mbbh Posted September 3, 2017 Report Share Posted September 3, 2017 Peace in my heart- Can it ever truly be? I long for stillness between my ears, yet such stillness sometimes brings me back to grief (as if it ever really leaves). The heaviness in my chest radiates out to every part of my body. It is as if my body fights the pain my heart has become accustomed to. Peace in my heart? I have all but forgotten what that feels like... Or have I? I have all but forgotten how to bring such a feeling into my being... Or have I? There is a strand of hope that peace will once again inhabit my heart. At times, I can peer into the future, a future without the love of my life and sometimes that future is salvageable and even promising while other times it appears bleak. Perhaps peace in my heart in my current definition is too tall of an order to expect. Perhaps peace in my heart simply means it beats on and on and on. Perhaps peace in my heart simply means a stirring in my spirit to live and breathe one moment at a time. Perhaps peace in my spirit will come so gradually that my soul changes one molecule at a time so that such peace is not a sudden, abrupt, earth-shattering change, but one that is gently noticed in passing one day. Peace in my heart? I can hold hope that it wil come and that it will stay, not without pain, but with an expansion so that my heart may hold ALL of the intricacies of a spirit of peace. May peace in our hearts be so. ©Mary Beth Beck-Henderson 9 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted September 3, 2017 Report Share Posted September 3, 2017 Mary Beth, Nicely said. I do not even expect peace in my heart anymore. Two years have passed and it does not feel much better, if at all. Sometimes it is tolerable, but often not. Probably is changing "one molecule at a time". Too slow to notice. Gin 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted September 3, 2017 Report Share Posted September 3, 2017 Mary Beth, You have said it all. Even after 4 years, I have not found that peace. I sometimes wonder if my little family and I are fortunate enough to move from this place, will I ever be happy again? I just don't know. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbbh Posted September 3, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2017 I wonder if tolerable means peace now? Just a thought. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomPB Posted September 4, 2017 Report Share Posted September 4, 2017 My grief counselor says that, while the waves of grief are huge now, small waves of OK-ness will eventually start and grow. Maybe you're experiencing that and if so I'm happy for you. Not sure I'm there yet. May have had some longer OK intervals, followed by intense grief. Gloomy day today made me realize that short dark days are about to be added to the toxic mix. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted September 4, 2017 Report Share Posted September 4, 2017 I'm dreading the dark days coming back too. I didn't really enjoy the summer because of too many unexpected challenges, but I did appreciate the light. Here in Seattle it gets dark by 4pm in winter. 5 hours earlier than summer. As I don't get up til noon, it makes winter a dark time.....literally. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 4, 2017 Report Share Posted September 4, 2017 I think peace and happiness are two different things. One can have peace but not have that utter happiness that once existed for them. I think peace comes from within whereas happiness perhaps comes from external. We can, however, learn to appreciate what IS, and not merely focus on what ISN'T. This doesn't come naturally or easily to us, it takes effort and practice but is well worth the exertion we give it. Living in the present helps us stave off the anxiety that threatens to possess us, and helps us be aware of the good that exists, sometimes it really takes looking for it. I have been contemplating and meditating on this very subject this morning. Mary Beth, I love the poem you gave us, I want to read it for my grief support group next session. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbbh Posted September 4, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2017 Kay, I am glad you like the poem. Please do feel read it and share with your grief group. You may use my name too. Hugs. Mary Beth Beck-Henderson 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted September 4, 2017 Report Share Posted September 4, 2017 I admire your poem also. I am hoping for hopefulness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 5, 2017 Report Share Posted September 5, 2017 Thank you! I've saved it with your name for credits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Lenera Posted September 5, 2017 Report Share Posted September 5, 2017 On 9/3/2017 at 3:23 PM, mbbh said: Peace in my heart- Can it ever truly be? I long for stillness between my ears, yet such stillness sometimes brings me back to grief (as if it ever really leaves). The heaviness in my chest radiates out to every part of my body. It is as if my body fights the pain my heart has become accustomed to. Peace in my heart? I have all but forgotten what that feels like... Or have I? I have all but forgotten how to bring such a feeling into my being... Or have I? There is a strand of hope that peace will once again inhabit my heart. At times, I can peer into the future, a future without the love of my life and sometimes that future is salvageable and even promising while other times it appears bleak. Perhaps peace in my heart in my current definition is too tall of an order to expect. Perhaps peace in my heart simply means it beats on and on and on. Perhaps peace in my heart simply means a stirring in my spirit to live and breathe one moment at a time. Perhaps peace in my spirit will come so gradually that my soul changes one molecule at a time so that such peace is not a sudden, abrupt, earth-shattering change, but one that is gently noticed in passing one day. Peace in my heart? I can hold hope that it wil come and that it will stay, not without pain, but with an expansion so that my heart may hold ALL of the intricacies of a spirit of peace. May peace in our hearts be so. Mary Beth Beautiful....and despite its sadness, just about as positive as I think it could realistically be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbbh Posted September 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2017 Dr Lenera, Thank you. Some days I feel more positive than others. This rollercoaster of a new life is simply up and down and left and right as sometimes I'm lucky enough to land in a good spot. Peace MB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 5, 2017 Report Share Posted September 5, 2017 Mary Beth, you might want to consider putting this at the base of your beautiful writings: © by Mary Beth Beck-Henderson 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbbh Posted September 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2017 Thx Marty. I probably should. I may compile them all one day into a book of daily reflections. Thx for the tip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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