kayc

I'm sorry for your loss, it doesn't get any easier, in fact, as you have already discovered, a fresh loss triggers old losses and it seems we're dealing with multiple ones at once no matter how long it's been. I hope it starts getting more bearable for you soon.

Cheryl, I just read your first post, but I will go back and read the others. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! It sounded like something out of Erma Bombeck! I could so relate to it all except I'm not sure I'd have had the gumption to try to start with...but maybe if I didn't know better... Anyway, I hope it's wearing off and I'm sure it'd be a great time to go in for a manicure. (((hugs)))

Mary, (((hugs))) Kay

We don't live...not like we did before. Life has a dulled cast to it now...the joy, the purpose, the light of our lives is gone. In it's places resides the struggle, the aloneness, the pain. But I don't like to say that...to say that is to not give hope to anyone going through this. Some people make it through this and find some happiness, but I don't seem to have been one of them. Still, some people come to my mind, their outcome has been different. I have concluded that there is and never will be another George and it's foolish to hope for life to ever be like it was. Still, I do hold out hope for grandbabies someday...maybe that'll help, I don't know.

I remember that day so well too...I was fixing breakfast, it was about 7:00 am (PST) and my son came running in and told me to turn on the tv, that the twin towers had been hit. I was shocked! I watched the footage in horror. It was the month before George and I were getting married and we'd been in such bliss...such a stark contrast to what transpired across our country. The victims' families still continue in my prayers. 911 is also the birthday of my kids' friend Jorma who has passed away from failed liver, he was only 27 when he died...he left behind his twin brother. Jorma worked with me for a while at my last job and stayed with me for a bit after George died, it's hard to believe he's gone...so 911 has special meaning for me.

Dwayne, I hope you enjoy your day with Greg and Donna today!

That's smart. When Jim started talking to me again, he really confused me with his mixed messages, and it hurt me all over again, so I had to toughen my heart against him so he can't get into it.

Lucia, Thank you for sharing that...and it couldn't be soon enough for me (to be with him), sometimes it seems like a dream and doesn't seem real (does he really exist? Did I dream him up?)...it seems so long ago to me, since that life we had.

Dwayne, I too am sorry you are sick and alone. I know all too well, it is how I was feeling when I broke my elbow, I couldn't even get my Rx bottles open and it was hard getting dressed or going to the bathroom with no help. It made my eyes sting as I knew if my George was here, he'd be taking care of me. I miss him. But I survived the last two months and so have you, somehow. So you and Harry will both be facing the first wedding anniversaries "without"...that is rough, I remember all too well, but somehow we get through this and more. Harry is in my prayers and so you will also be, Dwayne. I was so excited because I thought my son had sold my pickup, but the guy backed out after saying he'd buy it, he was trying to haggle him down and saying stuff was wrong with it that wasn't, my son has gone through everything in that truck, it's in tip top shape and squeaky clean. Then Craigslist isn't showing the listing and we don't know why, tried redoing it but they have it blocked for some reason so we'll have to wait until next week to try again. It's so aggravating because it's ready to sell and just because of a gliche of some sort, they won't list it and of course there's no one to get a hold of about it. I tried reporting the problem to them but just got an automated response that had nothing to do with what I'd written. Then the muffler blew out in the other truck I want to sell so had to spend $64 on a new one and my son will have to put that in, always something. Ah well, my friend, we'll get through it all...one day at a time.

Amazing, isn't it! I have been out of work for three months and have only three more months to get a job before I'm in serious trouble...Jim has a spare bedroom yet won't even offer to rent it to me...my dog means the world to me and most won't rent to you if you have a big dog, Jim is very familiar with my dog, still...nada. How did they go from being our fiances who were going to spend their lives with us to totally not caring if we lived or died, just overnight?!

They're starting to give us more control with tagging too, so if you're tagged in some pictures he has, you may be able to get that untagged.

Every year on my dad's death day I call my mom. It's been 29 1/2 years now and my mom is 89 and has dementia. I don't bring it up on the off chance she might not remember. But the first umpteen years I did, the years when her memory was better, and I would talk about Daddy. My mom told me it made her feel good that I would bring his name up to her because so many people didn't, she wondered, did they think she's forget if they didn't bring it up? She said it was just good to know that someone else remembered him, that someone else had not forgotten, that she could share in talking about things about him with someone else. Now I know what she means. I'm lucky, my sisters and my kids talk about George to me, all throughout the year. But people don't call me on his death day. Perhaps they've forgotten what day it was, although it was on Father's Day so it's kind of hard to forget (not that I would no matter when it was). No one in my church remembers anymore. Friends disappeared, so did his family. Cheryl, I'm glad you chose to spend the day the way you did. I think it was a great idea to write yourself a letter from him, it sounds very therapeutic. I've never done that, maybe I should sometime. One thing is for sure, they would be proud of us for all we have survived, it has been hard.

Dwayne, That is a good report, I'm glad to hear it! but I'm sorry to hear about Harry's sinkhole. I got a rejection letter from LTD today so that was disappointing...

I wish we had a thumbs up icon! Good for both of you! George was supposed to weather empty nest and menopause with me...my youngest had gone into the Air Force and George died...he wasn't able to be there for me when I needed him and I can tell you there were times I felt gypped. We were supposed to grow old together, that's why we bought the porch swing for the patio...now the cats have taken it over. It's painful to sit out there by myself but I do once in a while. It's weird but I miss him MORE each day, not less. The more time goes by the more it sinks in how special and irreplaceable he was/is.

Oh Deborah, I'm so glad to hear from you, I tried to call you a few times but couldn't get through. I'm glad you made it through and I hope your flooring dries out when the water recedes. Thanks for letting us know about Marsha too. Wendy is okay although her sister's house was ruined, and I'm still waiting to hear about Fred, he went to some relatives so I hope he and his dog are okay. This has affected so many people.

It sounds like you had a great day! Wow, I wish they had that tire place here, I've never heard of anyone getting two tires...usually you're lucky to get an apology! You're right, money problems pale in comparison to losing someone you love.

Gakydog, I'm sorry, you are an amazing person to have held up as you did and cared for so many people. You have had so much sorrow on your shoulders, I pray something good comes your way for a change.

Dwayne, I'm sorry to hear that. I haven't been on line today as I've been really sick (not so bad as you though). Please keep us informed and we'll keep holding you up in prayer. (((hugs))) Kay

I think you're right...I try to avoid comparisons so I don't feel sorry for myself but I think all of us do at times, it's just natural. When you see someone else's life going right sometime you wonder how come yours never seems to. I'm sorry you've been feeling this way, I think it's to be expected sometimes though.

I loved this story! We all needed a good laugh! I also love all the redneck input about the tires! LOL You might find some of them (rednecks) down the street from me, ha!

That is great news! It is a very poignant poem. My George was a gifted writer, I wish he'd saved more of his poetry, I don't know what became of most of his writings, but he had a way with words. Mary, this will speak to people for all time to come!

Dwayne, I'm so glad you survived the storm and Harry too, I hope the rest of our friends fared okay through it. And I'm glad you were able to get someone out to start Greg's generator! I hope you're doing better each day...

I'm happy for you, Nats!

I agree with what Mary said, I'm glad you got the new tires too. I am curious what you'll do with the old ones...here people are just redneck enough to make a planter out of them! 'm glad you can channel your energy into painting the house, it seems much too daunting a task for me although heaven knows it could use it. (Maybe you can post a picture when you're done!)

I have been up praying for all of you. There is a news station dedicated to continual updates on the storm and the area. We are all there with you in our hearts and praying God will keep watch over all of you. Deborah, I believe Larry is there with you too.