AnnieO

Kathy I know when things get to be overwhelming for me, I just look at everything in 3 hour sections. I don't think about anything beyond that time frame. Maybe break it down into 1 hour sections. Do as much as you can in that time frame and then take a break. Work on clearing out your room and then take a break from it. Some days all I could get done was to take a shower, but I felt like I was accomplishing something..My mom has been gone a year and my dad a few months, I am still dealing with all the paperwork, so I dont think you can get that done quickly. I had to pack up and sell their house and I was so overwhelmed that I made some decisions I regret now,about their personal belongings,so dont rush into anything right now. Take care of yourself.

Kim, I am an "older kid" too and I know from my heart, your kids do need you. Not a moment goes by that I don't wish my mom was here. You are in my thoughts and I wish you strength during these dark days.

Debbie, I am sorry to hear about your new diagnosis of MS. I know it's very scary to hear such news and be worried about the future. I have a very good friend with MS. She found out years and years ago she has had a few flare-ups over the years but today she is a retired school teacher who is so busy, she shows horses all over the country, is learning Spanish and how to play the mandolyn(sp)and recently started modeling. She is such an inspiration to so many people,she lives her life to the fullest! I was diagnosed with Lupus many years ago also, I remember the fear I felt. I learned as much as I possibly could and tried a couple different doctors until I found the right one. Learn as much as you can and learn to take care of yourself...rest when you are tired! You and your mom are in my thoughts. stay strong.

Shell You truly are a real friend. I hope this doesnt become too much for you, is her family helping too? She is lucky to have you in her life.

Rosanne Thanks for your post. You are in my thoughts often too. I know how hard it is to be the care-giver. I hope you are able to find some time just for you and to rest. I am at a strange point right now..lots of misplaced guilt. I keep going over things. Not being with my mom more, not taking better care of my dad..etc...in my head I know I did all that I could, but I just can't seem to shake this mood. Like my mom always told me, I know you "are a good daughter" too. I hope you have a peaceful night.

Debbie, I am glad you have a gift from your parents, one that your dad knew you would like. I too, am so glad the holidays are over. It was our first Xmas without both my parents, my brother and his family were here with us. We tried really hard to make it happy, but I think everyone just felt the huge piece that is missing. I think we all just went thru the motions, to get thru the day. My mom has been gone 13 months and my dad ,3 months. I still have moments each day where I think about picking up the phone and calling my mom, I can't believe it's been a year. Just wanted to let you know , you are in my thoughts.

Renee, I am so sorry about your son. I am glad you found this site, there are many wonderful, caring people here. You are right, I do not know your pain, but I just wanted to tell you, you and your daughters are in my thoughts and prayers.

Someone emailed me this last night: "Don't curse the the dying of the flame, instead celebrate how brightly it burned"...at first I just dismissed this and hit delete. But, tonight as I think about the new year ahead, I keep thinking about the quote. I know my mom would be telling me the same thing. I want to be able to move past my anger and how much I focus on how my parents died. I want to celebrate the time I had with them. I know it will be hard and sad, but I want to think about all the happiness my parents gave to my family and so many others. I want to focus on all the people that loved my parents. My parent's flame burned so bright, and I had lost sight of that. I am not big on New Year's Resolutions, but this is one I will try and keep.I wish you all a peaceful night.

Moonflower, I am so sorry about your daughter and you dad. You have had so much loss in such a short time. I am glad you found this site. It has helped me so much and there are wonderful,caring people here. I lost my mom in Dec.06 and my dad Oct 07. I hope you keep posting..you are in my thoughts.

Teny, I have thought about you so often during the holidays. I am struggling with my faith right now too. It's so wonderful to read the posts here , where people talk about the strength they get from their faith, church, prayers..etc. I am not there.And I am not sure how to get there. I just try to get thru each day...lately that is just so hard to do. Hopefully, some day I will wake up and I will remember where I left my faith. I wish you a peaceful night.

Claire, I am so sorry about your dad. I am glad you found this site, there are wonderful, helpful people here. I understand about wanting to smell your dad's clothing. I lost my mom a year ago and my dad Oct.2 of this year. I didn't keep much of my parent's clothing, I wish I had. I did keep my mom's perfume that she always wore, I find it comforting to wear it. Please keep posting and take care of yourself. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Just finished celebrating Xmas with my brother and his family. It was hard, first one without our parents. We managed to have some fun and laughter. My brother gave me a gift that took my breath away. He was getting ready to donate a video camera and looked to see if there was a tape in it, there was. It's probably 7-9 years old. They made a copy for me, on it, there are parts with my parents on it. It's the only tape I have with my parents on it, I can't believe I don't have any other tapes. There is a part with my mom singing to my niece when she was a little girl. All the songs she sang to us when we were little and then to our kids. I have not watched it, my brother told me what was on it. I don't know when I will be able to watch it, but I love having it and knowing someday I will watch it and hear my mom's voice again. I wish you all a peaceful night.

Gail, I just wanted to tell you I am happy you are "expecting" your first grandchild. The other day a friend was looking at pictures I have from my parent's memorial, all of them are of my parents and their 4 grandchildren. My friend got teary and said "in every single picture you can see on their faces, how much they loved their grandchildren and how much joy they brought to their lives" I wish this for you too. Oh and I had to laugh out loud at your "crack of stupid" saying. I get up soooo early, my family always talks about how I get up before the crack of dawn...now I can correct them and use your saying! I hope you had a restful night.

Hello, I am really struggling right now too. My mom died Dec.06 and my dad died 2 months ago. Last Xmas is a blur, my mom died and one week later my dad went into the hospital and was there thru Xmas, well, actually he never went home again. So, I don't remember anything about last year. I feel so much more this Xmas and it's awful. When you said your son cried last year until he almost vomited, I can relate. It just seems so real and final. I fell apart today because I felt I had made a mistake donating all my mom's clothing, I wish I had kept a few things just to have around me. I have so many of her Xmas decorations out and I cry everytime I walk by them. I wish I had some encouring words or advice, I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Wendy, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts. I hope it brings you some comfort and strength to know how much you're cared for by all of us here. Keeping you close in thought.

I just had this discussion with my aunt. Her husband died when she was 42, she still gets an occasional call for him, she is now 80. She does not say he has died, he is just not available. She decided by now everyone that knew either of them knows he passed away , so these calls are all sales/telemarketing etc. She also just puts her initials in the phonebook and does not let workmen know she is alone. I think you can never be too careful.

Debbie I am so sorry about your dad. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your dad sounds bigger than life. What a wonderful man, you were so lucky to have such a great relationship with him. My dad died Oct.2 2007 , my mom died one year ago. I know there are no words that can help, but please know you are in my thoughts and I hope you keep posting.

Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I did manage to get quite a bit of shopping done online! I never thought about looking for wrestling action figures at Amazon! Friday was the year anniversary of my mom's death. What a strange day. As you know I was really falling apart last week. I must have scared my husband because he stayed home with me on Friday. I had plans to walk with a friend and then have lunch with another one. I cancelled all of it, I just couldn't stop weeping. My husband and I actually had a nice, quiet afternoon, he was wonderful. That night we drove my son to soccer practice, we dropped him off and went to dinner, when we came back there was no place to park.We ended up parking in the lot right across from the building where my mom died. At first I was in a panic. My husband ran into watch the end of my son's practice. I stayed in the car, I looked up and found the window of the room where my mom had been. I suddenly felt very calm. I told my mom that no matter how much I miss her, I was glad she was no longer sick and in that room or the nursing home. I felt so much peace on the way home. My daughter called the next day to tell me about a wonderful dream she had, she saw my parents and they were healthy and happy. My mom told her in the dream that "they were fine and she didn't want my daughter to be sad and she knew how hard my daughter was trying to get thru this and still do well at school". My daughter and I talked and cried and had some wonderful memories and said how lucky we were that we had,had my parents in our lives. Yesterday, I felt so much stronger, I even got out my mom's recipes and made some Xmas cookies. I laughed while I was doing it, they didn't turn out at all like my mom's , but I felt like she was sitting at the kitchen counter laughing with me. Thanks for listening and helping me get thru last week. You are all in my thoughts, especially during this tough time of year.

I had a horrible day. I decided I have to get Xmas shopping. Got my courage up and went. It was awful. I cried the entire day, I am sure people wondered what was going on as I walked thru the stores with tears streaming down my face. Everywhere I went had so many memories of my mom and I shopping together and then the Xmas music was too much to handle. I didn't get anything done, sobbed all the way home. I just don't think I can do this. I told my husband I can't shop alone, so he has to be my new shopping buddy! He hates to shop! I think I will try and find some things online and avoid the malls if I can. I have also decided to try an antidepressant, I have been avoiding it but this week I feel like I am falling apart. Its as if I can actually feel my heart breaking, the pain in my chest, the feeling like I want to scream but nothing will come out, a silent scream. I know we have to put up a tree, but maybe we could just not decorate it! Thanks for listening, I am filled with panic and anxiety but it helps to know you are all here.

Lori, You are right, your story did make me smile. It's beautiful. It also reminded me that my mom has a box of handkerchiefs somwhere too. I am going to find them. I believe I had a message from my mom yesterday, my son called and was so upset, he had been in a minor car accident, no-one was hurt(thank god) but his car was damaged and stuck in a snowbank. I was drving to help him and found myself, stressed and mad at him. Then clear as a bell this memory popped into my head, I was 16, just got my license, slid off the road on some ice and called my mom. She showed up to help me , hugged me , told me she was so happy I wasn't hurt and it was "just a car" and got in the car and drove it back on the road. As I remembered this, it made me smile and I said out loud, "okay, mom I get the message"..so when I saw my son, I hugged him and told him the same thing my mom had said to me. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story with us.

Karen, It made me smile when you said your daughter "is such a good daughter".The last few months my mom was alive that's how we always said good-bye. She would tell me I was such a good daughter and I would tell her she was such a good mom! I am glad you have a good daughter too! And she is lucky to have you for a mom!

I am not sure I heard it correctly but they did a commercial for the Ophra W. show today and I think it was asking a question. "If you could spend one more day with someone you love and have lost, how would you spend it?" I have already decided I won't watch it, too hard, but I have spent the afternoon thinking , how would I spend one more day with my mom and dad? I can't imagine.I do know I would make sure and say all the things I never got a chance to say. This week has been so hard, one of the hardest so far. Monday was my dad's birthday and this Friday it will be one year since my mom died. Thanks for listening, no real point to my post, just thinking out loud.

Anna You are right, we are sharing so many of the same feelings. I am sorry about your mom. I know my mom is with me and on the days I don't think I can get out of bed, I feel her strength and I get thru the day. You are also right about our parents wanting us to go on and find joy again. Thank you for sharing your story with me. You will be in my thoughts.

Hockeymom I am so sorry about Brandon. I just wanted you to know I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. I hope you can convince the school board to let you walk across that stage and get the diploma your son worked so hard for. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Well, I survived one of the most emotional week-ends of my life. I am so exhausted that I am completely numb and afraid of what this next week will bring when the numbness wears off. I hosted Thanksgiving(the first without my mom and dad) at my house with 31 people and then on Saturday we had a memorial service for my parents here.I have been a wreck for weeks and weeks, planning the service, wanting it to be perfect. And it was.It was very small, personal and exactly what my parents would have liked. There was laughter and tears and wonderful stories and as per my mom's wishe..good food and really good wine! I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to get thru it, but as I was pressing my son's pants the laundry room door, slowly closed(it has never happened before) and yes it was probably the furnace kicking on but in that moment I felt my mom's strength and I knew she would be with me thru-out the day. I managed to get thru the day and at one point my daughter had written something she wanted to read but became too emotional to read it, I stood up and read it and got thru it. As I looked around my house it was filled with people that loved my parents , my house never seemed so warm and full of light and love. I have no doubt my parents were there with us. My mom will be gone one year on Dec.7, my dad has been gone 2 months. I have been so focused on getting thru Thanksgiving and the memorial that I have not allowed myself to think about them,at all. Now,I know what is ahead of me and I won't be able to stay in denial. But, yesterday I know my mom and dad were so proud of me and that makes me smile. Thanks for listening.