Gin

Yes, Cookie. It does hurt so bad. I try to keep busy but that doesn't work, either. I miss AL so very much and do not see any way out of it. This week was bad with car issues, internet issues, and bathtub issues. I sure hope it can all be fixed. Al used to take care of so much. He was so handy and smart. I miss him on so many levels, mostly the things you talked about...touching, hugging, holding hands, etc.

yes, another week. Even my daughter doesn't get it. A couple what we always went out with invited me for dinner. I told my daughter that I was reluctant to go and she did not know why. It is so hard without him.

These last few days have been hard to deal with since Al is gone. First my Internet went out and I got a new modem/router from ATT. Fine, but the phone plug is behind a heavy fine cabinet. My daughter is coming over on Sunday to help me. Then yesterday the radiator in my car needs replacement. Then today I could not turn off the water in the bathtub. Called a plumber and found out I have to have a lot of work done to replace the faucets. They are too old and they have to go through the tile to replace them. And hire someone to put up new tile. All these things I would have shared with Al. He was used to dealing with these things. I am not. I miss him so very much.

Gwen, So many people have said, " Look at all the things you two did together and places you went. Just remember all the good times". They have no idea what the used-to-be-good times mean now. Pain.

Hollowheart. I agree. People say to remember all the good times. That just makes me sadder because they are gone forever and I want them back so much. Gin

Karen, It is a hard day for you. I told my Al it was OK if he was too tired to fight anymore and he could go home to be with God. I did not want him to go and it was NOT OK, but I said it. He had lots of problems, but I did not think the end was near. He seemed to be improving. Then it all went downhill. I could not understand that it was over. I was so sure that he was coming home. Hang in there. It is so hard. Gin

Kay, Margaret and Hollowheart, Can I come with you?

Kay, He told me it was because the doctor's schedule is so backed up. I just do not know. He is 42 and should be able to handle this, but he has some problems. He worked for a power company and fell off one of those high tension poles. I would think that the company would bend over backwards to keep him satisfied so there would be no law suit. Being this far away, who knows. I just hate to see him in pain and can't even walk. I want to help, but I can not afford the hospital bill and doctor bill with no insurance.

I Live in Illinois and my son lives in California. He is having health issues and needs surgery to replace a hip that he broke in a fall. Actually he broke both hips. They replaced one and he is waiting for them to replace the other one. They keep postponing the surgery and his better hip is now being affected. I can not do anything about it, but I want to. I wrote and told him I would check with my ortho doc to see if his insurance would be honored here. Then he could come here and have the surgery. He agreed to let me inquire. Now I am not so sure if I want this. I can not take much more stress, but I can't just let him NOT get the surgery. I am pretty disgusted with the doctor there that does not push him up on the list. He is supposed to wait 2-6 months. Too much stress!!

I am having a lot of trouble with my computer. I will probably have to have someone help me. I was on the phone with ATT for a total of 5 hours the other day trying to fix it. SO, I have to clean up a bit around the machine. There are chords all over the place. I was pulling out some papers that AL had stuck around the machine. Recipes he downloaded, etc. I was throwing things out, but if it had HIS writing on it, I could not throw it away. It is kind of like Marge said about not letting anyone touch BIlly's things. I guess I do not want to say goodbye to Al, either.

Yes, Gwen, I am afraid to ask, also.

Karen, Glad things are starting to look up for you. The BP is nothing to fool with. Gin

Dear Butch, So sorry to hear about your son. Sorry also that you do not have y our Mary to go through it with you. Gin

Mitch, yes it is so very hard. I do not want to go to restaurants that we used to enjoy. I went to one where we went all the time. Some of the waitresses and the bus boy came up and gave me a hug. That was very thoughtful, but of course I started to cry again. I just prefer to avoid them.

Kay, Maybe I am just an avoider. I was talking to someone today who goes to the theater that he used to go to with his wife. I gave all my season tickets away. That was OUR thing and I just do not go anymore.

Kaye, Al and I had our favorite loveseat/recliner. We watched TV and sat in it every night. I can not bring myself to sit in it anymore without him. Wish I could. Maybe later.

Nature, so sorry you have to join us in grieving. This is a good place to express yourself. Everyone here is in the same situation and understands your pain. My husband died 4 months ago and I am lost without him. We did everything together. He had a lot of problems, but I did not think he was so close to the end. He was in the hospital for the last 2 weeks and I was able to stay with him the whole time. This is such a hard journey. And you with your mother AND husband! Feel free to come here often.

Gwen hope you are doing OK. We worry about you. Karen,. You better call your doctor. I was on blood pressure meds for many years and all of a sudden, they stopped working and now I am on 2 different ones. This journey is so hard and it takes a toll on our bodies and minds and spirit. Gin

so sorry you have to be here with the rest of us, but so glad you are here. This is the place to express your feelings. You will definitely not feel alone here. We are all struggling and trying to heal. I lost my Al 4 months ago and it has been terrible. He was my husband and best friend and it is so hard and lonely without him. I hope we can all help each other. Gin

Kevin, so sorry to hear about Patch. They are such a comfort and we lose them way too quickly. Wishing you peace. Gin

Gwen, i am so very sorry for your newest troubles, on top of the grief pain. Being alone after losing the love of your life is horrible enough. My hope for you is to get good medical care and ward off any further symptoms. I am sure that slowly you will do what is needed regarding the Life Alert and making arrangements for your dogs. The day before Al's Memorial Service I tore the meniscus in my knee. I felt so alone and vulnerable. Even if Al could not have done much to help, at least he would have been with me. Please do everything the doctor suggests. There are things that can help prevent further issues. We care about you and want you well! Gin

Marty, my husband had been sick for a long time, but I still did not realize he would die so soon. One of the last thing he told me was, "It is so hard to say goodbye". I do not remember what I said, but I know it was not Goodbye. I always felt bad that I did not, but after reading this article, I believe that I probably would not have under any circumstances. I held his hand for many hours and told him how great he was and how much I loved him. That was better. Gin

A few years ago a priest came to our local church and performed with a few of his family members. He played the guitar and sang. I bought his tape and played it a lot in the car. Lots of sad ballads. I do not ever listen to it anymore. One verse kept going through my mind today. Who holds your hand when the hand you held belongs to one who is gone? we can just carry on I don't think I have the last line right, but I can't listen to it to find out. But so true. So much we have all lost.

Gwen....I have so many of those places that I never want to visit again. We were avid theater goers and I will probably never go to another performance. We held hands through the entire shows. I gave all my season subscription tickets away. We had our favorite Chinese restaurant, too. Even have a gift certificate that I should give away, also.

Some days are harder than others. We just get through them the best we can. Warm thoughts are with you.