AnnieO

Anne, I am so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom Dec.7th 2006. I just had my first happy, wonderful dream about her a few weeks ago. She looked healthy and happy. I had such a warm,happy feeling when I woke up. Then a few nights ago, I dreamed about my grandmother(my mom's mom) she looked healthy and happy too and told me" everything is alright here"..I like to think that was her way of telling me my mom is with her. It will take time but I have no doubt you will feel your mom around you. I have questioned my faith so many times and wondered about heaven, I am not sure what I believe anymore, but I know my mom is no longer sick and in pain and that she is still watching over me. I miss her every minute of everyday. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Steve I am so sorry about Tanya. I am glad you are on the website. I smiled thru my tears as I read your post about Tanya saying "you're so good". I had a moment like that with my mom. She too, never stopped trying to walk, I had just helped her to sit back down on her bed, she was exhausted and out of breath..she looked at me, smiled and said,"you are such a good daughter"..It was one of the last things she said to me, but those few words mean the world to me and I like to remember that moment. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me of a special day I had with my mom.

Hello, I just looked up Chicago's time zone. They are in the Central Time Zone. So, let's go with Noon-Chicago time for our Mother's Day celebration. Now we all need to figure out the time difference . There are lots of websites about time zones, hope this will be easy to figure out. I want to thank everyone for doing this with me.

Lori, I love the picture of us "linking elbows in strength"...Let's do that! Now, how will we figure out the time thing? I know we could all just do this at noon our own time, but wouldn't it feel great to think at one exact moment we are all together in strength and love? what if we pick a city and we all figure out it it's noon there, what time will it be at home. Chicago? Or any other suggestions? I am really looking forward to this! Lisa J. I am glad you are here. I am sorry about your mom. I lost my mom Dec 7th 2006.

Thank you everyone, knowing you will all be with me on Mother's Day will make it a great day! Trudy, I love your mom's name! Is Bursie short for something?

Hello, As Mother's Day approaches I find myself dreading it. I feel panic, thinkiing,"how can I hide from it, how can I totally avoid it" etc. This will be my first without my mom. I don't want to ruin it for my own kids, but I want to just sleep thru the day and wake up when its over. I am trying to come up with a positive plan for the day. Something to celebrate my mom. I know someone said in a post a long time ago, it's too bad we all don't live near eachother, well...here is an idea..what if on Mother's Day at 12:00 noon,(oh,I haven't thought thru the time change for all of us!)S we all stop what we are doing, close our eyes, take a deep breath and send our love to our moms and eachother. It would be like we are all together and think of the energy and love we would create! So, hope you can make it to my celebration, everyone is invited!

Pebbles, God will give you strength and just remember you will be in all of our thoughts and prayers during this very hard time. Take care of yourself.

Lori, I will keep you in my prayers. My mom had 2 bone marrow bio. She said she felt "pressure" and some pain, but it was okay. When they told her they had to do the 2nd one, she didn't protest or say "no way"..so I will pray your test goes as smoothly and of course for good results. Be strong.

Pebbles, I am so sorry about your dad. I am glad you are on this site, keep coming back and you will find so much help here. The people here,will help you get thru this. You and your family are in my thoughts.

I just wanted to share something with all of you. As you know I am struggling with my mom's death and blaming my dad. I was about to go down a road that would only end in more pain and sadness. My anger towards my dad was taking over and making me feel the need to search out answers about his life. I found help with friends I have met thru this site. But, here is the diamond part of this post. The night I had made the decision to search for answers I had a dream about my mom(only the 2nd one since she died Dec.06) she was crying and begging me "not to open this door, not to go searching". I woke up and felt as if I had,had a conversation with her. Yesterday I made the decision(with some help from some very wise friends) to finally "Let it go" to not search for answers. Last night,another dream of my mom. She looked healthy and happy. She didn't say anything, just handed me a small box and walked away. I opened the box and it was full of pink diamonds. I woke up and had no idea what this meant. I spent the morning reading about dreams and pink diamonds.They represent love. They increase love of one's self and others. They are said to have a calming and soothing effect. I just told my aunt this and told her I was going to go buy a pink diamond to wear, she said something very powerful. "you don't have to go buy one, you have a whole box of them in your heart, when-ever you doubt that your mom is around, just open the box that she gave you". Thank you for listening. I am sending you all a pink diamond.

Janine, You have so much going on right now. I am glad they found Rick's growth early, I will keep him in my prayers. I have always wanted to smash something when I am upset, but instead I do the "silent suffering" which is not good. My 18 yr old daughter told me the other day that when I get mad at my kids, I hold a grudge, but don't talk to them about it. Of course I didn't agree! I hope things calm down in your life. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Susan, You are exactly right, the pain, the roller-coaster.etc. My mom died Dec.7th 2006 and that very same night I had to put my 8 yr old Bernese Mountain dog to sleep. It was a total shock and not expected at all. He was such a wonderful companion to me and I like to think he went with my mom to be her companion. But, now I am left without my 2 best friends. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Jester, I am sure today is a very hard day for you. I hope it helps to know that your post has given me encouragement and made me smile today. I lost my mom Dec.06 and am really struggling right now. Sky-diving! You are very brave! As you go thru today, hopefully with happy memories of your mom, know that you have helped with my healing.

Gaby, Thank you for sharing your poem. It's beautiful.

Hello, I know we are never prepared for those sudden "grief bursts", I am always shocked when they happen. As you know I have been packing up my parents house for the last week and half, knowing the reason we are doing this is to sell the house. I know that in my head, but I guess my heart wasn't prepared. When I drove up yesterday to the house and saw the For Sale sign, for the first time in the yard, I fell apart. It just made everything so real. While I was sitting in my car, sobbing, the carpet cleaners showed up, poor guys, they didn't know what to do for me! On a happier note, I am getting a new puppy in May. I really thought I would wait, but having lost 2 dogs in 4 months, it's just so sad and lonely around here. I hope everyone has a good day.

Susan, I am so glad you found this site. I look forward to hearing about your wonderful Maggie.

Jane, I am so sorry about Bailey. I was sad to read about the things your daughter and friend have said to you. Do you think your daughter is trying to deal with her own sadness and grief, and is scared that she doesn't know how to help you? And afraid that you can't help her right now?I know when my mom was sick, there were days when I was so sad, I just wanted her to take care of me, I wanted my mom back so I could be her little girl again. It was scary to realize my mom could no longer "take care" of me. I am sure your daughter doesn't mean to hurt you. I just feel so bad about your friend, I don't understand how someone could be like that to someone in pain. I have stopped seeing a friend too, I call her an "energy vampire", she took so much energy from me and made me feel sad and exhausted everytime I had any communication with her. It has been easier since we took a break from eachother. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Tracey, I went to the website, what a beautiful thing to do. Although, I wasn't sure how to find your daughter's site. Thank you for sharing your wonderful idea with us. I am so sorry for you loss.

Walt, You are in my thoughts and prayers this week.

Thank you for your post. It really made me think and I hope that I can be the person I am meant to be after all of this. My mom died Dec.7,2006. One week later my dad went into the hospital and has been there or a nursing home ever-since. I too, haven't had time to grieve my mom because I am helping my dad. Last week I packed up their house to get it on the market. I try each day to pay attention to things I am thankful for, I am trying to focus on happy memories of my parents, not just my sadness. Thank you again for posting. Your post is one I will read often.

Trudy you described exactly how I was feeling yesterday. I went to my cousin's Easter party and went thru the motions...laughed when I was supposed to, kept smiling, talked to all the guests, and inside I felt totally numb, like I was giving a performance on stage.I felt like everyone was watching me to see how I was doing, so I had to show them I was doing fine. I had forgotten that I had given my cousin my parent's dishes, I was shocked when I walked in and saw them on the table. I came home and fell apart, I was so sad that I had packed up their house and am selling it, I wanted all my mom's clothes back in her closet, I wanted everything back in the house. I know holidays will never be the same, I hope in time we can all find some joy during the holidays.

Hello, As you know my dad is in the hospital. Today, the director of hospice and a social worker came in to talk to my dad, and my brother and I. We didn't know they were coming. To make a long story short...they feel it is time to stop the HIV meds and get hospice involved. We all agree, except my dad. This is the hard part..my dad is now developing dementia, most of the time he does not know what is going on, where he is, what year it is, and believes I am my mother. But, when these people ask him what he wants, he says "keep fighting and keep hope"..and the very next sentence he talks about getting dressed and getting ready for the boat. They said we have to go with my dad's wishes and keep doing what we are doing. Has anyone gone thru anything similar? Do we try and convince my dad to stop the treatment? I don't think he even understands what is happening.At some point when he isn't able to say "keep fighting" will we then have to make the decision to stop treatment? Having just watched my mom go thru this in Dec.we know the path we are on. We just want to make my dad comfortable. The drugs are so powerful and are not helping..we all need the support that hospice offers. Any experience in this situation? Thanks.

Derek, Thank you for sharing this with us. It's beautiful.

It's been a long day. I spent the morning with my dad at the hospital. He thought I was my mom. It broke my heart.when the doctors told him I was his daughter and asked him my name, he whispered to me " I am so sorry, but I don't know". I stayed as long as I could but had to leave to meet the realtor to list my parent's house. Then I spent the rest of the day packing up their house. Lots of tears, but also lots of laughter. We found 4 omelet(sp) pans...no-one remembers my mom ever making an omelet. An old report card of my mom's telling her parents she was too busy talking in class and not working up to her potential. Packing up her clothes was the hardest, I brought home one of her sweatshirts and have it on right now. The good part is, when it comes to dividing things up, it's just my brother and I and it's been easy. We can be really honest about what things are important to each of us. If there have been any problems it's been we are both being too nice and insisting eachother "take it". Thanks for listening.

I am starting to think about a new puppy too. I felt it was too soon, and with my dad's illness I was worried I didn't need to add any more "work" to my life. But, I miss my 2 dogs so much..I think the dog we still have is wondering."where did everyone go?"It's so quiet and sad here. I think it's time to start looking now that spring is around the corner.