kayc

He doesn't have a clue. He will probably drown his sorrows in women and/or other things, and we all know that doesn't work well. I know he's hurting, I know he loves his wife, I also know he hasn't a clue what to do about it. He's working around the clock, trying to keep busy so he doesn't have to think. I get that. But I won't be a pawn. fae, I love interference paints (I've used them in my cards and coasters...stamping), so fun! I also love dragonflies, so much fun to paint! Only I cheat, I start with my stamped image.

I saved some of George's clothes, usually it's his bathrobe when I feel the need to wrap myself in him, but I also have a shirt/jacket of his...we had them matching in different colors/sizes, but sometimes I like to wear his even though it's too big. I realize Ann was off line yesterday, but figured she'd read when she got back. I haven't done any quilting for years, don't really have the time, but I do wish I'd thought of it before getting rid of everything. Oh well, at least they went for a good cause and I know he would have been delighted with that. You sure are ambitious! I'm wishing I'd gotten to some yard work this weekend, I was so busy in the house I never did get around to it, now it's back to rain.

I think you're doing the right thing. I know it's hard, yes it takes a great deal of resolve to do what's best even when you feel the opposite inside. Perhaps he will miss you during this time apart...just understand it can take a great deal of time for them to come to their senses. And by that time, you may feel totally different. Jim has called me ten times this week. He's talked about coming up here. I no longer hold my breath or hope for anything, other than friendship, but I'm not afraid of seeing him either, not afraid of my feelings or falling vulnerable to him. I feel much stronger after all this time, more in charge of myself, more aware.

I wouldn't think you'd be ineligible until you actually RECEIVE the assets. Have you talked to them about it? In the end, even if you get nothing, you will be no worse off...it is what we can do for ourselves that is most important. I have never inherited anything from anyone and have been swindled, but I am still standing and you will too. There are laws governing how we settle estates and if she breaks those laws,she is welcome to the consequences that come with it. I understand how little time you have with working and going to school, but keep your focus there and you can't go wrong. My son is in school full time and is so busy, he only gets about three hours sleep a night, but the pay off will come, it's imperative nowadays to have education. Gone is the world where you could do without it!

Of course you are! Who wouldn't be! But bravery is not the absence of fear, but the proceeding in the face of it. By taking one step at a time, and putting one foot in front of the other, you will make it through this. You can do this, Shannon! And you have all of the prayers of us here behind you and the support of your in-laws with you.

It's been 80 here lately, it's been nice. Cooler today and next week, but still lovely, although rain is coming tonight and Monday I think. Mary, glad you got your shower, that can make a person feel new again! The concert sounds truly rapturous! Harry, so good to hear from you...we figured you were busy, you accomplish more than the rest of us could ever imagine! We feel in complete support of all of your endeavors and I'm sure you look forward to having some time off now and again this summer to recoup. I've been trying to think of a way I can take some inexpensive time off work and have special time with my Arlie. Maybe some time at the beach...

I hadn't heard of this, but I think it's a beautiful way to demonstrate support for those who have lost a child...including Marty and two of my sisters.

Kristen, Oh gosh, you have NO IDEA how MUCH I've learned to stand my ground! Wow! It's amazing how much backbone we can grow when we have to! These people, and trust me it takes a lot for me not to call them idiots!, the things they say!!! People truly don't know what's appropriate or inappropriate to say to someone who is grieving. They're so way out of line! I don't know why they think if you lost your partner that you need to be told what to do and that their decisions/choices/preferences are what is best for you! Have you ever been in a church prayer meeting and everyone has their eyes closed and one at a time they're praying? And someone stops praying and it's quiet? Notice how uncomfortable that makes people feel and sure enough someone will pipe up and start praying too, even if they really have nothing to say. People are uncomfortable with silence! They feel they need to stop the gap. And in so doing, they miss something. They miss the important part, the being still, being quiet, listening part. Which is such an important part of prayer! God doesn't need us to just keep babbling away, filling in the gaps, talking at Him, HE doesn't feel it's awkward when we're quiet and listening! ...what I'm getting at is this: it's the same way when we lose someone. It makes people uncomfortable. It's like they don't know what to do with death OR with single people. They feel the need to "stop the gap" by matching us up with someone. It's annoying! We learn so much by allowing ourselves to go through the process of learning to be on our own, learning to do our grief work, learning to be on this journey, learning our new normal, learning to be comfortable with singlehood. What I mean by that is NOT that we choose being single over having our partner with us, god no! Of course we would rather they be here, but if they can't be, well, we'll be single then and adjust to doing that rather than feeling we "have to have someone" in our lives. We learn to do our time alone. That doesn't mean it's easy, oh heavens, it's not! But it's something we work at and learn. And now that all of our friends dumped us, we have to make new ones...not an easy feat. For one thing, we're more guarded and selective now...we've seen what these "friends" have turned out like and aren't relishing getting more of the same. It takes us time, and it's so slow, meanwhile we're more alone than we care to be. The few whose friends didn't dump them are very lucky. Not everyone fares so well. Yes, your parents and my sister "mean well" but when they're saying something stupid, it's ever so hard to take! I had to distance myself from my sister a lot that first year until I was strong enough to continually hold my ground with her...I had to protect myself until I was well enough. We have to learn to be choosy about who we are around and choose to be around those that are positive for us, and guard our time around those who are not.

He even had the nerve to say his wife and George would get a kick out of it. I think NOT! What galled me is he used THEM to try and weasel his way in! The conversation was pretty short after that. Mr. Rick, that's his name. Grrr!

Anne, How's the quilt coming along? What kind are you making? Years ago we used to make "crazy quilts", very simple, squares from old items we had around the house, then "tied" them with a backing and batting, and put a trim around the edge. We made them for Lutheran missions, I did it with a neighbor that was Lutheran. Anyway, I kept one, but I think it's long gone now. I've made a few quilts over the years, but nothing fancy, I've never been taught officially but everybody always liked it if I made one, haven't done that in years, not sure I have the patience any more. I wish I'd done something like that with George's clothes though, it would have been nice to wrap myself in it. Kristen, Yeah, we know. I bawled like a stuck hog the first time I laundered our bedding...it took me a full month to work up the nerve, it was so hard.

You may be right about the guilt part...Jim may feel that way too since he used to come to my place every weekend, but then he could have seen his mom any time he wanted, he just didn't know things were going to go the way they did, none of us ever does.

I am so sorry you are going through this. You were all so fortunate to have had your stepfather in your lives, I'm sure you more than realize that. Is there someplace you can report your Stepdad's executor, since she's not doing what she's supposed to? You know, I'm sure, that drink never solved anything. Try to continue taking care of yourself the best that you can and do what feels positive for you, like your painting. You should be able to go on line and apply for the Obama-care health plans as they're available. I've heard the application process isn't fun or easy, but if you're low income, you should qualify. Apply for food stamps too. In Oregon we have a free HMO but if you qualify, it's decided by lottery so not everyone gets it. Doesn't make much sense to me but it's how it is. Massachusetts has health care for low income people I think. I know the allure of entering a relationship just to fill a void, but finally learned that I must learn to be happy "just me" or I'm not ready to be in a relationship...in the process I discovered I'm okay just being on my own and have no desire to find someone...but then I'm way older than you, I understand at your age wanting to have someone in your life. I guess all you can do is put yourself out there where you can meet someone, but first write down the qualities you are looking for in someone and don't settle for anything less.

Shannon, you are so wise to realize and know this and do what you need to do for YOU! You are no good to Leo if you don't first take care of yourself and that's a lesson I learned the hard way a very long time ago. I am so glad you have your SIL and BIL there for you, as well as others. Just take a day at a time, Hon, and let the good Lord do the rest. (((hugs to you)))

Anne, I think it's a great idea to turn the mug into a mosaic! I wouldn't have thought of that! I lost one of my favorite wedding pictures of George and I, it's one where I was laying my head on his chest. It was in a bisque picture frame at work and the frame broke and I put the picture somewhere, that was five years ago when we were moving offices...I never found it and I've hunted high and low. I don't have a copy of it and my sister can't find the negative. It still bothers me to not have it.

Kristen, You will never forget him, never. And I'm sorry people are so disappointing...the same thing happened to me. I'm glad you have your parents, I have my sisters. My one sister doesn't know how to respond to grievers, she tried to get me to move to the city, sell my house, not get a dog, etc. I tried to tell her that what's right for her isn't right for me but she doesn't listen. I hope she never has to lose her husband and find out what it's like.

Mary, could you take Bentley to a hotel until they're done? I'm just so sorry for both of you having to endure this frustration. The video on the lazy puppy is so cute! I've never seen a puppy "wait" for a toy to come to him before!

Well I've had some contact with the daughter on FB lately, who is all grown up and married now, she's real sweet. She gave me her dad's number and said I should call him. So I did, to express my condolences and tell him I know what it's like...the man asked me out!!! His wife is barely stiff and he asks me out? I told him no way, I'm happy with my dog...and he can take that any way he likes it. Am I wrong to feel this is totally offensive? Not just to me, but more importantly to his wife?!

George was my husband, not Pete.

Mary, I hope your friend enjoys her smile as much as I do mine! I paid $3,000 for it and it seemed like a waste to have them redo it but they said it didn't fit well and was wearing out (under a year?) so I'm glad they made a new one and now it's done with.

Helena, I think you are right on. And it's not a game. They need to know what it's like to be without us or how else can they make a good decision about whether or not they want us in their lives or not? I know grieving complicates things. But apparently it showed Jim he didn't want to have me in a love relationship because he never resumed it. But that doesn't mean someone else wouldn't make a different decision. I think he wasn't as ready as he'd thought for a relationship, I think he got infatuated with me very quickly and was too cowardly to get out of it...until he was going through his mom dying...then he couldn't handle it. But that's just my take on it. Someone mentioned in one of the threads earlier that maybe there was something wrong with each of these relationships to start with is why we lost them. I wouldn't go so far as to say that, I don't feel I can judge everyone's relationship by the little bit I see here under these extenuating circumstances, but in our case, maybe our relationship wasn't what I'd been led to believe. I mean just two weeks prior to breaking up with me he told me he saw us spending the rest of our lives together. Why would he say that if he didn't feel it? He's not a dishonest person so I know he wasn't a pretender. But maybe he had some mixed feelings he hadn't shared with me? I don't know and I'm way tired of trying to analyze it, after this long, it just doesn't matter what his reasons were. I know we had great potential and could have had a great love and life together had he chose that...but he didn't, so that's that.

I agree. And of course he'll remember and think of you. Jim thought of me when he was apart from me, his daughter said he was always checking my FB page...yet he made no contact. I guess he just didn't know what to say or couldn't deal with the emotions of being in contact with me. But did he forget me? No, not for a day. He was exhausted, confused, upset, everything. I wish he could have had the strength to have included me in what he was going through and let me be there for him, but that was his choice and in the end I have to respect his wishes while continuing with my life as best as I can.

Have you talked with Adult and Family Services to see if there's any help available where the two of you could be together while you recover? I agree you can't take care of him, you have your hands more than full with your own medical problems, but maybe if there was someone else taking care of the both of you... Maybe there isn't help available and I'm just dreaming, it just seems there ought to be.

Lindakate, No need to apologize, you can IM anytime! I shared those links with you because I wanted you to know what it felt like for me in the early months, it's something we all go through but I also want you to know it gets more bearable with time.

Kristen, I'm sure Marcus knows how much you love him. George and I never lost sight of our love, even if we argued. Dick, I wish we could have that one more day to cuddle and just be together. I'm glad that she is out of her pain now, you're right, it almost makes it bearable.

Poor Bentley! It is good that he can express himself freely. We forget sometimes that things don't just affect us, but our pets too. I know when my DIL's puppy, Mozzy was here visiting, on about the third day of her overbugging him (he loves it at first but then enough is enough!) Arlie got cantankerous and growled at her to leave him alone. She didn't and after several warnings he finally nipped her. He'd never done that before but then she kind of pushed his buttons to the limit. Sometimes they just want everything back to normal, they have their comfort zones too!