AnnieO

Kevin, I wish I had the right words to say to help you. I am so sorry about Bruzer and your mother. I lost my mom and my dog on the same day, so I can relate to your pain and sadness.I think how you are feeling right now is completely normal since it's only been 2 weeks. I am an "pet for life" person too,so if there comes a time you need to find a home for your Golden Ret or parrot, I am sure everyone here on the site will do all they can to help you. I know I want to help. I have horses and am currently looking for a new one, my husband asked which horse I was selling. I am sure my eyes popped out of my head, I told him I wasn't selling anyone! He said, "oh, I am finally getting it, animals come here, but animals don't ever leave". Now he and I are on the same page! Take care of yourself . You and your wife are in my thoughts.

Derek, I was shopping the other day too, the mall my mom and I used to go too. It was pretty tough. A few times, I thought I would have to run for the door. Someone suggested Old Navy for Carson, good idea and also try Gap for Kids. Years ago I worked in a women's clothing store, we always got such a kick out of the men that would come in the day before Xmas Eve, looking for an outfit for their wife. I would ask what size she wore, they never knew, but then always said, "well, she is about your size" . There was no way all these men could be married to women that were my size. The day after Xmas most of these gifts came back and the women would say, "I don't know how my husband thought this was the right sz". Good luck with the shopping.

He is beautiful! I meant to email you and tell you I found a red/white husky here, that needed a home. I thought of you! How is it going?

Gail, Thank you for bringing back some wonderful memories for me. My dad and I used to go out, just the 2 of us and Xmas shop for my mom. We would alway shop and then go to lunch, same restaurant every year. My mom died before Xmas last year and now he is gone too...but I had not thought of all of those lunches and shopping trips for so long. I know your daughter will miss her dad so much this Xmas.

Marty, As always..thank you for being here.

Karen I always hesitate to post in this forum,because losing my parents ,I know is much different than losing your spouse. But when I read your post about "forgiving" it hit me so hard. I know that a few months ago I did forgive my dad on some level, I had to if I was going to take care of him. But today I realized I haven't completely forgiven him. I feel no freedom and I am trapped here.I am a mess and my brother's life is out of control. My brother's therapist says my brother is isolating himself from everyone that loves him because he is carrying around so much shame. I am organizing a memorial gathering for my parents and am doing all of it alone. I just want my mom and I blame my dad for her not being here, I look at what my life is right now and how sad my kids are, and how my brother' life is..and I blame my dad. And then I realize how much I miss my dad too. I know so many of us mark time with how many months we are into the grieving process...I can no longer mark my progress or healng because I don't fit into any of that anymore, it's been 11 months next week for my mom and 4 weeks this week for my dad. It just feels like I am back at the beginning.So, after all this rambling I guess I just need to know how I stand up and say.."I forgive you" thank you for listening.

Lori We did something different last year for Xmas. All my cousins usually exchange gifts..we decided to take the money that we would all spend on eachother and find a family that needed it more than us...we did this in my mom's memory. We called the elementary school where my kids went and explained what we wanted to do. They were thrilled and knew a family that would be so happy. It felt so great and I know my mom was smiling down on us.We plan to do it again this year.

Gail, I am sorry things are so hard and sad for you. I just wanted to tell you, Bruce is right..you have to do this for your kids. I am probably ALOT older than your kids but I just lost both parents in 10 months and as hard as this is for me, I can't imagine it happening to younger kids. Your kids need you. As my dad was dying I kept thinking how badly I needed my mom, but she was already gone. I miss them so much I can't breathe. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Hello, I am glad you found this site, but so sorry about your grandmother. She sounds like a very loving woman. You will find many people here who understand what you are going thru and many here who can help. I understand when you said you could "cry a river, but nothing comes out"...I lost my mom in Dec.and my dad 3 weeks ago. I just feel like I want to scream and scream, but like you, nothing comes out. Keep posting here and know you are in my thoughts.

I am not sure what I would do. I think you and your sister should decide together how to handle this. I think I would talk to him. Maybe he just wants to reach out to you and meet you. He could probably answer some of your questions. Does your grandfather know anything about this?

Just checking in. I am on the beach with my husband and kids. I don't think I can describe the range of emotions. One moment we are all sitting by the ocean, laughing and laughing. Then the next moment I will have a memory of my parents that makes it hard to breathe. We have been coming to this resort for over 20 years with my parents/sibling/cousins..etc. There are so many memories here. It feels good one minute and awful the next. Whenever we had a big group here, we always had our own condo's but every morning , one by one , everyone would drift into my parent's condo(some still in their pj's) we would all sit around drinking coffee, reading the paper .This morning my kids are sleeping, my husband is out fishing and I am here in the quiet..it just feels like I can walk out this door, go next door, walk in and I will find my mom and dad. If only I could. THanks for listening.

Shell, Thank you for your post. It's been a really tough week. I was only allowing myself to feel "relief" , not just for my family but for my dad too. But that "not feeeling anything" isn't working any longer. No surprise to any of us I am sure. I fell apart last week and haven't stopped crying since. I am working on the memorial service we are going to have for both my parents during Thanksgiving. It's just family and I am getting alot of feedback from everyone else. Lots' of hurt feelings and anger at not being included. Some of the people my dad has worked with in the past are getting together tonight for their own memorial. They were worried I would be upset, I told them I understand their need to get together and share their sorrow and memories. I can't be there but I asked one of them to read something for me. It helped to write something good about my dad. All the anger I still have, has been pushed aside by the sadness I feel. I miss him and I am so sorry this happened to him. To all of us. I know he never meant to hurt us. On a happier note, my husband,son and I are flying down to Florida today for a long week-end on the beach. My daughter who is in college is also taking a few days off to meet us. It's just what we all need, I am really lookin forward to it.Thank you again for being here.

Louise, I know you said in your post that you want to connect with other parents who have lost a child. I hope you don't mind, I have not lost a child,both my parents died recently, but I did go to your daughter's memorial site. It's so nice. The pictures of your daughter are beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Wendy, Maybe we should start a new topic... Mother-in-laws.. I know I could add a post or two. Have a peaceful night.

Teny, I know there aren't any words that I can say to take your pain away. I hope to help, just by telling you I am thinking about you. You are always in my prayers.

Wendy, I can't speak for anyone else, but I would think that everyone here knows you did not mean to upset anyone. That's the great thing about this site, the understanding and compassion that everyone gives eachother. I know I have gone back to read some of my earlier posts and wondered if I upset anyone. I feel safe here and know that I can say what I need to say, there might be people who don't agree, but I have never felt judged or had anyone get mad. So, please don't sit on the sidelines,you add so much to the site and have helped many people.

Dear GS Thank you for sharing some things about your mom with us. Back in March I asked people here on the site to tell us about their loved ones. It was so wonderful reading about everyone, learning more about them, even the smallest details were wonderful to read. I lost my mom last Dec and now I lost my dad last week. My mom was my best friend too. We has so much fun together, and I miss her so much . Thank you for the tribute to your mom.

Shell, I know what you are saying. I feel such total loss too and feel like a boiling pot that I am trying to keep the lid on. I am afraid to let myself feel...I am afraid I will fall apart and won't be able to pick up the pcs. Rosanne, I am so sorry about your dad. Do you feel he just wants to be with your mom again and has lost his will to live? I will keep you in my prayers. Maylissa, Yes, opening my heart in those last few hours with my dad is one thing that brings me comfort.

Hello, I did this along time ago. I was going by myself to meet friends in Europe and just had a nervous feeling about it. The things that I did in my letter were to tell my kids how much I loved them. How proud I am of them. I made a list of what I am proud of. I told them memories I have from when they were little. Their first words, when they first walked, first laughed..etc. I told them what I wanted for them in their lives. I told them to work hard, believe in themselves, be kind to people and always be there for eachother.I told them they could do anything they set their minds too and that they are the greatest thing that ever happened in my life..to live their life with no regrets.. they were little, so I told them to pick a star at night and that would be our star, that's where they would find me until we were together again. Wow, I had forgotten all about those letters until now. Having just lost my mom in Dec and my dad last week, I wish they had left me a letter.

Yesterday was so hard. My brother left to go home to his family.When we hugged good-bye, we hung onto eachother for dear life. It was the first time I had been alone since my dad died. It was a long, sad day. The "fog and numbness" don't seem as intense as when my mom died (10 months ago) but I also think I am not letting myself feel anything because I know what's ahead. I know I can't put grieving/sadness off forever but I am just so afraid of what is going to happen. Thanks for being here.

Tori, I wish I had some helpful advice or comforting words. All I can say is that I care, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. As a daughter who struggles with a chronic illness, I can't tell you how much I depended on my mom's love and caring, your daughter needs you, your grandchild needs you. I lost my mom in Dec and my dad died yesterday, while I cannot begin to understand your loss , I just wanted to let you know I care.

Thank you Marty, you are so right. I have lost a huge part of my past, and my family. A few days ago as I sat with my dad and knew he did not have much time left, I felt so much of my anger and confusion towards my dad, just leave. That left more room in my heart for forgiveness and happier memories. As I held his hand last night, I told him I loved him and forgave him and that everything was okay with us. I told him I was proud to be his daughter and that my mom would be waiting for him. I pray he heard me. Thank you Teny. I do have a family and they are all helping me get thru today.

Hello, Everyone here has been so kind and caring, I just wanted to let you know my dad died last night. Both my brother and I were with him. I find comfort in knowing my dad and mom are together, their pain and suffering is over. Thank you for all of your support, please keep my family in your prayers.

Amber, I am glad you found this site. I lost my mom to AIDS this past Dec and on that same day I had to put my Bernese Mountain Dog to sleep. We didn't know he was sick until the day before when he wouldn't eat. My mom loved him and I find comfort knowing they are together. Would I have seen your dog on TV? He looks familiar and I always watch animal shows. I am so sorry for your loss, you have been thru so much. Please take care of yourself and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dawn, Thank you for sharing your heart with us. It feels alot like mine. I think you have a very good understanding of your pain and grief, your decision to not rent out space to Jerry is so right. I lost my mom Dec.06. I don't know if you know my "history" here on the site, but I have so much anger in my heart towards my dad it was getting in the way of my grief and my own health. Slowly and I mean very slowly, I find I am replacing some of that anger with happier memories of my dad. I admire you for already recognizing there is no space available for Jerry in your heart. I am so sorry about your mom and what you are going thru with Jerry. Is there someone else that can talk to him about giving you, your mom's things? You are in my thoughts.