AnnieO

Tracey and Lavendar, I lost my mom a little over 6 months ago. My advice would be not to change anything in the house or give your mom's things away, until you are ready. Take as long as you need. I had to put my parent's house up for sale a few months ago, so we had to clean out everything then. I kept all the treasures I wanted, but still regret giving so many things away, so soon. Some things I wanted to keep but am just not ready to deal with, so I put them all in big plastic boxes and one day I will go thru them. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Trudy, You are exactly right. I thought the worst part of this journey would be right after my mom died. But, right now it hurts so bad I can't stand it. My dad is getting worse and worse and the only person I want to talk about it with is my mom. I want her here to help me, help my dad. My dad's dementia is getting very bad and he gets upset with me because I won't drive him to see my mom or help him dial the phone to call her. I keep telling him she has died, but he can't keep that in his mind. Or, he thinks I am my mom, which is really hard.The realtor that is selling their house ,keeps asking me to meet her there for different things.I finally told her yesterday, I can't walk in that house one more time. The other day my husband was sitting out on our deck, I noticed he was really sad and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I just miss your mom so much". I forget about other people's sadness because mine seems so great. I was sad for him but also thought how wonderful it was that my mom meant so much to my husband too.

Hello, It's been a little over 6 months since my mom died. I am not in a very good place and really struggling with my emotions. The grief bursts come more often and harder to get thru. But I had one this past week-end, I wanted to share with you. I went to Rockford,Il. for my son's soccer tournament. The team and families rode a bus. (14 hours of togetherness) The first night, we ALL went out to dinner. I went to sit with my husband, and was told the "women" were sitting at a different table. I hate being split up "girls at one table, boys at the other". I made a slight protest, but slowly gave up and sulked over to the "girls" table. On my way there, I got a phone call, we were getting an offer on my parents house. A good thing, right? No, I guess it wasn't. I burst into tears, tried to compose myself, but had to leave and go outside. I sobbed and sobbed. So, now the entire group is trying to figure out what has happened. I finally came back in, made it thru dinner, but didn't say a word. Tonight I walked up to the soccer field and everyone was treating me like I was so fragile, the funniest was, I started to set up my chair and people were scattering all over the place, making sure I had room, and wanting to know where I wanted to sit. All of a sudden, I just started laughing, they were afraid if I didn't get to sit where I wanted, I might start crying again! It makes me laugh to think about it! Next time at dinner I bet I get to sit with my husband! I wish you all a peaceful night.

Angele I am so sorry about your grandmother. Although, your post was so sad, it also told of a beautiful, loving relationship with your grandmother. A relationship that not many people get the chance to have with their grandmothers. She sounds like a very special woman. I am sure the months ahead will be so hard, but keep your memories of her, close to your heart and also know you got the opportunity to tell her all the things you needed to tell her and she heard you. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Tracey, I am so sorry about your mom. I am glad you found this website, you will find wonderful people here , who can really help. I lost my mom 6 1/2 months ago. I know this is so hard for you. I know it helped me when people would ask me something about my mom, it felt good to talk about what my mom was like, not her illness and death. Someday, maybe you can share something about your mom with us. You are in my thoughts and prayers and keep coming back here.

Someone sent me this today. Just thought I would share it with you. Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough". The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom". They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-b ye to someone knowing it would be forever?". Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?". "I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said. "When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough' May I ask what that means?". She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more "When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory. I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting. I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye. She then began to cry and walked away. To all my friends and loved ones, I WISH YOU ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!

Lauren, I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I never knew my grandfathers, so when you said you have always been grandpa's little girl, that made me smile, that must be a wonderful feeling. You are in my thoughts.

Shell, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. You are in my thoughts.

Teny, I am so sorry for you loss. I have been reading your posts , but have not replied because I felt our losses are so different..I lost my mom in Dec.06 and my dad is dying now. I remember you mentioned you have children and grandchildren..I wanted to reply to you as a daughter who no longer has her mom. Please hang in there, you kids and grandkids need you. They are the reason you will go on and you will survive. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will find some peace this week-end.

Rita and Diane I am so sorry for your loss. I cried thru both your posts. It's such a sad time for both of you. I had to put my 8 yr old Bernese Mountain dog to sleep , the same day that my mom died. We had no idea he had cancer , he was tired and not eating. That day we found out he had a tumor on his spleen and liver and was bleeding internally. I was given the choice of bringing him home to die within hours or ending his suffering. I couldn't bring him home, I couldn't do that to my kids. I feel terrible that his life ended at the vet's office. But, he loved the vet and my husband was with him. A few months later we had to put our old Golden Ret to sleep. We were expecting this but it was still hard. As hard and sad as this was, I know in my heart I did the right thing. I am sure you did too. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our pets, is the hardest thing. I know your pets are at peace and will always be with you. You are both in my thoughts.

I agree with William...a guardian angel. I have to admit I got goosebumps too when I saw the picture. What a wonderful picture! You and Josh are a beautiful couple.Thank you for sharing that with us.

J, Did your mom answer your questions in your dream? I have only had 3 dreams about my mom since she died. I no longer believe they were dreams...I think of them as visits. I am glad you have family to help you. Be sure and ask for their help. Take care.

shotputter2000, I lost my mom in Dec.06. She and my daughter were so close. My daughter would catch the school bus at their house and everyday they made waffles from scratch. When we were packing up their house last month my daughter called from college and asked if she could have Grandma's waffle maker. I made sure I found it and kept it for her. It has wonderful memories for her. It sounds like you have some wonderful memories too.

I am not insulted at all, I love dogs! I lost my dog the same day mom died . We didn't even know he was sick and found out that night that he had cancer was bleeding internally, so I had to put him to sleep only hours after my mom died. I like to think that my mom needed him to go with her. I am sure your mom loved her dog and she needed Annie to be with her too. When I read your post about feeling frightened and unable to leave the house, my heart breaks, I know, I was there too. Many of us were. It's so hard. Do you have family or close friends to help you right now? Keep coming here and posting, everyone will help you. I hope you are able to rest tonight. Take care of yourself.

CFH, I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my mom Dec.06. She too, was my best friend. You will find so many friends here. I honestly don't know how I could have survived without the people I have met here. A week after my mom died, my dad went into the hospital and he is now dying, so I can understand your feeling of being orphaned. You will find help here, know that you are not alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I agree with Shell. What you are going thru is normal. It doesn't feel normal, it feels horrible. I am glad you talked to your mom and have an appt with a counselor. I remember right after my mom died, I just couldn't get out of bed or function. I broke the day down into 3 hour sections. I didn't think about anything beyond 3 hours. I only worried about what I had to get done in that 3 hours.(showering, eating, driving my son to school).I remember being so relieved if I could get things done in that period of time. Maybe that would help, especially during your work day, break it down so the day doesn't seem so overwhelming. I am so sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself.

Marty, Maybe I was bragging a little bit..I just counted up my "what I can do " list and it's only 7 out of the 46, but it's still progress and it helped me to see I am able to do things I couldn't do a few months ago. Here is my "yes"list -Drive somewhere by myself without crying the entire time -Concentrate on a book - Get thru a few hours nearly free of pain -Be more aware of the pain and suffering of others around me -Find something to be thankful for -Catch yourself smiling and laughing again -Fill some of the roles once filled my your loved one It's a start! I have printed the list and will keep it by my bed.Thank you!

Hello, I am so sorry about your husband. I am glad you found this site. I know there are people here that will be able to help you and you will find many friends. I lost my mom, our loss is different, but I think the pain of losing someone you love feels the same. You are probably still in shock. The shock and numbness wears off. Take good care of yourself, you and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers.

I just finished reading Marty's grief lesson #23 and it was really helpful. It's a check-list to see how your are doing in your grieving process. I thought I wasn't making any progress, even going backwards. As I read the check-list and found things that I can now do, I felt so much better. It's a great list to read! Thank you Marty.

I thought I would add my 2 cents to insensitive family posts. When my dad went into the hospital(Dec.06) his 2 long lost sisters suddenly appeared. They called, went to visit him, called me with their conerns about the care he was getting..etc. I know this sounds silly to get upset about but one of them even had the nursing home put her number above mine to contact in case of emergency. We have lived by this sister for over 20 years and I have never seen her. Well, one day they wanted to meet with my brother and I...it was all nice and sweet and "how can they help"...blah,blah,blah...then the conversation turned to money. We informed them there isn't any money..it's all gone. We haven't heard from them since...they haven't visited my dad once, it was over a month ago. I am glad they have disappeared again!

Kayc I thought about you all night. I know you found the strength to be there for your friends. I also know how hard this is for you. I know the first time I walked into the same hospital where my mom had died, with my dad, I couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to faint. Now, my dad has the same doctor and is in the same nursing home, so it is a constant reminder...I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Your friend is lucky to have you in her life. Take care of yourself.

Jeff, I just got thru my first Mother's Day, without my mom. It was very hard, but I found so much support from the people on this website. I think the days leading up to Mother's Day were harder than the actual day. I made a plan ahead of time so I could know what the day would be like. There were moments where I hid in my closet and sobbed ,but there were wonderful moments with happy memories too. You mentioned your dad asked you to make a great meal for him, even though he isn't here,is that something you could do again? Have friends/family over for brunch? I guess my advice would be to make a plan for Father's Day and try and focus on happy memories. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Navyblue, I am so sorry about Alex. I wanted to tell you what a wonderful name she has! It made me smile when I read it. I am glad you found this site. It's so helpful. I lost my mom on Dec.7th 2006 and that night found out my 8 yr old Bernese Mountain dog was bleeding internally, he had cancer in his liver and spleen. We had to put him down as soon as we found out. I lost my 2 best friends that day. You are in my thoughts.

Well, I know I felt it today! At 12:00 I had a wonderful picture in my mind, all of us joining arms and I imagined a ray of light coming from each of us, going directly up into the sky. I have no doubt that our mom's felt it! This morning I shared the idea with my daughter andshe wanted to be a part of it. We decided to go up to the highest point on our property, on horseback... it was a wonderful moment. Of course the rest of the day was very hard, but for that brief time, I felt peace and I hope you all felt the same. You are all in my thoughts.

Just a reminder...12:00 Central Time.....Stop what you are doing, close your eyes, take a deep breath, imagine all of us linking arms and sending our love to our mothers and eachother. Thank you for helping me do this, I hope it gives us all the strength to get thru today.