kayc

I am so sorry you lost your baby...I used to have Fluffy, 1/2 American Eskimo, 1/2 Cocker Spaniel (see picture), they are very sweet dogs. I know you'll miss him...maybe on down the road when you re up to it you can consider getting another dog? I know they don't replace the one, they are never the same, but at least it'd give you some company since your daughter will be leaving.

Thank you for your responses, it's encouraging and uplifting. I know electronic hugs don't change the physical situation, but they mean a great deal to my spirit and that's sometimes the biggest thing we need!

Brian, I went for a job interview yesterday, it went very well but it won't result in a job as I'm "overqualified" (in other words they can't afford me. I can't take a job for $10-$12/hour because of the cost of my commute and house payment, besides I have 42 years experience doing everything in offices (Office Mgt. and Bkpg.), I feel that's worth something, even if I take a drop in pay, that's fine, but I have to be able to make ends meet somehow. I'm willing to work six days a week and combine jobs if I have to. But first things first, I need to get my arm well, and if that means surgery and starting over, then so be it, I'll do what I have to do and go from there. It's good to hear from you, I enjoy your posts.

This thread has evolved and kind of taken a feel of it's own... Harry, you are a gifted writer and really should assemble your thoughts into a book to share with the world. It is too great a gift to ignore.

You are right, there's nothing easy about this and it takes a long time to find our "new normal"...I can't say as I've totally found mine yet. I mean, I know I'm alone, I'm not part of a couple, I've lost our friends, he's not coming back, and when things like this impending surgery occur, I have no one to be there for me. Those things sink in. But "new normal"? What is that? It's supposed to be the new life we have but I'm not sure I have one, what I have are attempts to survive, to just get through the day, acceptance that I'm alone, trying to make it, get done the things that need to be done, but is this really a life? If not for my dog I would surely go nuts! My dog is my life now, he is what makes me smile, he is the one that brings me love and enjoyment, nothing else seems to. Isn't it pathetic that George has been replaced by a dog? He would laugh at that! But seriously, he is the closest thing I've found to George, the only one that brings to my heart what he does...too bad he doesn't mow the lawn, fix the car, patch the roof, and bring in income. Last night I was missing just having someone to cuddle with, it's been so long since I've laid my head on his chest...ahh, but I'll have to settle for this furry friend now.

It has been a long time since I've actually felt the feelings of feeling cheated...I do remember having felt that way, it's just been so long since I've had so strong an emotion, so I guess I've gotten used to the fact that things are the way they are...I don't know at what point that occurred, I didn't notice it at the time. Eventually we accept the unthinkable given enough time.

Meg, have you talked to an attorney? You say his mother is next of kin, could you call her and let her know and give her some time to absorb the information and then make contact again about the arrangements? It's not up to his brother to decide if his mom is net of kin, she needs to be informed, I'm surprised the police haven't done that already. How long can they just keep a body in the freezer? This is costing more money as time goes by, it needs decided upon. If he is Muslim and would not have wanted cremation, then I guess that's out. I agree that he should be where his daughter can visit but that may not be a choice...unfortunately, divorce impacts legalities and places of the heart are not considered by law. I am sorry for your loss and for the situation you are in.

Deb, My heart goes out to you as you face all of these choices. I'm kind of in the same dilemma, what to do! Houses aren't selling here and the market dropped so much there's no value left. The payments are extremely difficult to manage...I'm not sure of a good solution. It's very unfortunate that our government destroyed our economy and our country so thoroughly and so quickly! You asked...One of the reasons I've been so open is so hopefully no one else will be as stupid as I've been! I always figured everyone was different and you can't hold it against one person for what another's done, but after all I've been through...I don't trust any more. It would take quite a person to break through the walls of my heart and I doubt anyone would care to try that hard! Happy (in that way)? I don't look for that. I reckon just to have life go a bit smoother would be happiness enough for me. I don't see a man as a solution to anything, it's funny, I always had a lot to offer and was so loving and giving, but I've run into so many that are out for themselves. George was not that way, he was the most loving, caring human being I've ever met! But he was exceptional, I'm afraid they broke the mold after him...

I am proud of you too, Carol! Somehow we manage to survive, but we sure don't know how sometimes. I had to laugh at the honey do list because just the other day I was cleaning off my refrigerator and noticed George's honey do list (mind you, he's been gone six years, that's bad, isn't it! LOL) Shows how often I pay attention to my refrigerator! Anyway, I decided to take it down, he's off the hook now!

Hi you all, I was gone all day again yesterday and was so exhausted when I got home. A neighbor stopped in to help but stayed and stayed and finally I started falling asleep so he went home. I didn't get the results over the phone the first time they were in person. I now have a copy and sure enough the results were at least 3 mm displacement. I registered at the orthopedic place, they have to have you sign a paper allowing someone to come in to the building with you or inquire or pick you up but I don't know who will take me because I don't know when the surgery will be yet. This is one of those things you need a spouse for. I got two new tires yesterday and reminded them to put them on in pairs (I was there for two hours). I got home and they put them on wrong, so that means another trip out there after working and going to the doctor Monday. No wonder I'm so exhausted! With my arm, I don't have the stamina that I did. My little sister had offered to stay with me after I have surgery but now she's saying she's busy this day, this day, this day, this one, etc. so I can see I won't have her here, what's the point in her coming clear across the state for one day? I will need someone a lot longer than that. The church hasn't been there for me at all. I am feeling so alone. I remember when George was alive, if this sort of thing happened, he would have been there, no matter what. I don't have the stamina to sue, it's not about what happened, it's what you can prove, and roving something is harder than telling what happened. I don't have a videotape of the doctor telling/showing me how to exercise my arm and her cryptic remarks afterwards. I don't have proof of what was told to me at radiology. I don't have proof that my family doctor's office didn't return my calls. No, I think it's like Deborah said, get the arm fixed and a day at a time. I went for the job interview and it went really well but I won't have a job from it. He said he'd hire me for management if he had an opening there, but basically, I'm overqualified. The job he has an opening for is rather simple so he can't expend much money for it, it's one anyone could do. I called the unemployment office and explained that their part time job is 80 miles away and that's too far (I've been commuting 50 miles away) so they removed it. It truly is a day at a time, isn't it?

Yesterday I was gone all day to my sister's birthday celebration, out of town. I have a job interview for this morning (out of town) and was all excited about that and then I finally heard back from my doctor and got the very disturbing news that my elbow is badly displaced due to the erroneous information given me in emergency by the doctor I'd first seen who'd told me to exercise it. I spent over an hour on the phone with an orthopedic group trying to get an appointment but the information was already sent to recycling so they have to send for the x-rays and info all over again. I'd also been given wrong information my the imaging technician, who'd told me it was NOT displaced...turns out they aren't supposed to tell you anything, the radiology specialist told my doctor it was and my doctor had neglected to pass that information on to me...I'd been trying to reach her about my pain all week to no avail. I am so upset! Then the unemployment office sent me an email telling me to call them so I can apply for a part time position 80 miles from my home! They say it can interfere with my unemployment benefits if I don't. I don't think they're even open today and I didn't get their email until after I got home last night. It looks like I could be having surgery as early as next week. Six weeks of trying to heal for nothing, it's going to cost me a fortune and set me back more precious time and pain. Just hasn't been a very good day. Heading to bed, I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow...job interview, lunch with my insane mother, then to the auto repair, will get home very late. I am not sure what to do about the job interview who would hire someone who has to go for surgery immediately? I have to be up front, for one thing if they hire me and then let me go because of the surgery, it will go on record with the unemployment office, who will deem me as "unfit to work" and deny my benefits. The thing is, I have been working all along and it's not my fault my boss cut my hours back, I'm doing my best. I didn't sleep much last night, about three hours is all. I'm exhausted.

I'm sorry you had such a bad day. Tomorrow when you get up tell yourself that it won't be like that forever. When I've gone through really tough times in my life, that motto has seen me through.

Thank you very much for writing! The pleasure is all ours to be able to read your adventures with this wonderful companion. We who are reading know all too well the bond between ourselves and our dogs. Once in a lifetime, if you are fortunate, you develop a bond as strong with your dog as with your own child, for they are indeed very much like our own children.

Mary, you did the right thing for Meadow, you did the selfless thing, you relieved Meadow's suffering even though it meant that by so doing, YOU would suffer. There never seems a "good time" to lose someone we love and we continue to miss them, but you did the right thing. When you see a beautiful day you know she would have enjoyed, try to recall a memory of such a time and enjoy that memory but please don't beat yourself up for relieving the suffering of one you love so much, any of us would have done the same thing. (((hugs))) Kay

Thank you for sharing this helpful information.

Shelley, There is never a good way to lose a pet or anyone that we love. We console ourselves with knowing that they are in a good place, but it doesn't make our loss feel any less. There is nothing for that but time, and even then, we continue to miss them. I know you probably feel grateful you had her in your life for the time you did, but she was also fortunate to have you in HER life for the time she did. I think God puts us together for a reason. You're in my thoughts and prayers... Kay

I had mixed feelings when I hit the one year mark...it was horribly hard in that I relived the day and thought of him continually. Being as he died on Father's Day, my kids are always with their dad on that day and other people have their private family celebrations so I always face his death anniversary alone. But the positive note was I felt a certain triumph in having survived one year and knew I'd never have to repeat the year of "firsts without..." THAT was good! My prayers will be with you on Friday, Melina.

Brian, It's good to hear from you, please don't be a stranger! And no beers with drunken women either.

I know this doesn't have anything to do with grieving but I feel like you are my friends and I really need help...I need all of you to pray for me. My elbow is killing me and it's been 5 1/2 weeks, it should not be hurting this bad, something's wrong. I tried calling my doctor yesterday and she never has called me back. I haven't done anything today and even pain med. is not touching it. I need it to heal so I can get a job and get back to the grind, I can't go on like this. Please, it's so discouraging, I just feel like everything ke3eps going wrong and i can't take much more. Thanks for hearing me out, Kay

Tom, I'm glad to hear it. That's about all we can do. Personally, I'm glad we're all moving on from what they put us through, it wasn't right or fair.

I'm sorry for what you are going through...I was recently frantic when my cat was missing because she is never gone long, but she came back. Cats are very independent creatures, and very unpredictable. I doubt the medicine killed her, even if it made her sick, she'd likely recover. Try to let go of people's unthinking comments...they sometimes say off the wall things when they want to comfort us but don't know how. I hope you are able to care for the four kittens until they're able to be adopted out...maybe she'll come back and help you. Try not to worry about her though, I know it's hard, but I've had cats wander off, you miss them and wonder but it doesn't necessarily mean a bad fate befell them.

[i am so sorry you lost your little Meadow, but thank God you gave her the best part of her life and cared about her when she needed it most. My prayers are with you...

I am so sorry you lost your friend. I hate that people die and we never know when it'll be and we usually have unfinished business. The best thing you can do is finish your schooling and make of yourself what he knew you could be. Who knows but what he can see you when you graduate! I don't always feel strong, there's been many a night I've felt broken...losing the loves of my life, my job, and could be my home next...what I worry about the most is losing my dog, that would finish me. It is so frightening with no jobs to apply for and only four more months to find one! I only know to do the best I can and hope it all works out...I am alone, yes, but I'd rather be alone than going through what Jim or John put me through. And I never dreamed George would die so young. Life sometimes has too much heartache, but for most people I believe it has some good phases in there too. Yours is coming, you'll see! The important thing to remember is we don't need to be part of a "couple", we need to value ourselves...if Mr. Wonderful comes along, that's great, but try not to worry about it in the meantime. I have a rubber stamp (I love making cards) that says "I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I am with you." I think it's really important the affect we have on each other...if we affect each other too adversely, we shouldn't be together.

Tom, It's good to hear from you again, it's been a while. I'm glad you're keeping busy. You sound angry. You have every right to be, she hurt you a lot. There is no excuse for it. But it's important to recognize, address, and let go of your anger if you want to move on in a positive way. Forgiveness is the only key to not letting someone else have the power to destroy you. Good luck to you!

It was such a shock and jolt to my system that I think it permanently altered my brain. My focus and memory and thinking is not as clear as it used to be beforehand. It's been over six years so I'd think whatever I was going to get back would be there by now. I've had to accept that this is just one more thing that's changed for me.