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Gin

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  1. Gin
    Kay,..it sure is. Friends invited to go as a 3rd wheel for dinner. Just cannot do it. What a wet blanket I would be!
  2. Gin
    Watching the news. They were talking about famous people who "left us" this past year. Our loved ones were not included! The most important ones!
  3. Gin
    Gwen...I share your feelings. I was married young and had 4 kids. After 31 years, my then husband wanted out. I went to a church sponsored group and too quickly hooked up with a clergyman. We were married after about a year. He had so many mental problems and killed himself after a year! The pain and guilt were terrible. After 6 years I met my soul mate, who was a widower. We married and had 16 wonderful years together. I wonder if I will be with him in heaven. Or his previous wife. So, I too do not have that peace of being re-United. gin
  4. Gin
    Gwen...yes, I count the hours I still have to fill each day. Last night I finally tackled the check book. I used to be so good at it. Now it was a mess. Finally did it, sort of. Looked at the clock and was so happy that I only had 3 hours left! Forgot that was the clock I never turned back, so disappointed I had to kill an extra hour. Life sure is miserable without Al. Gin
  5. Gin
    Gwen, People tell me to remember the good times. That just makes me sadder! No more good times. I cry all the time. I was suppose to go to the lawyer today to finish some of the awful stff. Ice storm last night. Finally got the stairs cleaned off, but the sidewalk is solid ice to the garage. Had to cancel. Can not fall. I am inside alone most of the time. Talk to some on the phone, but it sure is not the as having your best friend with you. Sure hope things improve for all of us. Gin
  6. Gin
    I am missing my Al so much again. It has been 12 weeks. All I have done is cry today. I am so counting on being with him in the afterlife. We were both widowed when we met. We were soul mates from the start. I was 60 and he was 65 when we married. We were together all the time. We went to more than 600 plays and concerts during the 16 years we were together.. If there is no marriage in heaven, how are we going to be together? And what about our first mates? I only want to be with Al. He was so good to me and I know he felt the same way about me. Anyone have any thoughts? I miss him so much.
  7. Gin
    Thanks all. I know I was so very sensitive tonight. This was always OUR holiday and his absence was so obvious. He used to enjoy so much talking to everyone. I guess I felt guilty laughing with the kids. Everyone seemed in such a good mood- except me.
  8. Gin
    You are probably right. I don't think they are comfortable when I start to cry. I am thankful they came over.
  9. Gin
    I had my daughter, son-in-law and 3 grandkids over tonight. We always had Christmas Eve. They are step children/ grandchildren to my late husband. He was so good to them all for the last 16 years. He always made things for the kids and we took them so many places. Tonight, no one mentioned him except me. I felt so bad. It was like no one cared or missed him. After they all left, I cried for an hour. It has only been less than 3 months, but how could they forget him already? Gin
  10. Gin
    everything is so hard without my Al. He was my third husband and the joy of my life for 16 years. First one wanted out after 31 years and 4 children. I met the next one at a church support group. Married much too soon. He had lots of mental problems. Took his own life after we were married a little over a year. Then after 5 years, Al came into my life. We were everything for each other. Did everything together and adored one another. Now at 76, I lost everything. I have friends and some family, but that one special person is gone. It is hard to face living without him. Memories do not bring consolation. I miss him even more when I think of all the good times that are gone. It is so hard, but we all have to struggle and survive.
  11. Gin
    I feel your pain. My husband has been gone 2 months and it is terrible. No reason to even get out of bed in the morning. I do not like the living room because we used to sit together in the loveseat. Don't like the other rooms either. Wonder if it will get better. Gin
  12. Gin
    I agree. It is so hard. My first husband and I divorced after 31 yrs. and 4 kids. After meeting someone at a church singles group,. We married. Too soon. He ended up taking his own life, which was horrible! I was alone for 6 years and met the love of my life on line. He lived close to where I worked. He was so kind, nonjudgmental, creative and affectionate. I was so fortunate to be married to him for 15 years. I so miss the closeness, hand holding and love. He just turned 80 and had lots of medical issues. I know how you miss your husband. Mine has been gone for 2 months and it is not getting better. I am hoping that with support of the kind people in his group, we will get better and WANT to live productive lives again. Maybe we can help others in the same situation. Hang in there. gin
  13. Gin
    Holiday is so hard. Husband's absence is so felt.
  14. Gin

    Thanks for your encouragement.  I did talk to two docs.  One told me that I took such good care of him that I probably gave him extra time.  It still didn't help.  I always think I could have done more.  I think his decline was gradual and I did not notice it day to day.  Family told me that they never thought he would not  last for the last year or two.

    1. kayc

      kayc

      I think if you read through the threads here you'll find you are not alone in your feelings.  Feeling guilt, whether deserved or not, seems to be a common grief response.  It's important you also acknowledge everything you did do for him and keep it in perspective.  Marty has some great links on guilt on this site.

  15. Gin

    Hi hollow heart,

    This is so very hard.  On top of losing our loved one, we have guilt on top of it.  I guess we think we have more power than we really do.  Thanks for sharing.  My loss was 7 weeks ago.

    gin

     

    1. hollowheart

      hollowheart

      Hi, mine was a month ago. I know we didn't do enough to save my sister. SO MUCH guilt there. I know people are telling me it's not my fault but we didn't give her a chance. I know I should be encouraging but I do believe I caused her death because I let her lay there instead of calling 911 so it's the same as actually killing her. I know she would be alive today. She didn't even get a chance in the hospital. We found her dead then we called 911. What idiots! As long as she was still breathing she had a chance and we took that from her. I let her down and let her die. It is my fault. 

  16. Gin

    hi Gwen,

    thanks for your encouraging words.  I am glad this forum exists for us folks.  This is a hard, hard road for us all.  Sometimes I feel as though I do nothing all day.  I miss him so much.

    gin

    1. Gwenivere

      Gwenivere

      Hi Gin,

      i just found this as I don't think to check messages.  I'm pleased whatever I said helped.  So many have helped me.  I can't imagine going thru this without the people I have found here.  

      I know that feeling of not doing anything all day and hate it.  Sometimes I remind myself that just getting out of bed us an accomplishment.   If is a time to be as encouraging of ourselves as I have come to see the outside world hasn't got a clue of what this is like.  

      I keep missing my guy more every day, unlike the perception I will 'get used to it'.  Nothing is farther than the truth.  Each day is just a longer time without that love and connection that we forged and made us complete.  

      My very best to you.

       

      Gwen

  17. Gin
    I am having such a hard time with guilt. I keep thinking that I should have seen something that I could have reported to the doctor. He was seeing an internist, cardiologist. Pulminologist, vascular surgeon, but nothing seemed to help. He just got weaker and weaker. I spent his last two weeks in the hospital with him. Sorry, this is my first time and I do not know how to do this
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