rdownes

Finch I am so sorry you are having such hard days my heart goes out to you, it is a very hard path we are on and yes it does feel like we are swimming in darkness sometimes but it is the price we pay for love and I will take this prison sentence because I was blessed to of been loved so unconditionally we all were I truly think in our own time we will find our peace and be able to walk through life with there love and spirit right beside and be able to enjoy life to some extent it just takes time it will not be easy and we will be knocked down to the point that we will think what is the point to get back up but their love is our reason to get back up and keep going you are in my thoughts hugs

I want you to know that you are not alone and we all understand your pain I know it is hard to pour your heart out to people you do not know but we are all going down this grief journey and are here to listen and comfort and support you. Grief is hard work and it can be hard and overwhelming when you are ready we will be here to listen just know that my heart feels for you and you are in my thoughts

Hello I found another song for Kevin sorry if I post to many songs it is just it is my realise it is Amanda Perez I Pray please listen.

Amy am so proud of you taking in the child what an amazing thing to I am sure your Daniel is so proud of you.

Kerry you have nothing to feel guilty about you did the best you could, you could try apologizing to you granddad if it helps, I apologized to my husband almost everyday until one day I just decided to forgive myself for not being a perfect person because no one is we all do the best we can the pain will never go away but it will not not always be so intense I am sure your granddad knows you loved him and he would not want you to blame yourself grief is hard one of the hardest things we will ever face, be gentle on youself

Butch in no way are you a failure dealing with the loss of our soulmates is hard and it takes a strong person just to get up and face everyday, I think we are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for and needing help is fine I am sure you children and grandchildren want you around you have experienced multiple losses give yourself some credit you are doing the best you can, remember everyone has their own pace in grief you should not compare yourself to others or have expectations that you should be over it, I know I will never be over my Kevin they will forever be a part of our lives living in our hearts, try to remember your children's grief is different your grieving the loss of your soulmate they are grieving loss of a parent not that it is easier but it is different my children are dealing better than me but that is ok with me they are supposed to be able to go on and live out their dreams I know it is hard and my heart goes out to you just don't give up keep Mary ibn your heart and take care of yourself

Yes Marita I love music it is my release and help me feel Kevin is with me still and tears are fine with me I accept my tears as my love needing to be released, very happy you were able to listen to the tape Gin I am sure All was right there with you sharing in it, thank you Kaycee I look for songs that have meaning to me. Hugs

Kayce am sorry to hear of so many loses of people you know hugs to you

Kerry my heart goes out to you I know it is easier said then done but do not blame yourself it was out of your control we are all or have dealt with guilt, I have only recently started forgiving myself and my husband( a long story) guilt will not bring back you grandfather I know it hurts right now and you feel lost, empty, confused all of which are sadly part our grief journeys hold on to good memories of your grandfather and remember his love and kindness which I know right now is hard, you will find a path that works for you just take baby steps, even one breath at a time know that you are not alone we are here and understand your pain hugs

They will be in my prayers and heart yes the pain of losing someone is so hard and something I wish no one had to go through I feel their pain.

I wanted to share something else that bothers me his family did upset me alittle his brother said nobody meaning my kids better not post on Facebook that their father passed from an overdose because they are not going to have people saying he was a drug addict, I know it is their denial I know it is their own journey and they have their reasons it is not that anyone would post it out there something so personal but it is what he passed from addicts are people with feelings,hopes and dreams they are people who have families that love them and they love it is a disease not an embarrassment some people just never get the help they need and laying blame on anyone once they are gone changes nothing I know it's hard it was hard for me to admit on here at first but now that I have it is a lifted burden on my heart I knew he had addicted tendencies from the beginning that got worse but I also no he showed me a love like no other I would still go back and choose him again because he was and always will be a blessing in my life I know I can't force them to accept or deal with anything it is their path it just frustrated me hugs

I am glad you found some comfort we definitely need places to turn at times

I feel your pain and my heart truly goes out to you what happened should never of happened in a place ment to help people it is so hard I know you miss him how could you not miss your soulmate you will always miss him until you are reunited again but I do not think any of our soulmates would want us to just sit around waiting to pass they loved us and while it is a hard, lonely and sometimes hopeless road they want us to live on with their love in our hearts I will keep you in my thoughts hugs

I know how difficult it is to lose a loved one I lost my husband on May 17,2016 and I just found out yesterday it was from a drug overdose you are right no matter who you talk to she will not be back and it sucks, it hurts you feel hopeless you feel like what's the point for me their love is the point, they loved us and it is that love we need to hold on to, it is what gives me my hope andhelps me to get up and face another day even though it is hard I know you need to find your way since it your journey I just hope you find your sense of peace in your own time and way my heart goes out to you.

Marg you are so right none of them wanted to leave us I know he did not want to and I value your words of wisdom yes the survivors are left to deal with the world and it sucks no matter what the cause of them leaving us we it is just hard no matter what, it isjust hard being without your soulmate, tonight I told Kevin I forgive him and I still love him. Thank you Mik I know that the drug had taken control and it was out of my control addiction ruins lives but I won't let it ruin mine or taint our love.

I have found a new song to share we all know I love songs and it is my coping skill it is Daughtry. Call Your name please listen:

I have decided I will not let how Kevin died define the person that he was, I will not let addiction ruin my life or my families we will not be a product of addiction!!

Thank you all so much for your support I appreciate it and am thankful I am trying to process this and accept it for I know holding on to guilt and anger will not help me in this journey besides feeling anger at Kevin right now I also feel love and sadness it is sad he lost the battle to addiction I know it was not his choice to be an addict and he did not chose to die, I know he loved us to the best of his ability he was not a perfect man but he was my "forever love" and nothing I found out changes that I just need time to learn to accept,deal and cope again but I will somehow find my way again.

Thank you all I can't stop the tears or the ache in my heart I feel so angry right now then I feel guilty for being angry at him because he is gone but I feel I have a right to be angry with him, I know he had an addiction like I have said before it was always either alcohol or drugs and I blame the bipolar to it is like he was doing it to escape his brain but knowing all this is not a help right now it just makes me feel more sad it is like I now have figure out how to accept, forgive and keep moving on all of which feels impossible right now I still love him but it hurts so bad

I just got the report back today Kevin passed from a Fentanol overdose, I feel like I am losing it he died from a bad bag of heroin, I am crying wanting to rip my heart out why Kevin why chose drugs over us you'd still be here if you would have listened to me I am angry and hurt I don't know how to feel I feel like I am back to day one where do I go from here how do I deal with and accept this I don't know how .

Jgillen what an awesome way to honor both your birthday's I am sure Mike was there loving all the notes and sending you his love. I haven't really hit any firsts that would count as a hard day yet accept for Father's day, but I think everyone is right since it is a personal journey I think just wait and see what you are up to he will be with you no matter what hugs

Mitch I truly hope you are right I just don't feel strong like him

Mitch you are not alone you always have us even though I have never met you personally I care very much you have helped me so much and your words touch my heart you are a good person yes it is a blessing to have them but it doesn't remove the pain that is always there and yes you HAVE Tammy's love she will always be with you. You are truly blessed. Jgillen and Steve it is so true sometimes even knowing they are their in spirit doesn't help the pain but I am a learning to accept the pain as it comes and goes I know they hear us there is no question for me love that we all had could never die I just have to keep moving forward even when knocked down for a night, which will be hard at times. I want to let everyone know how much I care about them and appreciate them hugs

Thank you Steve and Kaycee today is easier my grandbabies spent the night we went to the park saw my butterfly so Kevin was there it made me feel better I know bad nights happen but I had to scream it out to get it out ,yes it is weird what causes sadness something that should bring joy thank you for listening hugs

I am sorry if you did not find the comfort you were looking from you friend maybe they are not ready to share their story,maybe they never will it is hard to share even with people who are going through their own grief journey it took me awhile to feel comfortable opening up here and even longer for me to feel I could share what helps me cope do not feel bad or take it personally you are so right George we are all on our own journey but we are blessed to have found fellow grievers who share their pain in order to try and help another grieving soul.