kayc

Patty, I am so sorry that this was your experience, it should never be like that! I do hope you share with them what you've shared with us, those in charge need to know in order to ensure changes are made.

How beautiful! Thank you for wharing that with us. You make a beautiful couple!

Gracie has Pneumonia now so they can't hold her, critical cond., please keep her & the family in your prayers.

So true, Mitch! I know for the first few years his picture came down, up, down, up...according to which brought me pain & which brought me comfort. They finally stayed up as I love looking at his face (he is, BTW, looking younger the older I get). I look at the picture on the wall of us, and I remember him driving all the way to Eugene to buy a shirt (120 mile round trip) to match my dress...now it's a memory. It's important to do what feels right for US, not what others think or put on us. This is, after all, OUR relationship, OUR journey, and our grief.

I wouldn't say it'll pass, but we learn to incorporate it all into our lives. I carry it with me and that's the thing people don't realize, I don't always show it, but it's always there.

Your grief therapist is right, there's no way through this but to feel it and experience it. Nine months out and reality has set in, so it's not surprising you feel it all the more. Yes, you'll get through it, but I can sure understand your wondering...it's not for the fainthearted, that's for sure!

Maryann, I would think they would respect your wishes and skip it if that's what you want! I kind of have the opposite problem, I'm left alone on holidays and don't want to be. It's hard always being alone, and forgotten at holidays as well.

Marty, do you have someone in Belgium also? It was scary because it was the second very close call they had in two weeks (nearly hit head on by an inattentive huge truck driver, they had to go into a ditch to avoid him). I kind of want them to stay home!

There is no need to permanently delete your conversations, they are a part of your history together and something you can still treasure. If ever the time comes to remove them, you will know. There is no way my kids could understand all of my relationships...they totally understood my relationship with George for they loved him too...we got together when they were teenagers and instead of responding like most teens would, they loved him...and he them. They only wanted my happiness, and I'm sure that's how yours feel too.

Nikki, I am so sorry, I feel your pain as you describe your last days and moments with your dog. I had a Whippet. which is like a small greyhound, they are very gentle souls. You ask if your reaction is normal, yes, it is. It is the hardest thing in the world to lose our beloved dog, it is lifechanging and difficult to absorb. My heart goes out to you.

I've had three divorces (6 years, 23 years, 2 years), 1 widowed, and 2 broken engagements. I know what it is to try and try and get nowhere, I've had my heart broken too many times. The only one that truly loved me, as I loved him, selflessly and completely, was George...the one that died, as luck would have it. It seems to me I'm destined to be alone, I don't have it in me to go through it all again. I count myself fortunate to have had George in my life, even though it was way too brief (we knew each other 6 1/2 years, were married for 3 years 8 months). We were soulmates in every sense of the word and he is the one I go on remembering and missing for the rest of my life. The first and last husband I wish I'd never met, it was so toxic. My kids' dad I still consider "family" and care about him, but he never did love me and it wasn't good to be in. My first broken engagement broke my heart, as did the last one, but I realize now that it was perhaps for the best as I wouldn't want to be with a weak man that considered his mama but not me. I esteem a man that values his mom, but feel his fiance/wife should be valued as well. The relationship you are mourning was valuable to you, and that is what matters, not what the rest of the world saw or thought. And whose to say, it may come back to you. Mine did in the form of a friendship and I value and treasure that very much. Like I've said before, I consider mine to be a success story, even though Jim and I did not get married, we are good friends and I learned a great deal through this process and care about him very much. I know people look down on me for having had so many relationships, I've been laughed at, scorned, and excluded. It doesn't matter. I have learned from each of them, and the one thing people can conclude from all of it is (besides I didn't know how to pick them) I tried my best in all of them. My son told me after my last one ended, "I have never seen anyone try so hard." And for that I cannot be ashamed.

Here is an interview with my BIL (sister Julie's husband), Dana Fryer, in Brussels this week. I will be personally glad when they're all home, but I still have HIS sister, Rita, to worry about as she lives there and travels frequently. http://www.kptv.com/story/31552255/aloha-family-in-location-of-brussels-bomb-just-an-hour-before-explosion#.VvOMcD_z6vw.facebook

Patty, I am so sorry you had bad experience with Hospice, doctors, nurses. You're right they are not all the same. I find we are our loved one's biggest advocate and my brother and I were that for my mom with all of the staff and medical personnel she encountered. I live about 65 miles away from where my mom was although I worked in a nearby town, but thankfully my brother lived in town. Your therapist is right, you DO have a right to all of your feelings! And it's okay to be both grateful for the help and questioning of it at the same time. You are not alone in how you're feeling..

RR, I went through that (owing taxes) following my divorce too because I'd had held out all year as Married but had to file as single (divorce was final in January but I couldn't file with him, didn't have a way to even reach him), so it cost me another $1,200.00, The good thing is, once it's over, it's finally done! Raven, I understand your leeriness at living with someone, I would be too! If you do look for a roommate, good luck with it!

I'm glad you're feeling better, Kevin. I don't know what Buckleys is but glad it helped! Dementia is indeed a sad disease, not only for the person but for the whole family. I got a lot out of Alzheimer's Playbook as it helped me understand how best to respond to my mom when she had it, very simple and yet helpful. It was a time of learning, that's for sure!

I should have figured Colorado, well it's quite beautiful, snow and all! RR, I hear you. I can so relate! And about the lawnmower, I lost both my riding one and push one last year so am w/o one too right now, can't even think of forking out for another at this time, will have to hire it done for a while. I'd really like to have one of those old fashioned ones that has neither motor or gas, and thus, nothing to go wrong with it, it'd force exercise on me at least!

I'm sorry, Athos It seems you are quite disappointed with your cat, that perhaps it is a mismatch. Have you considered taking him back? Perhaps they do or don't know the meaning of their names, I don't know. Maybe it wouldn't matter what you call him, except that they DO know the feeling behind it!

ChinUp, that is beautiful! What state are you in? It's supposed to snow here Monday, don't know if it will stick. I'd stay in my pjs too if I didn't have to walk Arlie. I'm glad you got your ride in while the getting was good. RR, you are so right, much better to be alone and at peace than in a bad relationship!

George's closet rod broke a couple weeks after his death so I folded his clothes and boxed them up, where they sat for two months and then I gave them to a charity I knew he would want them to go to. Several years later, out of work and broke, I sold his "Wave" knife, and I cried when I had to mail it. But I knew he would want me to eat. His bathrobe still hangs on the door like it always did and sometimes I take it down and hold it. His hat is still hanging on the hook, and his dish where he threw his stuff is still here. Other than that, I pretty much got rid of things little by little, giving my son his toolbucket, etc. It's hard to make these changes and I feel it's so important to take our time with them and not force it. If all their stuff is still here when we die, so be it!

That is great, Raven! Those are the kinds of things that bridge the gap...

The horse is adorable! My Arlie (dog) was my tonic, he knows just when I need uplifted. Insert other media

Oh Anne, you have reason to be proud! You are exemplary in your grief work, I wish others could see how you've tackled it, you'd be a great mentor. I realize everyone handles it differently though. But you've had not only your grief to deal with, but medical issues that alone would be daunting! I am proud of you and hope your walking and reflection are good. Love you!

It's nothing to do with you not measuring up, it's just life, it seems rather random about who it strikes and when. Some people have smooth sailing through life, others get hit, it does no good to try and make sense of it because it's unrelated and unfair. It just is.

Gwen, I've felt that way too, wishing it was easier (and less expensive) to keep up here, but the mere thought of moving is daunting, esp. when you don't have help. I imagine it will only seem more so the older I get.