Gin

Joyce, I know how very hard thes days are. The 4th anniversary without Al is coming very soon for me and I am dreading it. We were married for 15 years and I miss him so very much. I do not think there is an easy way to get thru it. Remembering things makes it harder for me because I do not have that love and closeness any more. No one can come close to filling that place in my heart. Joyce, I hope you can have some peace on this special day. Know we are thinking of you. Gin

Oh Gwen,. I feel so bad for you. I know it is such a hard road. Being alone magnifies everything, especially when illness rears its ugly head. I have no ambition to get rid of stuff so I can leave this house. Too much to take care of. I understand how it overwhelms you. Do call the crisis line if you need to. You are valuable to us and we want you well. Gin

Went to the doctor today. He was Al's Doctor, also. I reminded him that it has been 3 years. Of course I was tearing up. I told him how hard it was living without Al. I told him I was really trying..joined a book club, health club, and Bible Study, etc.. Then he said, "But the person you want to talk to isn't there". Exactly. Now I was more than tearing up. They were spilling over. I left.

Sure sad that most of my family and friends are not aware of the date. I told a few earlier , but unless it affects them.....

Sure,Darrel.

Sorry it did not copy. I could only be grateful when I realized that I would rather have known you for a moment than never at all. I would rather endure this inexplicable pain of outliving you than to never have seen your face, spoken your name. I would rather be yours and you be mine mine, regardless. Regardless of the sorrow, the sleepless nights, and the years I will walk this earth, carrying you in my heart. Facebook.com/heaven garden.angel

It's been 3 years tomorrow since Al's been gone I miss him more than words can say. The joy is gone, my spirit died with him. It's so hard not to have him to love. And to be loved in return. We were great together. Absolutely great. Made a good team. Doctors said the same. My life seems so empty without him. So pointless and blah. I need to feel needed. He was so wise. So witty. So smart. So kind. So many things I miss about him. Holding hands. Loved to garden with him, cook with him, cuddle, Watch tv with him, and all those many, many plays.. I am amazed I have lived this long without him. Shows me that God is in control....not me. Try to honor him, but don't know how. Life will never be the same...not even close. I only had him in my life for 16 years, but what a wonderful time it was! Saw this on Facebook and like it: I know there are several of our "grief family" that have the death anniversary in Oct. You are all in my heart.

My best wishes to you. My prayers are for you and your boys. Gin

I am sure you are, Katie. Very tough road! Gin

Hi Marge, when I was driving today, I noticed such big beautiful clouds. I thought of you and Billy. I tried to decide if any of the clouds were him. Then I wondered if Al was another one. I spoke to them, but neither answered. Gin

Shirley,. Thinking of you tomorrow and wishing a little peace.

Ana, wishing you well with your health issues, also.

Joyce,. Exactly. My kids want to throw away so much in the garage. I told them to leave me alone about it. I feel like I am throwing him away. He loved making things and was always making things for the grandkids. Eventually, I know I will have to .

Today I decided to get rid of a lot of stuff from the back room. Al and I got married 18 yrs ago. We were both widowed. He sold his house and moved in with me. Of course he brought a lot of things here. Today I went thru some of it. A lot from his high school days, scouting trips, honor society notes, and basketball things. I saved pics of him, but most of the rest left. Needless to say, I felt terrible throwing away ANYTHING relating to Al. He had no children and most of his siblings are dead. There is no one to pass it on to. I have to downsize since I will have to leave this house eventually. I am 79 and it is getting very hard to do much of anything. He made me so many cards and poems, so I have a lot of happy things from him. He has been gone almost 3 years, but it still seems so raw and sad. I had medical issues this week and it is so hard to deal with these things alone, as you all know. Just voicing what we are all feeling. I miss him so much.

Anna, you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. Gin

Gwen,. Sorry you are having such a hard time these last few weeks. Sure hope things improve for you. Gin

Katie,. So very sorry about losing Riley Grace. She is a perfect prescious angel now. My prayers are for your healing. Gin

Hope so.

I have not seen activity here for many, many hours. I rebooted, but nothing.

I really dislike weekends. The days are so very long. I went to the health club, but that is all. My daughter called and said, "I can't believe the day is almost over. It flew by.". I said, "I can't believe I still have 7 hours left". And another one just like it tomorrow.

Katie, thinking of you and wishing that you and your baby improve quickly so you can get home to your boys. So grateful you have such a good friend to help. Gin

Cookie, wouldn't that get together be great?

Gwen,. Glad you are finally home, even though it means more adjustments again. So hard to do all this alone. Maybe with the right antibiotics, you will feel stronger soon.

Darrel,. These are such very hard things to go through! Thinking of you! Gin