MartyT

Rochel, dear ~ this has been posted on our site for some time, but obviously you haven't seen it yet. Please see Light Up a Life

I'm sorry, I've checked, but that option is not available to us

Okay Rochel, that's fine to put these pieces in your own words ~ but you'll have to begin with the one you've already posted. Since we know now that it is copyrighted, I have no choice but to remove it.

Hi Rochel, This piece is very helpful, but if you found it somewhere else or if it came to you via an e-mail subscription, we may be infringing on someone's copyright by posting it on our site without the author's permission. Are you able to cite the source or include a link to where you found it?

Chai, dear ~ I wonder what would happen if you told your uncle exactly what you've just told all of us? There is nothing disrespectful, uncaring or unreasonable in what you've said or how you've said it. It's possible that your uncle would like to talk to you about his brother, your dad, as well, but he may be holding back and taking his cue from you. (The only way to find out what another person is really thinking, of course, is to ask.) If you cannot bring yourself to say what you need to tell him on the phone, why not write it out ahead of time, so you can choose your words more carefully and know in advance what you want to say and how you want to say it?

Humor is good for all of us

Have you two paid a visit to our Grief Songs Web page? You might consider posting some of your favorites there . . .

Ted, dear, you might find these posts helpful: The Use of Anti-depressants in Grieving? Interview: Are We Medicating Normal Grief?

My dear Deborah and Walt, Your experience teaches us that grief has no time frame, it is unique to each one of us, and we all must follow our own path through this wilderness. I hope you think of this as the place where you can feel safe being exactly where you are, without judgment or reproach, and know that you are always welcome here. You are being held in gentle thought and prayer . . .

Chai, dear ~ We know that today, November 17, is the one-year anniversary of your father's death, and the fresh pain of grief has re-surfaced for you. I hope it brings you comfort to know that this too will pass. You have survived one of the most challenging years of your life, and as you well know, it has been (and will continue to be) an endless and difficult journey, but don't lose sight of the fact that you have come a very long way. As the intensity of your pain lessens with the passing of time, you will continue to look to your wonderful memories of your father to bring you comfort. You can also look forward to new opportunities and experiences, recognizing that going on with your life does not lessen in any way the love you have for your father. Always remember that death may end a life, but it does not end a relationship, and the relationship you have with your dad will remain with you as long as you keep his memory alive in your heart, until the very end of time. Please know that we are thinking of you, keeping you in our prayers and holding you in our hearts at this sad and challenging time.

Beautiful, Boo ~ thank you so much for finding this, and for sharing it with all of us. Please know that when I count my blessings this Thanksgiving Day, I will be counting you, and all the members of our GH family, twice.

Hi PK ~ Actually that information is available, because we ask about that whenever anyone first registers on the site -- but in order to see it, you have to click on the member's name, which takes you to that person's profile. Look on the left side of the screen and scroll down a bit -- there under "Previous Fields" you will find the member's relationship to the person who died, along with the date of death.

Hi PK ~ This is one of those features that is set automatically by the people who designed our Message Board (Invision Power Board), and Hospice of the Valley cannot change it. In the future, whenever I come across an acronym like this that doesn't seem familiar to me, I simply put a question in my Google search engine (or Yahoo, if you have it) and usually I can get an answer that way. For example, just now I put in "What is DST?" and got an answer immediately that it stands for Daylight Savings Time. Otherwise, just do exactly what you did here: ask us, and sooner or later someone will give you an answer (if we have an answer, that is )

Rochel and Kat, I'm not much of a computer whiz myself, but I'm certainly willing to help if I can. Have you tried clicking on the "Help" link at the very top of the main page? Oftentimes doing that will lead you to some answers. Beyond that, I'm not sure exactly what it is that you're trying to do. Can you give me a little more information about that? You can always contact me via e-mail, at tousleym@aol.com . . .

Cubby, dear ~ you asked where you can find grief counselors for individual therapy, and I hope you will find this article helpful: Looking for a Grief Counselor? A Simple Guide to Effective Grief Therapy And please know that you are being held in gentle thought and prayer, especially tomorrow . . .

Wishing you peace and healing this day, and every day that follows, Lucia dear . . .

Katie, dear ~ whatever you decide to do, please know that it is never too late to say goodbye to your father. When you are ready, you might try writing a letter to him, saying all the things you wish you could have told him before he died. Construct some sort of ritual around this exercise: find a quiet, private place. Light a candle. Play some music in the background that holds some special meaning for you. Then take your letter and burn it, as a way to send it to your father's spirit, wherever that may be. Whatever you do is up to you ~ just know that a ritual like this can be a powerful way to accomplish (in a symbolic way) what circumstances may prevent you from doing in person . . .

No doubt about it ~ holidays can be difficult, especially all those "firsts." Please make sure you read this post: http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=4507&view=findpost&p=35215

My dear Walt, I just took two minutes to listen to this very moving song, and I thank you so much for bringing it to all of us, on this Veterans Day. "In peace may they rest, lest we forget why they died." Beautiful. To encourage others to go listen, too, here is the back story for the song, from the YouTube site: On November 11, 1999 Terry Kelly was in a Shoppers Drug Mart store in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. At 10:55 AM an announcement came over the store's PA asking customers who would still be on the premises at 11:00 AM to give two minutes of silence in respect to the veterans who have sacrificed so much for us. Terry was impressed with the store's leadership role in adopting the Legion's "two minutes of silence" initiative. He felt that the store's contribution of educating the public to the importance of remembering was commendable. When eleven o'clock arrived on that day, an announcement was again made asking for the "two minutes of silence" to commence. All customers, with the exception of a man who was accompanied by his young child, showed their respect. Terry's anger towards the father for trying to engage the store's clerk in conversation and for setting a bad example for his child was later channeled into a beautiful piece of work called, "A Pittance of Time". Terry later recorded "A Pittance of Time" and included it on his full-length music CD, "The Power of the Dream".

Debbie, we'll be thinking of you tomorrow for sure. I thought you might find these articles of interest: Grief Goes to Work, Part One Grief Goes to Work, Part Two

Dear Ones, I've collected dozens of helpful articles on coping with the holidays; you'll find links to them on the Coping with Holidays page of my Grief Healing Web site. See also Creating Personal Grief Rituals.

Gentle Reminder: If you wish to participate in HOV's Light Up a Life ceremony of remembrance, the deadline for submitting photographs (for the planned photo montage set to music) is today, Tuesday, November 10, 2009. If for any reason you are unable to meet this deadline, please know that on the day of the event, you are welcome to bring with you a framed picture of your loved one, for placement on the lovely memory table that will be provided for that purpose.

Dear Ones, You may find these articles helpful as well: Final Details: A Checklist Final Details: Necessary Papers

The following comes to us from Susan Levine, Executive Director of Hospice of the Valley: Welcome to Hospice of the Valley's November 2009 ENews. We have much to be thankful for at this time of year, including the upcoming special events and accomplishments listed below. Thanks for reading us. HOV receives award Hospice of the Valley was recently honored with the Excellence in End-of-Life Care Award by the Arizona Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. To read more, visit HOV Wins Top Award from Statewide Hospice Group. HOV is in the news The media are reporting on the agency's latest news - including workshops for grieving pet owners, the opening of our new West office and an upcoming dementia conference. Read all about it by visiting Articles. Grief and the Holidays The holidays can be a challenging time for those who have lost a loved one. Hospice of the Valley has many helpful resources, including printed materials, support groups and an online forum. See Bereavement Services and click on In Touch, November/ December 2009 Newsletter. [Note from MartyT: See also Coping with the Holidays.] HOV's Senior Health Forum commemorates Veteran's Day Veteran's Day will be celebrated in Goodyear with a free Senior Health Care Forum featuring live music, breakfast, a presentation of colors, inspirational speakers and health education. For more information, visit Senior Health Care Forum. Light Up A Life It's not too late to include this year's Light up a Life event in your holiday plans. It will be held Sunday, November 22, 2009. The event honors loved ones through a photo montage set to music. To learn more, visit Light Up a Life. We appreciate your interest and support and invite you to visit us at hov.org. Best regards, Susan Levine Executive Director Hospice of the Valley

Ted, dear, I would never question your right to be angry at God, as that is a perfectly normal and understandable reaction in grief. I am, however, a bit concerned about your turning to alcohol for comfort in the midst of your sorrow. Alcohol is a depressant (not a stimulant) and using it to drown your sorrow can bring you down even further than you are already. Please take a few moments to read the article I've just posted in The Latest News forum, Alcohol Not the Answer. I've put it there not just for you, but for everyone else who may be reading this . . .