AnnieO

I am so sorry about your son. I have a 20 yr old daughter and I cannot even begin to imagine what this nightmare must be like for you and your family. I am glad you found this site, keep posting . I wish I knew what to say...please know you are not alone here. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry about your dad. I am glad you were able to tell him you loved him and would take care of the family. My mom died Dec 06 and my dad died 10 months later. I know its very, very hard right now. I am glad you posted here, keep coming back, it helps. There are wonderful people here. Although right now its hard to hear Moonlight Serenade or Mel Torme , one day those things will fill your heart with warm memories of your dad. Take care of yourself, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Aibella I am so sorry for your loss. Keep posting here, it really does help. lots of kind and caring people are here. My mom died Dec.06 and my dad died 10 months later. My mom was my best friend too, so I know this is very hard for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers and please know you are not alone.

Its strange, I never lived in the house my parents were last in, but it still feels like I have no "home " to go visit. The day we closed the sale, was the last day I have ever been there. I can't even bring myself to drive into the neighborhood. I had to deal with a pushy realtor , who hired a "stager" to make the house "presentable". I can't tell you how upsetting that was. The changes she made were so bizarre!! Finally, I had to just let it go and let them do their thing, I got thru by having conversations with my mom and thinking what her reaction would be! I know she would have been shaking her head and laughing ! But in their defense they managed to get the house sold before things got too bad. Temmie, I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I think what you have done so far shows you have so much strength and courage.

Wendy, Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you today.

Teny I am sorry the seminars are not what you were looking for. If I remember correctly you have mentioned there isn't a grief support system where you live...I know this might be a crazy thought, but what if you started a group? Could you connect with a hospital or a church and get some help organizing something? Not that you would have to lead any therapy or discussion, but just a place and time that people who have lost loved ones, could get together. Marty might have some suggestions. Just an idea.

Proud, I am 48 years old and still feel lost without my mom and dad. It doesn't matter how old you are , when you lose your dad or mom , you feel like a little child all over again. I hope one day when you remember your dad laughing at videos or your kittens, it will fill your heart with love and all the happy memories will bring you comfort.

I just read your posts . I am sorry there have not been more replies. I cannot speak for anyone but myself...I never know how to respond to the posts from someone that has lost a child. I have tried and haven't been able to find the right words. I am a mother of 2 teenagers and cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. I am so sorry for your loss and even though I have not responded to your posts, I do read them and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Carole, I am glad you found this site. I am sorry about your mom. My mom died on the same date as your mom but a year before. My dad died 10 months later, so I undestand when you say you feel like an orphan. Its a horrible feeling. Keep posting here, it really does help. There are so many kind, caring people here. You are not alone.

Patti, Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You have so many friends here, you are not alone.

Blue Eyes and Becka, I am so sorry for your loss. My mom died 2 years ago and my dad died one year ago. They never missed one event or activity that my kids were in. I think that is one of the hardest things now, to go watch my kids and know how much my parents would have loved being there and how proud they were. They were there to see my daughter graduate from highschool but my son grad. this year and that will be a hard day. My son also has the change to play college soccer and it breaks my heart because I know his grandfather would have been at every game! I have to believe they are still around my kids and are watching over them and can still be proud of their accomplishments. I think your anger is a normal thing and hopefully in time your happy memories and love for your dad will start to replace that anger. Keep coming here to post, it really does help. Take care.

Fred, I remember my mom telling me about the year my dad gave her a new iron for Valentine's Day. Years later she told him the same thing your wife told you. Just saw on t.v a man gave his wife a scale that could also determine body fat numbers! My mom was really into Valentine's Day and we all got cards and fun gifts( candy, socks with hearts on them..etc). Thanks for reminding me of these happy memories.

Emptyinside, I know it feels like your dad took you with him. But, I think he left the best parts of himself, here with you. He and your mom created you. He loved you, guided you and taught you so many wonderful things. He taught you how to love and take care of people. He taught you kindness and compassion. It makes me sad to read your post, when you are hopeful that you will get sick and die, so you can be with your dad again. If I were to die now, would I want my kids to die and follow me. No, no, no. I can't imagine your dad would want that either. Tell us what you are studying in school. What do you want to do when you are finished? You mentioned earlier your dad helped you decided on a career....can you share that with us?

Sheri, I am so sorry about your son. I don't even know what to say, other than you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep posting here, there are wonderful, caring people here.

Wendy, Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. Annie

Leeann, I understand your post. My mom died 2 years ago in Dec. and no-one remembered. I too, didn't want to say anything to my kids. I think you said itp perfectly, "this is just how its going to be". I know I have made progress, I am living my life and have great joy in my life. BUT, there are still very sad and painful times in each and everyday. Just wanted to tell you I understand.

Kay, I understand your post. I had to put my dog to sleep the night my mom died. I too feel like I never grieved for him. It was such a blur . For a long time afterwards, I would forget he was gone and wonder where he was. And then I would remember. He was such a great dog. He was a Bernese Mountain dog. He had one blue eye and one brown eye. He was my shadow and sat on my feet anytime I quit moving. I like to believe he is with my mom and dad, they loved him too.

Erica, The book really surprised me. It really made me think about so many things. The funny part is, I bought the book, not knowing anything about it and thought it was a mystery type of book. So when I say it surprised me, it really did! I have actually gone back and re-read parts of it. I thought it was very powerful.

I am so sorry you are having such a hard,hard time right now. Have you been to your doctor? I really think you should see your doctor or a grief therapist. Lots of us have taken medications , especially at the beginning. It might be helpful. After my parents died, I went thru a period of time where I could not shut off the horrible, ugly thoughts. They all raced thru my brain constantly and I couldn't stop them. My therapist helped me so much, I had to learn how to stop the thougths and think about other things. It seems like we discussed a medication that could help me with this, but I was able to turn it around with time. It was becoming almost an obsessive/compulsive thought process, it consumed me. It was stopping me from healing. I just read a book called The Shack, have you read it? Its one of thosee books that when I finished it , I wasn't sure what I thought about it. If you have read it I would be interested in hearing your thoughts. Please hang in there. Your dad wants you to live. You are not alone.

We debated what to do with my parents ashes too. We finally planted 2 trees in my yard and put the ashes in the ground when we planted the trees. We also put some seashells that we brought back from Florida, as a reminder of all the wonderful memories we have from there. The grandchildren have picked out sun-catchers and wind-chimes for the trees . I remember seeing two different sites on the internet, one that would make a colored gemstone out of a tiny amount of ashes and another one that made beautiful crystal paperweight type of things, with ashes inside. Shelley, I was like you. I needed to do something with the ashes in order to keep healing. It was frustrating because no-one wanted to make any decisions and just didn't realize how hard it was for me to have the ashes .

Thank you for sharing the pictures. I cannot imagine how hard it was to go to the banquet. What an incredible feeling it must be to have seen Taylor there and know he is with you. The pictures took my breath away. Did you get the chance to ask his friend Nick if he felt Taylor's slap on the back? Thank you again for sharing this.

rekim01 I am sorry your family had to go thru all of that. I understand it completely. The nursing home where my dad was, lost his glasses and could have cared less. I did his laundry, but they would take things to the laundry and then not return it. I constantly went looking for his clothes. This place did the same thing with his meals, just put them on the bed-table and left. I would try and get there for 2 meals during the day. My mom had a terrible experience too. When we first had her in a nursing home , she was too weak to walk but suffering from drug induced confusion. She kept trying to get out of bed, the first night they put her in a wheelchair in the nurses station, all night. That's where I found her the next morning. We hired an agency to provide someone to stay with her at night. The first morning I came in after hiring the agency, my mom had a black eye and scratches and bruised arms with fingerprints . We called the police. I will live with that the rest of my life. My mom could not protect herself and the fear she must have felt that night. I didn't know what to do and I thought I was doing the best thing for her. I did complain, but not enough...because I too, thought it would make things worse. I do think you should all the administration and voice your complaints, they need to know these things. Or write a letter.

Kath, We must live closer than we thought! I too , just saw sun-dogs and trumpeter swans and couldn't agree with you more...I just have to keep reminding myself to raise my head up and look around. The other night I was doing my horse chores and my son drove up to the barn to tell me to look at the sunset. It was amazing. Plus, I got to sit and watch it with my teenage son. So, even on the really bad days, I will keep looking for the beautiful things iin my life.

EM As always Marty has so many powerful things to say. Marty has given me strength and courage so many times when I was right where you are. And I was right where you are...many of us have been there. I know that doesn't make you feel better, but I promise you, you can do this. I remember the days that were so dark and painful, I didn't think I could go on or didn't know if I wanted too...but I did go on and you will too. I found an inner strength I never imagined I had. Some days it was all I could do to shower. This is such hard work and you rarely get a break from it , at the beginning. Please believe me it does get easier, I know you don't think that is possible, but there are so many of us here that can tell you that it does. When I say easier, it doesn't mean you miss them any less, not at all....for me it just means I work hard at filling my heart with happy memories and I find comfort in knowing how proud my parents are of me for getting to the place I am now. Your family needs you and your dad is watching over you and is with you thru this painful journey. I hope you find some peace tonight and can rest.

Temmie, I am so sorry for your loss. My parents died very close together and it was over-whelming. I am sure I don't know the relationship you have with your siblings, but you mentioned they want you to hurry up and get this all done. Why are they not helping? You cannot possibly pack up a life time of things, by yourself. Especially in a few days. I know here, where I live, there are people that you can hire to come and help you organize and pack, but I would imagine this could be expensive. To expect you to get this done quickly, just 10 days after your father's death is too much to ask. You need to take care of yourself first. Keep posting.