kayc

There are no local jobs, nearest city is 50 miles away...where I work. There seems to be nothing except part time, low paying, temp jobs. I have a friend who couldn't take the stress of her job and quit w/o another one in hand...she's single. I could not understand her doing that for the life of me, no matter how bad it got! She can't get unempl. and the Fed tax refund she'd been banking on did not materialize. School loans nabbed it up, even though she'd been making payments to them. Nope, can't be so fool-hearty, I wouldn't want to lose my home! My boss clearly came to work in a bad mood yesterday, I shouldn't let him affect me. Alas, I wish there was a place to meditate at work! I'd camp out in the bathroom but I'm sure they'd notice (there's only one). I never minded housework, maybe because it IS mindless, so it seems a break from my job. Even now, I do the cleaning at work because it gives me a chance to clear my brain and it's a different activity. What I don't like is the PRESUMPTION that people have that I should do it, because it isn't part of my job description and they could just as easily scrub a toilet or do their own dishes once in a while. Ahh well, what does it matter except that get paid. Mary, so glad you found your hearing aid remote! None of us need extra bills!

Arlie slowly improving. Hasn't thrown up any more, spirits good, energy good, appetite, stools slowly improving a bit each day.

Need a "like" button!

Oh Jan, I feel your pain and can only imagine how you felt, having gone through all that, just to lose him. I don't understand why things happen as they do and I'm inclined to think there isn't a "why", things just happen and we have to deal with it as best as we can...I think a lot of people try to find meaning where there is none. I'm glad you got your Rosie May and all went well for her birth and am glad you have your daughter to journey with. I'm sure Pete did understand, as it was important enough to him to write about. Mary, I agree, strength is not looking stoic, strength is in facing things.

Amen to that! This is, in every sense of the word, a support group. It fills a need left void by our spouses departure...also caused by said departure.

Mary, your painting group sounds wonderful. How cathargic! fae, I am going through my own trial, and as angry as I felt on your behalf, I feel on mine tonight. It is so hard working where I do! I've been dealing with an employee's recent on-job claim from last May that she just filed. I somehow knew I would get blamed for anything/everything on it and sure enough, I did. I get so tired of being the whipping boy! I've handled everything in the best way possible and my boss snapped at me tonight and told me he's worried about getting sued because of what I wrote to (employee). I was shocked! The email merely said (her supervisor) said she needed to file an on-job claim, and I am sending you a form to fill out and return to me. Thanks! Now, what in that, could get someone sued? Sometimes I really hate working there. I am in a sticky position because he wants it to go through but she's supplied inconsistencies, etc. and has a degenerative issue going on that's well documented by her doctors, plus date issues. I've tried to get him to understand that SHE supplied the dates, etc., I supply the backup documentation (wages, time, etc.) and it's up to the work comp DOCTORS to determine the outcome, not him, not her, not me. Then too, he dumped a mortgage application on my lap for me to fill out for him today. He didn't answer any of my questions or stick around for information supply, just left me with it...pages and pages, and pages. I filled it out, going on line and into files to gather all of the necessary information, turned it in, spoke to the loan officer, supplied her with backup documentation and wrote a letter to her that she requested. I did all of this without anything from him. The loan officer told me she wished she had someone who could supply all of that information on her the way I did on him! It made me feel validated, something I haven't had in the six years I've worked there. Not a grunt or thanks from him. Never. I know we need to let go of it all when people like this upset us. But sometimes it takes me a while to quit fuming first.

I agree. Your feelings and all you are going through is very valid.

Mary, Bless you, thank you for your insightfulness and taking the time to respond. You and Anne and so many others here have been through so much...I do think that losing your spouse to Dementia must surely be one of the hardest ways to go...bit by bit, piece by piece, a slow death for the surviving spouse for sure. I had the opposite problem...George died so quickly and without notice I was completely in shock...for quite some time. But if I had to choose, I'd take the heart attack over Dementia any day. You're right, my mom and I are nothing alike. The only commonality is I have her nose, her organizational skills (her's borders on OCD), her efficiency (when she was younger), and her long years as a widow. It stops there. I should lay aside my worry, besides, what will be will be. You ask my passion...I like people, although I like solitude too, I enjoy creativity/art, nature, animals, walking. George and I enjoyed the same things together...only his other passion was food instead of art. I enjoy singing too. Funny, my passions haven't changed, whether married or single. I still am who I am.

I came close to losing two sister a couple of years ago and I can tell you it was a very stressful time in my life. My siblings and I are very close, and to lose any of them would be very hard hitting. I don't see how anyone can lose a sibling and not be hit hard, but then I guess everyone's relationships are different. I'd think it'd be all the harder when someone is young and should have years left to live, we just don't expect it and it doesn't seem fair.

But even though she has her husband by her side, we can relate in that we are all going on a new section of our journey and getting a new normal defined for us.

I'm waiting and watching for now, since he's once again showing small signs of improvement. I can't believe he was doing so well Sat. and then big setback Sunday and I don't even know why! At least he's holding food down now, even if his stools aren't good yet. His spirits were great last night, so was his energy level. And he tells me he is starving to death! LOL I'm still going easy on quantity. Last night I doled it out to him every hour a little bit. This morning I got a tiny bit of mix & his Probiotic down him, waiting about an hour then gave him some more mix. and 1/4 c. dogfood. (That's not much considering he usually eats 2 c. twice a day.) He was so grateful for that little bit of dogfood, I feel bad not giving him more but I want to watch and see how he does first.

Get over it? Move on? !!! I'm angry if you aren't! I'd feel like tearing the letter up an sending the pieces back to her! Grrr! You did right by writing the letters and not sending them...let it out, then let it go. But grrr, I'm still mad!

Mary, Just that I too was widowed young...younger than my mom, in fact. I hope I don't live to be her age and I hope I don't develop Dementia. BUT I wonder how much her being alone has contributed to her mental state. I know it's not the same as my situation...in fact, my mom has had better support from her kids than I do from mine, her having six of them and and collectively they could see her more and do more for her. But I also know my mom didn't continue learning and using her brain and has been socially stunted all her life and has had a history of mental illness from the time she was a child, that I do not have. So I know we aren't on even footing...but for the living alone as a widow for years.

Mary, so glad your niece is okay, but also so sad for those who were struck. I just don't understand our world. It used to feel like a safe place, it doesn't any more. I'm glad you had a good day!

Okay, you wanted an update...Arlie is by no means "well" yet but he is feeling better than yesterday, a burst of energy and he thinks he's starving to death! I'm doling out little portions of my mixture to him every couple of hours tonight. He didn't vomit the bit I gave him this morning, so that is good, but his stools are still bits of mush. Hoping he continues improving!

Mary, I hope you slept well and are enjoying your wonderful albeit long day. Where else can you go to have your own advice given back to you? I keep meaning to look up the meditations (I can't at work) and forget when I'm at home. By the time I get home from work I'm beat and don't care if the world is up or down. And of course, this weekend, I wasn't feeling well and more importantly, my Arlie wasn't, so I didn't spend a lot of time on line. fae, I'm amazed at what you are attempting to tackle while you are sick, no less! I hope you're pacing yourself and not trying to set land speed records. And I do hope you go home at noon. You must be one of those amazing energy laden people. I used to be. And yes, I did call the new vet, reported in the doggy thread. Anne, your precious thoughts are well noted...I made a pitcher of green tea last night and drank half of it, it did actually help how I felt inside. I love green tea for how it feels!

Anne, Jan, fae, Mary, Nats, anyone else reading this thread... Yes, it's not the same. This morning it was snowing and I thought how different it felt when I could share it with George. How he would have loved Arlie! Life alone, instead of shared, is not the same feel. Being sick, doing chores, going places, holidays, NOTHING is the same. Being alone these 31 years, my mom has gone over the edge. Oh, I know she wasn't right to start with, and Dementia certainly hasn't helped the matter any, but I think all of the aloneness has surely driven her finally and for certain...crazy. I used to go see her once a week when my kids were young (she lived 1 1/4 hours away from me) and my other sister would call her every day and visit once a month, my brother saw her every Sunday with his wife and kids, the others visited on special occasions, but still, she spent a lot of time alone. Is that where I'm headed? Am I going to go over the edge? How do you know when you're getting there? Oh yeah, my kids will probably tell me.

I get that!

I called around and found a new vet. They want me to solicit the records transfer, which I'm dreading. It's more expensive than the other place but what's a few dollars if they're more welcoming to your companion? I'm hoping so... I may hold off transferring records until I've actually brought Arlie in to see them, I want to get a feel for how it goes first. Right now Arlie is at home while I'm working and hopefully keeping the little bit of food down that I gave him this morning, I can't wait to get home and check on him. Unfortunately, I have a dental appt. after work.

Mine's on an incline but not too steep. I don't mind the exercise...the only thing I worry about is it seems to rain when I have a day off so by the time I can mow it, it might be high enough it'd be hard to mow with one of those push mowers.

Shannon, I'm sorry you're still so sick. fae & I both are too, though probably nothing compared with you. I hope you are better by your birthday so you can see Leo.

fae, I never thought of that, but you're right, people used to wear black, it was a reminder to others! We're in such an instant hurry-up society people don't have patience for grief any more. They should.

Thank you, Mary!

Mary, You'll feel better once everything is back in array again, I understand, I hate upheaval! I should look into one of those old fashioned mowers, it'd be something I could do in the early morning while the summer is still cool, since it wouldn't make noise for the neighbors.

Good idea, fae, think I'll make some green tea, it always makes me feel better inside. Unfortunately, Arlie won't come near it.