums, along with the Kachinas. I treasure each piece. Your Kachina De Chelly was beautiful. I'm so sorry it was necessary to let her go. Canyon De Chelly is in northern Arizona. I hiked it once as a teenager in the summer with a church group. Beautiful, but remember it was a tough hike because the youth leaders didn't bring water and it was hot and dusty.

Dang! Kay, My trips to anywhere I normally roam take about 10 minutes. Living in the big city does have a few advantages, just not the beauty that you have. For years and years, we had a big tree and I decorated every nook and cranny in the family room and kitchen. Used to move all the Kachinas and collectibles into the living room(which we never used) to clear space for the decorations. Can't do that now because that room is my son's bedroom. My poor house is 1500 sq. ft. of "stuff". My grandson's bedroom is Ron's old gun room, barely enough room for a bed and chest of drawers. The spare bedroom is crammed full of camping stuff, Christmas boxes and Robert's boxes from his move. Even if I had the energy or desire to decorate more, I couldn't. I think as time passes by, I just "honor" Christmas rather than "celebrating" it. Just can't bring myself to celebrate much of anything.

Trying to be a little less grinchy this year, in between trips to the dentist. Have managed to keep the 3 bottom front very loose teeth along with the 4th broken one in my head so far. Dentist is waiting until January to present the estimate for the removal of teeth and the dentures to the insurance so they will pay more of the cost. Was eating a burger two nights ago, heard a crunch, and one of the top teeth that was supposed to be a keeper had broken off at the gum. So I went in today and he filed off the jagged edges to try and wait until next year to pull it unless it gets too painful. Going through a bit of the insurance mess like you are Gwen. They have twice denied a claim from October because of coding so I'm on round 3 of having the dentist resubmit. The big difference is that I'm not fighting the constant pain and smoking cessation that you are. Not sure I could do that. I put up my little tree, wreath, and a few Christmas bears. I even put up a good sized porcelain Santa, sleigh, and reindeer on a card table covered with a lace tablecloth. I also put out my angel carousel which only partially works. It is old and not worth getting fixed but I keep it because Ron bought it for me. That's just a "smidgin" of the 20 boxes of Christmas stuff I refuse to let go of, although I've downsized from 37 boxes. Got comforters and sheets for the guys and that's about it for Christmas, but at least it's something. Not fighting the Christmas shopping mess except to return a purse I really don't need. I hope upping your meds brings you some relief, Gwen. Being Oscar is okay. At least you have a nice metal roof over your head for the dreary weather.

Marg, You are a "hoot" and I say that with a ton of love. Not many of us have a generator sitting in our dining room. lol A lot of folks have toys for the grandkids littering their family room. Around here it's dog bones and dog toys. Just can't get those darn dogs to clean up after themselves. Most of Ron's things have been donated or sold out of necessity. Still have a lot of tools and fishing and hunting stuff which are my son's now and some collectibles which I kept. It no longer hurts to look at them. Time marches on and I guess we must march with it or be trampled.

Gwen, Wishing you peace and a pain free day for your birthday and every day. Sending love, hugs, warmth and sunshine across the miles. Karen