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Teny, dear, you are always in our thoughts and prayers ~ and thank you, dear Walt, for bringing this to our attention . . .

Boo, dear ~ An online search tells me that the poem was written by British poet and painter David Harkins.

Dear Ones, You may find this post (and all the posts in the entire thread, actually) to be helpful: Still Going Nuts After 4 Months, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...post&p=4121

Kim, dear ~ There is a candle burning for you and Dan in our GH group: Light a Candle Online.

Oh Michelle, congratulations! That is wonderful news, and I'm so glad you were able to tell your dear mother the news, even if it was in a dream. That still counts! Your baby has a very special guardian angel

Shelley, dear (and others having trouble sleeping ) ~ I just read this interesting article on the Health Journeys Web site, which you may find helpful: Twelve Tips to Create a Sleep Haven by health writer Ellen Michaud.

Dear Ones, please see my note about Lighting a Candle Online, here: http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=32920

To all our members who wish to light a candle online on the Gratefulness Web site: If you wish to have your candle burning with others in our Grief Healing Group, enter the site by clicking on this link: Light a Candle Online. If you enter the site through another avenue, please be aware that our group is identified by the initials GfHlg. You can find our group by using the site's Search feature (Enter Group Initial GfHlg). Alternatively, when asked if you want to associate your candle with a candle group, make sure that the group initials GfHlg appear in the designated box.

Shelley, dear ~ See this thread: It's One A.M. And I Can't Sleep Blues

Dear Jack's Mom ~ I know from your earlier posts that you are struggling, and my heart goes out to you. You ask what will it take for you to accept what has happened, and I'm afraid there is nothing you can ever say or do that will make this horrible reality "acceptable." You will mourn the death of your son every day of your life for the remainder of your life, and it will never, ever be "acceptable" to you that he has been ripped away from you this way. As every one of us on this compassionate site will tell you, over time (and a very long time at that) you will learn to live with it, and the intensity of the pain you are feeling now will diminish over time, we promise ~ provided that you continue to seek the support of others, as you have done by coming here to share your story with us. I've just finished reading a book entitled A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss. The author lost his wife, mother and a daughter in a single automobile accident, and he writes about his struggle to come to terms with this catastrophic loss. I got the book based on Boo's recommendation, and it is indeed extraordinary. If you decide to read it, you may find that it speaks to you in a wise and meaningful way, too. See also this article on the Open to Hope Web site: I Just Lost My Son: Mother Reaches Out for Help Please know that we are sending you warm hugs of comfort, peace and healing . . .

My dear Kana, I'm so sorry to learn of the accidental death of your dear mother four months ago. When death comes suddenly and unexpectedly like this, it can be especially difficult to bear, and you have our deepest sympathy. I don't know what, if any, support you've received since this death happened, but at the very least I'd like to point you to some readings that may be helpful to you. It is my hope that knowing your reactions are normal under the circumstances will bring you some measure of comfort. (You'll find these and other resources listed on the Traumatic Loss page of my Grief Healing Web site, http://www.griefhealing.com/traumatic-loss.htm) Dealing with Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death, http://journeyofhearts.org/grief/accident2.html Facing Sudden Loss, http://www.hospicefoundation.org/griefAndLoss/facing.asp Grief Due to Complicated Death (Accident, Homicide or Suicide), http://www.thisisawar.com/GriefComplicated.htm Reactions to Sudden or Traumatic Loss, http://www.aarp.org/family/lifeafterloss/a...s/reations.html Reflections on Spiritual Problems in Sudden Loss, http://www.hospicefoundation.org/griefAndL...reflections.asp

The electronic age is spawning a new way of delivering counseling services, one in which clients and their counselors connect with each other by telephone, e-mail or other electronic means. Recognizing this trend, many counselors are seeking special training and certification in “counseling from a distance,” thereby expanding their repertoire of support. Read more here: Distance Counseling: What Is It? How Does It Work?

Chai, dear, this is a milestone birthday for you, and we're all sending you our very best wishes. Happy 21st Birthday to You

Tim, dear, I think this is all part of your reaction to losing Nikomi ~ which brought you face to face with the harsh reality that both your ferrets (indeed, all of us) are mortal, and the time we have with our loved ones is limited. This is especially true for our companion animals, whose life span (depending on the species, of course) is so much shorter than our own. Nikomi's dying before his older sibling Chinook was not at all what you expected, and indeed it did seem to go against what you would expect to be the natural order of things. This results in your being on guard now and somewhat overprotective of your ferret who survives ~ the sort of thinking that says, "If it could happen so unexpectedly to Nikomi, then it could happen to Chinook as well." Consequently you find yourself "clinging to him," as you say, not wanting to let him out of your sight, as if somehow you can protect him from dying too soon, too. On some level (perhaps unconsciously) you may be trying to make it up to Nikomi (who died despite your care and concern) by over-caring for Chinook. None of this is rational, of course, but then, feelings seldom are rational ~ they come from the emotional side of us, not the logical, thinking part. The fact that six months into your grief for Nikomi you find yourself reluctant to leave Chinook tells me that your grief may be interfering a bit with your ability to live your life (i.e. leave the house for any length of time or take a job away from home if you find one). You might consider having a few sessions with a grief counselor who is sensitive to pet loss, just to help you get through this challenging time. (Hospice of the Valley's Bereavement Office has a list of such counselors who practice in the Phoenix area; just call 602.530.6970.)

Walt, dear ~ just knowing that you're still here reading our posts is comfort enough. And we can still feel your presence here, just as you can feel the presence of your beloved Little Jeannie.

Oh Boo ~ I've only read the first four entries and I am in tears. Thank you so much for finding this and sharing it with us . . .

Barb, dear, I'm so sorry that these last six years have been so difficult and challenging for you, and sad to think that you're receiving so little support and understanding from your family in the wake of your father's death and that of your "sweet ol spunky neighbor." As Mary Linda has said, by coming here to us, you've found your way to a safe and caring place, with others who understand and are ready and willing to embrace you. I want to point you to a few resources that I hope will be helpful to you: Article, Less Than Loved Ones, http://www.grief.net/Articles/Less_Than_Loved_Ones.htm Book, Becoming Myself: Living Life to the Fullest after Losing Your Parents, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/007...68/griefhealing Article, Helping Yourself Heal When a Parent Dies, http://griefwords.com/index.cgi?action=pag...&site_id=82 You'll find links to these and other helpful resources listed on these pages of my GriefHealing Web site: Death That Brings Relief, http://www.griefhealing.com/death-brings-relief.htm Death of a Parent, http://www.griefhealing.com/death-of-a-parent.htm Regarding the death of your neighbor, according to grief expert Harold Ivan Smith, "The death of a friend is one of the most significant but unrecognized experiences of grief in American culture." You might also want to explore the links listed on my site's Death of a Friend page, http://www.griefhealing.com/death-of-a-friend.htm

Wonderful, Boo! And yes, I have seen that other video. It's posted right here in this forum: The Animal Odd Couple

My dear Boo, to my mind, that is the value (and the power) of the Internet ~ to share information broadly and freely ~ provided that the information is accurate and comes from a reputable and reliable source, of course. (See my article, Finding Grief Support Online) I am delighted to know that you're doing whatever you can to help "spread the word," and I'm honored too. Please feel free to continue what you're doing with your blog! (I'm only now learning how to use social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook as additional ways to share information about grief with "the world" ~ These tools are simply amazing. You can follow me on Twitter if you like, at http://twitter.com/GriefHealing) I totally agree with you that "by sharing, I am vocalizing and making sense of my loss of Cliff, by that I mean making sense of and understanding my own grief work." In grief, we write not so much to be understood as to understand. In a book I'm reading now (Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss & Grief to a New Life) author Harriet Hodgson says, According to Bob Bittner, President of the American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA), non-writers fail to grasp an important fact. "Many of us [writers] don't write to change others' lives," he says. "We write to change ourselves." Bittner makes this observation in his article, You Should Write a Book, published in the December 2007 issue of the ASJA newsletter.

My friend, I'm so sorry to learn that you were involved in such a horrible event. Clearly this was for you a very traumatic experience, and I want to encourage you to do some reading about traumatic loss, which might reassure you that what you're feeling now is not at all unusual. You might begin with this article, Dealing with Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death, http://journeyofhearts.org/grief/accident2.html ~ and then continue with some of the articles and online resources you'll find listed on the Traumatic Loss page of my Grief Healing Web site. I hope you'll also consider finding someone you can trust with whom you can talk face-to-face about all of this ~ preferably someone who knows something about traumatic loss. Call your telephone operator or public library and ask for the numbers for your local mental health association or your local suicide prevention center. Either agency will have good grief referral lists. (You need not be suicidal to get a grief referral from a suicide prevention center.) These agencies make it their business to know the best resources in their own communities, and they do their best to match callers with helpers according to their needs.

This announcement was posted yesterday on Open to Hope: Widows Group Plans Caribbean Cruise for January 2010 Last winter, when our home in Illinois was deep in snow, we dreamed of cruising the Islands on a luxury liner. That’s when the idea for the First Widows List Caribbean Cruise was born. Sandra Pesmen, host of www.widowslist.com, will be on board with her daughter, Beth Preis, co-host of www.widowslist.com. The ship leaves from Ft. Lauderdale at 5 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 30, on Holland America’s Eurodam, sailing for seven nights to Grand Turks, San Juan, St. Thomas and Half Moon Cay. If you come along, you get a bonus: $100 per cabin shipboard credit, bottle of champagne, and free lunch at the elegant Pinacle Grill. Fees range from $699 inside cabin, $899 window cabin, to $999 balcony cabin. Since men and women traveling alone often must pay a “single supplement fee,” we will help avoid that by “matching” people of the same sex in staterooms if desired. Everyone is welcome, including those who are divorced, single, traveling with partners, or happily married to people who don’t like to cruise. So come along. Travel Agent Neelie Kruse, of Cary Travel Express, is making arrangements. Reach Neelie at www.neelie@carytravelexpress.com or 847-639-3300.

Dear Ones, This isn't exactly the same issue, but I thought you might appreciate this article I just read by Belleruth Naparstek on her Health Journeys Web site, entitled "Setting Limits with an Overbearing Friend": http://bit.ly/ktuRr

Boo, your wisdom (along with your kind and caring heart) never cease to amaze me. You truly have a gift. I so appreciate your carefully constructed responses and the gentle way you speak to everyone on this site. Thank you for being here for all of us. Em, dear, I just want to add that, if all the grief books you're reading say that you're "doing things wrong," then either you're reading the wrong grief books or you're missing one of the most important messages they should be sending to you: There is no right or wrong way to do the work of grief ~ there is only YOUR way, and you must discover that way for yourself.

Another heartwarming animal story: This is video footage of Suryia the orangutan and Roscoe the dog who became best friends upon meeting each other. Both Suryia and (now) Roscoe live at The Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species in Myrtle Beach, SC: