kayc

I don't water here either but my lawn is growing like weeds! Even without rain! Supposed to have rain and sun this week so it'll probably really grow then. I'm glad he cut your grass, Mary! I have deer here and wish they'd eat even more than they do! We have laws regulating how high our grass can get, even out here in the country, isn't that crazy! Gov't controls everything anymore. fae, your dragonflies are beautiful!

Mary, your patio looks great!! I'm wanting to get out there tomorrow and clean off my tablecloth from the winter's grime, and plant flowers before it gets too warm to move. I have so much to do and this heat makes it hard. Today I had lunch with my friend. She's going to Portland for seven weeks for treatment for her heart and I'm going to miss her so much. She's hoping to come home for weekends so maybe it won't be too bad. Anyway, that's what I did for me today!

My boss marches to the beat of a different drum, his brain works different than other people's, his perception is "unique". He owes me for three months, including vacation, I may never see it all but I do need the flow at least. It's a scary thing when you're 60 and no one wants to hire you and you get treated this way...and of course, I think employers are well aware of the times and what they can get away with. We had the same problem at my last job and they were reported and nothing came of it. John worked for someone that didn't pay him and we turned it in and they wouldn't do anything. Amazing. And of course if they did do something it'd be to shut the doors and we'd all be out of work...which isn't a good prognosis either. It's illegal and he knows it. Ask me if he cares! I do understand your fears, Mary, because our eyesight is so linked to our independence, our ability to drive, read, etc. My aunt went completely blind from Diabetes, so that's always been a concern of mine since I am also Diabetic and have multiple eye problems. I don't think Arlie would make a very good seeing eye dog, too hyper and easily distracted. But lets continue to think the best, that the surgery will have a positive outcome. Oh, sweet Bentley! Aren't they wonderful! My dog is my incentive and joy!

Mary, Glad you're having a good day, staying quiet. Farmer's market sounds great, wish we had something like that here, but it's too far away.

Mary, I'm so sorry to hear of your second cousin, certainly you are all in my prayers, esp. his young wife. We hate to see anyone join our ranks. Other Mary, I'm glad you're home safe and I bet you got a greeting from Bentley! I'm glad your brother softened a bit in his delivery. I don't see as you have a choice but have to go ahead with surgery, what have you got to lose if not having it means you go blind? Let's hope for the odds being favorable...try to let go of the "what ifs" until they come. I know, easier said than done, spoken from the master worrier! I wish you didn't have to go through this interim period of waiting and wondering. Hot here today, my friend's place said 100, mine said 84, I think the sun must have been hitting hers, but even Arlie doesn't have any energy. I've gotten a lot done today, but not much later in the day. Hoping to get caught up in the morning when it cools off. A lot of you are wondering about the three year mark...for me, after I completed three years, can't say exactly when, it got better...to a point, the rest I had to live with. When big things come along that challenge us, such as Anne's physical situation, Mary's eye, the falls I took and my job layoff nearly two years ago, it is those times that it hits us all over again. We are used to having their support and then when we need it, we feel the void keenly. That doesn't mean we aren't making progress, it's to be expected we will miss them the rest of our lives and some times will hit us all the harder.

We can't get from people what they don't have. He may have PhDs but he's missing in other areas. It will be good for you to be home...drive careful, let us know when you make it home safe to Bentley.

No, the $ for the hosp. bills is long gone. The $ to John is long gone. I was dumb and now I'm paying for it. I just don't want to see anyone else make the same mistakes. They think I'll get the car back Tues. eve. I'll have to wait after work an hour to find out for sure before I can make the switch and go home.

Oh, Mary, I wish I could put my arms around you and pray for you, but I will pray anyway, that you will have confidence and peace. Bill may not be here as you'd like, but God is. I have a sister, like your brother, that always goes into telling me what to do, which might be the right thing for her, but not for me. I'm glad you decided not to drive home tonight. We are going to expect the best for you and this surgery is going to help you and not hurt you. My heart is with you tonight, I know this is hard. (((hugs)))

You're right. Mine wouldn't go for counseling. And I think he felt guilty for the last year (before she died) that he'd spent time with me instead of her. But he could have seen her any time he wanted, he lived close by her, whereas I was 1 1/2-2 hour drive so we only saw each other on weekends. None of this makes logistical sense because feelings usually don't have to make sense, they just are.

I would want to know I was definitely wanted before making a move. It's hard to predict what any of them will do but it sounds like your BF is reacting classically like the others here. I don't think they choose to pull back, just that they can't handle anything other than their grief right now. Their friends don't require anything emotionally so it's easier to do their friends than their "relationships".

I'm glad to hear you have an attorney. It's hard to take care of anything when you're grieving. I made some real mistakes, I should have gotten an attorney and didn't. I paid off the hospital bills because they were hounding/intimidating me, turns out I wasn't responsible for them. I remortgaged my house to pay them, it'd been paid off before then. Right now I owe $94,000 and I once had it paid off...between George's hosp. bills and John's sticking me with his bills...it makes the difference between being able to retire...and not, between stress or not. If I had it to do over again, I would definitely hire an attorney, sometimes you're $ ahead in spite of their charges! Just plug along, doing what you can...try not to let the grief immobilize you, but don't think you have to work like gangbusters either...a balance is needed. Keep being good to yourself, no self-recriminations, stand up for yourself, indulge yourself if you can. We don't have anyone else to indulge us and they would want us to!

I think making Remmie's Companion Care happen is a goal to aspire to! And he would be so proud of you, seeing you live and function on your own, he will be on the sidelines, cheering for you! Have you seen an attorney about the accident yet? Good luck

I'm friends with all of my exes except my first, he was a monster an I don't want him to know I'm alive and breathing. But I seem to collect exes, I guess because I always try to be amicable and can't see any reason to waste energy hating, after I'm over them anyway. I think the key sentence here, Helena, was when you said: "i think i'm going to go and start living my life just so i know that i don't have to be in limbo forever." That is very healthy thinking! And yep, I think men must be delusional, they definitely seem to live in their own little worlds or constructs. Pollara, even though I wouldn't go so far as to overlook their having sex with someone else (I'd call that cheating), it would hurt even more if they had a love relationship because for men, that is deeper...men are able to compartmentalize sex better than we are, but love, well that's deeper.

Melina, it most certainly IS harder when your kids are grown and we have no control, at least to me it is. I'm trying to let go of my daughter (I've never had to worry about my son, he decides things for himself and the choices always seem wise) but I still worry about her. Yeah I'd say cows kind of shuffle, or plod along, they're rather slow paced unless they're young. Professionally and personally are two different things. Professionally I never had a hard time, I just go into that mode, but then I was taught to keep professional and personal lives separate, so I've just learned to leave personal life at home and accomplish what I must...then when going home it's a different story. I can relate.

Jan, I'm glad you got some rest, I'm sure you well needed it! Mary, I can't imagine driving in that much traffic, there IS no such place in Oregon, not even in Portland! There's a lot of places not paying their employees on time, the scary part is if they go belly up, we're up the creek! Since I was on unemployment during the "base period" I wouldn't get much of anything if I had to file unempl. again so I'm trying to ride things out as long as I can...that and the fact that I never got put back to full time work.

I'm thinking about it...there's a pet friendly hotel at the coast I keep seeing advertised, maybe after I get my car back and get paid.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. Death always seems premature, no matter when it comes, we want more time with them. I'm sorry for what you've been going through with your sister too. Illness/death seems to bring out the worst in people, I've seen it happen. It helps to try to see some things that both you and your sister agree on...you both love your mom and wanted what you felt was best for her...you just disagreed about what it was. Whether it was a power struggle or what I don't know, but if you can let it go and move forward with your sister, that would be good. Someday your sister will be all that is left, it'd be easier if your parents knew things would work out between the two of you. Of course, this involves not just you but her and you can't control the other person, all you can do is make conciliatory efforts, you don't have control over whether they're accepted or reciprocated. But I hope for that for both of you. How is your dad doing? This has to be so hard for him. Do you live near him so you can visit him often? It sounds like your years of experience is very helpful in knowing how to deal with your parents aging. Are you a nurse or caretaker?

Helena, I agree with your take about Plum's situation...maybe even about your own. You're the only one who knows your own situation fully. I think we DO need to protect ourselves and if we listen to our inner self we'll know if we need to cut it off or what. We shouldn't be "patiently waiting" because we'll grow weary and resentful of them for that, we can't do all the giving yet they aren't in a place to give right now...is it possible then to go on with your life and let it go and see what happens? Not "wait" for them but not throwing them overboard either? If enough times passes, we get over them and move on, and if then they wake up and come to, they'll find us gone. But if they come to their senses soon enough perhaps all can be salvaged. No contact does protect the love we have left for them. The hardest place to be is strung along and living in limbo.

That article says to live as if everything were new...that is part of what George did for me...he experienced life as if all of it were new, every moment, every day. I have never seen anyone who appreciated the moment, every bit of it, quite like he did...it reminded me of when my children were two and everything was wonder and magic! How contagious that zeal and zest for life is! I wish I were more like him...instead I find my days fighting with insurance adjusters, standing up for myself to them, my boss, to car rentals, to any number of people. Dealing with drivers that drive like maniacs and cut in line at the gas station when you've been patiently waiting for 20 minutes. I feel like it's making me grouchy and people must perceive me as difficult because of the seeming continual challenges. Maybe I need a vacation. Somewhere where there are no people, no problems, no bills. Maybe an ocean breeze and Arlie...and Anne's chocolate. A glass of white wine. I guess that's what meditation is all about...letting go of all of the "stuff"...it's like a release and a filling all at once.

Oh Anne, that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us. Yes, the sound of him snoring would be such music to my ears...just to hear it and know he's alive... I feel the same as you. I've gotten accustomed to living without his arms around me...but that doesn't mean I don't miss them every single day, every night.

You don't need a strong antidepressant just because they are uncomfortable with grief. We have to shed our tears, feel our pain, remember the memories and work THROUGH our grief; we can't just suppress/ignore it or it will affect us...undealt with grief is always still there waiting, we don't get the luxury of avoiding it. You don't sound depressed to me, you sound like you're grieving. You are undoubtedly still in that numb/shock stage where everything hasn't sunk in yet, that's common in the beginning, when you're ready your body will know it and let you be in touch with everything as needed. Is the business in both your names or just your name? If both your names, you might want to start a new one that can't be affected by his "estate". I'd hate to see you build it up just to have her claim some of it. Have you talked to an attorney? (I know they're expensive...) Being on your own is a good place of learning and discovery. It'd be good to have your own place, you'll know when you're ready, just don't be afraid. It'll all work out.

fae, you are so industrious, you make me feel lazy! I don't plan on getting much done this weekend...the usual chores and I want to make some chocolate-peanut butter truffles to my DIL's mom for mother's day. Kitty is getting her problem back, so back on the pumpkin mixture & probiotics. I may have to take her to the vet, it would help if I'd get paid. My boss told me he's paying another guy because he works for fun and he can't afford for him to quit. Wow, that's nice. I NEED mine, I don't have a husband or parents or savings, I just have bills! He owes me for three months and gave me a partial check yesterday. Mary, I'm glad you followed your heart and walked out of the movie. Was it a bad movie or did it just conjur up too many memories/feelings? I'm not thrilled with French subtitles anyway. I like things that make me smile, reality is hard enough without adding to the mix. fae, so glad you'll take some enjoyable time today!

I'm not that open.

Marty is right, there are many mothers who have never birthed a child. I was one of those too. (My first husband had a child while we were married...I raised him until he was three, at which time we divorced. I am still in touch with him and his half sister...he's now 40 and a wonderful father and she's a wonderful mom!) Mary, Iike your job (watching cookies). Bentley wishes he was there to help you! Jan, this is an all too emotional weekend for you. I like to think her birth brought good to an otherwise tragic time.

Anne, you're one of the sweetest people I know and I'm so glad you have your daughter & grandbabies! Hopefully I'll have some in a couple of years. My son just found out he gets to graduate early, he's doing a double major and he found an independent advisor that helped him getting some things to count for both majors and waivers, so now he just has one year left! As soon as he graduates and gets a job, they want to start trying. I hope this trip of Mary's not only accomplishes it's purpose, but she has a great visit with her friend as well. I bet Bentley will be waiting with bells on his paws when she gets back!