AnnieO

Wendy I once smelled my aunt's perfume, it was overwhelming, butI had a great sense of comfort too.It happened at a house she had never been in. It was a perfume that smelled differently on eveyone that wore it. I like to believe it was a way for me to realize she is still with me. I hope you have a peaceful day.

Kay When I read your post it helped me make sense of how I feel about my dad. When you said you "mourn the man you knew, but are confused by the one you learned about"...that is exactly how I feel, I couldn't describe it. Thank you for your post.

Karen, Thank you for sharing your story. It just made me laugh, no disrespect meant. I just pictured the whole thing in my mind. It reminded me of a Thanksgiving story. I had to put a dog to sleep and didn't know what to do with his ashes, I put the ashes in my pantry and forgot about it for a year. I had Thanksgiving at my house, lots and lots of relatives. As we were setting the tables , one cousin said "we need more silverware" I told her there was a wooden chest in the pantry that had some. She went in and brought out the wooden chest and opened it. You should have seen the look on her face. I said, "oh no, not that one, that's my dog" The room became completely quiet. Everyone was staring at me! I just told them I didn't know what to do with him so I kept him in the pantry. Finally, people started to giggle and then everyone was laughing, although I did notice people looking at their silverware, very carefully! Thank you again for sharing your story.

Gail, I just wanted to tell you , you are in my thoughts today. I hope that there will be moments today that your heart is filled with happy memories of your husband.

Only child, I am so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom Dec.06. I was with my mom for hours before she died, her sister came to see her and I stepped out of the room to give them some time alone. My mom died minutes later. I believe she waited to go when I was out of the room, it sounds like that might be what your mom did too. I admire your stength and courage and love for your mom. You took care of her for months and months. You did everything you could for your mom , she knew that and I have to believe God knew that too. I am sorry you are feeling like you didn't pray enough, but the things that you did for your mom speak louder than anything. My mom saw bad things too before she died, I believe it was just the medications and her brain starting to shut down. It sounds like your faith has always been a huge part of your life and your moms, is there someone in the church that you can talk to, that can help you find the answers. I wish you a peaceful day.

Duke, No, you did not do anything wrong. I think it was just a misunderstanding. I believe all forums are open to everyone here. I know I have posted in many different areas, don't let this misunderstanding stop you from posting.

Northern Duke I am so sorry about your mom. I agree with the other posts here, you are in no way to blame for your mom's death. You had no idea, and were only trying to help her. I remember during my mom's illness I would have done anything to get her to eat, I would make anything or drive anywhere to get her something. So, I am sure you were glad she was drinking the shakes. Do not blame yourself. I know right after my mom died, I was completely numb, and in shock. You have so much to deal with I would imagine you too are in shock and that's why you aren't feeling anything right now. You will. Take care of yourself and keep posting here, this site has helped me so much. There are wonderful people here.

Elizabeth, I am so sorry for all of your losses. I know too well, it's too much to handle. I lost my mom this past Dec. On that same day I had to put my dog to sleep, we didn't even know he was sick until that same day. Now, 2 weeks ago we brought in hospice for my dad. So when I saw your post topic. Mom, dog and now Dad. It was one that I totally understand. I am glad you found this site. It's helped me so much. There are so many wonderful people here. Keep posting. Take care of yourself.

Thank you for sharing your story, not only did it make me smile, I laughed out loud! I just smile thinking of you walking into your kitchen everyday and thinking about your husband! The color sounds wonderful!

Nathan's Sister, I am so sorry about your brother.Although our loss is different,(I lost my mom), the pain and sadness is the same horrible feeling. I am glad you found this site, it's helped me so much. Keep posting here and take care of yourself. Your brother sounds like he was a strong, determined young man. I am sure your family is proud of him. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Hello, I am so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom in December. I remember being so shocked at how my dad handled things just moments after she died. He wanted to pack up her things(we were in a hospital). I said we could wait to do that, he got mad and said he wanted to do it now. SO, I helped him. I will never forget him pulling things out of the closet and tossing them on the bed for me to fold. My mom's body was still in the bed. When it was all done, he picked up the bags and went home. I no longer try to make sense of the different ways people handle grief and sadness. It just sounds like your family thinks that showing sadness or emotion is a bad thing. I am so sorry. You need to cry and be able to talk about your sadness and your mom. I don't think you will get that from your family...it there a grief group where you live,that you could join? keep posting here, there are wonderful people here that can help you. With everything that you have gone thru, you must be a very strong person. And I agree with the other posts, if you are so selfish and selfcentered, why were you taking care of your mom everyday for 6 months? Take care of yourself and if it is too painful to be around your family right now, take a break from them. You need time to grieve and not keep it all inside.

Teny, When I saw the news, I too, thought of you and hoped you were safe. I will keep you and those all around you in my prayers.

Tenderheart, I am sorry for your loss. Glad you joined this site. You have been helping people for 7 1/2 years , here you will find wonderful people that maybe can help and support you now. My mom died in Dec.06 and we just brought in a hospice team for my dad, last Friday. Everyone I have met thru hospice has been nice and caring, it feels better having them involved. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Shell, I have read the book and I thought it was really helpful( I read it when my mom was dying). I thought about it as my dad started talking about "needing to go". The book really helps me to understand some of the things my dad is saying. Thank you!

Thank you to everyone here...I was so surprised to see I was a "topic"...but what a nice feeling. Friday was so hard. We met with the hospice people, they seemed really nice and caring and I feel it was the right thing to do. From there I went to the closing of my parent's house. The death cert.situation was handled so professionally , no-one ever even said the words. It was such a relief. I told the new owners I hoped they made as many wonderful memories in the house as we did. I have been sitting with my dad everyday...not for long periods of time, but I am there everyday. His sister is there and many friends are stopping in to say good-bye. Everyone is thinking my dad will live a 1-2 weeks. I know he is leaving, when I am with him, he keeps asking questions about , "being on time, are we on schedule, we should just get going, did he get ahead of himself..who is driving, doesn't know what he is doing there". He keeps looking at a watch that isn't there. He keeps asking me for the "numbers"..I think that is going back to his finances...he and my mom always sat and went over their "numbers" when he retired. I am not sure he knows who I am but he seems more relaxed when I am there. One thing I had trouble with my husband and hospice believed we should tell my dad the situation and who they were. I wasnt' sure, even though I knew moments later he would not remember. I couldn't do it, so hospice offered to talk to him. My husband didn't want my dad hearing it from strangers, so he went in and talked to him. My husband has been my strength thru this. Yesterday I took a 4 hour nap, I never nap...then I got up for 2 hours and went to bed and slept another 10. Guess I was wiped out. So now I sit with my dad and wait. I pray this will go quickly. Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers...you all give me strength. I wish you all a peaceful night.

Hello, Today was the day I had been dreading. Today, I made the decision to stop my dad's treatment and put him on "comfort care only". I still can't believe I did it, can't believe I said the words out loud. My dad had a horrible night and morning.I got to the nursing home as soon as I was done with the movers at his house...I was shocked at the change in him, in just 2 days. I met with the nursing staff, they had paged his doctor and the dr called while I was there. He said, there is nothing more we can do. I know that is right, I know I did what my family believes is the right thing to do.And I even know it is what my dad would want. But as I stood there, I was so scared and alone. I went and sat with my dad afterwards and most of the time he slept, he would wake up and say things that didn't make sense. I asked him if he knew who I was. No, he shook his head. I told him I was his daughter. Then he shook his head yes. Then I told him I was his "favorite daughter" he smiled and said,"yes his favorite". I smiled to myself..I am his only daughter, I used to always joke about being "the favorite". I close on his house this Friday, walk out of that house for the last time on Sat. The I will go and sit with my dad until he dies, I don't know if I can tell him I forgive him but I will hold his hand. Thanks for listening.

Chuckles, I am so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom in Dec.06. It's been so hard and I miss her everyday. But, I cannot imagine going thru all of this at your age and then trying to finish college. I admire your strength and courage, although I am sure some days you don't feel very strong. I am glad you found this site, keep coming back , there are wonderful people here who can help. Take care of yourself.

Rosanne, I don't mean to sound insensitive, I truly am not, I feel so bad for you. But going thru the things I have gone thru in the last few months since my mom died, made me want to check with you...since you are now taking care of your dad and all your parents financial things , are you taking steps to be "in charge". I learned the hard way. Are you your dad's Power of Attorney? I knew so little about all of this. The problems I ran into were...closing my mom's checking account. Getting my dad's social security check mailed to a new location.Getting my name on my dad's checking account, so I could pay his bills.(he can no longer sign his name either) And now of course selling their house because we didn't take my mom's name off the mortgage. I know you hate to think about these things at a time like this...just thought if I could offer a little helful adivce to help someone else get thru this . Take care of yourself.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. Hopefully, we can pull this off. We are calling the closing/title agent this afternoon and telling her we will bring the death cert. over to her a day before and she can verify it and copy it, we then will request it be filed and held out of the actual closing. We found out the only person that needs to see it is the title agent. I have probably made this into a huge ordeal that really didn't need to be, but I just feel so strongly about protecting my family's privacy. Now, if I can just get thru the closing without sobbing, but that seems to be all I am doing the last few days, so that probably won't happen! Thank you again for your help, a special thank you goes to Marty.

Dawn, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom Dec.06. She too was my best friend and we spent so much time together..always having fun! I loved your story about your mom buying you extra gifts on the sly..my mom did that too. We would go shopping and I would see something I liked and she would buy it for me, I would tell her she didn't have to buy it, I could buy it...she always said, "I know you can buy it, but I want to buy it for you!" I collect snowglobes, my mom always got me one for Xmas. She died before Xmas but had already bought one for me and my aunt delivered it on Xmas. I admire you for taking care of your mom her last 6 days, I am sure it was hard, but to be able to do that for your mom is so special. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hello, I am desperately looking for info or advice on a problem with the closing on my parent's house. Is there anyone here that is a realtor or works for a title company? I do not want to bring my mom's death cert to the closing, for all involved to see. This is so beyond private and personal for me...I am a wreck. It doesn't help that our realtor is the biggest gossip and lives in my parent's neighborhood. We have come so far in protecting my family from cruel and ignorant people ...I can't believe it's going to come out this way. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Please contact me if you have any ideas. Thank you!

Deonna, You will help her , just by being there. I am sure it will be so hard to walk into the funeral but you are going to do it for your friend. She is very lucky to have you in her life. I always feel so bad when I see a new member has joined this site, knowing they are just beginning the sad,painful journey. You know what's ahead for your friend. Take care of eachother.

Rosanne, Forgive me if I am repeating myself(my memory is not the best right now) I too lost my mom,my best friend. We did everything together and even worked together years ago. We had so much fun together and took on projects we had no idea how to do, but always got it done with lots of laughter! My mom died Dec.7 2006. Dec. 13th, my dad went into the hospital and has never been home. He is now in a nursing home. We sold their home yesterday. My brother lives out of state, so for over 2 1/2 years all of this has been my responsibility.When I read your posts I feel like I understand your sadness and exhaustion at taking care of your dad and everything else. Someone said, you have to take care of yourself or you will get sick and then won't be able to help your dad. They are right. You cannot do it all.You are doing so much, you need help. I remember someone telling me it was okay to give myself permission not to be at the nursing/hospital with my mom , every minute. It was so hard, but my own health was suffering. Please know you are in my thoughts. Ask for help and take care of yourself.

Rosanne, I am so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom Dec.06. I didn't have a dream about her for quite a few months. Since then, I have had 4-5 dreams with my mom in it.They are always wonderful and I wake up with overwhelming feelings of love and happiness. Of course then it's hard when I completely wake up and realize she is gone. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts.

Teny, I just wanted to send my thoughts and prayers to you. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I remember I was so angry at my dad when he erased my mom's voice from their answering machine, I wish I could hear it again. I know your husband would be proud of your strength and courage to have gotten thru this past 9 months. I wish you a peaceful day .