kayc

That's true but that's because I could sense he was in no way near committing...if he'd been willing to commit and explain how he came to break off with me the way he did, and if he'd be willing to work through what needed to be worked through to make a go of it, I think I would have been willing too. But I will not let someone hurt me with back and forth stuff and emotional yanking around, nope, just won't go there. I have to protect myself.

Well mine never rekindled our relationship but at least we're friends...and in the 2 2/3 years since he broke up with me, neither of us have dated.

Mary, I can't imagine, I don't live well with chaos OR intrusion so I'd be way outta my comfort zone! Just breathe and keep reminding yourself it'll soon be over and once it is, it won't matter that it was one week or three, it'll just be nice and ready for you to enjoy. Having beautiful weather here and I want nothing more than to go home and take Arlie for a ride & a walk in the woods but I'm going to see my mom tonight so he'll have a late short walk.

Thanks, Marty! His findings don't surprise me. Dogs can be very smart but they think differently than we do, different things drive them (food, for instance). My dog will do pretty much anything for food!

I don't know what it's like to lose a mom but my situation is different with my mom, but I do know what it's like to lose my dear sweet husband, and I know how hard it is to try to live with the biggest hole in your heart. Being a caregiver makes it all the more difficult to adjust as you lose your sense of purpose. I took care of my sweet MIL nearly three years when she was bedridden with cancer, it was very hard to watch her go through it and the finality of losing her was very hard. If she'd been my birth mom it would have been all the harder as she'd have been there from the beginning, as it was, I didn't get her until my 20s. All I know to do is try to stay in the present as much as I can so I don't lose the value that is here today and carry my George with me in my heart, along with all of the others I have lost. They live in our memory and our love carries them with us always.

My dear fae, I would love to work for a vet! A friend of mine just told me to mix pumpkin, yogurt, and canned cat food and add probiotics to it for Kitty. She doesn't do well on canned catfood but since I'll just be giving her a bit maybe it'll be okay. I still need to figure out how much probiotics to give her...I give Arlie a tsp but he's a moose! No, I didn't know that about shovel bums but I guess that qualifies you! Nemo, You can tell us as much as you want about your Jim, I love hearing about our spouses...they were pretty special people or we wouldn't be here having a hard time. Jan, I can't imagine what it would be like to be married 50 years and then lose my spouse, it must be very hard. I was so used to the life I had with George as it was. I know this is a hard time of year for you and you continue to be in my thoughts.

Old dusty shovel bum??? Ha ha, maybe because that could describe any of us, you fit right in! Ha ha, I've never heard that term though.

Stephen, I, too, am a huge animal lover...yes indeed, they are wonderful loyal companions, there by your side through everything. I think your being accepted was because Mindy knew you were an animal love and she was safe with you. These furry loved ones never leave our hearts, no matter how much time passes. I have many memories of dogs and cats I've lost over the years, each one special in their own unique ways. What you are doing with "Mindy's Money" is heartwarming to hear, what better legacy could you leave for Kathy and Mindy! I had the same thought for the police dog at the Boston bombings. Recently I read in the paper about a mishap and they mentioned the person getting out but never mentioned the dog...that unanswered question haunted me...I just wanted to know how the dog was...and am afraid of the answer.

Shannon, My thoughts and prayers go with you today. I hope you will continue to keep us posted as you are able. I'm trusting your SIL is taking you? Have they told you how this will affect you? Will there be medicine to help? Forgive my ignorance, my aunt had this but I wasn't told anything specific at the time.

fae, so glad you made some headway with the help of the energy healer. So glad you are not taking that on, but letting authorities deal with it instead. Nemo, glad to have you here! Alz. is a hard thing to go through, my mom has Lewy Bodies Dementia, will be seeing her tonight. I can't imagine anything worse than a disease that steals your mind. Anne, I'm glad to see you living more in the present, that aids our enjoyment of life! Last night I was talking with Jim and he said his daughter (who was widowed a year ago) is "celebrating" anniversaries of everything with her late husband, everything with her grandma...so much celebrating she isn't paying her bills and having problems because of it. When he named some of the celebrations (anniversary of his graduating, their first date, their first wedding, their second wedding, grandma's birthday, etc.) She was going to leave him the day she found him slumped on the bathroom floor, dead. Many of the anv. of things with her gma were things she missed doing with her while she was alive (bdy etc). I'm wondering if it's guilt driving her excessive commemorating. I just told him people handle grief differently and in their own way but he's concerned because of it affecting her and her daughter's life. I think anything carried to an extreme becomes unhealthy but I know she needs to realize and find her own way herself, that the talks he's had with her haven't changed anything.

Mary, I really appreciate your contribution here..I also love Saint Teresa of Avila, it seems we've read a lot of the same literature, although for me it's been a while. I used to read every night, but since George died, I have a really hard time focusing to read more than a newspaper. I have so many books I've started and abandoned, and it's not the books, they're good, I just can't retain interest. I hoped to get that back but after this long, not sure it'll ever happen.

Stephen, You made some valid points that I think will be helpful for us all. This question made me go back and read my posts from my beginning days in 2005 and the raw emotion really hit me...how hard it really was.

That is great to hear! I talk to George all the time...when you live alone you can get away with it.

Mary, I'm sorry to hear of this. It is also toxic to cats. Here is a rather exhaustive list of plants toxic to pets: http://www.nujournal.com/page/blogs.detail/display/177/These-Plants-are-Toxic-or-Lethal-to-Pets---.html

I'm a little confused...Marcus was married to someone else, but living with you and his girls? And he was a firefighter? I know what a huge presentation they put on when a firefighter, a friend of mine was married to one that died, they had three funerals for him! THREE! I don't know how she survived it all. And you're not staying in your home? Do you mind if I ask why? I hope no one is prohibiting you from being there! Bouncing around must be really hard. Fighting right before he died, that would be hard, but I don't think he'd be mad at you, George always told me there was nothing that could happen in the course of a day that would change our love for each other, that's a comforting thought, but I really think when you love each other, that's how it is, no matter what.

That is funny, but the last time I had a mouse in the house is when Arlie found the rat poison which I'd forgotten about from years ago. Yes, traps are better as you can release them unharmed and then your dog doesn't get himself poisoned in the process. I may be slow, but I learn! Let us know when you catch it!

If your painters come and go, does that mean you have to stay home all week, just in case?

Oh gosh, I must have totally read that wrong, LOL! Showing my age...

I think your being "friends" for now would be good for both of you...it takes pressure off him, and it releases you, so to speak, from a relationship that would be one sided. I would wait a couple of days before messaging him back, again, it's about not making him feel pressure. He knows how to get in touch with you but he hasn't been initiating it, you don't want to come across as needy.

Spring Bank Holiday? Haven't heard of it, is it just something in your area? I know it will be hard, Jan, we'll all be here for you when you want to talk about it. I'm glad your daughter and grandbabies will get to be with you, that has to help. It's hard to believe we once had your daughter's energy, huh! (My daughter has Thyroid problems and I only wish she could have the energy she should at her age.)

Kristen, A hearty amen to what Mary said! We will not judge you, how could we, when George first died I didn't even want to live, now I'm doing better but it's not the same as before he died and never will be. We know wine doesn't help anything but what we wish is we did know what helped. Mostly it's learning how to deal with this grief, little pointers like taking a day at a time, being kind to ourselves, learning to pace ourselves, and looking for something good in the day that helped me through this. I do hope you'll continue coming here, we're like a family, we care about each other.

That was very good. reading it reminded me of how I felt when I cleaned out George's trailer, so I searched for and found that post, I knew it was probably July 2005. My goodness, reading such raw feelings reminded me just how rough this was in the beginning. That any of us have survived it is amazing!

I'm not sure when "waking to grief" stopped, maybe gradually a skipped day now and then, and eventually it's not the first thing on your mind any more because you've gotten more used to it.

Mary, what?!!! You jumped out of a plane w/o your parachute? How did you fare? I had a cousin that died from paragliding or something, not sure what happened. Don't think I'd have the courage to do anything of the sort.

fae, actually, most vegetables are better off blanched than raw as they will release their nutrients better when slightly cooked. I heard about it at work and in disbelief, read about it myself on line. I was surprised! You're right about the rice but I didn't feel like cooking and this is all I had, although I thought about it briefly. Oh well, wasn't much noodles in it anyway. I think it's an attack of IBS. Anyway, I was better late last night and slept well, woke up 1/2 hour early and cooked before going to work early and taking a break to read the paper before starting my day.