AnnieO

I am not a dr, so please understand this is just my experience with the drugs. My mother was terminally ill and very, very agitated and struggling with anxiety. They prescribed both medications you mentioned. She did not have any mental health issues .She had trouble with the Ativan, but became very comfortable with Serequel. She said she didnt know she could get thru the day without it. Thought this might help. I am glad your husband is going to be okay and coming home.

Kay, I was diagnosed with Lupus over 20 years ago. Lots of ups and downs...good days and bad days. If I could offer your family any advice for your niece, it would be to get to a specialist right away. I was very fortunate to have found a wonderful doctor. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Josh, I dont have any great advice, just wanted to let you know I am struggling with panic/anxiety right now too. My mom died Dec.06 and my dad Oct 07...I got thru that time without any panic attacks..it wasnt until months later that it started. They hit me out of no-where. Last week my husband brought a business associate and his wife out to our house. She wanted to see my horses. I knew she was very ill, but had never met her. She got out of the car and took my husband's arm and started to walk in...I turned and saw her and it was like seeing my mom all over again. That moment brought back so much..I lost it and could not get away from all of them, fast enough.I couldnt breathe, felt like I was going to pass out..etc. I was supposed to go to dinner with the group, but couldn't.I am sure they thought I was very rude. I have a great therapist and am working with her to figure out how to get thru this. I too, am not crazy about taking medication, just a personal choice. I hope you find some relief and have a peaceful night.

Deb I am so sorry for your loss. My dad also refused a feeding tube and respirator...he said, "no more". We had family friends that told us we let my dad starve to death.We understood their pain, but also were very hurt by the things they said to us. They did not know how sick he was and that this was his choice and we honored his wishes. I hope one day you will find peace with your family's decision.

I am so shocked by what this woman has written. I went back and read it over a few times, thinking that possibly I was misunderstanding it...I dont think you are taking it the wrong way. I think its horrible and so insulting to anyone that has ever lost a loved one. If I can calm down enough, I would like to send her an email and tell her what I think of her article. I lost both my parents within 10 months of eachother...and I will never "get over it".

Teny, I too, would love to hear about Greece. Things like , where do you live, have you always lived there? What the seasons are like, where were your parents from, do you have siblings there? What Greek dishes do you like to eat or prepare? So, when you are up to it, please share your life and country with us. Take care. Thinking of you.

Teny, Keep fighting. In one of your posts you mentioned how scared your kids were when they walked into the hospital and saw you in the oxygen tent...I know that fear and I know what its like to lose both my parents.I am so lost without them. Your kids and grandkids need you. Please keep fighting to live.

I am so sorry about your mom. My mom died Dec.06 after being sick for almost 2 years. I felt the same way you did when she died. I had helped take care of her for so long, I just wasnt prepared. I agree with the things Leann and Mariah said in their posts, take care of yourself right now. Keep coming here and posting, it has helped me thru some horrible days. You are in my thoughts.

Hello, I am so sorry for you loss. My mom died Dec.06 and my dad died Oct.07. I am seeing a grief therapist and wanted to tell you a huge part of what I have done is letter writing. It was so hard at first but I feel it really helped me. But it took a very long time for me to be able to write the letters, so dont feel like you should do this, until the time is right. One other thing I had to do was write down the questions I had for my parents and then I wrote down what I would want the answers to be or what I think my parents would have said. I let go of alot of the guilt and "what ifs"...It was very healing.You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Just thought I would give you an update.I flew out to AZ on Sunday and spent the day with my brother. I have no regrets, and am so glad I went. It was such a healing day for both of us. We sat outside , over-looking the mountains and talked for 6 hours. There was lots of crying , but laughing too. He told me alot about his treatment. He is learning so much about himself. He had things he wanted to say to me about how he felt he has hurt me. He hopes that I will give him the chance to be a better brother(his words). He is dealing with his anger towards my dad, he said it feels so good to let it out and let it go. I know he has a long way to go and there is no guarantee, but as I drove away I felt so hopeful. The first song that came on the radio as I left.."He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother" I laughed out loud! I am so glad I went.

Hello, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom Dec 06 and my dad Oct 07. At 5 days, I was still in total shock. I am glad you found this site. You will find wonderful people here. I wish I knew the words to help you...you are not alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Marty, I read the book a few months back. I really liked it and often go back to it.

Thanks to everyone that responded. It was all good advice. I will talk to my therapist again next week and then decide. If I understand her view, its that I have put everyone first for the last 3 years and to start to heal, I have to learn to put myself first and distance myself(for a while) from the people that are "energy vampires"..she says I need all the energy I have for myself right now. I will tell her how I feel and how important it is to me that I go give my brother a hug. And Marty, my brother's team of counselors are sending me a letter with their opinion about what I should do. All of this would take place the last week of his treatment, during family week. Again, thank you all for your kind words and wonderful advice. I will keep you posted.

I am struggling with a tough decision right now. My brother recently admitted himself to a treatment center in AZ. He is dealing with anorexia, spending addictions and depression. I am so glad he has taken this step and want to support him in anyway I can. My brother has asked if I can come out to see him either on a visitors day or during family week.(his wife has not decided if she will go, so he would be alone). My grief therapist said I should not go. She wants me to take care of myself and says I need to learn how to set boundaries to protect myself. She feels we have all babied my brother his whole life...probably true. BUT, I cannot turn my back on him now. He and I are all we have left from our family. He and I are the only ones that truly understand the pain of losing our parents. I am not going out to rescue him or to bail him out of trouble. I simply want to go out and support him because he is my big brother and I love him and I will not let him go thru this alone. Am I wrong to not do what my therapist is asking me to do?

Shelley, I felt the same way when I got my new dog. I was so sure I wouldnt be able to love him like I loved my other dog. It didnt take long....I am crazy about this puppy! He isnt anything like my other dog(other than being big, hairy and drooling) but I found a whole new place in my heart for him. I didnt think I had room for him in my heart, but I did. I cant imagine not having him with me now. I know puppies are alot of work, I am sorry you feel this puppy will be your responsibility, but I know you will grow to love him/her.

Lori, You will be in my thoughts this week-end. My parents died 10 months apart, I thought that was so close together, I cant imagine what you went thru losing your parents so close together. I too , have a great husband and 2 teenagers, but some days I feel so alone. I think about my parents everyday, I miss them so much. You are not alone and I will be thinking about you.

Allalone I am sorry you are struggling so, right now. I am too. I just keep thinking as time goes on it will get easier and some days it does..but recently its been really hard. My mom died Dec.06. And today, it seems like it was yesterday. My mom's birthday is March 20th, this one was harder than last years.I am on vacation right now, and at the same place we have always come with my parents for over 20 years.Its bittersweet. So many memories...my sister-in-law is trying to keep all the same traditions, watching sunsets together,same actvities, even the same meals...its just been too much. As silly as it is, I dont want to eat my mom's chicken salad, without my mom. I know my mom and dad are here with us, but I just want to be able to hug them and talk to them. Sorry I wasnt much help, just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Deborah, I too am now experiencing anxiety problems...I was surprised by it. I thought I was doing pretty well and then all of a sudden...the new therapist I am seeing tells me my anxiety is keeping me from letting out the "bad and painful" stuff. I am too afraid to deal with it. I am on vacation right now and we are at the same place we have always gone with my parents, and it was my mom's birthday while I was here. So, the anxiety levels are off the chart! Just wanted you to know , you are not alone. Take care.

I tried a grief therapist right after my mom died. It did not go well. I went 3 times and each time walked out feeling worse and alone. I stopped going and just decided "therapy" wasnt for me. Recently, things have gotten so bad and I know I have been keeping so much bottled up and am not dealing with the really bad and ugly stuff. So, I tried therapy again and I am so happy I did. I found a wonderful therapist who deals with "complicated grief". I am learning so much about myself and how to deal with things. Its one of the hardest things I have ever done...facing my feelings and letting them out. I am learning how to let the bad stuff out and then realizing afterwards, I am still okay. My biggest fear is if I face all of this and let it out, I wont be able to put myself back together. One surprising thing is I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress. I always think of war vets having that, not me. But, it was explained to me and I guess I have to agree.The reason for my post is if you have tried therapy and it didnt go well, try again. I am so glad I did.

Elizabeth, I am glad you shared your story here. I know it took me along time to post the truth about my parent's death, but after I did, I felt so much better. I too , could not get things out of my head...there were so many unanswered questions, so many mysteries, so many lies...I just became obsessed with all of it and couldnt move on. I had to let it go. I agree with Bob, I also told myself, "it is, what it is". I will never understand it, I cannot change it. I remember when my parents got sick my dad said, he was sad and didnt want their illness to be all that anyone remembered about them. I agreed, its how they died,but they were so much more than that. Maybe someday you will be able to just focus on your friends and remember the good things about who they were not how they died. Easier said than done, I am sure. You are in my thoughts.

Lyn, Sorry for the confusion. I get confused often and easily these days!! I am glad you had dreams about your fiance and know he is at peace.

My mom died in Dec, her birthday was in March, I remember not knowing what to do either. It just happened that on my mom's birthday, I was with a very good friend who knew my mom, we were in Florida. My mom loved the sunsets there, so we took a glass of wine(my mom loved a nice bottle of wine too) went to the beach, watched the sunset and toasted my mom. There were tears, but also laughter and funny memories. It helped me to acknowledge the birthday but to also celebrate my mom's life, doing something she loved. Are there family members or friends that you could get together with and do something your brother loved? You are in my thoughts.

Yes, this is something you need to discuss with your therapist. Medication can be very helpful but you need your therapist to help you decide what is best for you. I am sorry you are struggling. Take care of yourself.

Shell, I totally believe you and your mom are like my mom and I. And Lyn said she and her dad had no unresolved things either. It just makes so much sense. There was nothing my mom and I didnt say to eachother during her last months. Love, apologies, sadness, ...we covered it all with eachother. I know she is okay, happy and no longer suffering and that someday I will see her again, but I dont feel bad any longer about her not visiting me, I know she is around me.

Lori, I remember when you talked about going to see a medium. I think after reading about your experience, it really got me thinking about it. I know you understand,its so hard to describe. This man had never met me, didnt ask me one question and only let me say "yes or no". I was exhausted last night..I slept 10 hours!!!